Friday 07 November 2003

Okay, fair warning... shit's gonna start pouring out here without too much thought at all. I'm not trying to blend any story lines here or anything... no cute circular or spiraling references of which I'm so proud. Here we go.

I have not felt more overwhelmed by life since considering suicide this spring. No, boys and girls, everything's not on a happy upswing no matter how much I pretend it is. It's time to face some facts....

First, I'm going to walk down to the grocery store to bounce a check. I'll be back in a few.

What the fuck, I'm declaring bankrupcy, right?

Today's my seventh day in Menasha, and I haven't done a goddamned thing all week. My first apartment in Onalaska I called my "Fortress of Solitude." My second was my "Prison Cell." I don't have a name for this place, yet. It has one large room, a combination bedroom/living room. Off to my left is a small kitchen and a dining room. (Pressed for kitchen space, my toaster and coffee maker are on the dining room table.) A bathroom is shared down the hall with two other guys renting upstairs apartments as well. Most of my time here, though, has been spent at the computer, listening to Evanescence, Incubus, Linkin Park, and Renee's mix, and "working on" (of all things) playing Microsoft Golf and Free Cell. What the fuck is wrong with me?!?

With no phone, my time online this week has been just down the street at the Hard Drive Café. The Menasha Public Library has been under construction and is scheduled to reopen this Monday, so I'll be able to save the two-bucks-an-hour HDC charges. I walk down to the laundromat two blocks up the street for an indoor phone when I need to call someone.

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