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During my drive back from Catherine's with Mom Sunday night, she said Lori had told her how much she was worried about me, that Lori'd said she'd never seen me so depressed as the last few times I'd been down. Mom said she told Lori that I'd been depressed for six years (dating back to the last two years I was with my ex-wife). While on the topic, Mom also said that she had talked to my ex-wife this summer... Debbie, too, noticed the depths. She told my mom that she'd hoped I'd get out of it soon or else I'd be out of a job in three months. Spend years enough with a person, despite incompatibility, and he or she does get to know you pretty well. Debbie's prediction was correct. My work at APAC was exceptional. Was it the depression that led to an attitude that pissed me off to the point of leaving? I thought I was screwed by management, but now I'm not so sure. Still, my friends and coworkers with whom I'd shared of my situation of having two "anniversary" dates thought I was in the right. Nevertheless, the gravity of the black hole is great and weighs on me yet. Not only have I not been writing, I've not really done anything else. I've twice tried to quit smoking... the first attempt lasting 21 hours, the second a little more than twelve. There are so many things I should be doing, but haven't done any of them. I'm moving out of this prison cell in two weeks, but have as of yet begun to pack. The apartment is messier than it's been in a few months. Not only have I not seriously looked for a job in Appleton, I haven't even filed for unemployment, despite being off work for three weeks. The only human interaction I get each day is a walk down to Scoreboard for a couple beers or cokes. |