Various ramblings torn direct from the mouths of those who uttered them

This is YOUR page. This is where YOU get to say what YOU want to say. This is where I will publish FREE OF CHARGE the work of anyone who sends it in. Unless it's rubbish. By the way, I reserve the right to say that it is rubbish. SO THERE.

Here's what your dribbling, festering, pathetic minds have come up with so far:
 


 Cycling For Idiots, by J. Ramsey Colquhoun of Banbury, Oxon.

This is a short essay submitted by J. Ramsey to publicise his greater work 'From Near To Far, Vols I-IV'. It is a small excerpt from the 'guides to life' monologue spoken by the lead character in the seventeenth scene. Casualties = three so far.

'A post-modern objective dissection of a simple procedure that all in society now seem to take for granted.' - South Reading & Eversley Gazette.
'...and yet still he lay there, bound and gagged, continuously babbling with glee...' - Glossop Trumpet.
'Ridiculous, incoherent and repulsive. Yet somehow entertaining' - Uttoxeter Poison.
 


 The Invasion Of Stump Island, by Ernest Thomas, no given address.

This is one of the great 'Unfinished Little Histories', by the late Mr. Thomas. Unfortunately it is historically inaccurate, culturally biased and xenophobic. And quite dull.

'Mr. Thomas has once again astounded us all by putting pen to paper once more. One would have thought that after the reception of his last work, he would have removed himself swiftly from public circulation.' - Jermaine Kingston-Utopia, writing in the Central Lincoln Observer.
 

 The Umbligneay Affair, anonymous

Sir Franklyn Howard-Battershall's great work, 'The Wood-Eating Tribes of South Lithuania' had as many as twenty seven print runs (each of 500). The third edition has become a collector's item, due to this small curio being included on page 432. Either that, or some idiot's been having me on.
 

 Gush Shorts, collected by William F. Stevens

These snippets were once part of the literary experiment, entitled 'Gush'. The idea was to scintillate, amuse, deprave and generally abuse the general population. Unfortunately, no publisher stepped forward, and Stevens himself was discovered dead soon after his graduation. He appeared to have died of boredom and a surfeit of legs.

'The world will be a brighter place when these nuggets are read by all' - Uttered by William himself.

'This ... rumbustuous ... spleen ... however ... Roosevelt ... slit ... donkey' - An edit of the only review to appear in print. Origin unknown.


 For goodness sake, Reginald, I need egress.
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