July Two

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

To: Cynthia, Gollen

cc:

From: Esbester

Subject: Ho-Pouffous.

For those who need a new D:

Name & Registered Office :

D CO. LIMITED

C/O VINCENT CHIA & CO

114-115 TOTTENHAM COURT ROAD

LONDON

W1P 9HL

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

Please respond to Cynthia

To: Esbester, Gollen

cc:

Subject: Hoy Caramba!

I take it you're back from haggling a dribble magnet then Philbert: did you make, or was your face deconstructed with special spanners? I called tha hoose, goose, was made aware that presence was - , and so let me commence by th'nkong for tha thyme. (Gerbil on a microscooter)

Maybe you might want to come to Spain, that was the reason for my calling, but as it was unlogged I suppose I should re-iterate. Chances are you've come a sliding pooch by now anyway, I shouldn't wonder.

Calls plus, I speak.

This weekend I have:

- Made with glue

- Masticated

- Watched Titanic at 2am

- Walked around Exeter at sunrise, honking under my breath and leaning slightly to the left

- Masticated some more

- Made...

- Avoided all eye contact with the miniature horses that live under the sink. (When is night, they dance, utterly, like thousands of tiny maracas)

- Baracuda chimp-cock (rotund)

- AaaaaaaAAAAAH!

What do you think of the colour? I always say Soft Rice increases rainfall.

Kikiboo

=========================================

Big Chief Chewing Mouth

Chocklebury Blinth Firmament

3 Economy Eggs in a Bap

Tel: me why I don't like Mondays

Fax: may spew messages, like as not...

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

Please respond to Cynthia

To: Esbester

cc: Gollen

Subject: Crab hoof, le batiment

Hey, Face-Grabber!

Utterly, do you want to make big with plus and come to Spain, for it is planned?

Let me know if, using your hands to type, with the utmost speed and urgency plus.

Murphy

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

To: Cynthia

cc: Gollen

From: Esbester

Subject: Re: Crab hoof, le batiment

Wo, wann und warum?

Ex-skeelyo webholster.

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

Please respond to "Gollen" <Gollen>

To: Cynthia, Esbester

cc:

Subject: RE: Crab hoof, le batiment

Cherf Mousein, I no wan span, is dry piss stinky place. I'd ratha inflat

my scrote to 800 psi and use it as space hopper. Hazz lesbricun.

Mhuffoun

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

Please respond to Cynthia

To: Esbester

cc: Gollen

Subject: Re: Crab hoof, le batiment

Chew chew chew

Plan is for departure 13 September of this year, reeturning 2 weeks later, making with car via Luxembourg, Lyon, Barcelona, Mmmmmadrid, etc, to stay for a week in a villa in Moraira. Warum? Scarum! Because it will be fun.

Is dat wot you woz arsking?

G'boom

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

Please respond to Cynthia

To: Gollen <Gollen>, Esbester

cc:

Subject: RE: Crab hoof, le batiment

I wasn't talking to you David, I was asking Mancunia over there.

Mark, make with answering so we know you haven't been devoured by puffins overnight.

Murkansk

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

Please respond to "Gollen" <Gollen>

To: Cynthia, Esbester

cc:

Subject: RE: Crab hoof, le batiment

Eee kno you not spake me. Bu tha mention of hoof mak me spindle. Ar

vinyl face, braken.

Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing...

Fgare

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

To: Cynthia

cc: Gollen

From: Esbester

Subject: Re: Crab hoof, le batiment

Alas, Heggleface.

Unfortunately, September is my month for lining up figs. Combining with muchos that I have not two weeks holiday en-tittle-ment remaining thanks attack. Where is the hole?

Uncle Frederick says, "Thanks for the mucus," but that is because the clockwork mechanism is broken. Will not Espana make with vacations this year, but apologies in futurons, for we are news. Battigliano?

Also have course of learning type educationalistications in September, combined with Rat Baiting.

Ecumenical? Like a bitch, some would say.

HOOT.

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

Please respond to Cynthia

To: Gollen <Gollen>

cc: Esbester

Subject: RE: Crab hoof, le batiment

Are you saying you don't utterly want to make to Spain? Think of the dogs, dammit!

Frisson

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

Please respond to "Gollen" <Gollen>

To: Cynthia

cc: Esbester

Subject: RE: Crab hoof, le batiment

E would have thought tha my mesage woz purfuctly clear. Make, with legs.

Hjtuy

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

To: Cynthia, Gollen

cc:

From: Esbester

Subject: RE: Crab hoof, le batiment

Jensen,

Will you PLEASE stop throwing your face-mouth around in the direction of radial! One cannot concentrate for blooterings and hollerphones!

Instructions:

1) Point mouth/words/verbals/keys in direction of determinant.

2) Instantiate the moof (cow = dog).

3) Oui, la plume c'est sur mon champignon.

4) Il ya un vacance piss?

5) Rotate, to the semi-nomenclature of 3, with hands raised and remembering the beef.

6) Collapse. Revive with ginger snaps, ginger beard, red sky at night, etc.

Jensen? Jensen??

Where are you, laddio? Have you taken your egress. Get out.

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

Please respond to Cynthia

To: Esbester

cc: Gollen

Subject: Re: Crab hoof, le batiment

Hackchurlee will probably leave on 11 Septoomber, as must konseeder holiday cover with other members of team.

Blargle

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

Please respond to Cynthia

To: Gollen <Gollen>

cc: Esbester

Subject: RE: Crab hoof, le batiment

Can you be more precise, Paul, as there's no point even discussing this if you're not going to come!

Schliffenberger II

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

Please respond to "Gollen" <Gollen>

To: Cynthia

cc: Esbester

Subject: RE: Crab hoof, le batiment

are you accusing me of masturbating?

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

Please respond to Cynthia

To: Gollen <Gollen>

cc: Esbester

Subject: RE: Crab hoof, le batiment

no, just wilful abuse of the blinth platform

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

To: Cynthia, Gollen

cc:

From: Esbester

Subject: ...

Gashwhistle?

Emblemmatico has written to me to discuss this new 'brash and toasty' development in your behaviour (his words). Is there anything that you'd like to tell us?

Yours,

Ecumenicali

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

Please respond to Cynthia

To: Esbester

cc:

Subject: Re: ...

What? Is this with, or without? I am not understanding what it is you are asking senor.

Urn-zipper

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

To: Cynthia

cc:

From: Esbester

Subject: Re: ...

This is, as you say, 'with'.

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

Please respond to Cynthia

To: Esbester, Gollen

cc:

Subject: Guess what

I just found a newspaper article in La Tribune entitled "La Grande Bouffe" !

Oddly enough it is about foreign investment.

Mnurgh

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

To: Cynthia

cc:

From: Esbester

Subject: UPDATE YOUR WEBSITE YOU LAZY MAGGOT

WELL?

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, FOOL?

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

Please respond to Cynthia

To: Puce Tebraquendy, Ho’Q’Menga, Glatterston, Yealmpton-Regis, Pinkerton-Hoe, Tabla Mohamlet

cc: Branby, Gollen, Esbester, Gillallah

Subject: Fwd: Sport Quotes

thought this might amuse you on a Friday

> > > >Here's one for all you sports enthusiasts. Check out the golf quote

> > > at the

> > > >end. Do you think that might help your game?

> > > >

> > > > "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Darryl Gibson comes inside of him"

> > > > (NZ rugby commentator)

> > > >

> > > > "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria....I saw her snatch this

> > > > morning and it was amazing."

> > > > (Pat Glenn - Weightlifting commentator)

> > > >

> > > > "This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother."

> > > > (Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator)

> > > >

> > > > "He's pulling him off! The Spanish manager is pulling his captain

> > > off!"

> > > > (Soccer commentator George Hamilton on Spain manager Luis

> > > > Suarez's substitution of Butragueno during their world cup

> > > > qualifier with Ireland in Seville, 1992).

> > > >

> > > > "The black players at this club lend the side a lot of skill and

> > > > flair, but you also need white players in there to balance things

> > > > up and give the team some brains and some common sense."

> > > > (Crystal Palace chairman Ron Noades, speaking in 1991)

> > > >

> > > > "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body"

> > > > (Winston Bennett)

> > > >

> > > > "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it

> > > > which is identical"

> > > > (Murray Walker)

> > > >

> > > > "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father"

> > > > (Greg Norman)

> > > >

> > > > "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of

> > > > them serious"

> > > > (Alan Minter)

> > > >

> > > > "The racecourse is as level as a billiard ball "

> > > > (John Francombe)

> > > >

> > > > "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same

> > > > thing again"

> > > > (Terry Venables)

> > > >

> > > > "I would not say he (David Ginola) is the best left winger in the

> > > > Premiership, but there are none better."

> > > > (Ron Atkinson)

> > > >

> > > > "He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see

> > > > it all over their faces."

> > > > (Ron Atkinson)

> > > >

> > > > "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is

> > > > kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."

> > > > (Harry Carpenter - BBC TV Boat Race 1977)

> > > >

> > > > "Morcelli has four fastest 1500-metre times ever. And all those

> > > > times are at 1500 metres."

> > > > (David Coleman)

> > > >

> > > > "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks

> > > > on the field."

> > > > (Metro Radio)

> > > >

> > > > " and later we will have action from the men's cockless pairs..."

> > > > (Sue Barker)

> > > >

> > > > "Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw."

> > > > (Ron Atkinson)

> > > >

> > > > "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the

> > > > air for even longer."

> > > > (David Acfield)

> > > >

> > > > "What will you do when you leave football, Jack, will you stay in

> > > > football?"

> > > > (Stuart Hall - Radio 5 live )

> > > >

> > > > "There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs

> > > > and showing his class"

> > > > (David Coleman at The Montreal Olympics)

> > > >

> > > > "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is

> > > > that, before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls and

> > > > kisses them......

> > > > Oh my God, what have I just said?"

> > > > (US TV commentator)

> > > >

> > >

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

Please respond to Cynthia

To: Puce Tebraquendy, Ho’Q’Menga, Glatterston, Yealmpton-Regis, Pinkerton-Hoe, Tabla Mohamlet

cc: Branby, Gollen, Esbester, Gillallah

Subject: FW: funny stuff

sorry to inundate you but this one is good as well

( come on, like you've got anything more important to do... ! )

> The following are real instructions from products:

> On a blanket from Taiwan:

> NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

> (damn, what am I supposed to use now?)

> On a helmet-mounted mirror used by American cyclists:

> REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

> On a Taiwanese shampoo:

> USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

> On the bottle-top of a British flavoured milk drink:

> AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

> On a New Zealand insect spray:

> THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

> In an American guide to setting up a new computer:

> AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM

> TEMPERATURE

> BEFORE OPENING.

> (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

> On a packet of American Sunmaid raisins:

> WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?

> On an American Sears hairdryer:

> DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

> On a bag of American Fritos-brand Corn Chips:

> COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The

> shoplifter's special...)

> On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box):

> DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.

> On a Korean kitchen knife:

> WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.

> On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:

> FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.

> (As opposed to ___?)

> On a Japanese food processor:

> NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.

> (Now I'm curious...)

> On British Sainsbury's peanuts:

> WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.

> (hmm...)

> On an American Airlines' packet of nuts:

> INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.

> (I'm glad they cleared that up.)

> On a Swedish chainsaw:

> DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.

> On a Canadian child's Superman costume:

> WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.

> (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy)

> On some British frozen dinners:

> SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.

> On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:

> FITS ONE HEAD.

> On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

> DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.

> On a British Boots' Children's Cough Medicine:

> DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.

> ( cause I saw a two year old driving a fork lift the other day !! )

> On a British Nytol Sleep Aid Tablets label:

> WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.

> On British Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

> PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.

> Paint Stripper Heat Gun:

> NOT TO BE USED AS A HAIRDRYER.

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:17 ---------------------------

Please respond to Cynthia

To: Esbester, Gollen

cc:

Subject: Feeble attempt at humour

Hello Missive Splendour-Blender,

This week I have been mostly not finding and coagulating company names. Due to recent events, I have with big. Therefore and in consequence, utterly will be listing on the Paris stock exchange next Tuesday... NEWSBOURSE GROUP ! Much is for rejoicing; I dance.

Also, codified, has with company "Mandrakesoft" pro-noma, Reuters code is MAKE.PA. Do they make with? God only knows!

WHO'S THE NUT ADMINISTRATOR?

Make with weekending, musty and feisty.

Hint of yellow (towing)

=========================================

Fern Cassocks - Biscuit Maker (Hereditary)

Marcel's Ricecake Logistics plc

Hoopstein Court, B'keeki, Marseille

Tel: (022) 222 2222

Fax: (0 really...)

---------------------- Forwarded by Esbester on 25-04-2002 11:18 ---------------------------

Please respond to "Gollen" <Gollen>

To: Cynthia, Esbester

cc:

Subject: RE: Feeble attempt at humour

My hands are changed, to birds. I noticed feathers two weeks ago, but

only yesterday did I see bright yellow, orange-beaked, plump little

birds where my hands had been. They seem to have a will of there own, I

am scarcely able to type this email for the pecking. They chirp

constantly and peck at children and dogs in the street as they pass.

There was a nasty moment at the urinal when I tried to pull out my cock.

I managed to stop the bleeding eventually. I saw the doctor this

morning. He told me that it's called Faecuolowitz Degestertuba, a common

problem in parts of Shropshire. The birds stare at me with their black,

lifeless eyes. I stabbed one with a biro last night. It didn't react but

I felt the pain myself. What's more concerning is that when I was

bandaging my D I noticed scales around the base and what looked a bit

like eyes near the bell...

Enough chockly, what's, the latest? I have made with being moved to the

3rd floor now. I have an entire office to myself!! It's well chock. The

floor is level with the tree-tops in St. James Park (which we are right

next to) and from here it looks like the building is in the middle of

the woods! Obviously I can hear cars and people outside but all I can

see are trees!!

Make big for the weekend, don't bell too much.

Chursdon.