Get Ready To Laugh a bit
Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie? Because below 18
was not allowed.
* * * * * *
How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence? Stick a
tire pressure gauge in his ear
* * * * * *
What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at
you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
* * * * * *
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his
mouth.
* * * * * *
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell him a
joke on Wednesday.
* * * * * *
What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands
tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
* * * * * *
Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
* * * * * *
Why can't Sardars make ice cubes? They always forget
the recipe.
* * * * * *
How did the Sardar try to kill the bird? He threw it
off a cliff.
* * * * * *
What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear? A
wind tunnel.
* * * * * *
What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.
* * * * * *
What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
* * * * * *
What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.
* * * * * *
Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
* * * * * *
Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
* * * * * *
How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax? It has a
stamp on it.
* * * * * *
Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
* * * * * *
How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.
* * * * * *
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
* * * * * *
What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
* * * * * *
Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as
opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take
to fly to Amritsar?" "Just a sec", says the rep.
"Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.
* * * * * *
Sardarji is buying a TV.
"Do you have color TVs?" "Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."
* * * * * *
EMPLOYMENT..
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for
a job. He promptly filled the columns titled
NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column
"Salary Expected" : He was not sure as to what to be
filled there. After much thought he wrote : Yes
* * * * * *
CROCODILE BOOTS..
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you
bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to
Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being
made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him
killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks
its legs and angrily exclaims "71st
and *again* barefeet!"
* * * * * *
A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He
asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The
sardar then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it
keeps cold things cold." The sardar says, "I'll take
it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new
thermos. His sardar boss sees
him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He
said, "It's a thermos flask."
The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It
keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The
sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
* * * * * *
A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it
home somewhere in Rajasthan, but two days later
disconnected it because he was getting complaints like
"Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
* * * * * *
Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom
fighters. They were planning for free Punjab.
Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab from
India but how would we develop it?"
That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed."
All the surds became happy on this very simple
solution but an old surd did not utter a single word.
Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd
replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"
* * * * * *
Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a
bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told
the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he
replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his
hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would
like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a
complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color,
new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days
before he again approached the salesman. "I would like
to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
* * * * * *
TO LOSE WEIGHT..
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight
kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34
kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the
doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had
a problem. "What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."
* * * * * *
TRAIN TO LUDHIANA..
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway
station. Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this
train to Ludhiana?" "No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I?" asks Gani Singh.
* * * * * *
A sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the
Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat
when his friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai?
Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" Sardarji
replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema
hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
* * * * * *
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt
sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the
train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station
arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for
20 rupees, the sardarji deserved more service. So,
when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly
shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the
Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching
home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed
when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the
matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken
my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"
* * * * * *
Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his
knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and
asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking
God for ?" The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for
seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that
time, otherwise I would have been missing too."
* * * * * *
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth
certificate "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid:
Chinese." "How come you write "Chinese" when both
parents are Sikh?" " Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper,
it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is
a Chinese."
* * * * * *
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to
the outer space. The ground control issues commands
"Rubi!" "Woof!" (its the barking sound) "Press the red
button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!"
"Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!"
"Sardarji!" "Woof." "Stop barking, feed the dogs and
don't touch anything!"
* * * * * *
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which
has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to
buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says "Yes". "Give
me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The
man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited
for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken
for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again
walking along the same street and the same man asks
him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and
I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the
thousand and says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait
and I'll go get a ladder."
* * * * * *
DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They
managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh
somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate
Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the
rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta
Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the
seats in front with both hands, scared to death.
He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on?
Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down
there ? Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a
*driver.*"
* * * * * *
Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The
doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he
answered, " I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang -
but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally
picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!"
the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ....what
happened to your other ear?" "The scoundrel called
back."
* * * * * *
Sardar is napping on the lawns of cross-maidan,
next to a donkey.
A passer-by asks him, "Sardarji, do you know what
time it is?"
Sardar lifts a leg of the donkey and says, "5:00 pm".
Another passer-by asks him for time. Sardar does the
same thing again and tells him the time.
All this while a curious person has been watching
what is going on. He approaches the Sardar and asks,
"Arre, sardraji, kya bat hai, gadhe ki taang utha ke
time bata sakte ho!"
Sardar coolly says, "Arre bhai, gadha beech mein soya
hai, to woh rajabai tower ki ghadi nahin dikhti, isliye
uski taang uthani padti hai..."
************
you should be sure the person is a Sardar when he:
* gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
* sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
* tries to drown a fish in water.
* thinks socialism means partying.
* trips over a cordless phone.
* takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
* At the bottom of the application where it says
* "Sign Here" he puts "Sagittarius."
* studies for a blood test and fails.
* sells the car for gas money.
* misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
* drives to the airport and sees a sign that said,
* "Airport left", he turns around and goes home.
* gets locked in a Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do Sardars always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
Why do sardars have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
How can you tell when a sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
Why can't sardars dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
How do you get a sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.
A sardar and a american were walking outside when the american said
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
The sardar looked skyward and said "Where, where?
What do smart sardars and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
Why does it take longer to build a sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two sardarjis walked toward each other on a country road.
One was carrying a burlap bag over his shoulder.
"Hey Bhai," the first sardarji drawled, "what's in the bag?"
"Chickens," was the reply.
"If I guess how many, can I have one?" "You can have both of them."
"OK," the first sardarji said. "Five."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Recently why do so many surds get injured when they try to send a letter bomb?
A: In order to be modern they want to send the bomb by fax.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A surd tried to sell his old car. But he had major problems because the car had 900,000 km on it. One day he told his problem to a Tamilian working in the same factory. The Tamilian told him: "There is a possibility to make the car saleable.
But it is not legal." "That does not matter," replied the surd, "if I only can sell the car." "OK," said the Tamilian. "Here is the address of a friend of mine in Chennai. He owns a car repair shop. If you give him my regards, he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 km. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." So the following weekend the surd made a trip to Chennai. About one month after that the Tamilian asked the surd: "Did you now sell your car?"
"No," replied the surd, "why should I? It has only 50 000 km on it."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is a large group of surd people in a bar and they are having a celebration. Another man walks into the bar and sees the celebration and asks why all the surd people are celebrating. One of the surds says: "We have just solved a 100 piece jigsaw puzzle within six hours." The man says: "I am sorry. I do not see what the big deal is." The surd replies: "On the box it says 'from 3 to 5 years'."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two surds go fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to the shore. The first surd says: "I hope you remember the spot where we caught all those fish." The other answers: "Yes, I made an 'X' on the side of the boat to mark the spot." "You idiot!" replies the first. "How do you know we will get the same boat tomorrow?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Surd prime minister visited the president of the neighboring country and complained about all this jokes about surds that others tell each other. "This leads to the impression that all surds are stupid," he said. "You should not take this so earnestly," answered the neighboring minister. "These are only jokes and not true stories. And there are also stupid people in our country. I will prove it to you." Saying so he went to his driver and said: "Please drive to my home and find out, whether I am at home." The driver immediately went on his way. The surd prime minister was satisfied: "He is very stupid indeed. Theres a public phone just at the corner. It would have been easier to ring."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A surd walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. A coke pops out. The surd looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. He returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps popping out drinks. A man walks up behind the surd and watches him doing this for a few minutes before stopping and him and asking if someone else could have a go. The surd spins around and shouts: "Can you not see that I am winning."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From a surd Newspaper : Yesterday morning a Boeing 747 crashed in a cemetery near Chandigarh. The officials announced that the reason for the crash is that too many passengers were on board. The rescue party so far has retrieved more than 3000 bodies.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two surds were walking through the woods when one looked down and said: "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other surd looked and said: "Those are not deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They kept arguing and arguing. Half an hour later they were both killed by a train.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A surd goes to a barber shop wearing walkman headphones. He tells the hairdresser: "Dress my hair please, but do
not remove the headphones." The hairdresser does his job but needs to get under the headphones to finish his work. He removes the headphones thinking that the surd will never even notice .. The surd falls to the floor, chokes, turns blue and dies. The hairdresser picks up the headphones to see what he was listening to and hears: "Breath In, Breath Out, Breath In, Breath Out....."