*"AS I bit into the necterine, I noticed it had a crisp juiciness that was very pleasuarable. Until I realised it wasn't a necterine at all, but a HUMAN HEAD!!"
*"My friend got offended b/c I used the word puke... But to me, that's what his dinner tasted like!"
*"What is it that makes a total stranger dive into an icey cold river for a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know..."
*"As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint grey, I thought back about the salmon I had caught today, and how grey he was, and how I named him Flint."
*"It takes a big man to cry; But it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man!"
*"If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? Maybe, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason..."
*"If you ever fall off the sears tower, go real limp. That way, people will think you are a dummy and try to catch you, cause, hey, free dummy!"
*"We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients, but we can't scoff at them personally, and in their faces, and this is what annoys me!"
*"You know what would make a great story? Something about a clown who's really happy and makes people laugh, but inside he's really sad. Also, he has a severe case of diarhea."
*"The face of a child can say it all. Especially the mouth part of the face."
*"If you ever light yourself on fire, try not to look in the mirror- cus that's what must REALLY throw u into a panic!"
*"I think a good gift would be 'Baby Duck Hat.' It's this fake baby duck which you strap on the top of your head. Then you find a moma duck with her babies and swim with them. All of a sudden you stand up and roar like Godzilla! Man those ducks sure take off!! Also, 'Baby Duck Hat' is great for parites!!"
*"When I look at you my heart skips a beat. But later that beat may mean a lifetime of tears wasted on something I knew I could never have."
*"Be more concerned about your character than your reputation because your character is who you are and your reputation is how others think of you."
*"When ever I see something screech across a room and latch onto some guys neck, and he struggles, trying to get it off, I have to laugh, because, what is that thing?"
*"To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're really scary! I've always wondered where this came from and I think it started when I was younger and I went to the circus with my family and a clown killed my dad."