| Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Bear There once was a bear and a rabbit. Now Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Bear didn't like each other very much and whilst they were walking through the woods one day, they came across a golden frog. The frog turned to them and said, "Oh! I don't usually come across many animals in this part!" They were amazed the frog could speak. The golden frog admitted, "Mind you, when I do come across people I give them 6 wishes, in this case, three each!" The bear immediatly wished that all the other bears in the world were female. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately and he placed it on his head. Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish. Though he conitinued on and wished that all the bears in the country were female, and the frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit then wished for a mototrcycle. One appeared before him and he climbed aboard and started revving the engine. Mr. Bear Could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted to good wishes that he could have used himself. Shaking his head he made his last wish, which was that all the bears in the world were female leaving him the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish. Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a moment then said, "I WISH MR. BEAR WAS GAY!" and rode off as fast as he could. |
| Go To Heaven Father Murphy walks into a pub and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" "Why yes, Father, I do," then man replyed. "Then leave this pub right now!" The priest approached a second man and said to him, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "Certainly, Father!" The priest reliyed, "Then leave this den of satan!" Finally the priest walked up to O'toole and said, "Son, do you want to go to heaven?" "No, I don't!" O'toole replyed. The priest looked him right in the eye. "Do you mean to tell me that when you did you don't want to go to heaven?" He said, not breaking the gaze. "OH!" The man said. "When I die! I thought you were getting a group together right now!" |
| Three men were lost in the forest and later captured by cannibals. the cannibal king told the three men that they could leave only if they passed a trial. The first step of the trial was for thr three men to go off and get ten pieces of fruit. so all three men went separate ways to gather some. The first man came back and said, "King, I brought back ten apples." Then the King explained that the second step of the trial was to shove all ten of the fruit up his ass with out any expression. The first one went in ok, but when he put the second one in, he winced with pain. So he was killed and went to heaven. The second one arrived showing the king that his ten fruits were berries. The king then explained the second part of the trial to him. The man secretly thought it would be easy to shove the berries up his ass. Then, on the ninth berry he burst out laughing and was killed and went to heaven. Up in heaven, the first and second men met up again. The first man was very curious and so he asked the second man, "Why did you laugh! you almost got a way with it!" The second man replied, "I know! but I couldn't help it! I was doing just fine until I saw the third man show up with all those watermelons!" |
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| Heehee! You made a funny!! |
| Letter of reccomendation Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always finishes given assignments on time. Often, Bob takes extended measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee breaks. Bob is an individual who has absolutely no vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be classified as a high-caliber employee, the type that cannot be dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be executed as soon as possible. Regards, Project Leader Shortly thereafter, the HR department received the following memo from the Project Leader: Sorry, but that idiot was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines for my assessment. Regards, Project Leader |
| There were two muffins sitting in an oven. One muffin turns to the other muffin and says, "Man, it's hot in here." The other muffin, then goes, "OH MY GOD A TALKING MUFFIN!" |
| Happy, Buddy? =oP |
| Why can't Helen Keller drive a car? Cus she's a woman! |