Princess Laina’s Speech

LAINA: Hello, strangers. This is the talented, brilliant, and completely cool Princess Laina. (glances down at notes) Oh yes, you are here to listen to my speech about two major issues. These major issues are ‘Impressive Junk’ and (pauses to look like in pain) ‘Essential Interruption’. If we have time, I will also cover the horrifying subject of ‘I’d Just As Soon…’

MYSELF (Catrina): Please hold your questions until the end.

LAINA: Thank you Catrina. First things first though. I would first off like to thank everyone for coming. You don’t know how pleased I am to…

RUDE OLD MAN IN THE AUDIENCE: Just get on with it!

LAINA: Well, if you insist. Okay, the first subject of discussion is ‘Impressive Junk’. I have to say; I don’t mind this idea very much. The only problem is that the so-called ‘Impressive Junk’ is not junk at all. Oh sure, they found all the items at a junkyard and put them all together. But it is not junk for the fact that it was the best part of my life. It should be called ‘Impressive Work of Art’. But I can live with it.

Laina has been mostly smiling up until this point, where she gets an angry look on her face. The tone in her voice also changes to an almost cold, hard voice, not like her normal cheery self.

LAINA: But the ‘Essential Interruption’? NO! I cannot live with this un-fact. The ‘Essential Interruption’ was NOT essential. The reason is because what led up to it was un-called for. It was DISGUSTING, FOUL, HORRIBLE, and STUPID!!!!!!! It is NOT a fact, it did NOT happen. This is just a figment of your imagination. Ignore the cheesy old man that “caused” this. He does not exist. He is un-called for, just like…

RUDE OLD MAN IN THE AUDIENCE: Just like this whole speech!

MYSELF: Will someone please escort this annoying old man to the door? He doesn’t belong here.

Security people come and drag the old man away, while he kicks and screams random things that pop into his brain.

LAINA: As Catrina said before; please hold your questions, or comments, until the end. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, right here. He is un-called for, just like the ‘Essential Interruption’ is. But without him, the ‘Essential Interruption’ wouldn’t exist. So it is entirely his fault, blame him completely. And remember, I did nothing. I’m innocent. You can’t frame me for all of this. (throws all papers up in the air and they float slowly to the ground) Any questions, or snide comments?

To Be Continued