Part III – The Return of Princess Laina

 

Day 57

 

          Can you believe it?  CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?????  Luke is making ME, of all people, go and unfreeze Han.  How stupid!  I’m supposed to go there in disguise as a bounty hunter and take Chewie with me.  Then at night I’m supposed to sneak into Jabba’s main throne room and unfreeze him.  Why me?  I HATE him.  Couldn’t Lando have done it?

          But NO!  Lando has to pretend to be a guard and rescue me if something goes wrong.  Why in the world would I need to be rescued?  That’s so ridiculous!  I can rescue myself.  It’s not like I’m just some ditzy blonde.  Not all blondes are dumb you know…

 

Day 57 - night

 

          I walked slowly up to the big cube hanging on the wall.  Eww, he’s uglier then I remembered…

          For some reason, the controls on the side confused me, which was very unusual.  Usually, nothing ever, EVER confuses me, because I am so smart.  Probably it was because if I pushed them, my life would suddenly be so much worse.

But I had to do it, or Luke might kill me, knowing him. He’s starting to get very strong and powerful these days from all that force junk he’s learning…

          So, I released the Royal Idioticness from his “hibernation”, as Lando had called it.  He dropped on the floor and breathed hard. 

          “I can’t see,” he mumbled.  I rolled my eyes behind my mask and handed him a bottle.  “Drink this.”

          “What?  Who is it?” 

          I took off my mask thingie.  “Someone who hates your idiotic guts.  Now drink this and get up!”

          “Laina!”

          He’s stupider then I remembered!  I groaned.  “Give me a break! Who else could it possibly be?  And why are you so glad to see me?  I haven’t been exactly nice to you.”  He didn’t answer, and I darted my eyes around.  “Come on, drink what’s in the stupid bottle.”  After he finally guzzled down the last drop, I whispered, “We have to get out of here.  This place is giving me the creeps…”

          I helped him slowly to his feet.  When he was balanced I said, “Follow my voice, ‘cause I’m not going to help you otherwise.”

          He only got a few inches before I heard a noise to my right.  Slowly I turned my head. 

          Caught!  There, with his gang of ugly beings, was the big fat slug himself, laughing like crazy. 

          “You’ve got problems,” I informed him.  “Why don’t you just let us escape for once?”

          Jabba then said something unintelligible to some of his guards standing nearby.  They grabbed me and started dragging me away.

          “You won’t get away with this, you fat slug! You’re gonna be hearing from my lawyer!” I yelled, while struggling to get free.  Then to the guards, I said, “Watch what you’re doing buddy!  You’d better let go of me this instant!  Stop right now!  Are you even listening to me?  You’d better stop and listen to what I have to say, or you’re gonna be in deep trouble.  Watch it!  Ow, that hurts!  LET GO OF ME!!!!!”  Then to Han I yelled, “Run!  Get out of here now!”  He put his hands out in front of him and started walking, just as some different guards got a hold of him.  “That figures,” I muttered to myself.  “Of course, he’s too stupid to run.”

          “You know what,” I said to one of the guards.  “I’ve been dragged around a lot lately.  What’s with that?”  He shrugged and locked me in a room while the rest of the guards went to ask Jabba what they were supposed to do with me.

          A few minutes later I was moved back into the throne room.  I had the most ridiculous looking outfit on and a chain around my neck.

          “Jabba,” I said, trying to reason with the fat blob. “Can we make a deal?  How about you let me go, and kill the rest of them.  I don’t like any of them; I was forced to work for them.  This isn’t fair!”

          His response was pulling me into a sitting position beside him.  I groaned, because the smell was horrifying.  “Um, Jabba, you may want to use perfume or something if you want me to even partially cooperate,” I suggested.  He ignored me and C-3PO (who was acting as a translator for Jabba) shrugged.  I shook my head and tried to get comfortable, but it was impossible. 

          At least now I’m in my own little jail cell (it’s better then being killed by the horrible stench of the fat twerp).  But now all I have to look forward to is long hours of stupid music and drunken creatures.  Wish me luck; I’m going to need it.

 

 

Day 58

         

          I woke up and was led to eat breakfast (and to go back to the smell of a garbage truck). 

A little while later, Luke arrived and tried to get Jabba to free Han and Chewie (notice, he didn’t even bother to try to get me freed).  The argument went on for a while, until suddenly a trap door under Luke opened.

          I looked down and saw him stuck with an unfortunate guard.  Then this huge beast came out and attacked the poor guard.  Luke was ready for it when the beast finished off the guard.  He jammed a large bone into its mouth.  Then he hid in a crevice and hit the beast’s finger with a rock.  While the beast writhed in pain, Luke made a run for a door on the other side of the pit.  When the beast recovered and came after Luke again, he closed the door on the beast’s head.

          Jabba was furious.  I laughed in his face. “You think you’re so smart.  Well, I have news for you buddy.  You’re just a fat, ugly, obnoxious, slimy, disgusting slug that nobody likes!”  He didn’t respond because he was already too angry to speak.  He said something to one of the guards and they walked off.

          The guards came back with Luke, Han, and Chewie.  Just as they came in, Han asked, “That bad, huh?  Where’s Laina?” Luke looked at me and I replied, “I’m right here.  It’s a good thing you can’t see me right now, or I would never let you live.”

          “Why?  What happened?”

          “I look absolutely ridiculous, that’s why!”  I shook my head and jabbed Jabba with my elbow.  He looked at me evilly and tightened the chain around my neck.

          “Knock it off,” I grumbled.  “Do you want me to die or something? That wouldn’t be very nice.”

          C-3PO stepped forward and translated for Jabba.  “Oh dear.  His High Exaltedness, the great Jabba the Hutt, has decreed that you are to be terminated immediately.”

          Han came back with his famous sarcasm. “Good, I hate long waits.”

          C-3PO continued. “You will be therefore taken to the Dune Sea and be cast into the pit of Carkoon, the nesting place of the all-powerful Sarlacc.”

          Han turned to Luke. “Doesn’t sound so bad.”

          “In his belly, you will find a new definition of pain and suffering, as you are slowly digested over a thousand years.”

          Han winced at the thought.  “On second thought, let’s pass on that, huh?”

          Luke couldn’t suppress a smile.  “You should have bargained Jabba. That’s the last mistake you’ll ever make.”

          Jabba cackled evilly and I grinned slightly at Luke.  Then I glanced at Jabba and made a face.  Pretending to be a guard, Lando moved toward Luke, Chewie, and Han.  Some other guards grabbed them and dragged them off.

          Then Jabba’s stupid throne was moved onto this sail thingie (can’t exactly remember the name) and we rode to the Sarlacc pit.  I watched over the edge as Luke and Han talked.

          “I think my eyes are getting better,” Han informed Luke. “Instead of a big dark blur I see a big light blur.”

          Luke shrugged. “There’s nothing to see.  I used to live here, you know.”

          “You’re gonna die here you know.  Convenient.”

          Luke gave him a small grin. “Just stick close to Lando and Chewie.  I’ve taken care of everything.”

          “Oh…great.”

          I was about to yell something to them, when the chain around my neck tightened.  Jabba dragged me to him and said in his ugly, stupid, Huttese language, “Soon you will learn to appreciate me.”

          I laughed silently and said, “That’s a good one.  You know, you should become a comedian.  You’re fat, ugly, stupid, smelly, just perfect.  It’ll make you more money then you could dream of in the business you’re in now.” Then under my breath I said, “Though I’m not sure exactly WHAT you would call this business of getting drunk and throwing innocent people into the pit of the Sarlacc.”

          I’m guessing he didn’t understand a word of what I said, because he moved his throne to the window to be able to see my “friends” die.  Although, I wouldn’t call any of them really friends.  I’d call them something more like aquaintences, but maybe not even that.

          Jabba called C-3PO over and said something to him.  C-3PO nodded and walked toward a comlink.  All the stupid creatures stopped being obnoxious freaks and listened.  “Victims of the Almighty Sarlacc: His Excellency hopes that you will die honorably.  But should any of you wish to beg for mercy, the great Jabba the Hutt will now listen to your pleas.”

          I watched as Han stepped forward (arrogantly) and said, “C-3PO, you tell that slimy piece of... worm-ridden filth he'll get no such pleasure from us. Right?” 

          Luke shook his head. “Jabba.  This is your last chance!  Free us or die.”

          All the stupid, evil, and ugly monsters started laughing.  I laughed too, only because I knew that they would die soon, just like Luke said.

          I gave Jabba a sweet, innocent smile and said, “Well, if you do happen to live, I think I might bring Han back here so you can really kill him.  Life was really nice without him…” I remembered for a second how good life was. “Okay, snap back to reality.  You are going to die.  So that means, he isn’t.” My eyes widened. “That’s uncool!”

          Jabba said something in Huttese that I didn’t get (in other words, I was amazingly clueless).  Some reject guards prodded Luke to the end of the plank.  The drunken idiots near where I was standing started yelling random things that would pop into their smarmy brains.  Luke jumped off the plank, but grabbed onto the end of it.  He was flung into the air.  After doing a very interesting flip, he landed, with his light saber in his hand.  He attacked the guard who prodded him off the plank.  The idiotic monster fell helplessly into the Sarlacc’s pit.

          “Go Dork-boy!” I yelled happily.  Jabba looked at me evilly (like he normally does).  I groaned and rolled my eyes.  “Can’t you just let me enjoy myself, you big fat piece of undeniable dung!” The “undeniable dung” phrase had just come to my mind, so I didn’t exactly get what it meant.  It’s a very good phrase though.  I’m sure it completely states my mind. At least, I think it does.

          I watched all the chaotic happenings, until I decided to focus in on Han and Chewie.  Chewie was guiding Han toward a spear. When he (finally) got the spear, Boba Fett jumped up from where he had gotten knocked down.  Chewie growled desperately at Han.

          “Boba Fett?!  Where?” He turned around blindly with the spear in his hand.  It was pure luck when it hit Boba Fett right in the back.  The macro-dweeb (as I like to call him) went flying into the Sarlacc’s mouth.  The Sarlacc celebrated with a might burp.

          If someone had walked by they would have thought that all the idiots down there were being filmed for a slapstick comedy movie.  It was all very funny to me, but Jabba looked about ready to explode with rage.

          Then his smell got worse.  I don’t know how it happened, but the stench increased.  I gagged, trying to get away from the fat (and putrid) blob. 

          “That’s it!” I yelled.  I stepped onto the throne then jumped off the other side.  With the stupid chain in my hand, I pulled it as hard as I could across the blob’s neck, or what I thought to be his neck.  He stupidly sat there, doing nothing about the fact that I was killing him.  His nasty scum-coated tongue flopped out and I grinned. 

          “Die, you evil Beano Tablet!”  I told his dead self, using my favorite phrase of all time.

          Beano Tablet.  I don’t exactly remember how it started.  All I know is when me and my friend P.B. were kids, we came up with it.  I know I’ve been using it ever since, but I’m not sure about P.B.  I haven’t seen her since I was ten, right after I saved her from the Slug Troopers. 

Now look at me.  Instead of Slug Troopers (who were, for your information, commanded by Jabba’s father who’s uncool name was Zorba), I’m fighting Storm Troopers.  I guess some things never change…

Now came the hard part:  getting free from the chains. I pushed, I pulled, I scratched, I bit, but nothing, NOTHING could break through the chains.

          Then, beeping wildly, R2-D2 came over and melted the chains.  Some of the rejected evil (and stupid) monsters noticed that I was free.  I grabbed the chain and started flinging it around wildly. 

          "Watch out all you freaks!  Don't mess with me!" I yelled, as the creatures went flying.  "I'm a slave girl, with style." I paused then corrected myself.  "Actually, it's more like ex-slave girl, but who cares?  I still have style.  And you," I hit another putrid creature, "don't.  So die!"  He (at least I thought it was a he) went flying and crashed into the very dead Jabba, who was knocked off his stupid throne.

          “I hope you learned your lesson!” I screamed at the putrid idiot, who obviously couldn’t hear me.  Then quieter, I said to R2-D2, “Come on, let’s go.”

          We ran past C-3PO, who was having his eye picked out by a reptile/monkey monster.  I shook my head in disgust.  “R2, please shock him so I can drop kick him.” R2-D2 beeped and a small bolt of energy came out of one of his arms.  The reptile monkey dude made a screeching sound as I picked him up.  I drop kicked him (like I said I would do) and he also crashed into Jabba.

          I grabbed onto a rope that was hanging right in front of me (what luck!) and swung out to the smaller skiff.  I took a large gun and after C-3PO and R2-D2 joined the rest of us on the skiff I blasted away at the sail what-cha-ma-call-it.  It exploded and I grinned happily.

          The only bad thing is all my regular looking clothes had been on there.  I made a distressed face when suddenly a big explosion hurled something at the skiff.  I watched boredly as it landed right in front of me.

          “Oh look,” I told everyone indifferently.  “They were kind enough to return my clothing.  Maybe they weren’t so bad after all…”

          Eventually we got back to the Falcon.  Luke left to go see someone, and as usual, I was stuck with the most annoying group of people in the world.  Hey, at least maybe since we’re at the base now I won’t have to worry about it much.

          Also, unfortunately, Han’s eyesight was getting better.  I could no longer torment him in cruel ways. 

Seriously, it would take forever to describe all the evil things I did to him. 

Anyway, as I said Han’s eyesight is getting much better.  He says that he can kind of make out shapes and stuff. 

Oh well, there’s still ways to make him miserable.

          I think I am succeeding in making life partially miserable for him.  As I said before, I will not allow him to make life royally smell.  He’s done that enough.

          He’s trying to make me mad, but I’m being cool.  (Not uncool, like he always is.) 

He’s been bugging me to stop what I’m doing long enough to see what new things have been added to the rebel weapons.  I might as well, seeing I’ve got nothing else to do. 

          It’s strange that my life is so stinking boring.  You would never think in a million light-years that a princess would have a boring life. Well, one does.  Get used to it.

 

 

Day 59

 

          Don’t you hate it when uncool people get put in charge of stuff?  Especially when you know that you have to do what they say.  It totally stinks.

          All the rebels were together, listening to the battle plan.  I knew pretty much what it was, so I ignored it for the beginning.  The speech caught my attention when General Madine started speaking. “We stole a small Imperial shuttle.  Disguised as a cargo ship, and using a secret Imperial code, a strike team will land on the moon and deactivate the shield generator.”

          To Han, I mumbled, “I wonder who they got to pull that one off.”

          “General Solo, is your strike team assembled?” I stared in amazement at Han.  A general?  Him?  It had to have been the stupidest idea ever.  Putting the Royal Pain-in-the-Butt Extraordinaire in charge didn’t sound like a very good plan.

          “Um, whoever made him a general, I just think I should tell you: What makes you think he can keep a strike team under control when he can’t even keep his own nose hair under control.  It’s a really dumb idea, so don’t be surprised when he messes it all up.”

          Han glared at me, but didn’t bother with a comeback. Instead, he answered General Madine.  “Uh, my team’s ready.  I don’t have a command crew for the shuttle though.”

          Chewie made a small growl and raised his furry paw in the air.  Han looked up at him and said, “Well, it’s gonna be rough.  I didn’t want to speak for you.” He smiled. “That’s one.”

          I made a split second decision. “Uh, Han…” He interrupted me with a look of ‘aren’t you forgetting something’. I rolled my eyes. “Fine, General, count me in.  But it’s only to make sure you don’t dork the whole mission up.”

          His snide face was changed when a voice came from the crowd. “I’m with you too.”  The crowd parted to reveal Luke.

          They (stupidly) greeted each other, with lots of staring and smiles.  They always seem to act uncool, not that it surprises anyone.

          So anyway, now we had a command crew. Mon Mothma (the leader of the rebels) finished off the instructions and we left for the attack.

          When I got in to the cockpit of the Imperial shuttle, everyone was already working.  I took my seat in between Han and Luke.  I glanced at both of them, but noticed that Han looked like he was in la-la land.  I jabbed him with my elbow (very hard) and said, “Hey.  Are you awake?”

          “Yeah, I just got this funny feeling.  Like I’m not gonna see her again.”

          Chewie heard this and stared sadly out the window at the Millennium Falcon.  I sighed.  Sometimes they got so sidetracked.  “What?  Do I have to keep you focused or something?  Let’s get going!”

          He snapped back to life. “Right.  Chewie, let’s see what this piece of junk can do.”  He looked around. “Everybody ready?”

          I nodded and Luke said, “All set.”

          It seemed like forever before we finally made it to the new and improved Death Star.  Nearby, the Super Star Destroyer (yes, that’s what it’s called) floated menacingly around.

          Han started flipping switches.  “If they don’t go for this, we’re going to have to get out of here quick, Chewie.”

          Then a muffled voice came out of the radio. “We have you on your screen now.  Please identify.”

          Han tried to hide the fact that he was nervous, but it didn’t work. At least the person on the other end couldn’t see his face. “Shuttle Tydirium requesting deactivation of the deflector shield.”

          “Shuttle Tydirium, transmit the clearance code for shield passage.” 

          Han pushed some buttons and some high beeps could be heard. “Transmission commencing.”

          The whole trip had been surprisingly quiet.  Han hadn’t even been making his normal quota of snide comments.  I decided to break the (uncool) silence by saying, “Now we find out if that code is worth what we paid for it.”

          “It’ll work.  It’ll work.” Han sounded more like he was trying to convince himself. 

          I shook my head. “If you’re trying to convince me, forget about it.”

          Then I was (rudely) interrupted.  “Vader’s on that ship.” I hadn’t been paying much attention to Luke, but I snapped my head up to look at him.  He was staring intently at the dumb Super (more like stupid) Star Destroyer.   

          “Now, don’t get jittery, Luke,” Han said annoyingly.  He turned to Chewie. “There are a lot of ships.  Keep your distance, but don’t look like you’re keeping your distance.”  Chewie growled a question, and Han shrugged. “I don’t know.  Fly casual.”

          “Uh, how do you fly casually?” I asked.

          Han shrugged while Luke carried on with his uncool dorky speech. “I’m endangering the mission.  I shouldn’t have come.”

          “It’s all your imagination.  Come on, let’s keep a little optimism.”

          From over the speaker came, “Shuttle Tydirium, what is your cargo and destination.”

          “Parts and technical crew for the forest moon.”  Han looked uneasily around.

          Just a little note:  you realize no one has been as obnoxious as usual.  Maybe it was the seriousness of everything that’s happening. It’s scary though, to think that the idiot Han can go for a while without being stupid.

          It’s weird.  Usually the little idiot couldn’t shut up.  He’d be droning on and on about insanity.  The silence is enough to give me a headache. 

          Let’s just say, if he doesn’t want to kill me, he’d better do something uncool and idiotic.

          “They’re not going for it, Chewie.” Chewie answered with a loud groan.

          I shook my head. “What makes you think they would go for it?  Let’s get real here; your voice isn’t exactly what I would call convincing.”

          “Shuttle Tydirium, deactivation of the shield will commence immediately.  Follow your present course.”

          Han breathed a sigh of relief.  “Okay!  I told you it was going to work.  No problem.”

          “Of course,” I muttered.  “You always blame it on other people when something goes wrong, but you always take all the credit when everything works out fine.”

         

Day 60

 

          I now officially hate having to be on this dumb strike team.  All of us were forced to get up early and I didn’t even have time to wash my hair (that, of course, was Han’s fault). 

          So I grudgingly trudged behind Han as we headed toward the shield generator.  Suddenly everyone else around me dropped to the ground. 

          Han gave me a look. “Get down!”

          “Why should I?  That would just do more damage to my hair.  It’s obviously your fault, since usually I don’t have to worry about it.”

          I looked over the hill and saw some Imperial idiots wandering around stupidly.

          “So now what?  Do we sneak around them, or do we do it your way and attack them obnoxiously so we risk maybe having them signal some of their little friends and getting all of us killed?” I asked Han.

          “I’m not completely sure.  It’ll take longer to go around, and we can’t waste much time.  Probably attacking them would be a better idea.”

          I nudged Luke.  “See?  He doesn’t like listening to other people.  We shouldn’t have come along; he’s just going to get us killed.”

          I motioned to the rest of the strike team.  “Stay put, we’ll be right back.”  Then I followed Han, Luke, and Chewie to the edge of the clearing.

          We were hidden in the trees and bushes near the Imperial idiots, when Han said, “Chewie and I will take care of this.  You stay here.”

          Luckily, Luke had some sense (even if it was dorky) in his brain.  “Quietly, there might be more of them out there.”

          Han grinned.  “Hey, it’s me.”

          Then I commented to Luke, “That’s exactly why he shouldn’t be the leader of this stupid thing.”

Luke grinned as Chewie followed Han out of the bushes.  We watched as Han creeped slowly toward one of the Imperial idiots.  Then suddenly we heard a snap as Han stepped on a twig.  The Imperial idiot swung around, knocking Han into a tree.

Luke shook his head.  “Great.  Come on.”

I groaned.  “Yeah, he’s a general all right.  A general pain in the butt.”

We jumped out of the bushes and ran towards where three speeder bikes were parked.  Some more Imperial idiots occupied two of them.

I pointed at the Imperial idiots as I ran toward the unoccupied speeder.   “Where do these dumb creeps come from?”

Luke nodded.  “I see them.  But wait!”

I ignored him and jumped on to the speeder as the other two took off.  Luke jumped on behind me. “Jam their comlink. Quick!”

After I jammed it, I started it up and took off, while I could hear Han behind us yelling, “Hey, wait!”

The Imperial idiots were way ahead of us, so I wasn’t able to hit them with the laser cannon.  The whole time, Luke was also behind me, yelling out commands.

“Who put you in charge?” I yelled back.

His reply was, “Move closer!”

I sped up as the two Imperial idiots veered through a narrow gap between two trees.  One of them slowed down and Luke yelled, “Pull up next to that one!”

“Stop telling me what to do!” I yelled back as I came up alongside the Imperial idiot.  Luke jumped on to the idiot’s speeder, throwing the idiot off.

“Now you listen!” I yelled.  But before I could get anything else out, more idiots emerged from the trees.

“I’ll take those two,” Luke yelled.  “You keep on that one!”

“Fine with me,” I muttered as I sped up. 

Behind me, I could see Luke slowing down and the other idiots passing him.

“These guys are so stupid,” I commented to myself.

Then snapping back to attention, I noticed myself headed straight for a tree.  I made a sharp turn and amazingly avoided it.

“That’s it!  I’m not taking any more chances.”  I aimed my speeder toward the sky and rose above the trees.  Then deciding that it would be a perfect time for a sneak attack, I dove back down and fired away at the idiot.  He swerved out of the way and I pulled up beside him.  Noticing my presence, the idiot pulled out a handgun and aimed it at the speeder.  Before I could react, I was spinning out of control, heading straight toward a tree.  I jumped to the ground, just before it crashed.

The next thing I knew, I felt something poking me.  I looked and saw a small, furry creature prodding me with a spear.

“Cut it out!” I said, irritated.

The thing jumped back and growled softly.  I stood up and it poked me with the spear again.

“Didn’t I tell you to quit it?” I asked as I sat down on a log.  I looked around at the remains of the speeder.

“I guess I’m stuck here.”  I shrugged to myself as the little furry thing growled more.

“Do I really look that bad?”  I sighed.  “I’m guessing that crash didn’t do anything to help my appearance out.”

The thing growled more.  I rolled my eyes slightly.  “Okay, what do you want?  Food?”  I pulled out a piece of bread and offered it to the thing.  It tilted its head to one side and moved closer toward the log.  Then, deciding that I didn’t have any plans to hurt it, the furry thing jumped up beside me and greedily grabbed the bread.  But before it started to eat, it raised its head up and sniffed the air.

“What is it?” I asked.  Then, almost in a whisper, the thing chattered away in its language.  I groaned.  “If only you could speak English…”

Suddenly a laser blast hit the log beside me and both the thing and I fell off.  I pulled out my laser gun and aimed it at the bushes.  The little fur ball disappeared under the log.

I heard a faint noise behind me and turned to see an Imperial idiot, aiming his laser gun at my head.  “Freeze!  Come on, get up.”  The idiot held out his hand and I reluctantly handed over my weapon.

Suddenly the idiot jumped back as the fur ball poked him with its spear.  I quickly picked up a branch and knocked it into the idiot’s head.  Then seeing another idiot taking off on his speeder, I grabbed my weapon and took a shot at it.  The speeder crashed into a tree and the fur ball looked up at me and mumbled something.  Then grabbing my hand he led me out of the clearing and back into the forest.

After walking a short distance we came to a village.  Hundreds of the little fur balls surrounded us and started jabbering away.   Then I felt someone tap on my shoulder.  I spun around and saw another person.

“Hi,” she said.  “My name is Brooke, Queen of the Ewoks.  Who are you.”

“Oh, hi.  I’m Princess Laina.”

She gave me a puzzled look.  “Laina?”

I nodded.  “Yeah, have you heard of me?”

Her eyes widened.  “Heard of you?!  Laina, I’m your best friend in the world!  Remember?  Brooke… P.B…. don’t you remember me?”

I studied her.  “You don’t look the same as I remember.”

She rolled her eyes.  “That’s because I was nine when I last saw you.”

“Oh, right.”  My eyes glanced down at the fur balls.  “What did you say these guys were called?”

“Ewoks,” she replied.  “There’s Chief Chirpa, Logray, Teebo, Wicket, Paploo, and those are only the ones I know personally.  Wicket is the one who found you.”

“Just a question.  How can you get to know a fur ball anyway?”

She shrugged.  “Just hanging around them, I guess.”

          “Yeah, but how did you get to be their queen if you can’t even understand what they’re saying?”

          “Well, they kind of adopted me.  I just call myself the queen because that’s how they treat me.”

          “How did you get here anyway?”

          She sighed.  “I’m not going to bother telling you now.  Just for now, let’s say that after the incident with all of those Hutts and my family got banned from Alderaan, we ended up here and I got left behind.”

Most of the Ewoks had left by now.  The ones who hadn’t surrounded me and led me off to a small hut.  P.B. left to go with some of the hunters to check the traps.

A little while later, I heard some drums beating outside my hut and went out to see what was going on.

The first thing I noticed was C-3PO sitting on a throne.  He didn’t see me and said, “I’m rather embarrassed, General Solo, but it appears you are to be the main course at a banquet in my honor.”

          I cracked up.  The Royal Pain-in-the-Butt was sentenced to be eaten again.  How many times would this happen?  I didn’t believe it until I saw him.  There, tied on a pole, was Han.  The Ewoks were pilling wood under him.  Luke and Chewie were on poles leaning against a nearby tree.  Han and Luke saw me and yelled, “Laina!”

          I smiled sweetly, and then I snickered as the woodpile got higher and higher.

            Then I realized; Han would be a very nasty tasting main course. I stuck my tongue out and made a gagging noise.  “C-3PO,” I yelled. “Tell the Ewoks to let them go!  I don’t want to eat them!”

          I heard a noise behind me and saw P.B. coming out of a different hut with a bunch of Ewoks surrounding her.  She looked surprised to see the Ewoks preparing dinner.

          “It’s kind of early,” she commented, looking at the sky. “Usually we don’t eat until the sun goes down.”

          I shrugged.  “Some kind of banquet.” I gagged again.  “Everyone I know except you will be the food.  It’s kind of funny though.”

          P.B. wasn’t listening to me.  She was looking with disgust at the Royal Idioticness.  Slowly she said, “Is that the ugly person you were talking about?”

          “Oh, yeah.  That’s Han.”  P.B. tried to hide a snicker.

          Han shook his head.  “Oh no.  Now there are two of you.  This is a perfect death present.”

          “Yes, we are perfect,” P.B. snapped. “Is your brain too dense to figure that out?”

          Then I remembered what I was trying to do: get them free.  I turned to C-3PO again.  “Are you deaf?  I thought I told you to tell the Ewoks to let the idiots go!”

          C-3PO nodded stupidly and talked to Chief Chirpa and Logray, who shook their heads.  Chirpa motioned to some other Ewoks, and the woodpile underneath Han got bigger.

          Luke let out a sigh and said, “Tell them that if they don’t do as you tell them, you will become angry and use your magic.”

          “But, Master Luke, what magic?  I couldn’t possibly…”

          “Just do it!” Han, Luke, P.B. and I yelled.

          He started chattering to the Ewoks.  A few of them looked disturbed, but Logray stepped forward and challenged him.

          “See, Master Luke; they didn’t believe me.  Just…” His throne started to float slowly off the ground.  “…as I said they wouldn’t.  Wha-what’s happening?  Oh, oh dear.  Oh!”  P.B. nudged me and raised an eyebrow. I snickered, while C-3PO continued to call out.  “Put me down!  Help!  Master Luke!  R2!  Somebody, somebody, help!  Master Luke! R2, quickly!  Do something, somebody!  Oh!”

          Chief Chirpa yelled some orders to the cowering Ewoks.  They rushed up and release Han, Luke, and Chewie.  Luke then noticed that C-3PO was spinning around, and lowered him slowly to the ground.

          “Oh, oh, oh, oh, thank goodness!”  C-3PO said, getting over his panic attack.

          Luke grinned.  “Thanks.”

          “I… I never knew I had it in me.”

          I glanced over at P.B.  She was being tortured by the endlessly boring (and pointless) speeches of Han.  I walked over and said, “Leave her alone.  She isn’t used to your stupidity.” I turned to P.B. “Don’t get too creeped out by him.”

          She shook her head slightly.  “It’s okay.  I see his mouth moving, but all I hear is ‘Blah, blah, blah’.”

          I laughed.  “Unfortunately, that’s not the case with me.  I can hear every word of what he says, and it’s not pleasant.”

          I suddenly burst out laughing.  “P.B.,” I said when we were out of earshot of Han. “Please do me a favor.”

          “Sure. What?”

          I laughed slightly again.  “Don’t ever, EVER make Han scream.  Please.”

          She started to laugh.  “Why?”

          “Do you really want to find out?  I don’t think you do.”  I shrugged.  “But it’s your choice.”

          She nodded slowly.  “I think I’ll just take your word for it.”  Then she whispered.  “Is it funny?”

          “Depends on how you hear it.  If you don’t mind loud, high-pitched noises, then it’s very funny.”

          She put her hand over her mouth, trying to suppress a giggle.  “I knew he had problems.” 

          An Ewok ran over and dragged P.B. toward one of the huts.  I sat down on a log and looked around at the village.  There was something about it that made me like it, even though it wasn’t anything like what I was used to.  I was used to places like Cloud City, or the mansion I used to live in on Alderaan before it got blown up.

          Then I became aware of Han sitting down next to me on the log.  “What do you want?”

          He shrugged. “Nothing.  You just looked kind of bored.”  When I didn’t answer, he said, “I’ve been thinking about my life up until now.  It seems like I’ve never had a time where everything in my life was normal.  I guess it’s normal to me though.

          “Most of the excitement didn’t start until a Wookie named Dewlanna started raising me.  I was a slave in a way, and Dewlanna was the only one who was allowed to treat me nicely.  Then one day, I tried to escape and…”

          Oh no, not a life story.  I groaned and tuned out his incessant, boring, and pointless chatter, until a name stood out that I recognized: Bria Tharen.

          “Bria Tharen?!” I exclaimed.  “You knew her?”

          “Yeah, I showed her how the Exultation was fake.  She was really involved in that thing.”

          “So you’re the one who caused her to return to Alderaan.” I shook my head. “Of course, I should’ve known you would’ve done that.”

          “Was she one of your friends?”

          My eyes widened. “Of course not! We’ve been bitter enemies since as long as I can remember.  She was a rotten little brat.  All she ever wanted to do was impress P.B.’s idiotic, criminal brother Marcus.  Yeah, you really ruined my life making her come back.” 

          “I was trying to help her, since she was my girlfriend…”

          “YOUR GIRLFRIEND?!!!”  I exploded with laughter.  I should’ve known just by the fact that he mentioned her.  Now that I thought about it, they were the perfect match: a brat and a pain in the butt. 

          My laughter attracted the attention of P.B.  She came running out of the hut, with dozens of Ewoks following her.

          “What’s going on?” she asked.

          I stopped laughing for a second to say, “Do you remember Bria?”  She nodded and I continued. “Remember how she said after she got back from the Exultation that she had dumped Marcus for another guy?” She nodded again.  “Well, the other guy was Han!”

          P.B. was silent for a second.  Then a smirk began to creep over her face.  She looked at Han and just let it out. 

          We were both howling with laughter and the Ewoks were staring at us as if we were nuts.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Han glaring at both of us.

          After the laughing subsided into a few giggles, Han tried to defend himself. “I don’t love her anymore.”

          “That’s one thing I have to give you credit for then.” P.B. gave Han one last smirk and strolled back to the hut, with the Ewoks trailing close behind.

          “That was really uncalled for,” Han told me with another glare.  “I bet you’ve done some dumb things in your life.”

          “Princess and dumb just don’t go together,” I explained.  “A princess cannot be dumb.  It is impossible.  It just doesn’t happen.”

          Han gave me an irritated look and said, “You know, arguing with you is just as bad as if I was to bang my head on a wall; it’s noisy, painful, and pointless.”

          “Should I take that as a complement or an insult?” I asked.  I rolled my eyes in disgust. “Anyway, do you want to know what happened to the Brat?  She got blown up with the rest of Alderaan.  I know for a fact because I did get an invitation,” I gave him a devilish grin, “to her wedding which was going to be on the same day.”  I was lying about the wedding, but I knew it would get him riled up.

          I could see the fury building up inside of him as he said, “I… I don’t love her anymore.”

          “Yeah, yeah, making excuses.  You know you don’t need to.  We already know that the Brat was the love of your life.  You don’t need to hide it.”

          “This isn’t a joke!  I don’t love her!  Are you even listening to me?!” he yelled.  Then he mumbled something under his breath.

          “What did you just say?” I demanded.

          “Nothing of any interest to you.”

          I raised an eyebrow.  “Sure.  You probably just awarded me with a rude name, didn’t you.”

          “Actually, I didn’t, but that would be a good idea.”  He watched as an Ewok ran toward us and started jabbering away at us.  Then it motioned us to come with it.

          “What’s going on?” Han asked.

I shrugged and followed the Ewok to a large hut in the middle of the village.  P.B. was already sitting inside, with all the Ewoks surrounding C-3PO.  Luke was sitting near Chief Chirpa, who was making a small speech to some of the other Ewoks.  I sat down next to P.B., and asked, “What’s all this about?”

“I believe C-3PO is going to tell them a story or something.” She shrugged. “I can’t imagine about what.”

I shared a confused look with Han, who then pointed as Wicket came and sat down next to me.

“I guess he likes you, although I wouldn’t see why,” Han whispered to me.

I turned to him. “What suddenly caused you to start treating me like crap?” I smirked. “And if you are so against Wicket sitting next to me, then why are you doing the same thing.”

He held his hands up in mock surrender.  “You’re right, your highness.  I am too lowly to be within a thousand feet of you.”  He scooted a couple feet away from me.

I rolled my eyes.  “That’s not what I meant.  I was just commenting that you were being a hypocrite, that’s all.”

He opened his mouth to make a comeback, but was cut off by C-3PO starting the story. 

Most of it I couldn’t understand, but every once in a while, he would say something I could understand, like “Princess Laina”, “Darth Vader”, “Death Star”, and other things like that.  He also made sound effects, which were amazingly realistic.

At the end of the story (which I figured out was the story of the war against the Empire), Chief Chirpa and some of the other Ewok elders stood and made an announcement.  Some Ewoks started banging on drums and the others stood and cheered.

Han tapped me on the shoulder. “What’s going on?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

C-3PO waved his arms wildly and said, “Wonderful!  We are part of the tribe now.”

I stood up and Wicket climbed on my shoulders and started hugging me.  Teebo ran over and clung to Han’s leg.

P.B. grinned and said, “That’s exactly what happened to me when I came here.  Except I didn’t have the means of figuring out what they were doing.”

Chewie made a small growl and Han replied, “Well, I guess short help is better then no help at all.” He looked at Teebo and said, “Thanks… okay… you can let go of me now… um…”

C-3PO tapped Han on the shoulder.  “He says that the scouts are going to show us the quickest way to the generator.

I glanced around to see how Luke was taking all of this.  I noticed him near the back of the hut leaving to go outside.  I lowered Wicket down to the ground and followed Luke out the door, while Han was droning on and on in the background: “Good.  How far is it?  Ask him.  We need some fresh supplies, too.  And try and get our weapons back.  And hurry up, will ya?  I haven’t got all day.”

Outside of the hut, I found Luke looking up sadly at the Death Star.  I came up behind him and said, “What’s wrong with you?  You just aren’t yourself today.”

He turned and looked at me for a few seconds before answering, and even then he didn’t answer my question.  He said, “Laina, do you remember your mother?  Your real one, I mean.”

My eyes widened.  It was one of my biggest secrets.  I had never told anyone.  You see, my real parents died when I was really young.  Then Senator Organa (he’s not really my dad, in case you didn’t figure it out) adopted me.  In that I became a princess.  So I’m not really a princess by birth.  I had kept this a secret, because people might not think I deserved the job, and they might decide to take away my rights as royalty.

“How did you know that?” I asked.

He again didn’t answer. “Do you remember her?”

I sighed. “Just a little bit.  She died when I was very young.”

“What do you remember?”

I shrugged. “I guess just images and feelings.”

“Tell me.”

“Gosh, you’re nosy…” I sighed again. “Well, she was very beautiful, and kind.  But she always very sad…” I looked up at him.  “Why are you asking me this?”

“I have no memory of my mother.  I never knew her.”

I groaned.  “Look, if all you’re doing right now is having a pity party for yourself, I’m going back inside.  All that stuff… is past us.  We need to concentrate on now, because we can’t change what’s in the past.”

“Vader is here.  Right now, on this moon.”

“What?!  How do you know?”

“I can feel his presence.  He has come for me.  He can feel when I’m near.  That’s why I have to go.”  He looked away. “I’m endangering the mission if I am here.  I must face him.”

“But why do you have to face him?  That’s just…”

“Laina, he’s my father,” Luke interrupted.

“Oh, well, I guess that answers why you’re so… um… dorky.”

He laughed slightly, and then got serious again. “That’s not all.  It won’t be easy for you to hear this, but if I don’t make it back, you’re the only hope for the Alliance.”

“What?  You thought that would disturb me?  You don’t know how big of a favor you’ve done.  Because that means that I don’t have to listen to stupid Han.  He can’t control me now.” I grinned, then suddenly stopped. “But, you… you have a weird power… that I just don’t have.”

“You’re wrong, Laina.  You’ve got that power too.  You’ll learn to use it in time.  You see, the Force is strong in my family.  My father has it… I have it… and… my sister has it.”

I stared at him.  Was he saying that I was his sister?

It was as if he could read my mind. “Yes, Laina.  It’s you.”

“Wait a second.  Are you saying that I come from a family of powerful dorks and losers?!”

“It’s not so bad.  I have to go confront Vader because I know there’s good in him.  I can try to turn him back to the good side.  I have to try.”

          As he started walking away, I called after him, “Luke.”

          He turned around. “Yes?”

          I smiled. “Good luck.”

          He smiled back and then disappeared into the night.  I kept looking in the direction that he left for the longest time until I heard a voice behind me.  “Hey, what’s going on?”

          I turned around to see Han standing there. “Nothing.  Just leave me alone.”

          “Nothing?  Come on, tell me.  What’s going on?”

          “Look, if I could tell anyone, you would be the last person to know.”

          “Did you tell Luke?” he asked angrily.

          “That’s none of your business.” Why would he have cared anyway?

          He gave me an angry look and stomped off to the hut.  About halfway there, he turned back around.  “I’m sorry.”

          “What’s there to be sorry about?” I asked.  He didn’t answer.  I shrugged and walked toward my hut.

          P.B. was already there, with a few Ewoks getting things ready for me.  When they saw me, they all ran over and started chattering away as if I could understand them. 

          P.B. yawned.  “Well, I’m going to bed.  If you need anything just come get me.”

          I nodded and the Ewoks led me over to a chair.  I sat down and they started combing my hair.  I closed my eyes, thinking I could maybe stay awake for a while if I could just get a little rest…

 

 

Day 61

 

          I woke up and I was still in the chair.  I reached up to run my fingers through my hair.  I was shocked.  The Ewoks had put my hair in some strange, yet elaborate, style.

          I ran into P.B.’s room and asked, “Does this look weird?”

          She studied it for a second.  “It’s not exactly you, but it looks fine.”

          I went back into my room and saw Han standing there.  When he finally noticed me, his eyes widened. “What happened to you?”

          I glared at him.  “The Ewoks did it.”

          “Well, it’s not bad, but it’s just that you normally don’t do anything with your hair and…”

          I interrupted him. “Okay, I get the picture.  So why did you come in here in the first place.”

          “Oh, yeah.  Wicket and Paploo are going to take us to the shield generator, so you’d better be ready fast.”  I nodded and he left.

          A few minutes later, Han, Chewie, Wicket, Paploo, C-3PO, R2-D2, and I were all on the ridge overlooking the shield generator.  I studied it for a moment. “The main entrance to the control bunker is on the other side of that landing platform.” I groaned. “Why did I volunteer for this?”

          Han nudged me. “Hey, don’t worry.  Chewie and me got into a lot of places more heavily guarded then this.  We’ll be fine.”

          Wicket and Paploo started chattering away to C-3PO, who finally told us, “There’s a secret entrance on the other edge of the ridge.”

          “Come on, let’s go.”

          We made our way to the other edge, where we met up with the rest of the strike team.  From the edge, we could see four Imperial scouts guarding the bunker entry. 

          Chewie growled something to Han, who replied, “Back door huh? Good idea.  There’s only a few guards.  This shouldn’t be too much trouble.”

          I shrugged. “Well, it only takes one of the little idiots to sound the alarm.”

          He gave me a self-confident grin. “Then we’ll do it real quiet-like.”

          I rolled my eyes.  “If you stay behind, then just maybe we’ll be able to do that.”

          “Oh!  Oh my!  Uh, Princess Laina!”

          I turned around to glare at the droid. “Shut up!”

          “I’m afraid our furry companion has gone and done something rather rash.”

          I whipped my head around to see Paploo crawling through the underbrush toward the Imperial scouts.  “Oh no.”

          The little fuzz ball climbed on a speeder bike and started fiddling with the controls.  The bike’s engine started up with a roar and the Imperial scouts jumped up in surprise.

          Han sighed.  “There goes our surprise attack.”

          Paploo continued flipping switches until suddenly the bike took off into the woods.

          “Look over there! Stop him!” One of the scouts yelled as his other three companions jumped up on their speeder bikes and took off after Paploo.

          Han grinned. “Not bad for a little fur ball.  Now there’s only one left.  Chewie and I will take care of this.  You stay here.”

          I watched as Han sneaked up behind the scout and tapped him on the shoulder.  The scout turned around and chased him to the ridge where we were waiting for him.  A few of the other members of the strike team led the scout off to keep him hostage.

          The rest of us silently walked back to the front of the bunker, where Han tapped out a code on the control panel.  We hid, out of sight as the doors opened.  We waited for someone to come out, but nothing came.  Slowly Han and I peeked inside.  There was no one there.  We exchanged shrugs and continued in.

          We stormed through a door and entered the main control room, where we took the rest of the idiots hostage.  I glanced over at a screen then yelled, “Hurry up!  A fleet’s going to be here any minute now.”

          Han ignored me and shouted to Chewie, “Charges! Come on, come on!”

          “Freeze, you rebel scum!”

          Han and I spun around to see a huge group of Imperial idiots surrounding us, with more and more pouring in.  They took away our weapons and led us outside the shield generator.

          The once deserted area was now filled with Imperial walkers and hundreds of stupid S.T.s.

          A S.T. prodded me with his weapon.  “All right, move it!  I said move it!  Go on!”

          I turned around to face him. “Shut up!”

          The S.T. behind me put its hands up in protest and whined, “Like, don’t yell at me!  I didn’t, like, do anything!”

          My mouth dropped open.  “You’re… you’re a girl?”

          She nodded.  “Yeah.  But I mean, like, you can’t really tell us apart, with these dumb uniforms and all.”

          “I thought the Empire never hired, or recruited, any women.” I rolled my eyes.  “And I was the only female senator they ever had.”

          “Well, they, like, decided to change that.  They are finding that, like, most people think that they, like, are discriminating against women and aliens, seeing that they, like, never used to recruit them.  So, like, they decided to change that.”

          I groaned in my head.  “I heard you the first time,” I informed her.

          She was silent for a second.  “Hey, do you, like, wanna be friends?”

          “I don’t think that would be such a good idea.  Number one, you’re my enemy right now.  Number two, you’re just way too ditzy for me to get along with.”

          “Oh… like, okay.”

          Suddenly from the undergrowth, we heard beeps, whistles, and “Hello!  I say, over there!  Are you looking for me?”

          One of the commanders yelled at some S.T.s standing nearby, “Bring those two down here.”

          I groaned, and then muttered to Han, “Of course, they were really our only hope.  They could have gone gotten help, but they’re too stupid…”

          Han grinned and whispered back, “I think they have a plan.”

          I was skeptical, until a heard a loud Ewok call.  Then thousands of Ewoks jumped out from hiding and started to overpower some of the S.T.s.  While some of the other Imperial troops ran off to get on board the walkers, Han and I broke free of the S.T.s who were still guarding us and we ran over to the bunker entrance, which was closed again.  Han punched in the code, but the door wouldn’t open.

          “Why won’t it open?” Han asked himself obliviously.

          “Use the microscopic bit of sense that you do have, idiot!”  I yelled.  He stared at me, confused.  I groaned.  “The code is changed!  Can’t you figure out something on your own?”

          “Well, then get R2!”

          I picked up my comlink. “R2, where are you?  Get to the bunker, now!”

          I watched in disgust as the droids make their way slowly across the field.  Why were droids always the most bothersome thing in the entire universe?  Couldn’t those stupid droid manufacturers give them a speed up button or something?

          Obviously Han was a little impatient with them too, because he kept yelling, “Come on!  Come on!”

          When they (finally) got there, R2 rushed over to the terminal.  He was about to put his computer arm in, but suddenly an explosion near him caused him to flip around.  With a loud bang, all of his compartment doors opened and all his little appendages shot out.

          “My goodness!  R2, why did you have to be so brave?”

          Han sighed. “Well, I guess I could hotwire the thing.”

          “You do that.  I’m in the mood to destroy some S.T. butt…”

          I kept firing at the S.T.s until I heard from behind, “Hey!  I think I got it…”

          I looked back as a second door crashed down in front of the first one.

          “Or maybe not…” Han turned back to the wires again.  I rolled my eyes.

Suddenly, before I could hide, a stupid S.T.’s laser blast hit me on the shoulder.  I grabbed my arm (which was in great pain), as C-3PO cried out, “Oh, Princess Laina, are you all right?”

          Han stopped messing with the wires and leaned down, looking at my arm. “Let me see.”

          I turned my head the other way and tried to get away from him. “It’s not that bad.”

          He pulled my hand away from the wound.  “What do you mean?  It is bad.”

          “It doesn’t hurt…”

          “Like, freeze!!”

          I glanced over Han’s shoulder to see the girl S.T. standing there with her weapon aimed at Han’s head.  

          “Like, don’t move!” she commanded, moving closer.

          I slowly picked up my laser gun and held it behind Han, where the S.T. couldn’t see it.  Han watched then shook his head and grinned as he said, “I hate you.”

          My eyes widened.  “Really?”

          He shook his head and looked away. “That’s not what I meant to say. What I meant to say was…”

          “Well, that’s a relief!  For a while there I thought you LOVED me or something.  I’m glad to know that I was wrong.”

          He looked back at me, and said, “Yeah…”

          “Like, hand’s up!  Like, stand up!  Oh I, like, hate this job.  It’s so, like, stupid.”

          I glared.  Couldn’t that girl ever shut up?

          Han stood up slowly, revealing the laser gun in my hand.  In a split second, the S.T. fell to her feet yelling, “Like, ouch!” 

I sighed.  “I didn’t really want to do that.  Maybe we can treat her, since I only shot her in the leg.”

Han shrugged and spun back around to try to give my arm a temporary treatment until we got back to the village, but was interrupted by a noise.  Slowly he looked up and saw an Imperial walker.

          He motioned to me. “Stay back.”

          I watched as the top hatch of the walker opened up.  Chewie climbed out and made a triumphant growl.

          “Chewie!  Get down here!  Laina’s wounded!”

          “Wait!” I yelled.  “I have an idea.”

          They both looked at me as I said, “We can use that thing to get them to open the doors.”

          “How?”

          “You can pretend that you’re the pilot on it and say… that… well, just say something that will cause them to come out.  Then the rest of us will take more captives.”

          Han grinned. “That might work.”  Then he frowned. “But wouldn’t they recognize that I wasn’t one of their pilots?”

          “There’s always a lot of interference on Imperial vehicles.  You’ve gotta remember:  I know these things because I used to be a member of the Imperial Senate.”

          “Chewie!” he yelled. “Go get the rest of the team.  Wait right by the bunker with them.  And make sure your weapons are loaded.”

          I picked up my laser gun (my arm wasn’t hurting as bad now) and stood, waiting for the rest of the strike team to arrive. 

          Just as soon as they did, the bunker doors opened and all the controllers rushed out.  They looked surprised to see us, but they were even more surprised when a bunch of Ewoks and P.B. jumped down from the roof with bows and arrows in their hands.

          Then suddenly, an Ewok’s arrow accidentally flew toward one of the controllers.  It hit him and his weapon fired.  The laser flew right past me and hit Han. 

          Most of the strike team had already left, taking the controllers with them.  The ones who hadn’t left, rushed over to see if Han was okay. 

          I got over to him just as he was saying, “Someone needs to put the charges in there.”

          “I’ll do it,” I said.  “P.B. and I will.”

          “You can’t do it!”

          “And why not?” I questioned.

          He didn’t have an answer.  He looked at me for a second then said, “Oh all right, go ahead.”

          “P.B., get some charges and come with me!” I yelled while rushing into the bunker.

          A few other members of the strike team came in with me and helped me place charges on all the control panels.  After they were all in place I made sure the rest of the team was out before I ran out and got away just as the generator exploded right behind me.

          P.B. and I stopped and looked back at the explosion.  She grinned and said, “I don’t remember seeing something that spectacular since the time when the swamp moon was blown up.”

          “If only you would hang around me more.  Then you’d see stuff like that every day.”

          We slowly walked back to the village talking about what had happened when her family had been sent away from Alderaan.  She said that they had stopped here for a while, and she had been left here on accident.  She thought it was no accident and that her parents had wanted to save her from having to have a hard life and took the chances of leaving her.  The Ewoks had eventually discovered her and they ‘adopted’ her and she had lived with them ever since.

          When we finally arrived at the village, almost everyone was watching the battle in the sky.  The laser fire was so intense, that it lit up the sky as if it was daytime.

          I nudged P.B.  “See what I mean?”

          She nodded then rushed off to get a better view.

          Suddenly the Death Star exploded and everyone let out a big cheer.  I stared up at the explosion.  Han looked down at me and said, “I’m sure Luke wasn’t on that thing when it blew.”

          I took my eyes away from the exploding Death Star and said, “He wasn’t.”

          He shook his head and asked me, “You love him, don’t you.”

          I shrugged. “Well, I guess I should seeing that-”

          “All right. I understand.” Han interrupted. “When he comes back, I won’t get in the way.”

          I started laughing. “You idiot!”

          He gave me a puzzled look.  I continued laughing. “I don’t love him like THAT!  That would be wrong…”

          “What do you mean?”

          “He’s my brother!” My laughter subsided a little when I asked, “But how would you get in the way?  I mean you hate me…”

          He rolled his eyes. “I don’t hate you.”

          I started laughing again.  “Hey, you know, that’s a good one.  You should remember that…” I noticed the serious expression on his face.  Either he was really good at keeping a straight face, or it was something else.

          I gave him a weak laugh.  “You are joking… right?”

          “No, I’m not joking.”

          “Well, you mean that you don’t really have an opinion of me.  I’m just here and you deal with it… right?” I was starting to get worried.

          “Oh, no.  I have an opinion of you.”

          I gave him another weak laugh. “What’s your opinion?”

          “Well, you hate me.  Correct?”

          I nodded. “Yeah.”

          “You hate me because of the way I act.  Right?”

          I nodded. “Right.”

          “Then why don’t you hate yourself?”

          Did I mishear him?  “Excuse me?”

          “My opinion of you is that I think you act just like me most of the time.”

          My mouth dropped open.  “I do not act like you! What makes you think I would stoop to that level?”

          “See.  I think I’m better then most everyone, and so do you.”

          “I don’t act like I’m better then everyone!”

          “There’s another example.  We both always insist we’re right.  Whenever I’m right, you never admit it, and whenever you’re right, I don’t admit it either.”

          “You’re never right!”

          He groaned.  “You always argue with me, I always argue with you.  You’re stubborn, I’m stubborn.  You like being in control, and so do I.  I could go on and on forever about how alike we are.”

          “I’d die if I were anything like you.”

          He shrugged. “Then go ahead and die.” With that, he walked off to wait for everyone to come back from the battle.

          I was irritated.  What right did he have to say that I, of all people, was like him?  If I was anything like him, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.  I’d go completely insane and probably explode.

          I slowly walked to the center of the village.  Well, maybe it’s true that I do like to be in control, but doesn’t everyone?  And I deserve to be in control.  I don’t constantly do stupid things that endanger people’s lives…

          “Laina!”

          I glanced back and saw Luke running up.  I smiled as he caught up to me.  He stopped to catch his breath. “I’m sorry.  I accidentally misled you.”

          “What do you mean?”

          “I thought I was your brother, but I’m not.”

          I smiled.  “Well, that’s good.  No offence, but being related to a dork isn’t exactly a good thing.”

          “There’s more.  I know who your real brother is.”

          “Really?!  Who is it?”

          “You won’t be happy to hear this…”

          I rolled my eyes.  “Whenever you think I won’t be happy to hear something, I usually am.”

          “Well, this time I know you won’t be…”

          I laughed.  “Yeah right.  Just tell me; who is it?”

          “You’ll probably kill me…”

          “I’m going to kill you anyway if you don’t tell me!!!” I yelled.

          He thought for a second.  “How about I just tell you your real name?”

          I groaned.  “Fine!  Just spit it out!”

          He grinned.  “Your real name is Laina Solo.”

          I stumbled backwards a few feet.  Did I hear him correctly?  Probably not.  I laughed and said, “I must be crazy.  I thought you just said that Han was my brother.  I’m really going nuts.”

          “But he is your brother.”

          I don’t exactly know what happened after that.  I probably passed out, or more likely had a heart attack.  All I know is that I found myself in an Ewok hut, with everyone standing over me.

          “Are… are you all right?” P.B. asked in a shaky voice.

          I opened my mouth to say no, but nothing came out.

          All of us looked as we heard footsteps in the doorway.  Han was standing there with an incredibly confused (and stupid) look on his face.  “What’s going on?”  He saw me.  “What’s wrong with her?”

          I was about to tell him that he was what was wrong with me, but I had suddenly had an urge to throw up, so I kept my mouth shut.

          Luke sighed and said, “Han, that’s what I need to talk to you about.”

          They both left and P.B. gave me a worried look.  “Oh, please Laina, tell me what’s wrong.”

          I shook my head really fast and she sighed.  “Please, I’m your best friend.  You have to tell me.”

          I was shaking my head incredibly fast and I couldn’t stop.  She gave me an angry look.  “I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m going to get mad if you don’t tell me.”

          I felt like my head was going to fall off.  I made a whining noise.  P.B. smiled.  “Well, that’s some progress.  Before you couldn’t even make any noise.”

          I closed my eyes and groaned.  When I opened them, Luke and Han were both looking at me.  Han smirked and said, “No wonder you’re so much like me.”

          “Will someone please tell me what’s going on,” P.B. pleaded.

          Han’s smirk got bigger. “Well, Laina and I have both found our long lost family.” He lightly punched my arm.  “Right Laina?”

          I gave him the evil eye as P.B. started being sympathetic.  “Oh, Laina.  I’m so sorry… I… I wish this didn’t have to happen to you.”

          “SHUT UP!!!” I yelled.  I jumped up and addressed everyone there.  “Look you people are just making it worse!  I don’t care whether or not he’s my brother.  I still hate him more then any of you could imagine.”

          P.B. smiled.  “You’re back to normal!”

          “What?!  I’ll never be normal ever again!  I come from a family of dumb people.  If you were me, could you ever lead a normal life?  I don’t think so!”

          “Listen sister,” Han said, putting an arm on my shoulder.  “I think maybe we should catch up on family history, so we both understand some things about each other.”

          “I’d rather not.”

          He shrugged. “Well you’d better get used to me being around, because I’m gonna make sure nothing hurts my sister now that I’m reunited with her.”

          “How reassuring,” I said sarcastically.

          “Come on, you should show a little bit of gratitude.  There are thousands of people out there who would love to have me protecting them.”

          “I shudder at the thought…”

          He started leading me away from the group.  “Hey, if you don’t want to know anything about me, then why don’t you tell me about yourself.”

          I shook my head.  “No, that would take too long.  Even I can’t talk THAT much.”  I sighed. “You go ahead, I’ll have to hear it eventually, so why not just get it over with?”

          He smiled.  “Good point.”

          I didn’t completely listen, because I was trying to think over the past days.  It was probably the time in my life that I would never forget, even though they were most likely the worst days of my life.

          After he was done with his life story, we joined the party that the Ewoks had set up.  There was a big bonfire, and I was hanging around it for a while.  That was until Luke told me that it actually was Darth Vader being cremated.  Then I kept my distance.

          Everyone was extremely cheerful; I don’t think there was a single person in the crowd who wasn’t smiling, or at least grinning evilly.

          But probably the happiest person there was Han.  From what I did catch of his life, his parents had abandoned him (and obviously had abandoned me too) and this was the first time that he had ever had anyone to call family.

          Okay, so I don’t exactly like the idea of being related to him.  It’s scary, and always will be.  Although, the good thing is that no matter what my name is, I’m still the same Princess Laina.

          And nothing can change that.