| Sickness is running rampant through my senior class. Kids are just dropping like flies. Last week alone, my economics teacher was down twelve students. And it�s getting worse. As the absentee list grows, we are all faced with a monumental problem. Worse than the flu, more contagious than the common cold, Senioritis has struck. The symptoms are varied, ranging from an overdeveloped passion for hackey-sack, to handing in French papers with stick figures in berets, instead of verbs, on it. Even the yearbook staff had to break up a brawl over the Worst Case of Senioritis superlative this fall. Colleges make the fatal mistake of accepting applications in the winter of senior year. After the first semester, it�s all down hill. Suddenly, the top question in our young senior�s mind shifts from �Ithaca or Colgate?� to �Do I have a prom date?� The same student who dutifully memorized their Hamlet monologue in October now uses their copy of A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man to prop their alarm clock up so he doesn�t have to actually move his head while looking at the time. Once excellent note takers refine their doodling, while the class over-achiever begins to drop courses like kidney stones. Victims of Senioritis can be found in a variety of places. It�s not unusual to see them hovering around the school parking lot, bragging about the new speeding ticket they just received. However, I must warn you, don�t make the assumption that they�re ever on time to school. They�re not. Local diners are often infested with them by midnight, fresh out of a movie they paid eight and a quarter to see. Without the college application breathing down their necks, sufferers of Senioritis lack the motivation to attend their pet activities. After winning the cut-throat battle for debate club treasurer, watch the officer�s interest in the club rapidly decline during the fall. Exam dates cease to have meaning when the senior decides that they would rather stay home with a large bowl of ramen and a copy of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, fresh on DVD. Take it from me, folks, Senioritis is not pretty. If you see a suffering senior, there are a few important steps you can take that just may save them. First, ask them for their SAT scores. Try to remind them what college they are planning on attending, and inquire about their future major. If they are incoherent, don�t panic; this is a mere side effect resulting from over exposure to fast food. In the event of an emergency, stay calm. A senior worked into a Senioritis frenzy can be a safety hazard to others. Dangerous activities such as Senior Skip Day and even Senior Skip Week can occur. Don�t let Senioritis happen to your loved ones. It�s your responsibility to protect them from the harsh realities of senior year. Believe me, they�ll thank you when they�re older. |
| Senioritis Lindsay Kaplan |