Decisions, decisions...

     A college warning to all underclassmen: Contrary to popular belief, you should never make the mistake of choosing your college based on academic rigor. What the guidance counselors often hide from students is that the college breakdown is much simpler than grades alone. The college breakdown actually has little to do with SATs, class rank, or even your writing ability. Just make sure you choose correctly.
      The jerseys, the pom-poms, the packed stadium, the empty classrooms. All the classic signs of the jock infested division one university known as the Ra-Ra University. Complete with twenty-seven playing fields, four indoor pools, and a track the size of most liberal arts schools, the Ra-Ra School is nothing short of spectacular. Sure, the dorms are overflowing. Who cares if your professor can�t distinguish you from the other three hundred freshman in your Intro to Pysch class. At Ra-Ra U, school spirit comes first.
      Three computers (and .03) girls for every boy. A haven for internet addicts, the Techie School is primarily made up of wires, charts, and souped up PCs. The average Tech School has more webpages than a Yahoo! Search for �Britney Spears.� If you�re computer savvy and have the hardware to prove it, this might be the college for you. Techie Schools are usually easy to identify by their names alone. If you spot a school with the letters I-T or P-I at the end of its abbreviation, you can be sure you�ve come in full contact with one.
     It�s small, it�s wooded, and it�s full of polka-dotted-stocking-wearing accordion players on their way back from a lecture on oppressed emotional turmoil in Africa. Known for it�s �eclectic� student body, the Pseudo-Intellectual College is actually more eccentric than anything else. Leave your expectations at the door�this school will try to, and succeed, in knocking your polka-dotted socks off. While hackeysack isn�t the only sport these schools offer, it�s the only socially acceptable one. If you�re a regular at the local coffee house on open mike night, consider yourself a shoe-in.
     Some students graduate high school searching for another four years of a safe, sheltered environment. Cozy dorms and Tiffany�s jewelry are the staples of the Elite University. Usually within a safe two-hour drive (in a graduation gift SUV) from Mom, this ritzy college specializes in supporting the students� work in the classroom while maximizing their annual credit card allowance. Although not required, a trust fund appears to be a necessity when socializing at the Elite University, as well as the knowledge of just how old your old money is.
     Although breaking down potential colleges into categories certainly helps, the selection process is quite tricky. The best way to get through it is by picking five schools at random from a hat, pinning them to a dart board, and finding yourself a blindfold and a stroke of luck.