Perception

Parable of my Life

I live in a world underwater. As a baby, I started at the top of the ocean with little-to-no pressure. As I grew older, I traveled lower and lower. I learned inadvertently to like going deeper. The pressure was always increasing all around me. As I’m taught about the dangers of the world I live in, I hear some stories of those who get to the bottom. Those who tell us say they cannot control the world there. They are tossed into blunt rocks and pebbles bruising them on the inside. They are also thrown across sharp rocks and shards of jagged glass that tear wounds in their flesh. Everyone can see these painful wounds unlike the bruises. I learn quickly, just as my friends do, that I do not want to end up at the bottom where I have no say over my life. There are many fish willing to teach us the hardships they faced, and answers to their problems demonstrate that the bottom isn’t necessarily the end.

As I learn how to function in the society of adults a little more every day, I find the pressure keeps increasing. Although I vaguely understand that I am sinking, I have no control over my own descent. I don’t know how to go up instead of down. I don’t know of any reason to swim against the current. Eventually, I hit the bottom. Here I find it is much worse than I was ever taught. Not only are there bruises and bleeding wounds for everyone to mock as they gaze, but there are horrifying feelings. I have been angry, unfriendly, jealous, selfish and lacked self-control before; but now it seemed to suit all that I am - inside and out.

Fortunately someone kind found me in the bottom. Not only did they show me how to swim up, leading me to how I can prevent being sucked down, but they gave me knowledge of a gift. It took me a long time to understand and what it meant. When I finally saw, I felt compelled to choose it. Living in the essence of pain, suffering, and death all around, I could not help but thirst - as if in a dry desert, hunger - as if starving to death, and desire - like it was the embodiment of all I sought for this gift. When all understood was the personified death, a being greater than any I have ever known or conceived offered to take the weight of the world off me.

When I chose to accept the grace of God, I found that he pulled me to the top. Above the ocean I took my first breath of the brand new indescribable life giving air. With the weight of my world gone and my first taste of life, I came to see that I used to be dead. I was bound to the forces waiting for the guidance to this gift. Full of what I had no reason to deserve: gladness, forgiveness and healing, I start to concern myself with my life. Without notice I slip into the ocean. Not too long after I realize that I am missing the joy, acceptance, and restoration. I see all the water I have sunk beneath and figure out how to swim, back to the top where I found life. I swim with all my might and free myself from the suffocating water and in relief I take in a big swig of air.

I am refreshed again, but something is different this time. A force pulled me back into the water against my will. Many years pass as I did this. Sometimes I poke my head above the surface for a quick breath. While other times I use the extent of my intellect and swim with all my might at an angle. I learned I could stay out of the water much longer if I just swam at the right angle. However every time, with out fail, I fell back in. This battle of my will power, intellect, and perseverance, throughout it I seek the knowledge and teachings of the unimaginably strong God who pulled me out of the depths the first time. I desire strongly at first to get closer to the life, to stop falling back in, but overtime that desire, that passion dims. As if it happened at the pace of growing to old age, that craving leveled off. I became content with my gasps of life with varying length.

One day, the things I was taught to believe and decided to put my trust in led me to a teaching that I should search for fault and doubts. So I sifted over the things I thought I knew with ‘this devil’s advocate’ and found a teaching I thought was a conflict. Jesus wants us to be Holy like Him, to live above the water without falling back in. In my own experience I found this wasn’t possible - as if a chain bound my feet to the chilling water. I could not free myself no matter how hard I tried, and I tried everything conceivable. I could not become Holy. But I also believed what I learned and studied is true. Could this be so? Could this have all been some twisted chance? That I could experience the freedoms for this long, while only trusting in an intricate sham?

I refused to believe my own experiences were a lie. I refused that my intellect could allow me to uncover this presumable collaboration. So, admitting that I don’t understand I ask God, “am I to be holy. Is it possible to be free from the force?” His answer can’t be fully described by words. As if I was a simpleton before, He allowed me to conceive many new things. He brought to light the necessary scriptures I had known of. He showed me that I truly was ultimately deceiving myself.

Like a flashlight shining on a path I hadn’t known of, He taught me that I am not supposed to figure things out on my own and use only my own intellect and strength to break free of the water. He taught me that my entire journey, I could have saved the struggle and asked God to guide me in every detail; I didn’t have to become concerned with my life. With unconditional trust I could be much farther than I already am. If I had completely kept my concentration, intellect, actions, and trust with Him, I would’ve never fallen back into the ocean of trails. I wish I could’ve understood this lesson before experience. I wish that everything I heard that spoke of this made sense to me so I didn’t have to wait so long to be completely free.

Free from the bondage of doubt in my God, free to walk on water as if a holy being, I find the water next to the air, represents the first sin I learned; also the last sin I gave up. It appeared in my life in numerous different ways. It was pride. The further down I look, as the pressure builds are all the various misguided ways of life that pile up the deeper I went: ...sexual immorality, impure thoughts, eagerness for lustful pleasure, idolatry, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outburst of anger, selfishness, thinking anyone but my type is wrong (pride, or lack of humbleness), envy...

For the most part, people who are overcome by their sins and loose control are described as: alcoholics, compulsive liars, sex addicts, the disturbed, drug addicts, and mentally insane (which is mostly a result of strong guilt, pride and shame). There used to be a single term that described all this - demonic possession, which typically described people who were controlled by one or more sins, at times with certain side effects. After God freed me from the lack of control and results from ignorance, He filled me with His Spirit, with true life. His results are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Keeping the results of His Spirit and keeping these benefits are still my choice, but now I have a friend to help. This friend never leaves me; He is in every thought with m conscience. This is the journey of a Christian. This is my journey so far. I have more to learn, more to be taught. This isn’t the end of my story.

Matt (7:6), John (1:13, 8:31, 32, 15:26, 16:9, 25, 17:17, 19), 1 Thes. (3:13), 1 Peter (1:16), Rev. (22:11)