A Child is Born       What would a mind think before it learns to distinguish sounds, feelings, and other senses? In the mind of an infant I am snuggled up in a ball, floating effortlessly in my mother’s womb. I slowly become aware of my own existence. Tunes of a peaceful rhythmic pulsing are my mother’s heart resonating in the womb and the first thing my mind knows. The steady pulse that calms my nerves one day races frantically. Frightened, I twist and jostle my body scared by what has aroused my mother.  Soon she calms down and I slip out of tension. Her voice is the next thing I become aware of. Like the lush embrace of a blanket, her voice is a captivating aroma that brings me soothing excitement. My every waking moment is spent anticipating her music. Her voice wakes me and in exuberance of joy I kick for my first time. “Wow” I thought. This felt exhilarating. I kept kicking unable to get enough. Unfortunately I quickly became tired and fell asleep.   The next time I wake, I listen intently for her voice. Much time passes only hearing her heart beat so I grow to be anxious. I can’t wait any longer for this entertainment. I kick and squirm as much as possible in unquenchable eagerness. Still sore from my last excursion, I am overjoyed with relief when again I hear that stream of sensation as it envelops me, warming my body. Her voice tickles my ear with excitement. Straining to refuse exhaustion its right to rest, I try to catch every enjoyable word of her enchantingly soothing song. I diffuse unknowingly out of consciousness, rest made victor over desire.   Onetime long in my future while sound asleep, I am shockingly startled awake. The embracing cradle in my mothers womb loosens its’ grip and her heart sores into action. As it grows weaker, I begin to noticeably feel the rhythm of her steps for the first time. As she steps, sits, then jostles about, I am struck motionless with compelling confusion, curious about what happened; so much is happening at one time. My experience as I grow weary in exhaustion is far from finished. Surging pressure pushes me from below and the heavenly embrace soon slips from my memory replaced with the first touch my skin experienced. The uniform grasp of the womb has become a painfully hard pressure on my head then sides. The top of my head soon has its warmth stolen.   This excess of intake leaves me inconsolably distraught. I feel I must sleep but I can't even take a catnap. With the support of my mothers’ womb now removed the weight of my body rest on my back. I feel lost in this new environment where I feel the sting of frigid needles. I’ve long past become terrified unable to find any comfort in my trauma. Pressure flowing from my top to bottom as I’m tossed about, I'm finally wrapped in a blanket. The terrible chill is melted away as my first sign of liberation. Peering into the storm of noise looking for my mothers’ song to console me, I am in an instant overwhelmed with excitement, joy, and peace when I hear her again. I feel the rest of sleep yet lie awake at her chest. The incomparable orchestra of her heartbeat accompanies the sweet pleasant song of each word. I snuggle up to her body for the first time and slip into slumber.   Destiny     The compassion of my mother is now a firmly established desire, time passes and I learn the trustworthy sheltering love of my Father. My Father understood what I would face. He knew some deceitful people would hate me. Like an only son he loved me more than any other, and freely gave me everything He could. Many people hated me. My Father pushes aside those who don’t like me. They are unable to realize I am the one they have been looking for. I am pure and innocent like a baby, yet they want to get into the manger and end me.   One day He tells me what I am going to do. He tells me He wants show love to everyone like He loves me, but they don’t accept it. “They deny my love, doing things against me,” He says. “They were all raised with this problem and most don't understand all the ways they hurt me. But I still love them. You are the only one who has earned my love. There are others I love like you because they try, but they are all sinners. I cannot allow them into my presence. Heaven is only paradise because there is no deceit there, no sin. So I want you to make them clean. You can pay the price for them all enduring great suffering. Those you chose will become perfect so they can enter the paradise I have prepared. You are the only one who has ever earned my love, and the only one who ever will. You are the only one who can show this kind of love to all whom I have chosen and you will be the only one who can chose who enters my paradise.”   So in prayer I say, “Father, I know your judgment is perfect. I want to show everyone the kind of pure love You have shown me. I want to die for everyone’s sins so they can know how true Your love is.” Now that He revealed His plan, I knew I would sacrifice my soul for everyone who loves my Father. Through the Holy Spirit He taught me all the scripture I would fulfill. He let me understand what was hidden from everyone else. I have completely and will fulfill the laws that were written for me and to show everyone the reason I would do this. I now understand; 'everyone has broken God’s heart. He has to do what He said because He is righteous. Sinners have to be cut off from God who is life. He loved the whole world and gave me as a sacrifice for the rest so their penalty for unrighteousness could be cleansed.'   After I fulfilled the scriptures up to the time of my suffering, He let me know it was time, then we let the plan take place. My Father was still with me. He gave me strength when my body was weak and was an escape for me while I was suffering. He gave me peace that calmed my soul. It caused me great anguish knowing that the people I and my Father loved so much were the ones hating and killing me. He relieved me of this bitter cup of sorrow so that I could endure. The whippings, lashings, the nails, none compared to the distress my Father held for me; to receive irrational bitter hatred for Our grace and merciful Love.   Oh how I dread to describe what happened next. After being hung and after I forgave the repentant man hanging next to me, I saw the face of terror. I can hardly describe the significance of this, why it was worse than anything yet. That cup of sorrow God held for me was unbearable enough, but when the darkness came so my Holy Spirit was removed. The sins of the world were now on my soul. I was pure but became ravaged by everything unspeakable, by the very absence of God. Separated from Holiness I could no longer hear the angelic symphony that lifted my soul; the incense like praise of God’s servants became as bland as Styrofoam. He judged me for the sins of everybody and found me guilty, but not because I deserved it. I agreed to this because our love for them. After a few hours of silence from peace, bound to torment I cried out, “Father, why have You forsaken me?” (Matt 22:46, Ezekiel 18:20) He turned His back on me when I fully deserved Him. The assurance he gave me by answering prayers wasn’t there anymore. My soul was starving for relief. My heart panted for Love like a deer at a rivers side. “I am thirsty” (John 19:28). For the first time I felt bound to doubt. I felt disgusted at the intense lust, revolted by evil hatred. My soul's purity irrevocably rebuked. I was tormented by a desire for idols. I became disgusted in horror instantly yet they would not go away. I was made to be jealous for all the sinners for they wouldn't be put through such indescribable horrors. With putrid pride beguiling me I knew all the sins were on me and I was now ready to die. “It is finished,” (John 19:30) I spoke with anticipation of imminent relief. “Father, Into Your hands I commit my Spirit.” (Luke 23:46) With my Holy Spirit back into God’s hands my free gift could again go out into the hearts of born again sinners after I return to Him.   Newborns babies are pure and innocent. They melt the heart of anybody who becomes involved. People naturally adore them. They are treated with tender care, loving compassion; their lives are even treasured more than adults. Thinking of Jesus as an infant helped me understand how precious He is to God. I thought of Jesus as my infant child, and saw Him whipped, cursed at, mocked; I saw an infant with large nails driven through arms and legs. Then I saw a tear on my cheek. I saw the numb foreskin of my heart dissolve. I've heard the story many times, but I finally felt compassion from it again. © 2004 Kai Napohaku