Parable of my Life
I live in a world underwater. As a baby, I started at the top with
little-to-no pressure. While I grew, I traveled lower and lower. I learned
inadvertently to go deeper. The pressure was always increasing. As I’m
taught about the dangers of the world I live in I hear some stories of
those who get to the bottom. Those who tell us these stories say the
pressure gets to them and they lose power there. They are tossed into blunt
rocks and pebbles bruising them on the inside. They are also thrown across
sharp rocks and shards of jagged glass that tear wounds in their flesh.
Everyone can see these painful wounds unlike bruises. I learn quickly, just
like my friends, that I do not want to end up at the bottom. There are many
fish willing to teach us the hardships they faced, and answers to their
problems demonstrate that the bottom isn’t necessarily the end.
As I learn how to function in the society of adults a little more
every day, I find the pressure keeps increasing. Although I vaguely understand
that I am sinking, I have no control over my own descent. I don’t know how
to go up instead of down. I don’t know of any reason to swim against the
current. Inevitably I hit the bottom. Here I find it is much worse than I
was ever taught. Not only are there bruises and bleeding wounds for
everyone to mock as they gaze, but there are feelings. It’s not like I
haven’t been angry, unfriendly, jealous, selfish or lacked self-control
before; but now it seemed to suit all that I am - inside and out.
Fortunately someone kind
found me in the bottom. Not only did they show me how to swim up but they
lead me to how I can prevent being sucked down. They gave me knowledge of a
gift. It took me a long time to understand and what it meant. When I
finally saw, I felt compelled to choose. Living with the essence of pain, suffering, and
death, I could not help to thirst - as if in a dry desert, hunger - as if
starving to death, and desire - like it was the embodiment of all I sought.
When all understood was the personified death, a being greater than any I
have ever known or conceived offered to take the weight of the world off
me.
When I chose to accept this grace, He pulled me to the top. Above
the ocean I took my first breath of the brand new indescribable life giving
air. With the weight of my world gone and my first taste of life, I came to
see that I used to be dead. I was controlled by the currents waiting for
the guidance to this gift. Full of
what I had no reason to deserve: gladness, forgiveness and healing, I move
on with the concerns of life. Without notice I slip into the ocean. I see
not too long after that I am missing the joy, acceptance, and restoration.
Beneath all the water I have sunk, I figure out how to swim back to the top
where I had a vision of life. I swim with all my might to free myself from
the suffocating water. With relief I take in a big swig of air.
I am refreshed again but something a force pulled me back into the
water this time. This was my struggle for many years. Sometimes I poke my
head above the surface for a quick breath. While other times I use the
extent of my intellect and swim with all my might at an angle. I learned I
could stay out of the water much longer if I just swam at the right angle.
However every time, with out fail, I fell back in. This battle of my will
power, intellect, and perseverance, throughout it I seek the wisdom of the
unimaginably strong God who pulled me out of the depths. I desire strongly
at first to get closer to the life, to stop falling back in, but as time
sets in, that passion and desire dims.
As if it happened at the pace of growing to old age, the craving
leveled off. I became content with my gasps of life with varying length.
One day the things I was taught to believe and decided to put my
trust in showed me I should search for fault and doubts. So I sifted over
the things I thought I knew with ‘this devil’s advocate’ and found a
teaching that looked like a conflict. Jesus wants us to be Holy like Him,
to live above the water without falling back in. In my own experience and
from everything I've heard, this wasn’t possible. As if a chain bound my
feet to the chilling water, I could not free myself no matter how hard I
tried. I tried everything conceivable, yet could not become Holy. But I
thought what I learned and studied is true. Could this be so? Could this
have all been some twisted attempt to brainwash people and give them false
hope? Could I experience the freedoms for this long while only trusting in
an intricate sham?
I refused to believe everything was a lie. I refused to believe
that my intellect could allow me to uncover this presumable collaboration
of ancient magnitude. So admitting that I don’t understand I ask God, “am I
to be holy. Is it possible to be free from the force?” His answer can’t be
fully described by words. As if I were simple before, He allowed me to
conceive many new things. He brought to light several scriptures I had
known of. He showed me that I was short sighted; I was ultimately deceiving
myself.
Like a flashlight shining on a path I hadn’t known, He taught me
that I am not supposed to figure things out on my own and use only my own
intellect and strength to break free of the water. He taught me that my
entire journey I could have saved the struggle and asked God to guide me in
every detail; I didn’t have to become concerned with my life. With
unconditional trust I could be much farther than I already am. If I had
completely kept my concentration, intellect, actions, and trust with Him, I
would’ve never fallen back into the ocean of trails. I wish I could’ve
understood this lesson before experience. I wish that everything I heard
that spoke of this made sense to me so I didn’t wait so long to be
completely free.
The bondage of doubt in
my God now gone, I am free to
walk on water as if a holy being. I can see now that the water
next to air represents the first sin I learned; also the last sin I gave
up. It appeared in my life numerous different ways. It was pride. The
further down I look as the pressure builds, are all the various misguided
ways of life: ...sexual impurity,
defiled thoughts, eagerness for lustful pleasure, idolatry, hostility,
quarreling, jealousy, outburst of anger, selfishness, thinking anyone but
my type is wrong (pride, or lack of humbleness), envy...
For the most part,
people who are overcome by their sins are described as: alcoholics,
compulsive liars, sex addicts, the disturbed, drug addicts, and mentally
insane. There used to be a single term that described all this - demonic
possession, which generally described people who were controlled by
one or more sins and in rare situations, with fear invoking supernatural
side effects. After God freed me from the lack of control and the results
from ignorance, He filled me with His Spirit, with true life. His results
are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness, and self-control.
Keeping the benefits is still my choice, but now I have a friend to
help. This friend never leaves me; He is with my conscience in every
thought. This is the journey of a Christian. This is my journey so far. I
have more to learn, more to be taught. This isn’t the end of my story.
Job
(28:28, 31:1-40), Psalm (145:7-21), Pro (30:5), Isaiah (7:9), Matt (5:3,
7:8, 12:25), Mark (4:25), John (1:13, 8:31, 32, 15:26, 16:7-14, 25, 17:17,
19), Rom (4:16), Gal (3:10-14), 2
Cor (13:5), Heb (3:11), 1 Thes. (3:13), 1 Peter (1:15), Rev. (22:11)
© 2004 Kai Napohaku