Blind
Long ago, anger raged inside me spreading like
a foul odorous trench of flames. It consumed every thought. It hopelessly
corrupted all that I was. No word I spoke was uttered without this stench.
I despised hearing others talk, for it brought to mind every ulterior
motive I could spitefully accuse. My life was plagued, an endless series of
events I wanted to avoid. What release could I find? Was there anything
other than fatality to free me? I didn’t understand that I just needed to
let it all go. I had no reason to perceive my anger as the problem as an alternative
to everyone else I felt inundated with. I knew nothing better, so I longed
for the day I imagined when I would cause my own demise.
Like a bright star in a clear night sky, a
small powerful light shone on me through my blind eye. The light was God
inconceivably revealing His love. An elderly couple showed me the lovingly
peaceful escape of a truth filled family by inviting me into their home,
and an attractive girl whose beauty alone had no control over my attention.
Instead I was drawn like a fish on a hook to her joyful security. She had a
purity I can’t comprehend enough to realize, and equally could not deny.
This splinter of hope was all my life saw worth living a while longer.
My freedoms' ignorance would soon loose power.
That minuscule trickle found the keystone of my empty heart and destroyed
the dam of my conceptual mind. This day I’m mentioning can be described no
better than when I was born again. As if I weren’t breathing before and had
long since suffocated, this moment, this indescribable breath completely
removed my every burden. In a burst I felt what it was like to really be
alive.
This immediate conversion was no less than a
deliberate act from the only genuine kind of love. A spirit of freedom
replaced this mountainous sized weight bearing down on me. The more I learn
to accept this unique property of salvation, the more freely enjoyable my
life becomes. It seems a continuous fountain of words couldn’t describe
this enough to show anyone what it is like. The best I can do is say, ‘the
Word of God lives in me trying to teaching me right from wrong in real
time.’
Matt (3:11), Mark (1:8), Luke (3:16), John (1:15,
33, 3:16, 14:17), Acts (1:5,
11:16), 1 Cor (2:14), 2 Cor (3:3), Gal (5:22, 23), Eph (1:17), 1 Tim
(5:21), 1 John (4:6)
© 2004 Kai Napohaku