Chapter 56

Art woke up, and in a second, groaned. He was so happy when he slept. He�d had a lovely dream which had involved half term arriving and no-one being raped, and Seiji proposing to him. It had been wonderful. Groggily he got up and stumbled into his bathroom, switching on the shower. It had been a week since Seth�s visit, and Seiji still wasn�t talking, and was barely noticing Art. He remembered when he�d first met Seiji, in the prison, and how Seiji hadn�t spoken then. He realised now it was because of Seth, it had to be because of Seth. As he stepped into the shower he sighed as he felt the water was away his troubles, if only for a few brief minutes he could relax as the water streamed down onto him. He ran his hands through his long colourless hair, before reaching for the shampoo, wondering, as he lathered it over his scalp, how many other people in the school were waking up right then.

Andi�s eyelids fluttered open, and she rolled across, into an empty space. Sighing in exasperation she glanced around the room, which was far tidier than she�d left it the night before. He always did that. After they�d had sex, he�d wait until she fell asleep and then leave, but not before tidying her room for her. Weird boy that he was, she supposed he had his reasons. She�d also never realised why Fergie never minded her having sex with his boyfriend, but, it takes all kinds to make a world. She thought to herself, before sitting up, and looking around for her towel.

Marcus and Fergie lay, awake, in each other�s arms. Not speaking, not making a sound, just staring at each other, and smiling. They had only been going out for a month, six weeks at the most, but because of what they had both been through, what Fergie was still going through, they understood each other more than they ever thought possible. Fergie was terrified of the coming half term. He hated David, and he hated what David did to him, what he knew David would do to him, and the more he stayed away from his step-father the more he seemed to dread seeing him again. When he was at home, that was just a part of his life, dreadful as it was, he could do it because that was what he did. Now, he�d been at school for a while, and worse, been with Marcus, he�d gotten used to being happy, having good sex, having sex that was optional. And now he knew that at half term David would turn up and rape him, and probably hospitalise him at the same time.

Marcus was really excited about half term, his little sister was coming to visit him. Well, his twin sister, but he always thought of Bianca as his little sister. He was a little worried about her meeting the boys in his year, because she was stunningly pretty, and didn�t really have a complete grasp of relationships, or correct behaviour. However, being Bianca, she didn�t really have a complete grasp of most things. She was a little simple.

Ash was fast asleep, happily dreaming. Not much troubled Ash, although he sensed the unease in the people around him. He felt himself be dragged into the land of the woken, and stared bleary eyed around himself. The rest of his dorm appeared to be asleep, and most of them cuddle up to various other members of the year. Art didn�t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend at the moment, but that wasn�t something that bothered him particularly, he knew he�d find his someone special, his someone who respected him for who he was. Ash had been teased a lot when he was younger, for being himself, which he always thought was mean, but he liked this school, which after a term and a half he still thought of as his new school, the people here were just like him, they were the ones that had been teased too, and they accepted him.

Dee was wide awake, staring at the ceiling, wishing she could see through the ceiling to the stars. The stars always reminded her of home. Right now her friends back home wouldn�t be waking up right then. It would be about one in the morning for them, and they�d probably be just thinking about going to sleep. Dee missed home, and despite her happy cheerful nature, she was never truly happy in England. Although she really liked the guys here, she missed her friends back home, and she hated the way they had all their different words here, not really speaking what she thought of as English at all.

Toni was fast asleep, and dreaming of Marcus. She always dreamt of Marcus, she was totally hung up on him. And mostly, in her dreams, he didn�t ignore her like he did in real life. Despite the fact he only ever went to her when he wanted something, usually work being done for him, or a favour, he still seemed charming, and always managed to win her over. She always told herself that they used to be friends when they were younger, but actually it had always been the same way, Marcus using her as a means to an end, using her for what he wanted, whether it was a place in a concert or just someone to sleep with. She always forgave him though, not only because he was so charming, but like the few people who knew him when he was younger that he was still in touch with, she knew what had happened to him as a child, and that must mean he was really messed up in the head. She�d met his sister, and she was messed up in the head too.

Seiji woke and instantly swung his legs out of bed. He was getting up. He did not get up because he wanted to get up, nor because he did not want to stay in bed. He no longer had any preferences. He just got up because that was what he was supposed to do next. He walked into the bathroom, grabbing a towel as he left the dormitory, heading for a shower. When he got to the bathroom, he was waylaid. He caught sight of himself in the mirror. He didn�t look any different to how he�d looked a week or so ago, but he knew he was different inside. He opened his mouth as wide as he could and stared down his throat in the mirror, he couldn�t see his vocal chords, but he was fairly sure they must still be there, they just didn�t work any more. He�d gone back to being how he�d been before he�d met Art. Then, Art had managed to find his voice for him, when he�d seen Art he�d wanted to speak, and so he�d been able to. But that time was different. Then he hadn�t spoken because he hadn�t wanted to. Now he didn�t speak, because he didn�t think he could speak. He tried to speak, but no words came out. He climbed into the shower, and as the water washed over him, he thought about how his life was going at that time. He�d stopped going to lessons, no-one had ever told him to stop going to lessons, or said he could if he wanted to, he�d just stopped. And now his friends, people like Art, Fergie, Ash, even Marcus would take it in turns to sit with him during the day, and talk to him, even though they knew he would not talk back. He knew that thought should make him happy, his friends were being supportive of him, he had true friends who cared about him, but nevertheless, he could not even smile inwardly, he felt devoid, drained, of emotion. A few days ago, Shinza, his master had arrived, with a task for him to perform. He had performed the task, silently, perfectly, a neatly slit throat as he had been asked to. He felt no pleasure in performing the task, but similarly, as he left the man on the floor, his last drops of blood spilling out of the gash in his neck, he felt no regret, no guilt. He was an empty shell.

Art walked into the dormitory. Immediately, as always, his eyes turned to Seiji�s bed, but, as it had been for the past few days when he�d come to wake the lower sixth, it was empty. Most of the children were already awake anyway. Seiji�s permanent zombie-like trance had shaken them all up, and, of course, half term was approaching, with such a bunch of misfits, and the weird bunch of people they called family, it was no wonder half term was a stressful time. Art was particularly disappointed about this half term, as parent�s visiting day would be before all the activities he�d planned, which probably meant that Fergie at least wouldn�t be able to enjoy any of them.

Seiji arrived late to breakfast, his hair still slightly dripping with the water from his shower. He bowed slightly to the room in general, before sitting in his place, silently staring into middle distance, apparently oblivious to the world around him. He didn�t reach for any food, he had no desire to eat. He knew he ought to eat, but he couldn�t make himself want to.

Art noticed his boyfriend sitting with an empty plate in front of him. He guessed, given the boys trance like state, that he would do what he was told, so he silently stood up, and walked over to the lower sixth table. He poured some cereal into Seiji�s bowl, a type he knew he liked, before pouring a little milk over the top. He placed a spoon in Seiji�s hand, physically bending the boys fingers to wrap around it, before ordering him to eat.

Mechanically, Seiji dipped the spoon in the bowl, and lifted it, full of cereal, to his lips, before chewing, and swallowing the mouthful. It tasted of nothing in his mouth; the texture seemed irrelevant, he wasn�t sure if he even noticed it. He�d heard tales of people with broken hearts whose food tasted like sawdust, but he thought that would be an improvement, as his food tasted of absolutely nothing at all.

Satisfied that Seiji was at least eating, Art walked back to the teachers table, and continued his mundane conversation with Andi. All the teachers seemed to be tiptoeing around him. Of course his relationship with Seiji wasn�t official in school, it couldn�t be, that would be illegal. But all the teachers knew how much Art loved Seiji, and they could see, however hard he tried to hide it from both them, and the students, how much Seiji�s current state was hurting Art, eating away at him from the inside like a maggot knowing at a rotten core of fruit.

Underneath the table, Tor silently grabbed Mara�s hand, smiling at her, and feeling his smile widen as she smiled back. He reached up a hand to her head, pushing it gently so it rested on his shoulder. They continued their conversation, never breaking in their sentences, merely becoming a little more intimate.

Mara no longer constantly fawned over Marcus. Now Tor was being more appreciative of her, and she suspected this was Fergie�s doing, most of the nice things in her love life seemed to be Fergie�s doing, that was all she needed. She did love him, he was gorgeous, interesting, funny, and, when he was being nice to her, he was incredibly nice to her. It annoyed her that most people only got to see the side of Tor that was Fergie�s evil twin brother, because Tor always seemed to come across as the mean one, but she was sure that she knew they were just as nice as each other.

The lower sixth were very subdued as they went to lessons, talking amongst themselves, but not laughing or shrieking as kids of their age should have been. Fergie was not paying attention to Marcus, who was talking to him, with his arm wound around Fergie�s waist, but watching Seiji as he traipsed away from the others, head bowed, staring at the ground, not looking up to see where he was going. Fergie was worried about Seiji, he didn�t know entirely what had happened that day, Marcus had told him something about a boy called Seth, an ex of Seiji�s, but still, it must have been someone Seiji was really hung up about. It also met that Fergie just got an even huger crush on Art as he saw how sweet Art was being to Seiji. Seiji was mooning around about a boy he used to go out with, and was really upset, and Art was just being strong for Seiji, being there for him, looking after him, looking out for him, and not complaining that he wasn�t getting any sex. It was obvious to them all that Seiji was upsetting Art, when his boyfriend wasn�t around, Art acted nearly as numb as Seiji did, going about his daily routing doing what he had to, nothing more, nothing less.

Ally hung back, making eyes at Mikey to stay behind the others as well. When the rest of the year had disappeared around a corner, he glanced around to make sure no-one else was about, before grabbing Mikey by the hand. He stood on tiptoes and softly kissed his boyfriend, relaxing into him.

Mikey grinned, and raised his eyebrows, wrapping his arm around Ally�s back, deepening the kiss. As they broke apart, they stared at each other for a second, eyes filled with laughter, grinning at each other, before running off, barely managing to not hold hands as the made it just in time to their lesson. Mikey was beginning to have more fun being gay, and less suspicious, unlike Ally who was still believing that everyone would find them out every day. They were both getting more bold, just subtle actions in public, hopefully nothing that would raise suspicion, but still, they were certainly less secretive.

Art silently followed Seiji back to the dorm room. Placing a gentle hand in the small of his boyfriend�s back he steered him towards his own room. Once they were safely inside, Art glanced almost wistfully at the unmade bed, but slid down the wall, sitting on the floor.

Seiji copied him, sitting on the floor, with his back to the wall, staring straight ahead.

Art felt like he was being boiled to death, he told Seiji so as he removed his jumper, tugging it over his head. He asked Seiji gently if he was overheating, but as usual, received no reply. He reached across and slipped the younger boys sweatshirt over his head. He held out his arms to Seiji, silently offering a hug.

Unsmiling, apparently emotionless, Seiji crawled over to where Art was sat, and placed himself between the older mans legs, snuggling into his chest and flattening himself against Art�s body.

Art wrapped his arms tightly around the boy, softly burying his lips in Seiji�s hair. He slid his hands down Seiji�s now bare arms, sliding his fingers across the scars that constantly littered his skin. He started at the boy, clad only in his t-shirt, staring, fixated. There seemed to be something different about Seiji�s arms, something wrong, something unusual. As he slid his hands across the unbroken skin he realised that was just it, this was the first time he�d seen Seiji without fresh cuts on his arms since he�d left prison, and he expected that the boy had only not cut himself in prison because he wasn�t allowed sharp objects. He�d always managed to abuse himself somehow, even resorting to tearing his fingernails off. He hated the fact that Seiji cut himself, but accepted that that was part of who his boyfriend was. He traced one of the old scars as he softly asked Seiji if he was allowed to do what he was about to.

Seiji said nothing, making no response at all, not even the briefest of nods, he just snuggled closer into Art�s chest, trying to disappear into the man, burying his face in the older man�s t-shirt, to hide his face from the world.

Art shifted slightly, still keeping Seiji in his arms. He reached into his back pocket and slipped a flick-knife into his hand. He placed a kiss against Seiji�s temple, silently begging forgiveness for what he was about to do. He had no idea if he was about to do the right thing. If he was right, if he was lucky, then it would help Seiji, it could make him happier, and in Art�s eyes anything that could make Seiji happier was worth the risk. Besides, if, on the other hand, it wasn�t the right thing to do, then he was almost certain that Seiji couldn�t get any worse than he already was. Tenderly, gingerly, he wrapped his fingers around Seiji�s wrist, untangling the boy�s arm from where it was wound around his waist. He pressed the cool, sharp blade of the knife against Seiji�s skin, hoping for a reaction, a flinch, a nod, anything, but received nothing, Seiji remained exactly as he had been. This was it, all or nothing. He took a deep breath and drew the blade across his boyfriend�s skin, pressing it into the flesh as he did so. He watched as the dark crimson spilt out across Seiji�s skin and the knife blade. So fixated was he that he didn�t notice Seiji shift slightly, until he looked down to see the younger boy staring back up at him.

Seiji, a wry smile almost playing at his lips, grateful tears brimming over his eyelashes to spill down his cheeks, reached up to brush his fingertips against Art�s cheek before whispering, in a soft, unsteady voice, broken and cracked from lack of use, �Thank you.�