Yet again I let the darkness win. I look at my 'friends' to see what gets them out. Just a big party with beer. Such a sad way to die off. I look to the little things in life, the good and better things. Sitting on a beach with him holding you in his arms. I tell myself to stop dreaming as I get up and take a walk. A long walk at night, to sort out everything, if I'm lucky. I look deep in myself and regret all the things i've done. All the things that i've said, and all my hard work. I lost you again, but why should I just sit around and watch life pass me by? 'Friends' tell me to get ready because we're going for a night out. I look at them, the fools they are, or am I the fool? They go up to random people and just talk to them. They see me in the distance and they know I want to leave. They know I never let myself interact with new people. As I begin to get up and make it for the door, someone has been watching me. He gets up and infront of me asking, "Is everything all right miss?". I tell him to get out of my way, and he does. Walking out and just going nowhere at all, he follows me. "Want some company? It's late out and who knows if something might happen to you". He seemed alright, so I let him come along and walk with me. He came right out about himself and his past. A nice guy I'd call him, but I didn't say anything. "Well what about you miss?". I stopped and faced him. What beautiful eyes he had. I tell him very little about myself. I didn't want him to know about me or even start to really talk to me. "Why do you shut people out?" he screams out at me. "Why? A little talking never hurt anybody. I just wanted to talk to ya, that's all miss." He looks at me and thinks his words were too powerful. I was weak and let the tears out. This has gone far enough, as I said to myself. I tell him, "Look, I don't know who you are. You're a nice guy, but I'm going home. I don't like this life of mine, and this is not helping one bit." He walks me home. I tell him goodnight. And as I shut the door, he stops me. "Can I see you tomorrow?". Staring at him with a puzzled look on my face, I say, "Why? I didn't really talk much, and I know I got an attitude.. I'm not friendly at all." He smiles, "I like ya.. You're mysterious, and I like that. So may I see you tomorrow?" I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to get hurt and hurt his feelings. I wasn't that cruel. "Yeah, if you really want to..". Still smiling at me, he kisses my cheek and says goodnight. I went inside and just sat on my bed. Maybe this would work things out for myself, I thought. I turned off the light and looked out the window. "Maybe he's an Angel, an angel looking out for me so I wouldn't do anything to harm myself.." I said outloud to myself as I took down my bed and dreamed of what tomorrow would give me. Maybe the darkness won't win this time..
8/1/2003
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