100 Ways To Prevent The End of the World

(And take careful note - you never know when you might need them.......)

(Disclaimer - no offence is intended to anyone mentioned here, it's only a bit of fun!)

1 - Don't read Nostradamus.
2 - Don't stand too close to the edge....
3 - Kill Meowth before he can find his way to the self-destruct button
4 - Kill Professor Oak for the same reason.
5 - Don't over inflate balloons - if enough go bang at the same moment it will cause the whole galaxy to explode.
6 - Avoid the M25.
7 - Buy the Grim Reaper a box of chocolates to sweeten him up a bit.
8 - Play Bohemian Rhapsody to pacify the evil forces, or....
9 - Play non-stop Eldorado videos to destroy their will to live.
10 - Stand on a hilltop, chanting rude versions of the Sunscreen song.
11 - Buy carrots
12 - Get Paul Daniels to take charge of things.
13 - Go around whispering QUIETLY.
14 - don't eat that final curry.
15 - Don't sit on the vacuum cleaner.
16 - Don't trust Roobarb.
17 - Ask Bagpuss for advice
18 - Erase yourself from history
19 - Don't let S Club 7 make any more records
20 - Strangle Meowth in a musical mood before his singing causes a reverse big bang
21 - Befriend Marril
22 - do your homework
23 - avoid explosive shoes
24 - get the mice at the Mouse Organ to fix it
25 - wear purple lipstick
26 - don't watch London's Burning
27 - don't worship Ekans
28 - Pacify Victor Meldrew
29 - Pacify Joy
30 - accept plastic irons gracefully
31 - stop barbershop quartets singing about it
32 - stop Meowth from singing about it
33 - don't go on an 'End Of The World' tour
34 - wipe your nose properly
35 - wash behind your ears
36 - be nice to Richard Whiteley
37 - don't have a spell checker that wants to change 'Meldrew' to 'Mildew'.
38 - cover yourself in goat's cheese and hope for the best
39 - cover yourself in stickers of Meowth and hope the world ends soon
40 - move to Television Land (just down a bit from Carrot Land.)
41 - move to Sunhill and get Reg to protect you in his caravan.
42 - dig up plants
43 - avoid piggy banks
44 - avoid Miss Piggy
45 - Take the Grim Reaper for sandwiches in the park
46 - give him an Energizer Bunny screen saver
47 - Play a fun game of 'Guess Who's Dead?' with him, which he wins every time (mind you, he does have an
unfair advantage.)
48 - take Death on a camping trip
49 - take shelter in James's trousers
50 - build yourself a shelter out of Cable and Wireless adverts
51 - build yourself a word with an 'ing'
52 - look for a solution in the Innovations catalogue
53 - get Ash's mum to settle down the evil forces
54 - Get Carol Smilie to decorate the world in 2 days
55 - snack on Pringles
56 - hide in the Teletubbie's house
57 - do an episode of Brookside about it
58 - play chess with Misty
59 - hide in the Millennium Dome
60 - get Channing to pay for an 'end of the world survival kit' for you
61 - go to the Armageddon clearance sale at Harrods
62 - ban The Two Ronnies
63 - Cook Sally Smedley
64 - ban Steven Houghton from ever acting on TV again
65 - become a computer graphic and live on the screen
66 - go to the pub
67 - watch QVC
68 - put out an appeal on TV
69 - move into Number 73
70 - call it's bluff
71 - play 'Call My Bluff'
72 - watch Countdown
73 - use Richard Whiteley's ties as a world saving device
74 - get Neil Buchannan to do a big end of the world art attack
75 - get some false eyeballs
76 - fall in love with the eyeballs
77 - Get a Snorlax tattoo and die miserably
78 - do martial arts on the Grim reaper
79 - get Posh Spice to pout at him
80 - issue 'End of the World' postcards
81 - break up a toad feud
82 - don't let Badger try that experiment with the mashed potatoes and the gunpowder
83 - line up all the Connect 4 sets as your personal army
84 - watch 'The Best of The Word'
85 - become invincible
86 - get Giovanni on your side
87 - start a Vanilla Ice revival
88 - end the Vanilla Ice revival
89 - kill yourself for beginning the Vanilla Ice revival
90 - cook the world and serve with a main DI-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-SH
91 - blame everything on Beckett The Peg
92 - do a planet version of Changing Rooms and swap planets with the Martians to redecorate....
93 - get a love bite on your foot from a lego brick
94 - avoid 'Magic's Greatest Secrets - Revealed!'
95 - ban violins
96 - do a Docu-soap about the end of the world
97 - drop an apple on Death's head and say, 'naughty!'
98 - find a wishing well and hope it does the trick
99 - don't spend too long in the butter dish
100 - watch out for that on-coming astero-o-o-o-O-O-I-D...........

By the way, wouldn�t it have been really funny if the world had actually ended while you were reading this page?!!