1) Trying to compose the next number one record with the buttons on a touch-tone phone
2) Playing I-Spy in a desert and trying to spot something which doesn't begin with 'S'
3) Trying to wrap up a hedgehog in tissue paper
4) Trying to rehydrate the chicken in a Snack Stop product
5) Listening to Brothers In Arms to cheer yourself up
6) Telling fireworks to be quiet
7) Ironing underwear
8) Designing invitations for your Millennium party for new year's eve 2999
9) Cutting the grass with nail clippers
10) Fishing in snooker table pockets
1) Those bloody scary doll adverts come back on every ad break... ('My Lovely Pretty Doll, with real poo, mathematics skills and nuclear warheads etc...)
2) TV shows start doing a 'Top 10 toys your kid will want at christmas' feature
3) QVC insist on displaying every product on a bed of tinsel
4) You find adverts to start 'saving for your xmas hampers for 2001...'
5) You find Christmas trees in shops along side the halloween stuff
6) Ten albums all called 'The Best Xmas Album Ever' hit the shops
7) Fake snow invades shop windows
8) The packaging of normal everyday products suddenly develops a layer of christmas tree illustrations across it
9) You can't move for turkeys in the supermarkets
10) All the bands you really hate bring out their new calendars for next year and they haunt you from shop to shop
If Pokemon can get away with cross dressing bad guys and women with big chests in the year 2000 then what will kids shows get away with in 20 years time...?!
1) Very Blue, Naked Blue Peter
(watch out for the sticky-backed plastic...)
2) "Why Don't You...."
...Turn off your TV set and take someone up to bed...?
3) "Trumpton: Uncut!"
4) "Bagpuss 2: The Next Generation"
5) "XXX Teletubbies"
('Again! Again!')
6) "Grange Hill - Out of Uniform..."
7) "Sabrina The Prostitute Witch"
8) "The Poddington Peas Come Out Of Their Shells"
9) "'Finger' Mouse"
10) "The Adventures Of Pippi No-Stockings"
With thanks to Hello, Newman & Icarus!
1) "Can you find three pieces of paper in the house?"
2) "Your task this week is to learn Nick's 'I made a mistake' speech off by heart"
3) "Craig's squeezed Claire's tits too hard - can you find 6 pieces around the house?"
4) "Someone's hidden Mel - can you find her? "No!"
5) "Make the house as messy as possible. Oh, you already have..."
6) "Your task for this week is to find Thomas's personality"
7) "Nick's had a dream. He feels good things about this place. Each contestant has to hack off one of his limbs each time this happens. The one who causes him to stop having the dreams wins"
8) "Make a life-size model of Marjorie using only chicken poo. The one which stays together longest wins."
9) "Someone's hidden Anna's guitar. The first one to find it gets murdered."
10) Cruel Brother: "We're going to leave you in the house with no food, heat, light or electricity. The last one still alive wins the �70,000!"
1) Yell 'Hurdles!' at random moments during the events and blame it on the person sitting next to you
2) Run round the house with a candle through the opening ceremony and claim you are about to light the Olympic torch
3) Explain to fire crews how you accidentally managed to set your house on fire
4)Set up a surprise long-jump pit at the bottom of the stairs and see how many people fall over in it
5) Insist on firing a starting pistol whenever someone wishes to leave the room
6) Explain to police why gun shots could be heard coming from your house
7) Draw five circles on the outside of your house and claim to be the Olympic Village
8) Watch wasps trying to climb out the bird bath and claim they are participating in synchronized swimming
9) Use a tall lamp-stand to pole vault over the neighbour's kids swing post
10) Explain to neighbours how you came to be stuck on the top of their kid's swing post
1) "The Fifty Greatest Traffic Jams In The World!"
2) "Let's Go Back To Work"
3) "Britain's Wettest Days"
4) "A Short Film About Whelks"
5) "John Major's Greatest Moments"
6) "Fifty Fabulous Diseases!"
7) "Getting The Best Out Of Mould"
8) "Let's Dig Up Weeds!"
9) "Dictionary - The film of the best-selling book"
10) "The Smurf's Karaoke Special"
1) You get to see James weep when he gets evicted
2) You get to see if Ash really does change his pants every day like his mum tells him to
3) You can get Bulbasaur to cheat by writing out names with his vinewhip
4) You can write people's names on a Dewgong's back... (thanks, Ic!)
5) Sealing Mrs Ketchum and Professor Oak in a house together could produce interesting results
6) You can use a Drowzee to influence other people's voting...
7) Without pencils and paper Tracey won't be able to say 'I have to make a sketch of this!' every few minutes
8) One of the chickens might lay a Togepi egg
9) Nasty Nick might become a member of Team Rocket
10) Being confronted with Davina McCall might make even Jessie break down in tears!
1) Hire a Roly-Poly-A-Gram who doesn't turn up
2) Serve after-dinner potatoes as a surprising alternative to mints
3) Hire a ventrilloquist to do silly voices whenever people bite into burgers
4) Hide the mustard, then later when everyone's looking for it you can find it and be the hero
5) Draw pictures with the charcoal all over the ground
6) Run a sweepstake on the first sausage to get burnt
7) Pretend you have a phobia of sausages and scream your head off when they're put on the grill
8) Tell everyone the neighbours love to hear people singing "We're Going To Ibiza" and get everyone to join you in a rousing chorus
9) Prepare to run a mile when neighbours call the police
10) Sneak extra sausages onto people's plates when they're not looking to make them believe they've gone mad
