Jessie and James,  the not-so-great Team Rocket. To the outside world they were simply a pair of incompetent villains who couldn’t even steal the cherry off an ice cream. But they had their own fair share of traumas. Even Meowth had his problems. He felt like a human trapped in a Pokemon’s body, while James was constantly wrestling with his effeminate side. And Jessie? Jessie had ‘women’s problems’. She didn’t think that was fair. Cartoon characters shouldn’t have to suffer a menstrual cycle, surely?! But she did. A very painful and messy one. And in that white uniform it was none too easy to cope with.

     She had been to the doctors over and over again but they refused to do a thing. In fact it wasn’t until she took James with her and they threatened to do their motto that the doctor finally referred her to the hospital for tests. Which was where she was right then.

     “Brockham ward,” she said distastefully, “well if that’s not a bad sign then I don’t know what is!”
     “Don’t worry, Jessie,” said James, “we’re here for you.”

     Jessie laid her bag on the bed and sat down beside it.

     “Well you’re here, but where’s Meowth?”
     “I think he went to find a disguise so he didn’t stick out like a sore thumb,” said James.
     “Meowth! That’s right!” cried Meowth. He made a grand entrance, donning a white doctor’s coat, a pair of glasses which were far too big and an unconvincing ginger moustache.

     Jessie could feel her heart sink as she looked at him.

     “And he doesn’t stick out in that?!” she cried, “a cat in a coat?! Great disguise, Meowth!”
     “I tried the nurses uniform,” said Meowth, “but it didn’t suit me.”

     James raised an eyebrow. His tongue flicked across his lips to moisten them as the idea rattled around in his head.

     “Um.... where did you find the nurse’s uniform, Meowth?” he asked.
     “In the room down the corridor,” said Meowth.
     “Thanks!” cried James as he ran to the door.
     “James! Wait!” cried Jessie, “where are you going?!”
     “Nowhere!” came the innocent reply.

     “Brock...?” called Misty’s voice, “....Hey! Brock! You’re going the wrong way?”
     “I am?” frowned Brock, “.....ow.....”

     His face smacked straight into an information board. He was used to that now though. He walked into things a lot. It was a Brock trademark by now, a series of bruises up and down his face. It was right then that an idea came to him. It struck him out the blue and with as much force as that information board had a few seconds earlier. Suddenly everything became clear. He opened his eyes and could actually see where he was going.

     “Brock?!” frowned Ash, “are you alright?”
     “Yeah,” cried Brock, flushed with amazement at the colours all around him, “why?”
     “You look....” Ash began, “...kind of different.”
 
     Brock shrugged and studied Ash.

     “You’re an ugly little git, aren’t you?!” he said.
     “Huh??!”
     “I mean, err..." Brock struggled to cover, "... is this it?”
     “Is what what?”
     “London?”
     “No, silly!” said Misty as she clung to Togapi, “this is only the station!”
     “Togi-togi-pr-r-r-r-r-ri!”  added Togapi.
     “So where are we supposed to go first?” asked Brock.
     “Well Pikachu’s got his big TV appearance today,” said Ash, “right, Pikachu?”
     “Pika-pi!” grinned Pikachu.
     “So we have to go to the studio first.”
     “Right,” said Brock.
     “Hey, do you guys know what’s missing?” Misty asked suddenly.
     “The stupid woman from Sky One who adds ‘Mon’ to the end of everything she says?” suggested Ash.
     “No!” cried Misty, “Team Rocket!”
     “Oh yeah,” frowned Ash.
     “They’ve usually made an appearance by now.”
     “Perhaps they got held up somewhere,” said Brock.
     “I heard they were in hospital,” said Ash.
     “They are?” frowned Misty, “what happened?”
     “All I know it had something to do with....” Ash began. He froze and found himself blushing.
     “With what?” asked Misty.

     The word seemed to cause Ash immense agony as it burnt his tongue

     “N-y-y-y-y-yaah! I can’t say it!” he cried.
     “Say what?!”
     “What’s so bad you can’t even say it?” asked Brock.

     Ash glanced from side to side.

     “It had something to do with....” he tried again, “with.....” he beckoned Misty over and tried to whisper it. But he couldn’t. The words stuck in his throat. So he called Brock over and whispered it to him instead. “women’s things....”
     “Oh!” said Brock. He froze and flushed bright red.
     “WHAT?!!!” cried Misty.
 
     Brock cleared his throat.

     “They’ve been having trouble with.... um.....”
     “Oh for god’s sake, spit it out!”
     “With things..... of a personal nature....,” coughed Brock, “of a.... female personal nature.....”
     “Oh! Periods!” Misty exclaimed loudly, “well why didn’t you say so?!”

     Ash and Brock flushed and scuffed their respective shoes on the ground.

     “Misty!” cried Ash.
     “What?!!”

     Ash growled with embarrassment. He wished he could just fade into the wall. Disappear. Vanish into thin air. But then a thought struck him.

     “Hey, guys, I wonder which one’s ill!”
     “What do you mean?” frowned Misty.
     “Well,” Ash began, “I always had my doubts about James..."
     “Pika?” began Pikachu, “Pik-pika Pikachu, pika-pi!”
     “What’s that, Pikachu?”
     “I think he’s worried we’re going to be late,” said Misty.
     “Oh! The TV show!” cried Ash, “I almost forgot!”

     They hurried away to catch the next tube, faster than you can say ‘Meowth is a Misguided Moggy.’

     “Don’t worry, Jessie,” he said brightly, “this won’t hurt a bit!” He pulled out a scalpel and held it aloft. “Prepare for trouble....”
 

 
     “No!!!!” screamed Jessie.

     She sat bolt upright in bed, her heart racing in her chest.

     “Jessie? What’s wrong?!” asked a voice.

     Jessie looked around. She was still in the ward with James sitting beside her, minus the hygiene mark but strangely wearing a nurse’s hat.

     “James? What’s that doing on your head?!”
 
     James blushed and snatched the object out of view.

     “What? That?!” he began, “Oh, Meowth put it on me when I wasn’t looking.”
     “I did?!” cried Meowth.
     “Yes,” scowled James, “you’re a very bad, bad Meowth!”

     Jessie rubbed her eyes and tried to gather herself.

     “I had a nightmare,” she said, “I dreamed you were operating on me, James.”
 
     James turned white at the thought.

     “I can’t even stand the sight of blood.”
     “Then you’d better not look in the mirror,” cried the furious Meowth as he lashed out.

     Immediately, James began to regret the comment about the nurse’s hat.

     Misty made gooey eyes at Ash. She loved him so very much. Actually, she didn’t, but she’d been reading far too many Pokemon stories on the net and had been brainwashed into thinking she did. She wondered how she could not have seen it before. That shiny black hair, those clothes which never seemed to get dirty, and his rather impressively sized Pikachu.

     While Brock was off discovering the hidden beauty of opening his eyes, Misty crept a little closer to Ash and cleared her throat.

     “Hi, Ash,” she said temptingly.

     Ash looked up from the Charizard Monthly magazine he’d been reading. It was getting him quite hot under the collar.

     “Wha - oh, hi Misty,” he said.

     Misty crept closer still.

     “You’re looking very.... cute today,” she said, the words almost choking her.
     “I’m what?!” frowned Ash, “Misty.... Misty, are you ill?”

     A sweatdrop appeared at the back of Misty’s head.

     “I.... am.... not.... ill,” she said through gritted teeth.
     “Then what’s up with you?”
     “Nothing!”
 
     Pikachu pulled at Ash’s jeans and swore viciously. Thankfully Ash remained in blissful ignorance of Pikachu’s language and said only,

     “What’s up, buddy?”
 
     Pikachu did some Ant and Dec impressions, dragged Ash to the doors of the studios, swore some more and waved his question cards in front of Ash’s face.

     “Oh!” said Ash, “you’re hungry. Right, Pikachu?”

     Pikachu turned red with frustration, spouted off for several minutes about what a bloody pain Ash was to be around and how he was going to complain to his agent, then folded his arms and stuck his tongue out in Ash’s direction.

     “Well, I know you’re hungry,” Ash began, “but you’ll have to wait. Otherwise you’ll be late for the show!”

     If Pikachu were a Voltorb, he would have exploded at that very moment.
 

     Nobody was very sure how Ant and Dec got their own series in the first place. They were even less sure of how they had managed to keep it for so long. Ant, the Frankenstein one, was sitting smugly in his chair. It was his favourite section; Challenge Ant. The kids used to beat him, week after week, but he’d become smarter lately. He’d learnt how to cheat. But something was wrong this particular week. The contestant had been late and he had been unable to take a sneaky peek at the questions beforehand. That didn’t matter though. Not really. For Ant could outwit any small child, he was certain.

     Boy was he in for a surprise....

     Dec, the one who looks like a girl, sat down behind his desk. He knew something Ant didn’t. Something apart from the fact he was wearing women’s underwear, I mean. He knew who the contestant was. And the contestant had just arrived.

     “So,” he said, “are you ready, Ant?”
     “Ready!” Ant said cockily.
     “Are you sure you’re ready?”
     “I’m sure I’m ready!”

     Dec sniggered.
     And that was just for the feel of the underwear.

     “Please welcome this week’s willing contestant,” he began, “all the way from Pallet Town, it’s Pikachu!”

     The small yellow fellow hurried onto the set. His red cheeks buzzed with electricity and he grinned from ear to ear. In his paws he held the question cards. The question cards which would doubtlessly win him a pile of CDs.

     “Chu!” he said happily.

     Ant glared at the furry chap taking his place on stage. This was a wind up. It had to be. It just had to.

     “What’s this?” he demanded.
     “It’s your opponent,” said Dec.
     “No it’s not,” Ant said firmly.

     Dec sniggered.

     “Oh yes it is,” he said. He turned to Pikachu and smiled evilly. “When you’re ready, ask your first question.”
     “Pika,” Pikachu  said confidently. He gave Ant a devilish wink and began to read from his question card. “Pika-pi,” he began, “Pik-a-chu pi-pi pikachu-pi pika pikachu?”

     Ant began to sweat as the clock ticked away. This was a joke, surely. Pikachu couldn’t ask him questions!  Pikachu didn’t even exist!

     “Um....” he began, “it’s.... um.....”
     *Ping!*
     “Ooh, unlucky,” smiled Dec, “out of time there. The correct answer was, of course, Chamander.”
 
     There was a moment of silence, then the audience sniggered. Ant kept a smile firmly across his face.

     “Of course it was,” he said tightly, “however did I not get that?!”
 
     Dec pushed a CD across the table and Pikachu squealed with delight.

    “And you’ve just won this Psyduck Psychosis CD,“ Dec told him, “Next question, Pikachu.”

     Pikachu poked his tongue out at Ant and turned his attention back to his questions.

     “Pika-chu,” he began, “chu pik-pika, Pikachu pik-pika pikachu?”
     *Tick tock*, the clock began, *tick tock, tick tock, ping!*
     “Oh, bad luck there,” Dec grinned as Ant’s forehead became a shrine to sweat, “the answer to that one was he gets eaten by a Victreebel.”

     Ant gazed at the CDs as another one was pushed towards Pikachu. This wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair. There was something very, very wrong with this. Still, he would get the next one - whatever it took......
 

     ......five minutes later, Dec pushed the 10th CD in front of Pikachu who squealed happily and buzzed with electricity.

     “Well done, Pikachu!” said Dec, “the ten CDs and games console are all yours!”

     Ant hit his head repeatedly on the table, weeping uncontrollably.

     “I don’t wanna do this anymore,” he cried, “please don’t make me do this anymore!”
     “Chu!” Pikachu cried happily.
     “Hey! You did it, Pikachu!” Ash cried from off stage.
     “Yeah,” sobbed Ant, “he’s done it, alright! He’s destroyed my will to live!”
     “Uh.... I think we might go for a break now,” said Dec, “but don’t go away - part two of Pokemon is next!”
     “Not if I can bloody help it, it’s not,” cried Ant. He lunged for his contestant who repelled him with a bolt of electricity and sent him sprawling backwards. Ant landed on the ground with a thud. He swore, then fainted and the commercial break was duly entered.
 

     “Want me to help carry them?” asked Ash who was just dying to snitch his ‘Snorlax Sings the Love Songs’ CD.
     “Chu,” Pikachu said crossly and electrocuted him.
     “Pikachu, that’s not nice,” scowled Misty.
     “Yeah,” said Brock, “you should wait until he’s nearer the gutter so the leaves break his fall when he collapses!”
     “That’s OK,” Ash squeaked, his hair standing up on end.
     “So what’s next?” asked Brock.

     Pikachu did a passable impression of the Millennium Wheel which involved becoming several hundred feet tall and spinning round. After playing a quick round of Give Us A Clue, they finally caught on and set off for the Millennium attraction.
 

     The group of friends stood at the bottom of the wheel, staring up.
 
    “So that’s it, huh?” said Ash. He pulled out his Pokédex  and aimed it at the eyesore.

     “Millennium wheel,” it said digitally, “the ‘annoying’ Pokémon. It has the ability to make you throw up from a height of two hundred feet and to put a dampener on any Millennium celebration.”

     “Millennium wheel, huh?” Ash said excitably, “wow! I wanna capture that!”
     “Well wait until after we’ve been on it,” Misty said firmly.
     “You can leave me out of this,” said Brock, “no way am I going up in that thing.”
     “Me neither,” said Ash.
     “Ash!” cried Misty, “a minute ago you wanted to catch it!”
     “Yeah - catch it,” said Ash, “I didn’t say I wanted to ride in it!”
     “Chicken,” said Misty, “well Togapi and I want to go on it, right Togapi?”
     “Togi togi!” cried Togapi.
     “And Pikachu wants to come up with us, too.”
     “Pika!” cheered Pikachu.
     “Well....” Ash began, “I’m not sure if Pikachu ought to. He’s not too good in confined spaces. You know how much he hates his pokeball.”
     “This is different,” said Misty, “he can see out all over London....”
     “I’m sure there’s no harm in it,” said Brock.
 
     Ash bit his lip.

     “Well.....” he noticed Misty making gooey eyes at him again. He was still sure she was unwell but somehow found that gaze impossible to resist. “OK,” he sighed, “Pikachu can go up too.”
     “Pika pi!” cried Pikachu.

     Misty grinned happily and grasped Pikachu’s paw.
 
    “Come on,” she said, “let’s go!”

     Ash watched nervously as the three bravest members of their party trotted happily to the wheel.

     “There goes Pikachu,” he said.
     “Hey, come on, Ash,” said Brock, “he’ll be fine.”
     “Would you feel like this if Vulpix was the one on the ride?” asked Ash.

     Brock laughed.

     “Hell, no,” he said, “I’d be petrified something terrible would happen!”

     Ash resumed his cartoon sweatdrop and sank to the ground.

     “That’s what I was worried you’d say!”

     There didn’t seem to be very much interest in the wheel that day. Apart from Misty and the couple of Pokémon going with her there were only five or six other people taking a trip and they didn’t have to wait long to be ushered into a ‘capsule’. Pikachu was still examining his CDs several minutes later. He knew Ash was after at least one of them so he didn’t dare leave them behind. The ‘Bulbasaur’s Rockin’ Beats’ one was his favourite. He became wrapped up in reading all the lyrics on the inlay.

     “Hey, Pikachu, since when did you know how to read??” frowned Misty.
     “Pi?” Pikachu said distractedly.
 
     Misty couldn’t see what was so enthralling about the lyrics anyway. Most of them consisted of ‘Bulba’ as it was.

     “Don’t you want to look at the pretty view?” she asked.
     “Chu,” snapped Pikachu.
     “But you can see all over London from here,” said Misty, “and look! There’s Ash!” She rather pointlessly leant forwards and waved. “Hey! Ash!” She deluded herself into thinking Ash was waving back and turned back to Pikachu. “come on, Pikachu - Ash is waving.”
     “Pi,” sighed Pikachu.
     “Don’t you even want to have teeny weeny look?” asked Misty.

     Pikachu gave an almighty sigh. It seemed to be the only way he’d get any peace.

     “Pika,” he muttered and looked up for the first time.

     He gulped.
     He didn’t remember being this tall before.
 
    That’s because he wasn’t. He was up in the wheel. Up high. Almost at the top.

     Why didn’t anyone tell him that’s what the wheel was for?!
     If he’d have known he would be going up..... up..... up and away.....

     He panicked. His little heart began to race. He gripped the rail in fear and knew exactly what he had to do.

     “Pi......ka......”
    “Is everything OK, Pikachu?”

 “CHU-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U!!”
 

     The wheel became one giant ball of electricity which extended to the area around it, traveling across the ground and up the legs of Ash and Brock. Pokeballs went flying in all directions and the fixtures on the capsule disintegrated. Misty, Pikachu and Togapi were sent  tumbling to the ground, falling faster than an ex-number one.

     “Misty!” cried Ash, “Pikachu!” He grasped a Pokeball and launched it. “Bulbasaur! Vine whip!”
     “Bulbasaur!”  cried the ugly little Pokémon as it extended it’s vine whip to catch the capsule. It struck the outside but couldn’t grasp it. Ash cursed and watched helplessly as the capsule bounced off numerous parts of the wheel and continued falling to the ground. He had only one other choice - and it was a long shot.
      “Charizard! I choose you!” he cried. Charizard launched himself from his pokeball and flew through the air. “Catch the capsule!” Ash cried desperately.

    Charizard glanced at him, spat some fire in his direction and laid down to sleep. The Capsule tumbled down onto his head which broke its fall and it rolled across the ground like an oversized Pokeball while Charizard was knocked out cold. The bump on his head was almost as large as the capsule itself.

    “Someone call for an ambulance!” cried Brock.
 
     Ash stood up and cupped his hands to his mouth.

     “Ambulance!” he cried, ”Ambulance.....”
 

     Misty laid injured at the bottom of the fallen capsule. She was smothered with bruises and had a pokeball lodged where no self-respecting girl should ever find one.

     “Bugger,” she whispered, and passed out in an instant.
 

     Ash ran along side of Misty as she was taken into hospital on a stretcher.

     “Is she gonna be alright?” he cried.
     “I’m sure she’s going to be just fine,” said a nurse.
     “Hey, how come there are no Nurse Joy’s around here?” asked Brock.
     “Because this is a real hospital, not a cartoon one!” snapped Ash.

     Pikachu scowled and followed. How he’d managed to walk away from the ‘accident’ unscathed was something of a mystery. He didn’t even have a bandage to show for his trauma. Not even a sticky plaster. And to add insult to lack-of-injury all his CDs had been destroyed. It wasn’t fair. Life hated him.

     Togapi was wheeled in on a tiny stretcher right behind them and Charizard was wheeled in on a giant one after that. The casualty department became a mass of fictional characters. Psyduck had escaped from his pokeball just after the accident. Despite complaining he had a headache, nobody was taking much notice of him so he just followed idiotically.

     “Psy?” he said.

     He’d had a bad life really. Misty was the only person who had really been nice to him, and considering how badly she treated him that wasn’t saying much. He’d been married once. Fallen in love with a lady Psyduck and rushed into things. It was never going to work, though. The physical side just wasn’t there. Sex in the Psyduck household was not a particularly enthralling affair.

     “Not tonight, dear. I’ve got a headache.”
     “Me too.....”

     And so it had all broken up. He’d not had any luck since. Even the doctors and nurses were ignoring him.

     “Psy-y-y,” he complained and ran off by himself to find something interesting to do.
 

     Ash stared at Misty. He was worried about her. Terribly worried. Not only about the accident but about what she was saying to him earlier. What was up with her? Cute?? She’d never called him cute before. Misty had been acting very strangely. It was almost as though she.... she was trying to..... no. Couldn’t be. She couldn’t have a crush on him. Could she?!

     He shook himself back to the real world as Misty’s trolley passed him by.

     “Hey, wait! Where are you taking her?!” he cried.
     “Up to the ward,” said a nurse, “she should wake up soon and then we’ll have to operate.”
     “Operate?!” cried Ash, “what for?”
     “She has a pokeball lodged in a very delicate place,” said the nurse, “and unless she wants a Goldeen up there for the rest of her life we have to operate as soon as we can.”
     “Can I go with her?’ asked Ash.
     “Don’t you want to stay with Charizard?” asked Brock.

     Ash glanced at a nurse attempting to get a blood sample out of Charizard in the corner. As the needle approached his thick skin he gave a dissatisfied spit of fire in the nurse’s direction and singed her hair.

     “I think Charizard can look after himself,” Ash told him.
 

     Jessie looked up in horror. A doctor and a porter were waiting to take her down for her operation.

     “No!” she cried, “I’m not ready!”
     “It’ll be over before you know it,” the doctor told her.
     “So will my life!” cried Jessie, “please, don’t do it! I don’t want to die!”
     “You’re not going to die,” said the doctor, “it’s just a routine operation.”
     “I know what you doctors are like,” spat Jessie, “I’ll wake up to find my legs are missing!”
     “Jessie, you’ll be fine,” said James.
     “Will you be here when I return?” Jessie asked tearfully.
     “Of course I will,” said James.

     Jessie found the bed moving. The porter had started to take her away.

     “Looks like I’m being wheeled away again!” she cried.

     James wiped a tear from his eye as she was taken out of sight.

     “Poor Jessie,” he sobbed, “I wish there was something I could do.”

     Meowth watched him in silence for a moment.

     “Yeah,” he said, “poor Jessie.” He paused. “Last one to the canteen’s a rotten egg!”
     “Meowth!” cried James, “that’s tactless!” he paused and scuffed his shoe on the ground before energy rose inside him and he raced out the door. “Coffee’s on you!”
 

     James and Meowth’s trail of dust was still visible as Misty’s bed was wheeled down the corridor and into Brockham ward.

     “Hey, will you look at that?!” Brock began, “I’m so popular they named the ward after me!”
     “You sure it’s not a mental ward?” asked Ash.

     Brock scowled but carried on walking with Ash alongside Misty. She was still out cold for now which was more than could be said for Togapi who was kicking up a fuss. It had all started when one of the doctors attempted to extract a blood sample from him and he discovered he could prevent this by closing up his star-like head to become an egg again and therefore protect himself. This had turned quickly into Togapi’s favourite new game - Dodge the Needle. When the doctor gave up and allowed Togapi to be taken to the ward, blood-sample-free, he had snatched the needle to reverse the game and stabbed a grand total of 18 medical staff. He was now under very close supervision, and in a tiny straight jacket.

     “Togi, togi,” he said crossly, “pr-r-r-r-rii!”
     “It’s your own fault,” hissed Brock, “you wouldn’t have done that with Nurse Joy, would you?!”

     He stopped lecturing Togapi then, mentally inventing a different game of ‘dodge the needle’ to play with Nurse Joy, and walked absently with Ash as Misty’s bed was brought to a stand-still.
 

     Jessie trembled as her bed was taken through corridor after corridor.

     “There’s nothing to worry about,” she jabbered to herself, “everything will be fine. There’s nothing to worry about....”

     Her bed was taken to a small room outside the operating theater. A charming man stepped up and shook her hand.

     “The rest of your medical team will be along shortly,” he said.

     Jessie gazed at the handsome man.

     “Oh,” her lips twitched into a smile, “hello!”
     “Now, there’s nothing to be scared of,” The doctor told her, “you’re not worried, are you?”
     “Oh, no,” giggled Jessie, “not at all.”
     “Good,” said the doctor. He fussed around with a few pieces of equipment and took her hand. “Now, I just need to put this little needle in your hand to get medication into you,” he said, “you’ll just feel a scratch.”
 
     Jessie knew that was a lie. It was always a lie. Doctors always said you’d feel a scratch when in fact what you felt was a bloody sharp needle being stuck in your hand.

     “OK,” she said through gritted teeth. The needle hurt but she’d been through worse. And besides, at least she wasn’t blasting off again. As long as she didn’t look at it while it was in her hand she’d be OK.
     “Now I just need to put these little electrodes on you,” said the doctor.

     An image of red and white exploding Pokémon shot into Jessie’s head.

     “Electrodes?!!” she cried, “what are they for?!!”
     “Just to measure your heart rate,” the doctor explained. He held two small sticky white circles up on the ends of wires for her to see. Jessie giggled with relief and utter embarrassment.
     “Oh!” she said, “of course! Silly me!”
     “Would you mind just pulling your smock down a little?” the doctor asked. Jessie obliged and the doctor blushed, “Err... not that much....”
 
     Jessie giggled again, feeling worse by the second and hurried to return cover to her chest.

     “Sorry,” she said nervously.

     The doctor gave her a thin smile and placed the electrodes just below her shoulders. She wondered why she had been so scared. This wasn’t so bad! In fact, it was all pretty easy so far. She almost laughed at the thought of her earlier nightmare. James as a doctor. How ridiculous!

     She became alarmed when a machine started bleeping uncontrollably. The doctor cursed it and fiddled with it for a moment, then adjusted the electrodes. The sounds only increased.

     “What the hell....?!” the doctor muttered.
     “What’s wrong?!” Jessie cried in alarm.

     The machine continued squealing and making general ‘She’s dead!’ type of noises.

     “I don’t know what’s wrong with the machine,” the doctor said crossly, “it won’t register your heartbeat.”
     “Wha-a-a-?!” cried Jessie, “I’m dead! Help me, doctor! Help me!”
     “My dear,” the doctor began patiently, “if you were dead you would not be screaming your head off right now.”
     “I..... oh??!” frowned Jessie.

     The doctor sighed and shook his head

     “Relax, Jessie. Please. You are going to be fine.”
 
     Jessie returned to the tactic of nervous giggling until another doctor came in and addressed the first.

     “Oh dear,” he said, “you seem to have made a bit of a mess there!”
 
    Jessie glanced at her hand and found a little blood had leaked out from the needle.

     “AAA-ARGHHHHH ,” she cried, “I am dead, aren’t I?!!”
     “You’re not dead,” said the second doctor, “you’re very much alive.”

     Jessie hoped to God he was telling her the truth.

     “So who are you?” she asked.

     The doctor smiled.

     “My name’s James,” he said. His face broke into a devilish grin. “Fly me....!”

     The last thing Jessie remembered was screaming again. Then the doctors had yelled for the anesthetic to be hurried up and a small pink creature had appeared and started singing to her. There was only one fault with this Jigglypuff type of anesthetic. It put the doctors to sleep, too......
 

     “Misty?”

     Misty could hear someone calling her name. It was the voice of an angel. Wait a minute, no it wasn’t. It was only Ash. Oh well, it would have to do for now. She slowly opened her eyes. Ash was sitting on the edge of the bed beside her. Beyond him was Brock who was checking out Things Eyes Can Do. Pikachu sat crossly on the floor with his arms folded and next to him she could see Togapi sitting on a chair, wearing some kind of strange garment.

     “A-Ash?!” she whispered.
     “Hey! You’re awake!” grinned Ash.
     “Observant as always,” sighed Misty. She rubbed her eyes and tried to sit up. “What happened?”
     “Don’t you remember?” asked Ash, “there was an accident on the big wheel and you got hurt.”

     Something about that did seem familiar to Misty. She remembered falling and she remembered balls. It didn’t all make sense but she realised it would all come back to her sooner or later.

     “And what about everyone else?” she asked, “are they alright?”
     “Well Pikachu’s fine,” said Ash.
     “Pi-pika pika pi pikachu,”  Pikachu disagreed crossly.
     “And so’s Togapi,” Ash continued, “but he had a bit of an argument with the doctors so he’s a bit tied up at the moment.”
     “Togi-togi-pr-r-r-r-ri!”
     “And my Pokémon?” asked Misty, “are my other Pokemon OK?”
     “Well Psyduck escaped somewhere,” said Ash.
     “Well that’s the first piece of good news I’ve had all day,” said Misty.
     “And your Staryu and Starmie are fine.”
     “Well where’s Goldeen?” frowned Misty.

     Ash and Brock exchanged a glance.

     “I, uh.... don’t think we ought to say,” blushed Brock.
 

     Jessie was aware of the passing of time. She didn’t dream but she could tell time was moving on. The next thing she remembered she was laying somewhere. Her eyes were still closed but she could hear voices around her.

     “Jessie? Wake up, Jessie, it’s all over now.”

     A wave of relief washed over Jessie. The operation was over and done with.

     “Prepare for trouble,” she whispered. As her eyes opened the sensation of pain slowly filtered through to he mind and her hands gripped her middle. “Arghh! And bring me pain killers on the double!” she demanded.
     “You can have some as soon as you’re back in the ward,” the nurse told her.
     “I’ll be dead by then!” wept Jessie.

     She was glad James wasn’t there to see her like this. Where was the tough Jessie fans of Pokémon had come to recognize?! Somewhere back on the ward, probably. She waited and waited to be taken back but no one approached her. Nobody even seemed to notice she was there. Finally a nurse mentioned that a porter was on his way. That was little comfort to Jessie who had thought one was on his way ten minutes ago.

     She carried on waiting. Another ten minutes passed by and the promise of a porter was repeated. She flushed with anger as a third promise came. If she had to wait for much longer she would just have to walk back to the ward! Or Arbok could take her back. Where were her Pokémon when she needed them?!

     Just as she was cursing the absence of her Pokeballs another nurse came in.

     “You’re going back to the ward now,” she said.
     “At last!” sighed Jessie.

     A rather nice porter winked at Jessie and started to wheel her out, at which point two other porters appeared.

     “They’re like bloody busses!” she cried, “you wait ages for a porter then three come along at once!”

      “To be a master...” he sang loudly, “...Pokémon master....”
     “Please shut up!” wept Misty, “I can’t take any more!”

     Brock frowned.

     “What’s the matter?” he asked, “I thought you liked music.”
     “Brock, that’s not music! That’s a cry for help!”

     Ash returned from a brief trip out and handed Misty a small bunch of flowers.

     “Uh, here, Misty,” he said, “these are for you.”

     Misty’s wide eyes looked up at him and blinked.

     “Oh, Ash!” she cried, “how sweet!”
     “Not really,” said Brock, “I saw him take them from the room next door.”

     Misty’s face glowed red and her anger exploded in the form of a whack to Ash’s head.

     “AND JUST WHEN I THOUGHT YOU’D FINALLY DONE SOMETHING ROMANTIC FOR ONCE!” she cried.
     “Romantic?!” cried Ash, “why would I want to do anything romantic??”

     Misty was on the verge of delivering another blow to Ash’s head when a doctor came in and walked up to her bed.

     “We’re ready to take you down to the operating theater now,” he said, “and we’ll have that fish out of there in no time.”
     “Can you operate on him,” Misty began, nodding at Ash, “to remove his stupidity?”
 
     The doctor eyed her gravely.

     “We can’t work miracles,” he said.

     Ash and Brock watched in silence as Misty was taken away. Both were surprised at what they were feeling right then. Ash couldn’t believe he was so worried about Misty - and Brock couldn’t believe how attracted he felt to that doctor....

     “Pika?” Pikachu said curiously.
     “Huh?” frowned Ash, “oh, sorry Pikachu, I guess I was a bit distant there.” He shook his head to get rid of the image of Misty in that backless smock and sighed. “We’d better go and get something to eat before Misty comes back. I’m going to need all my strength if she’s going to keep hitting me.”

     They had been gone from the ward no longer than 30 seconds when Jessie was brought back in. She scowled at what greeted her: nobody. There were other patients, of course, but where was James? Or, for that matter, Meowth. So much for their promises that they’d be there on her return. Fury came over her. She’d thought James at least would be there for her. She’d always valued him as something more than just a friend. They shared everything together - food, transport, failures, more failures, plans, dreams, yet more failures, and even clothes. Even underwear for heaven’s sake. To think of all the times she’d lent him a pair of knickers or a bra, even though he always looked better in them than she did, and yet he wasn’t even there for her when she returned from her op.

     Just as she was working herself up into a bit of a state, footsteps and paw-steps thundered into the ward and James and Meowth screeched to a halt beside her bed.

     “Jessie!” James cried nervously, “you’re back so soon!”

     Jessie narrowed her eyes at him.

     “If I were you,” she said, “I’d prepare for trouble.”

     James swallowed hard.

     “Would you like me to draw the curtains for you?”
     “That might be a good idea.”
     “Alright.”

     Jessie scowled and watched as he did as she asked.

     “Now come here. Both of you.”
 

     Crash.

     James rubbed a rather large bump on his head.
     “I don’t suppose you could get some for me, could you...??!” he asked.
 

     James blubbed continuously over Jessie’s bed until she reluctantly accepted his apology. She would have accepted it anyway but she liked to make people suffer. That was her job after all.

     “Alright,” she sighed, “you’re forgiven, James.”

     James looked at her in surprise. He’d expected it to take twice as long.

     “I am?!”
     “Yes. I don’t have the strength to hold a grudge today,” said Jessie. Her eyes became glassy and she held her hands sadly to her chest. “it reminds me of when I was a girl...”
     “Uh oh,” cried Meowth, “run for cover! It’s Jessie sob-story time!”

     Jessie was too deep in despair to lash out, just this once. She ignored Meowth and his cruel comment, and focused on telling her story.

     “I was so poor I wouldn’t eat for days.... unless it snowed, of course. I was so weak, I used to stay in bed and dream about food until I could find the energy.... somehow.... to go and steal the scraps from our neighbour’s persian's food bowl....”

     James blinked and looked at her with pity and sadness.

     “Jessie,” he said tearfully, “you never told me that.”
     “That’s because I’ve only just had time to make it up,” snapped Jessie, delivering a whack on the head. James tumbled to the ground and saw stars in the air.
     “I think she’s getting her strength back,” he said.

     A nurse came around the ward and Jessie called for her.

     “Excuse me? Nurse?”

     The nurse peered around the curtain and gave Jessie a pleasant smile.

     “How are you feeling now?” she asked.
     “Terrible,” snapped Jessie, “and the service here is awful. When am I going to get something to eat?”
     “I’ll bring you some tea and toast in a minute,” the nurse said pleasantly.
     “I don’t like tea,” scowled Jessie.
     “Do you have a sad childhood story connected to it?” James asked tenderly.
     “No, it just makes me want to throw up,” said Jessie.
     “You don’t have to have tea,” said the nurse, “I’ll bring you water instead.”

     James gave a hefty sigh as the nurse left.

     “You don’t get enough male nurses around here, do you?!” he said.
     “No,” sighed Jessie, "you don't." She paused and scowled at James. “I beg your pardon?!!”

     James looked like he’d just been caught putting cling film over the toilet seat.
 
     “N-nothing!” he cried, “I didn’t say anything!”
     “He said there weren’t enough -” Meowth began loudly and found himself wrestled to the floor by James who followed this trick up by stamping on him several times.
     “Shut your big meowth or you’ll be the one in hospital he warned.

     Meowth staggered to his feet and collapsed against Jessie’s bed.

     “That smarts,” he said.

     A moment later the nurse returned with a tray for Jessie.
    “Here you are,” she said.
 
     Jessie stared crossly at the tray with its added secret weapon. A mug.

     “What’s that?” she demanded.
     “Tea,” said the nurse and in that instant it dawned on her, “of course! I forgot, you didn’t want tea, did you?”
     “No I didn’t!” cried Jessie.
     “Don’t worry,” smiled the nurse, “I’ll take it away.”

     Jessie watched her with tears sparkling in her eyes.

     “All I want,” she whispered, “is one measly cup of coffee.”
     “Then why didn’t you ask for one?” asked James.
     “Because I’m too weak and ill!” screamed Jessie.

     James watched as she attacked the toast like a madwoman. Which, of course, she was. Poor Jessie, he thought. She’s been through a lot. It was hard, seeing her in pain month after month, but at the same time he felt strangely envious. Women’s problems. He’d do anything to have women’s problems. To worry about whether or not his cleavage was large enough, to decide whether pink or red lipstick suited him best. He sighed dreamily but couldn’t sink too far into a dream as Jessie began screaming in his ear.

     “Wheels! I hear wheels, James!”
     “Huh?!!”
     “I think there’s a trolley outside!” Jessie cried. She clasped her hands to her chest and pleaded to the sky. “Oh please let it be a trolley!”
     “Why do you want a trolley, Jessie?”
     “Because trolleys mean coffee!” Jessie screamed. She noticed James drawing back in fear and knew she had to change tactics. “James.... could you do me one teeny weeny favour?” she asked.
     “What is it, Jessie?”
     “Could you pull back the curtain so I can see what’s outside?”

     James didn’t really feel like being yelled at again so he pulled back the curtain and revealed to Jessie the welcome sight of a trolley stocked with cups. Instantly Jessie’s spirits lifted. She could hear a kindly voice offering the other patients, ‘Tea or coffee?’

     Oh, perfect, she thought. Hot drinks. Coffee. Finally.

     She listened to the squeaky wheels until they cane to a halt and the curtain was pulled open.

     “Tea or coffee?” the friendly woman asked.
     “Coffee,” said Jessie.

     The woman froze.

     “Are you sure?”
     “Yes,” frowned Jessie.
     “Oh.” The woman laughed nervously and turned to her trolley.
     “Is something the matter?” Jessie asked suspiciously.
     “No, no,” the woman said quickly. She poured some hot liquid into a cup and placed it on the table by Jessie’s side. “There you go.”
     “Mmm! Looks nice and strong!” commented James.

     Jessie was not so convinced. There was something very wrong.

     “What’s this?” she demanded.
     “It’s coffee!” said the woman.

     Jessie took a deep sniff.

     “That’s tea.”
     “No it’s not.”
     “Yes it is!”
     “It’s just a new brand,” the woman bluffed, “it smells a bit like tea, that’s all.”
     “It doesn’t smell like tea,” cried Jessie, “it is tea!”
     “It’s not so bad when you get used to it though,” said the woman, then she made a hasty exit before Jessie could get any angrier.
     “I don’t believe that!” cried Jessie, “I just don’t -” she thrust her fist into the air to demonstrate her anger but noticed something around her wrist. “huh?”
     “What’s that?” asked James.
     “I don’t know,” frowned Jessie. It looked like some sort of strange sticky ribbon. Before she had a chance to remove it James screamed and jabbed at her shoulder.
     “Never mind the thing on your wrist,” he cried, “what’s that?!!”

     Just below the neckline of her gown was a small sticky circle with a mysterious blue metal popper on in.

     “Argh! James, help me!” she cried, “I’ve been covered in surprise sticky objects!”
     “What are they for??”
     “How would I know?!” cried Jessie, “I’m not a doctor!”
     “Speaking of which, where are they all?” wondered James.
     “I don’t know! I don’t own the place!”
     “I was just wondering!”
     “Well why don’t you ask Brock,” snapped Jessie, “it’s his ward!”
     “There’s no need to be like that,” pouted James.

     Jessie gave a deep sigh. She wasn’t in the mood for the primadonna act.

     “James,” she said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. Now will you stop sitting there like a wet weekend and help to get these sticky THINGS off me!”
 

     Ash and Brock were walking back to the ward when they fell into step with a porter taking Misty back from her operation.

     “Is she OK?” asked Ash.
     “She’s fine,” said the doctor who had accompanied her back up, “she should wake up soon and will be as right as rain.”
     “And.... what about Goldeen?” asked Brock.

     The doctor shuffled uncomfortably.
    “That’s something I don’t want to go into!” he said.

     Jessie screamed and remembered the advice people used to give about removing plasters. ‘If you do it quickly, it won’t hurt,’ they had said. It had never been true for plasters and it wasn’t true for surprise sticky objects, either.

     “James!” she cried.
     “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” James cried quickly.

     As Jessie fell silent to prepare for a quick James-attack she heard something. Something.... familiar.

     “James,” she said, “do you hear what I hear?”

     James listened intently for a moment.

     “Those voices...” he said, “...but it can’t be, can it?!!”
     “It’s the twerps,” scowled Jessie.
     “What are they doing here?!”
 
     Jessie sat up and held out her hand.

     “Shall we?!”
     “Are you sure you’re well enough?”
     “I’m always well enough for a motto,” said Jessie.

     A grin spread across James’s face.

     “Well, in that case...” he began. He gripped Jessie’s hand and helped her to her feet.

     Misty opened her eyes and found the room was spinning. It was going at quite a pace at first but soon began to slow down until finally Ash and Brock came into view leaning over her. Ash’s face broke into a grin.
 
    “Hey, Misty! You’re alright!”
 
     Misty smiled peacefully.

     “Ash,” she whispered, “there’s something I have to tell you.”

     Ash swallowed hard.
     “There is?”
     “Yes,” whispered Misty, “I..... I think.....” her vision registered something strange down Ash’s leg. It was a shadow. Or was it something else...?! “I think you’ve done something revolting!”
     “Huh?”
 
     Misty tried to draw away from him.

     “Look at yourself, Ash!” she cried, “you’ve..... done something all down your leg! And your knee!” her eyes darted across the room and she gasped in shock. “Brock’s done the same!”
     “Hey!” cried Ash, “I have not!”

    Misty rubbed her eyes and could see a little better.

    "Oops, sorry," she said, "my mistake."
    "Get your eyes tested, Misty," taunted Ash
    "Why don't you get your brain tested?!!"
 
     There was a scuffle the other side of the curtain and before they could continue their argument a hand pulled back one side to reveal Jessie in a backless smock, her bum on display to the rest of the ward.

     “Prepare for trouble....” she said.

     Hands pulled back the other side of the curtain and a flash of blue hair was revealed.

     “And make it double!”

     Jessie opened her mouth to continue but her audience noticed she had turned strangely green.

     “To protect the world from....” she stumbled, “blood and pain.....”

     James caught her as she doubled over.

     “To hope Jessie will be OK again.....”
     “To denounce the evils of my spinning head,” Jessie said weakly.
 
    James began to edge her backwards.
 
    “To help poor Jessie get back into bed....”
     “Jessie.”
     “James.”
     “Team Rocket pass out at the speed of light,” whispered Jessie.

     James laid her on the bed and turned back to their audience.

     “Surrender now and say goodnight,” he told them.
     “Meowth! That’s right!” Came a cry as Meowth leapt through the air and swung on the curtain rail. It couldn’t support his weight and fell down landing on Misty’s head with an almighty bump and knocking her out again.

     “Misty!” cried Ash. He struggled out the fallen curtain and ran to her, then bent forward over her face. She was breathing but out cold. “Misty! Misty, wake up! There’s something I have to tell you!”

     A Pokemon  waddled in.

     “Psy-y-y?!” he said. In his grasp was a needle filled with anesthetic which he tossed repeatedly in the air like a toy until he stumbled forward and jammed the needle into Ash’s leg.

     “YE-OWWWW!” cried Ash, “what did you do that for?!”
     “Psy?” Psyduck said questioningly.
     “Psyduck?! You’re a....” Ash began, “a....” his eyes began to close, “....oh, I feel so....”

     He collapsed on top of Misty and the pair were out cold.

     Misty came to with an arm around her. It was Ash’s. He looked pretty comfortable where he was, and Misty for the record was pretty comfortable too. Had she finally got lucky?!

     “Hey, Ash,” she whispered, “is that a Pokeball in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?!”

     Ash was, in fact, pleased to see her, but he didn’t want to let on. So he pretended to remain unconscious as his body developed a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘Pokeballs.’
 

     Meanwhile, over the crowded hospital bed, Brock’s newly opened eyes met with James’s. They widened. So did the elastic on his underpants. And James’s uniform had to be sent away for dry cleaning. The two of them, it seemed, were discovering Pokeballs of their own......