Anger
(This entry was edited by usagi on 07-03-01 @ 4:36 pm EDT)
This Morning I woke up with my sister going thru my purse. No, she wasn't looking for money just the house keys. To me that's still a violation of my privacy and property. so i yelled at her," what r u doing?" she responded in the same tone of voice as me ," Looking for the damn keys that's all i need to go to the store!" that's when i knew my day was shot to hell. last night i went to the mall and decided to buy a paper journal for my private thoughts and ramblings. how was i to know i would come back home with a journal and a guys number. this was like an ego booster for me since its been awhile i even attempted to get a guys number myself. what surprised me most is that he gave it to me. i called him around 11pm and we were on the phone till 3:30am great conversation didn't want it to end. then i had to call the "ex" now this is not a usual thing for me but we did become best friends but something about this conversation is making me think twice. he basically told me he broke up with me because i was too fat for him. that we couldn't do half the things he wanted to do because of my weight now i started to take this information he gave me to heart so i turned around and said, " How do you figure I'm to fat for you when i have been with other guys doing the things u say i can't do with you yet i do it with them. maybe your just to damn shallow and i never noticed it." he went silent. now in all honesty this man is not all that. he has many flaws one being he's not at all good in bed nor is he good looking. he acts like a Hugh child yet somehow women or skinny pretty women are on his shit. i think its the money or the promise of potential money. he basically talks about his video games and flicks all the time if not that his computer knowledge. I'm tired of it I'm tired of all of it. how can a man with the brain and the libido of a 5 year old tell me I'm too fat to have fun? enough about him its starting to piss me off. right now i feel like I'm in an abyss of heartache and cant find air to come up too. this feels good to get off my chest, but i tend to wonder if im putting my problems on to other people who are reading this. tired and week is my mind and body and soul. being pushed around,steped on, and lied to constantly is not my idea of living. I tend to try to ignore the negative aspects of my life and try to live it fully and day by day. i treasure the important things i never throw anything out. as bad as my memories are i don't want to get rid of them. the day is still young and i have much to do so i will close with this ... loving a person is so much more better when the person you are loving loves you truely in return.
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