Now, for the bio...
I am a 6', 43 year old lifetime lesbian. I came out to my first lesbian bar at the tender age of 15. At that time..(1972)..there were pretty much two choices for a gay woman. You were either Butch or femme, there were few shades of grey in those days. I walked into the bar to find two people,who I assumed were men, trying to beat each other senseless. I found myself trapped between the wall and the corner of the bar, with no chance of making the door. My only option was to duck the flying barstools as best I could, and wait out the storm. After about 10 minutes, the larger of the two threw the smaller out the door. Turning towards me, this individual gave me a head-to-toe-and-back again look. I'm sure by this time I looked just like the proverbial "scared rabbit". Walking dead up to my face, she said in a definately female voice.."My,my...new meat...I'll tell you what girl, you'll either be MY new meat...or I'll kick your ass!". As I stood looking up into the eyes of this masculine woman, I could not picture myself allowing her to touch me. So, with a bravado I absolutely did not feel, I said.."well, I guess your gonna have to kick my ass then." A couple of heartbeats of silence passed, and she busted out laughing. She tossed her arm around my shoulders and said.."You got balls, kid".. She became my best friend and mentor for years,until her death in 1981. And now you know how a baby "BullDyke" is born.....:)
My friend's name was "Mertz".
She had been gay all her life, and was a "StoneBullDyke". She wore a man's crew cut hair cut, and strapped down her breasts with an ace bandage. She wore a strap-on all the time, I don't remember ever seeing her without it. She taught me how to do it too. She also taught me about honor, and how to love myself for who I was..not who the world said I should be. she taught me that to be a strong woman was something to be proud of. she taught me that to be Butch ment to be responsible. Responsible for my actions, for my words, and responsible for my femme. That it was my job to care for, guide, and protect my femme....come what may. She taught me to be a Domme.
We didn't call it that back then, and probably wouldn't have known what you were talking about if you asked, but looking back at it I know now that's what it was. I didn't truly understand until I met a woman a couple of years after Mertz's death who cleared things right up for me, but more on that later.
It wasn't long before I discovered that my first view of Mertz was the exception rather than the rule. Tho' she fit the stereotype of a BullDyke in appearence, she did not in attitude or action. When Mertz walked into a room she drew attention, not because she was loud, or rude, or crude. She drew it because of her natural grace and Authority. Male or female, gay or straight, when Mertz gave a direction it was carried out.
We spent may hours talking about why people respected her, and how she managed to influence people so effortlessly. What follows are the main points that came out of those discussions.
Honesty....
One of the most stressed, and hardest learned lessons in my life has been honesty. Not honesty with others, that's important..but it comes in later. No, the honesty I'm talking about is with your self. In order to make sound, solid decisions you must be aware of what your motive forces are within. What are your true wants and desires? What emotional triggers come in to play when you are faced with a given situation? This isn't as easy as it sounds, you have to be willing to examin yourself objectively, and to be honest with yourself about the results. We are all our best salespeople, we can convince ourselves of anything if it means avoiding unpleasant issues, and most times we're not even aware that's what we're doing. But if we decieve ourselves, we then decieve others, and once trust is betrayed it's very hard to regain.
I don't know any other relationship where the principles of honesty and trust play as important a roll as in D/s. For a sub/slave to place their emotional, psychological, and physical well-being in the hands of a Dominant is an incredible act of trust and faith. One deserving of what ever effort is necessary to insure that trust isn't misplaced.
Constancy...
Defined in Webster's Dictionary as "Firmness of mind". The ability to hold to a concept or ideal without wavering.
A sub/slave gives you the gift of their complete submission, from that point on they look to you for guidance and instruction. It's now your responsibility to build them an environment of rules and requirements that will allow them to express their submissive nature, while giving them a sense of security and nurturing. A structure built on shifting sand will surely fall. And a D/s relationship plagued by inconsistency is doomed to fail.
Now we see where our attention to honest self-examination really pays off. When we've taken the time to identify and understand our own decision making process, we move into a position of true power. We develop an inner sense of confidence in our choices that those around us pick-up on intuitivly. This is especially true of a sub, who sub-consciously "reads" their Dom/me continuously. If we apply what we've learned when establishing the rules and expectations for our sub/slave, we are almost guaranteed success in the relationship. No can then always mean No...not maybe. And the action that produced punishment last week will do so this week as well. This allows the sub/slave to relax more deeply into their submission, which in turn generates an even greater desire to please and serve.
"To be continued....."
