BDSM ACTIVITIES and PRACTICES

3 CATEGORIES

Domination and Submission (aka Power Exchange)

consensual (or consensually non-consensual) 
people lovingly controlling other people 
exists only in the context of a relationship, usually intimate 
usually, but not necessarily erotic
Endorphin Play (aka sensation play)

consensual 
people causing pain in other people as a means to an end for the recipient (the endorphin rush) 
can and often does exist outside of a relationship 
participants may be strangers

Sadomasochism 

may be either consensual or non-consensual 
people causing pain in others as an end itself 
pain can be physical and/or psychological

Sadist enjoys others in pain

Masochist enjoys pain 



I hope that defined things a bit for those of you who are new or less experienced in this lifestyle. From this point forward aspects of the Dom/sub relationship will be addressed. For the sake of ease and to prevent confusion, "Dom" assumes a male gender and "sub" assumes that of female. As we know, that can be reversed with the "Domme" being female in gender and the "sub" of course being male, or it can be any combination of the two. Some of this may be boring to those more experienced, but I as a Dom and a Master enjoyed putting it together, and feel that there is at least a small piece of knowledge or a reminder that can be taken away from it by A/all. Enjoy!



Dominance and Submission (D/s)

A submissive submits to a Dominant. In other words, she asks Him to control her.

A Dominant dominates a submissive. In other words, He controls her.

Control of Behavior – Not Personality

A D/s relationship is built around the sub’s personality as much as it is around the Dom’s.

The Dom does not expect to change the sub’s personality, He expects only to control her behavior.

A good Dom does not expect perfection or anything close to perfection. Discipline and structure are used as outer limits for behavior only, to keep the behavior of the submissive within reasonable boundaries. He assumes that she will stray from time to time and need corrective measures.

In a good D/s relationship, the Dom is always open to and interested in hearing what the sub likes and dislikes. He encourages her to tell Him all that is going on in her. Her feelings and hopes and fears. He takes them into account before making any decisions for her. 

The Dom loves expressiveness in a sub, and her ability to express her feelings as she is feeling them. He asks her to be quiet only when she is obsessing over something and He thinks the talking isn’t getting her anywhere. He encourages her to express everything she thinks and feels.

A good Dom wants his sub to develop her intelligence and talents. He wants her to continually develop her potential. He sees their relationship as a form of personal growth experience, a spiritual practice for both the Dom and sub. This gives both a relationship in which they can be themselves, and frees them to work on their personal issues.

Discipline

This word can be used to describe a wide variety of phenomena. Some use it to describe "flogging" or "spanking", which is part of endorphin play. I choose not to describe discipline in that manner, but instead as…..

Training that molds, perfects, or corrects the mental faculties or moral character

Control gained by enforcing order or obedience

Prescribed orderly conduct or pattern of behavior

Discipline, as I see it, can include any technique designed to control, train, or educate a submissive to help her reach her potential. Discipline does not need to introduce any corporal punishment, or even include any punishment at all.

The Goals of Discipline

A Dom can discipline a sub in many areas…..

Her obedience to Him

Her health and wellness including diet and exercise

Her sexuality (helping to express her deepest self)

Her life skills

Techniques of Discipline

Guidance

Responding to requests for advice

Making requests of the sub

Education

On any subject that the Dom possesses more knowledge about than the sub

The Dom may be strict regarding this, like a headmaster

Emotional Support

Many subs feel they are disappointing to their Dom when they are not

A good Dom must give positive reinforcement

Confidence Building Exercises

The Dom assigns tasks that are only slightly harder than what the sub has achieved in 

the past

Motivational or Inspirational lectures

Techniques Designed to Remind the sub of her place

A Dom may ask a sub questions such as…..

Who are you?

Who is your Master?

Who do you serve?

What power have you given Me?

What is your role in your relationship with Me?

A dom may require the sub to demonstrate subservience, by kneeling before Him 

for example

Training

The sub learns what her Dom wants and expects from her to do for Him

Obedience Training

The Dom may test the sub’s unquestioning and swift response to His requests and 

Orders

Guidelines and Rules in the D/s Relationship

For the Dom’s comfort

For the own good of the sub

What the Dom considers to be acceptable behavior

Rewards

The sub may be allowed to do something that is not normally acceptable to the Dom

Many other forms of rewards of course – use your imagination

Punishment

A penalty imposed by the Dom on a sub for misbehavior

A technique used in discipline…..


Taking away a privilege temporarily 

Depriving the sub of a possession temporarily

Tedious or menial assignments

Bondage or confinement

Scolding

Corporal punishment

If the Dom prescribes any of the above and the sub enjoys it, then it isn’t punishment! When punishment is administered properly by the Dom, it should produce two reactions in the sub. When it’s over, she will see it as proof that her Dom cares about her and be grateful, but while the punishment is being administered she will wish it was over.



The Role of Scolding, Humiliation, Pursuit and Capture, Bondage, Pain and Discomfort, 

and Rough Sex in a D/s Relationship

Purpose and Meaning

To make the sub feel the Dom’s power

To remind the sub of the nature of their D/s relationship

To make the sub feel desired

NOT It’s Purpose and Meaning

To lower the sub’s self-esteem or self-worth

To cause a lasting injury



Training

In the D/s community training means a variety of different things…..

The Dom helping the sub to trust Him

Instilling quick and unquestioning obedience habits in the sub

Teaching her what pleases Him

Explaining what her duties and responsibilities are and how to perform them

Explaining the rules and guidelines to her, and the consequences if she breaks them

Teaching the sub acceptable behavior in both public and private situations

It is very important for a Dom to be diligent in His training of a new sub. Good habits can be instilled in a D/s relationship much more easily earlier on then later. Habits that exist that are displeasing to the Dom must be broken quickly and replaced with good ones.

Since what a Dom expects from His sub’s behavior may change a bit as time passes, training really never ends.

A good Dom’s discipline provides a safe arena for the sub to explore her submissiveness. The sub has a strong desire to be and express herself, and be seen as unique and authentic. The sub has grown tired of disciplining herself and suffering the consequences of when she hasn’t. When a sub feels comfortable and safe enough with her Dom, she will test Him to see if He will really enforce and maintain the guidelines that He has laid out for her. The sub also wants to see if He will control her and allow her to live the life she was intended to live. A sub may test the Dom, and rebel against Him and the rules He has set forth. A sub has a strong fear that she will be tempted to let down her guard and be herself, only to be neglected again in similarity to her previous relationships.

A loving Dom establishes a well defined structure for His sub and their relationship right from the beginning, and maintains consistent discipline as long as the sub needs it.

Communication is of utmost importance in a D/s relationship, frequent and honest.

Trust is the foundation of a D/s relationship, just as it is in a "vanilla" or any other type of relationship. A new Master will be tested by a sub to see if He is willing and able to control her as thoroughly as she needs in order to feel safe.



Ritual in D/s

Dom’s and sub’s enjoy rituals for the activities in which they are engaged. This is especially true for those who consider D/s as having meaning as a spiritual practice. There could be a ritual for punishment for example. A good Dom likes to enhance His sub’s anticipation by setting a time for her punishment that could be hours or even days away from the time that the infraction was committed. He may require His sub to wear a costume, speak to Him in a certain ritual language, and assume a ritual posture. There is plenty of room for the imagination here.



And I’ll leave it at that. 

If you made it this far then I would like to commend you for not dropping into a coma. I hope you enjoyed what you read, found it at least somewhat informative, and hopefully took a little something away from it. Remember that this is just the tip of the iceberg. D/s is a relationship between two human beings, and relationships can be just as complex as anything in the universe. We all never really cease in the learning process.

Happy Flogging!