| Disappointment, words, friendly banter doesn't make up for not having fingers sliding into my cunt or a cock filling my ass. All that tiredness and excitement for playing some pool - admittedly Alex's fingers did get a brief brief chance to stray between my legs. Ben and his goddamn conscience, or whatever made him stop. Am I happy? What do I really want? Can I really be bothered asking myself questions like these? I'm working with horses. I'm happy. I'm living in hamiltr0n. It sucks. I'm not in a "relationship" - Yay! I'm not getting laid when I really really want to, That sucks. I want to be in Auckland - only another 2.5 months hopefully. I want to live back with my guys - soon. I want Ben - irrational and tricky. Maybe. And Alex. That'll happen sooner, I think. On the whole, I am happy. I like what living alone here in hamiltr0n has done for me and to me. How I've become more independant, self-reliant. How I am quite content to spend time alone, lots of time alone. I like that. I like the person I am, how I've changed and where I am now, where I think I might change to. I like what I am doing, what takes up time and energy in my life. I'm happy with what I'm thinking and feeling. The things I don't like so much are mostly things I can't change immediately, but that will change in the near future. I guess it'll have to be my own fingers in my pussy. And my bottle in my ass. |