Introducing Dr. Oetker, maker of the finest over pizzas money can buy. Actually now I come to think about it, Oetker can't be much of Doctor, last time I went in for a check up they didn't give me a voucher for half price donuts. But the German metabolism is a strange and unusual thing and I'm gonna take it for granted that those guys get the same goodness out of melted cheese as we do salad. How else do they gather the strength to make the finest contact movies money can buy? Bless the Germans, bless their little moustachioed hearts.
Oetker's pizzas can be found in any supermarket, those things are taking over the supermarkets like wizzoah! If something as beautiful as a supermarket product chart existed, I'd like to think that Dr. Oetker could be a firm number one. Ah, the limitless possibilities that idea holds, perhaps a TV countdown where frustrated families scream at their screens week after week for their favourite new products to be number one. Those people are depending on you Oetker, let them down and you'll crush their tiny imaginary spirits. Okay ... nnnow I'm trying to fill up space.
Although Dr. Oetker's Rostirante pizzas come in all shapes and sizes, the greatest incarnation by far is the Mozarella. Described by Oetker him (or possibly her) self as "something German that I'm making up" and described on one of his (or her) official site's many many sister sites (wow, i'm really not selling this well) as "Mozzarella, the wonderful aroma of fresh cheese provides the pizza with its elegant taste; combined with tomatoes, Edam cheese and a delightful mix of herbs".
But don't let my hideous words put you off, I swear this stuff's the best. Although it's never graceful stuffing big grubby fistfuls of gooey pizza into your big fat hamster cheeks, this is about as close to posh as oven pizzas get. It has a bunch of stuff I've never heard of in it and some of it's green! It's even got cheese with names in it. There's 'Mozzarella' and 'Edam' rather than the random and often worrying 'plain ol' cheese'.
Ooh, i was watching a program the other night commentated by Del Boy from Only Fools And Horses about gross things around the home and he introduced me to cheese mites. Cheese mites are weird microscopic bugs which crawl around on cheese ... I can guarantee you that a company as fine at Dr. Oetker's would never allow cheese mites onto their products. In fact I have good reason to bvelieve that there's actually a sign up in front of the factory that says 'no cheese mites allowed'. So there you have it, if you don't eat Dr. Oetker's pizzas, you die of cheese mite poisoning.
You also get herbs on this thing, and i know you love the herbs, you love them almost as much as I love filling up space in this article.
Everyone should treat themself to at least one Oetker pizza while they're around, in fact you should treat yourself to five. And remember that O37K3R 0WNZ J00R LL4M4 4ZZES 4ND IF Y0U 3E3R W4N7 2 C J00R CHILDR3NZ 4641N, J00 N33D 2 8UY HIZ CH33ZY G00DN3SSEZ!!!11!!12