Beach Shards Weyr | Residents

Looking peevishly at his older half-brother, Callaron sighed at the immaturity of some people. Casan still had those childish dreams of becoming a dragonrider.

"Casan, are you sure I'm the younger one of us?" the boy demanded, glaring. Casan snorted, and glared back.

"At least I have some hope and dreams in my life, Callaron."

"Your dreams and hopes are going to amount to nothing, Cas. I'm not saying don't have hopes and dreams - just don't get too hopeful. You'll be heartbroken if you don't get searched."

"No I won't. I'll be disappointed, but I'll keep on. When the searchrider comes tomorrow, I'll be there. If I don't attract any attention, so be it. But I have to try. I really want to be a dragonrider, Cal." Casan's eyes pleaded with the younger boy to accept. "I know you want to be one too, you just don't want to admit it after..." Casan didn't continue.

Cal's back stiffened, and his eyes glazed over. That had struck a nerve.

"I don't." he whispered half-heartedly. The memory of being a little boy, telling his mother that one day he would ride a dragon like Frewelath, he would protect Pern from Thread single-handedly, surfaced from the depths of his conscience. He hastily pushed it back, not wanting to dwell on what was over and done with.

"I don't want to be a dragonrider." He stated more firmly. "I probably don't have whatever it is that dragons look for. And I don't want it, anyway."

Casan sighed. "Callaron, you know it wasn't your fault. You were only little."

"I should have had more sense than that." the younger snapped back.

More memories surfaced as fast as he could push them away. Snatches of his mother glassy-eyed and not responding to his pleas, and then her screaming at him for putting her into her state. Snatches of the Weyr's mourning when Frewelath went between.

"I did it." he murmured. "I watched her wither away, Casan. My own mother, dying because I was stupid enough to go out when Thread was falling. And Frewelath... Frewelath..."

Sobs struck the boy, wrenching through him as if someone was shaking him hard. Casan conforted him, repeating that he was sorry he had brought it up, please don't cry..

Finally Callaron's sobbing eased, until it was only slight hiccups as tears trickled down his cheeks.

"Cal, you weren't old enough to know."

"I was! I shouldn't have gone out in Threadfall. You didn't hear her after Frewelath went between Casan. She yelled at me and abused me, telling me it was all my fault. And it was. How could I not believe her? She was my mother!"

"Dalea... she wasn't comprehensible when Frewelath went between. Half of her wasn't there, how could you think she was talking sense? You would have died that night if it wasn't for Frewelath. You should honor dragons because of that, not stay away from them."

"But it was so horrible, Cas... I didn't understand... I though Frewelath would be alright, but she had too many scores... and I was watching, when she just screamed in pain and went. Went between. And my mother, she just collapsed, and started screaming at me."

More violent sobs shook Callaron. "I didn't ask for Frewelath to save me. She just appeared out of nowhere, and started trumpetting for me. I knew she was looking for me, but I thought I would get in trouble from Dalea, so I ran away from her. Away from her! And when she finally found me, I couldn't understand why my mother wasn't there. Frewelath had come to get me without Dalea because she knew I was in trouble!" the sobs continued, and Casan tried desperately to get Cal to stop, to no avail.

"I didn't understand... I couldn't! I was barely three turns... And then thread started falling. Frewelath covered me, covered me so I couldn't get scored. Then she betweened with me in her claw, with so many scores on her beautiful hide.. so many.."

Casan was more than a little astounded by Callaron's outburst. He had never been told Cal's full background, only bare glimpses and that Cal felt his mother's death was his fault. Casan and Cal's father was the harper at the Hold, and Callaron had moved out of the Weyr to his father when he couldn't stand it any more.

"Cal... it wasn't your fault.."

Shaking his head, Callaron moved away from his brother.

"You don't understand. Nobody does."

continue....