How do you throw away a garbage can?
Why do old men have hair in their ears?
Why are buttons on guys' shirts on a different side than girls' shirts?
If bunnies don't lay eggs why is it on Easter that we hide eggs from the Easter Bunny?
How come u can kill a deer and put it on your wall but its a illegal to keep them as a pet?
Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
what does the K in K-mart actually stand for?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Why do the numbers on a phone go one way and the numbers on the calculator go the other?
If your born at exactly midnight is your birthday on both those days?
If you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard?
Why is it you can walk down a road, even if it goes uphill?
Why do we say "bye bye" but not "hi hi"?
Can blind people be dyslexic when they read Braille?
Why do the call the angel of death an angel if all it does is bring pain and suffering?
Why doesn't the glue in the bottle dry up?
If Luke took a bath, would the water be lukewarm?
If you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you?
Why is it we have the weight of the world on our shoulders but have to get it off our chests?
Why does everyone speak different languages and have different accents if we all originally came from the same place?
If you tell someone they are being judgmental arnt you being judgmental yourself?
Why do they call it your "bottom", when it's really in the middle of your body?
Why do British people never sound British when they sing?
Why do they call them guidance counselors when all counselors do is offer guidance?
Why do they call it "head over heels in love" If our head is always over our heels?
Can a hearse driver drive a corpse in the Car Pool lane?
If someone can't see, they're blind and if someone cant hear, they're deaf, so what do you call people who can't smell?
How do they get those boats in those glass bottles?
Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
How did the headless horseman know where he was going?
Why is it called football when you hardly use your feet?
If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
Since we see little birdies when we just get knocked out, what do little birdies see when they just get knocked out??
Why are semi-trucks bigger than regular trucks?
Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?
How fast do hotcakes sell?
If you mated a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
If you say good morning before noon and good afternoon/night after noon what do you say at noon?
Why do they put "for indoor or outdoor use only" on christmas lights?
If Dracula has no reflection, how comes he always had such a straight parting in his hair?
If Jimmy crackes corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Don't you find it worrying that doctors call treating you their "practice" ?
Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?
If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
If a transport truck carrying a load of cars gets into a car accident, does it increase the number of the cars in the pile-up?
Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year?
Why do we park in a driveway and drive in a parkway?
Why are they called goose bumps? Do geese get people bumps?
Why is it that lemon dishsoap is made with real lemons, but lemon juice is artificial flavoring?
If you stole a pen from a bank then would it still be considered a bank robbery?
Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"?
It physically impossible to lick your elbow, although 75% of the people who read this will try.
Life in a vacuum sucks
You'll get what's coming to you ... Unless mailed
Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure.
You're only young once; you can be immature f'ever.
"Suicide Hotline...please hold."
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up
The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.
I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.
Just what part of "NO" didn't you understand...?
hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?
Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Conserve energy... fart in a jar
Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
There are 3 kinds of people in this world...those you want things to happen, those that make things happen, and those who just wonder what the hell happened!
Frogs have it easy. They can eat what bugs them
Join the army! Travel the world, Meet interesting people, and kill them.
Two rights do not make a wrong. They make an airplane.
I was only looking at your name tag, honest.
Endless Love: Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis
KENTUCKY: Five million people, Fifteen last names.
For Sale: Taliban rifle. Never fired. Dropped once
Hangover: The wrath of grapes.
Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool
I've discovered that I often visit the state of confusion, and I know my way around pretty well.
My family puts the "fun" back in dysFUNctional.
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house
Roses are red, violets are blue, I once thought I was ugly, until I saw you!
Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one
Drunk!...naught me - I'm Serfectly Pober Occifer!
I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?
I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words
FOR SALE: 1 set of morals, never used, will sell cheap
Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system
Did ya hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray...
Happiness is your Mother-In-Law's Picture on the Back of a Milk Carton
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers
Support bacteria, it's the only culture some people have
They told me I was gullible, and I believed them
Don't play with your food, especially after you've already eaten it
Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic
He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead
Children go through four life stages with dads:
1) They call you da-da.
2) They call you daddy.
3) They call you dad.
4) They call you collect.
There are 4 Santa Claus stages:
1) When you believe in Santa.
2) When you don't believe in Santa.
3) When you are Santa.
4) When you look like Santa.
Why do men have nipples?
If a person told you they were a pathological liar, should you believe them?
Why are they called apartments when they are together.
Adam and Eve were the first people on earth............Did they have belly buttons?
Crime doesn't pay. . .does that mean that my job is a crime?
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
If a man with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, would it be considered a hostage situation?
If a turtle does not have a shell on, is he homeless or naked?
If a vegetarian is someone who eats vegetables, what does that make a humanitarian?
If it is tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
If nothing sticks to Teflon how do they stick Teflon to the pan?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
I'm in shape. Round is a shape, isn't it?
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
What do butterfly's feel when they're in love?
What does an atheist do when he drives up behind a car with a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker and that car doesn't move when the traffic light turns green?
Why do they call it getting a dog fixed when after the surgery it doesn't work anymore?
What is listed as the hair colour on a drivers license of a bald headed man?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
Who puts the thin ice sign in the middle of the thin ice?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are wise men and wise guys the exact opposites?
Why does the sun on the Raisan Bran cereal box wear sunglasses?
Why do we say there is nothing on TV tonight when there obviously is something on?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why do you hang up the phone when you are setting it down?
Why are there so many songs for Christmas but barely any for all the other holidays?
City Morgue-U kill 'm, we chill 'm/U stab 'm we slab 'm!
Grits: Cream of Wheat with an attitude...
Life sucks, especially when you marry a woman who doesn't
Useless Invention: One way Cat Flap for the fridge!
Acronyms/Emoticons! A bunch that youu've never seen!
If your heart is the strongest of all muscles why does it break the easiest?
A best friend is a sister destiny forgot to give you.
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened
Love is when you don't want to go to bed because reality is better than a dream.
Don't frown, you never know when somebody is falling in love with your smile
Good friends are like stars... you don't always see them but you know they are always there
Everything is okay in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.
Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear
The hardest thing to do is to watch the one you love, love somebody else.
A Friend in Need is a pain indeed.
F U CN RD THS U CNT SPL WRTH A DM!
Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist.
For people who like peace and quiet: a phone
