Quotes Arranged in Aphabetical Order By Author
"Do not turn on your Air Conditioning... Even if you have power."
-A Radio Broadcaster (How can you use Air, if you don't have power?)
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."
-Douglas Adams
"If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?"
-Scott Adams
"In war, truth is the first casualty."
-Aeschylus
"It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish."
-Aeschylus
"I know how men in exile feed on dreams of hope."
-Aeschylus
"Rumors about me? Calista Flockhart, Pam Anderson, and Matt Damon. That's who I'm dating."
-Ben Affleck
"It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it."
-Henry Allen
"It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen
"I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded, dead."
-Woody Allen
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying."
-Woody Allen
"There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more."
-Woody Allen
"My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty."
-Woody Allen
"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's a pretty good empty experience."
-Woody Allen
"I'd call him a saddistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse."
-Woody Allen
"Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead."
-Hans Christain Andersen
"If you feel like you're under control, you're just not going fast enough."
-Mario Andretti
"Theater is life; film is art; television is furniture."
-Anonymous
"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people."
-Anonymous
"I became a policeman because I wanted to be in a business where the customer is always wrong."
-Anonymous
"Reality is nonexistent. and you dont need logic once you mistake your own sick fantasy for wisdom."
-Anonymous
"Never trust a thin chef."
-Anonymous
"Reality is a big, vicious, purple dragon. But I don't believe in dragons."
-Anonymous
"Great occasions do not make heroes or cowards; they simply unveil them to the eyes of men. Silently and imperceptibly, as we wake or sleep, we grow strong or weak; and at last some crisis shows what we have become"
-Annonymous
"Of the thirty-six ways of avoiding disaster, Running away is the best."
-Anonymous
"Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday."
-Anonymous
"Advice from your friends in like the weather, some of it is good, some of it is bad."
-Anonymous
"If this saying did not exist someone would have invented it."
-Anonymous
"Stress is when you wake up screaming and then realize that you haven't fallen asleep yet."
-Anonymous
"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her."
-Anonymous
"Change never hurt anyone except when it was thrown from the Empire State Building.
-Anonymous
"Anything you do can get you shot - including doing nothing."
-Anonymous
"Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said."
-Anonymous
"What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger."
-Anonymous
"A leader is someone who cares enough to tell the people not merely what they want to hear, but what they need to know."
-Gov. Reubin Askew
"The eskimos had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them: there ought to be as many for love."
-Margaret Atwood
"People ask me 'Why is it free?' and I tell them (really slowly) 'Because it doesnt cost anything.'"
-Bill Austin
"When one door closes, another opens. But we often look so regretfully upon the closed door that we don't see the one that has opened for us."
-Alexander Grahm Bell
"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."
-Ingrid Bergman
"I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are because; a could-be is a may-be who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been then a might-have-been by far, for a might-have-been has never been, but a has was once an are."
-Milton Berle
"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils."
-Herctor Berlioz
"If you don't know where you're going, chances are you will end up somewhere else."
-Yogi Berra
"It ain't the heat; it's the humility."
-Yogi Berra
"You should always go to other people's funerals. Otherwise they won't come to yours."
-Yogi Berra
"If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be."
-Yogi Berra
"If I didn't wake up, I'd still be sleeping."
-Yogi Berra
"I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early."
-Yogi Berra
"If you can't imitate him, don't copy him."
-Yogi Berra
"90% of the game is half mental."
-Yogi Berra
"Never answer an anonymous letter."
-Yogi Bera
"A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore."
-Yogi Berra
"Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded."
-Yogi Berra
"Little League baseball is a good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets and the kids out of the house."
-Yogi Berra
"If you come to a fork in the road, take it."
-Yogi Berra
"I wish I had an answer to that, because I'm tired of answering that question."
-Yogi Berra
"You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough in the second half you give what's left."
-Yogi Berra
"I knew exactly where it was, I just couldn't find it."
-Yogi Berra
"You better cut the pizza in four pieces. I'm not hungry enough to eat eight."
-Yogi Berra
"No, you didn't wake me up. I had to get up to answer the phone anyway."
-Yogi Berra
"Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie"
-Dave Berry
"A teacher's task is to Poke, Provoke to a Reaction, Confront and Elevate"
-Yogi Bhajan
"An egotist is a person of low taste--more interested in himself than in me."
-Ambrose Bierce
"Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage."
-Ambrose Bierce
"Belladonna: In Italian, a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison."
-Ambrose Bierce - The Devil's Dictionary
"The hours of folly are measured by the clock, but of wisdom no clock can measure."
-William Blake
"A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years."
-Rupert Brook
"Nobody talks so constantly about God as those who insist that there is no God."
-Heywood Broun
"Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.
-H. Jackson Brown Jr
" I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out."
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning
"An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind."
-Buddah
"Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone."
-Anthony Burgess
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
-Barbara Bush
"You cannot be president of the United States if you don't have faith. Remember Lincoln, going to his knees in times of trial and the Civil War and all that stuff. You can't be. And we are blessed. So don't feel sorry for - don't cry for me, Argentina."
-George Bush
"The Columbia is lost. There are no survivors,"
-George W. Bush
"The crew of the shuttle Columbia did not return safely to Earth; yet we can pray that all are safely home."
-George W. Bush
"I�ve directed the full resources of our intelligence and law enforcement communities to find those responsible and bring them to justice. We will make no distinction between the terrorists who committed these acts and those who harbor them."
-George W. Bush (9-12-02)
"You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone."
-Al Capone
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
"We are a nation of differences. Those differences don't make us weak. They are the source of our strength."
-Jimmy E. Carter Jr
"Who knows what true loneliness is�not the conventional word, but the naked terror? To the lonely themselves it wears a mask. The most miserable outcast hugs some memory or some illusion. Now and then a fatal conjunction of events may lift the veil for an instant. For an instant only. No human being could bear a steady view of moral solitude without going mad."
-Joseph Conrad
"Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never."
-Winston Churchill
"I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
-Winston Churchill
"If you will not fight for right when you can easily win without bloodshed, if you will not fight when your victory will be sure and not too costly, you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all odds against you and only a precious chance of survival. There may be even a worse case. You may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than live as slaves."
-Winston Churchhill
"Men stumble over the truth from time to time, but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened."
-Winston Churchill
"You will make all kinds of mistakes: but as long as you are generous and true and also fierce you cannot hurt the world or ever seriously distress her."
-Winston Churchill
"Love is the word used to label the sexual excitement of the young, the habituation of the middle-aged, and the mutual dependence of the old."
-John Ciardi
"A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it."
-Frank A. Clark
"When I took office, only high energy physicists had ever heard of what is called the Worldwide Web.... Now even my cat has its own page."
-Bill Clinton
"Man seeks to escape himself in myth, and does so by any means at his disposal. Drugs, alcohol, or lies. Unable to withdraw into himself, he disguises himself. Lies and inaccuracy give him a few moments of comfort."
-Jean Cocteau
"Mystery has its own mysteries, and there are gods above gods. We have ours, they have theirs. That is what's known as infinity."
-Jean Cocteau
"They say you can't judge a book by its cover, but who wants to have sex with a book?"
-Steven Colbert
"Until next time, help control the pet population: Teach your dog abstinence."
-Steven Colbert
"I've never been a fan of Amphibians. Not only do they strengthen the argument for evolution, they are Nature's fence-sitters. Come on Amphibians, which is it: water or land? Pick one, we're at war!"
-Steven Colbert
"Gates should have ripped off his shirt to show a series of mysterious tattoos, stuck a dagger in his mouth, fired an AK47 in the air and answered every question with a quotation from Catcher in the Rye"
-Steven Colbert
"If you non-Catholic Christians are upset, well just have your Pope issue a reponse. Oh that's right, you don't have a Pope. Because your faith is defective. Sorry, Catholicism is clearly superior. Don't believe me? Name one Protestant denomination that could afford a $660 million sexual abuse settlement. I think that Lord has spoken on this one."
-Steven Colbert
"He's running as an independent democrat, which if I'm not mistaken, is the political equivilant of a labradoodle."
Steven Colbert
"Reality has become a commodity."
-Steven Colbert
"The safest way to avoid throwing the baby out with the bathwater is to not change the bathwater."
-Steven Colbert
"I'm disappointed that my own Catholic Church has decided that capital punishment is wrong. Which is pretty hypocritical if you think about it, because they wouldn't even have a religion if it wasn't for capital punishment."
-Steven Colbert
"Asia: Four little letters, three billion little people."
-Steven Colbert
"Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart."
-Confucius
"I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night."
-Marie Corelli
"You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything- even poverty- you can survive it."
-Bill Cosby
"Kisses are a better fate than wisdom."
-E. E. Cummings
"People don't very much like things that are beautiful -- they are so far from their nasty little minds."
-Claude DeBussy
"Music is the arithmetic of sounds as optics is the geometry of light."
-Claude DeBussy
"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great."
-Comte DeBussy-Rabutin
"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is."
-Ellen DeGeneris
"No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another."
-Charles Dickens
"We need never be ashamed of our tears."
-Charles Dickens
"Success is counted sweetest by those who ne'er succeed."
-Emily Dickinson
"A wounded deer leaps the highest."
-Emily Dickinson
"When you're curious, you find lots of interesting things to do. And one thing it takes to accomplish something is courage."
-Walt Disney
"Laughter is America's most important export."
-Walt Disney
"Crowded classrooms and half-day sessions are a tragic waste of our greatest national resource - the minds of our children."
-Walt Disney
"The life and ventures of Mickey Mouse have been closely bound up with my own personal and professional life. It is understandable that I should have sentimental attachment for the little personage who played so big a part in the course of Disney Productions and has been so happily accepted as an amusing friend wherever films are shown around the world. He still speaks for me and I still speak for him."
-Walt Disney
"Somehow I can't believe there are any heights that can't be scaled by a man who knows the secret of making dreams come true. This special secret, it seems to me, can be summarized in four C's. They are Curiosity, Confidence, Courage, and Constancy and the greatest of these is Confidence. When you believe a thing, believe it all the way, implicitly and unquestionably."
-Walt Disney
"Why do we have to grow up? I know more adults who have the children's approach to life. They're people who don't give a hang what the Joneses do. You see them at Disneyland every time you go there. They are not afraid to be delighted with simple pleasures, and they have a degree of contentment with what life has brought - sometimes it isn't much, either."
-Walt Disney
Movies can and do have tremendous influence in shaping young lives in the realm of entertainment towards the ideals and objectives of normal adulthood."
-Walt Disney
"You can design and create, and build the most wonderful place in the world. But it takes people to make the dream a reality."
-Walt Disney
"Get bored of cynical. Yesterday is a thing of the past."
-Walt Disney
"We are not trying to entertain the critics. I'll take my chances with the public."
-Walt Disney
"There is more treasure in books than in all the pirates' loot on Treasure Island and at the bottom of the Spanish Main ... and best of all, you can enjoy these riches every day of your life."
-Walt Disney
"A man should never neglect his family for business."
-Walt Disney
"I only hope that we don't lose sight of one thing - that it was all started by a mouse."
-Walt Disney
"The era we are living in today is a dream of coming true."
-Walt Disney
"I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known."
-Walt Disney
"[Mickey Mouse] popped out of my mind onto a drawing pad 20 years ago on a train ride from Manhattan to Hollywood at a time when business fortunes of my brother Roy and myself were at lowest ebb and disaster seemed right around the corner."
-Walt Disney
"We felt that the public, and especially the children, like animals that are cute and little. I think we are rather indebted to Charlie Chaplin for the idea. We wanted something appealing, and we thought of a tiny bit of a mouse that would have something of the wistfulness of Chaplin- a little fellow trying to do the best he could."
-Walt Disney
"Please stand clear of the doors, porfavor mantegas sehallados de las puertas"
-Walt Disney World Monorail Announcement
"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight."
-Phyllis Diller
"We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and its only end."
-Benjamin Disraeli
"Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without."
-Dr. James C. Dobson
"Please know that I am aware of the hazards. I want to do it because I want to do it. Women must try to do things as men have tried. When they fail, their failure must be a challenge to others."
-Amelia Earhart
"Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done."
-Amelia Earhart
"They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning."
-Clint Eastwood
"I Like Ike"
-Dwight Eisenhower (Campaign Slogan)
"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would fully suffice."
-Albert Einstein
"Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved."
-Albert Einstein
"Many of the things you can count, don't count. Many of the things you can't count, really count."
-Albert Einstein
"Only a life lived for others is worth living."
-Albert Einstein
"Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them."
-Albert Einstein
"If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed."
-Albert Einstein
" I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
-Albert Einstein
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."
-Albert Einstein
"Time and money spent in helping men to do more for themselves is far better than mere giving."
-Henry Ford
"To accomplish great things, we must dream as well as act."
-Anatole France
"People who ask our advice almost never take it. Yet we should never refuse to give it, upon request, for it often helps us to see our own way more clearly."
-Brendan Francis
"Who would ever think that so much could go on in the soul of a young girl."
-Anne Frank
"Glass, china, and reputation are easily cracked, and never mended well."
-Benjamin Franklin
"A small leak can sink a great ship."
-Benjamin Franklin
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
-Benjamin Franklin
"Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."
-Robert Frost
"Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do."
-Zsa Zsa Gabor
"Where there is love there is life."
-Mahatma Gandhi
"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."
-Judy Garland
"The gift which I am sending you is called a dog, and is in fact the most precious and valuable possesssion of mankind."
-Theodorus Gaza
It doesn't matter if you're straight or gay, Cosmically, there's nothing wrong with being heterosexual, homosexual, or omnisexual�with being anything, as long as you don't hurt anybody, yourself included. The accusation is meaningless, and whether it's true or false is no one's business. I know who I am; what difference does it make what anyone thinks? �If I were a leopard, and someone came up and started screaming, 'You're a cow!'�is a leopard going to be uptight about this? He knows he's a leopard."
-Richard Gere
"The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made."
-Jean Giraudoux
"Youth is, after all, just a moment, but it is the moment, the spark that you always carry in your heart."
-Raisa M. Gorbachev
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come."
-Matt Groening
"Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs."
-Christopher Hampton
"I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it."
-Jack Handy
"Never take the advice of someone who has not had your kind of trouble."
-Sidney J. Harris
"Tippecanoe and Tyler Too"
-William Henry Harrison (Campaign Slogan)
"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."
-Ernest Hemingway
"Every man's life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another."
-Ernest Hemmingway
"Whoever obeys the gods, to him they particularly listen."
-Homer
"If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble."
-Bob Hope
"Never get married in the morning - you never know who you might meet that night."
-Paul Hornung
"Rule #1: The Customer is always right. Rule #2: If the customer is wrong, please refer to rule #1.
-Duncan Howe
"Don't take life too serious. You'll never escape it alive anyway."
-Elbert Hubbard
"A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same."
-Elbert Hubbard
"A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging prejudices."
-William James
"Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes...just be an illusion."
-Javan
"The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart."
-Saint Jerome (347 AD - 419 AD)
"My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them."
-Penn Jillette
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
-Erica Jong
"Being a daughter is only half the equation;bearing one is the other half."
-Erica Jong
"Keep your face to the sunshine and you will not see the shadows."
-Helen Keller
"Once I knew only darkness and stillness ... my life was without past or future ... but a little word from the fingers of another fell into my hand that clutched at emptiness, and my heart leaped to the rapture of living."
-Helen Keller
"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart"
-Hellen Keller
"And so my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country."
-John F. Kennedy
"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie-deliberate, contrived and dishonest-but the myth-persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
-John F. Kennedy
"Love is the only force capable of turning an enemy into a friend."
-Martin Luther King, Jr.
"We have flown the air like birds and swum the sea like fishes, but have yet to learn the simple act of walking the earth like brothers."
-Martin L. King Jr.
"Without justice, there can be no peace. He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it."
-M. L. King Jr.
"The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it's their fault."
-Henry Kissinger
"Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics."
-Fletcher Knebel
"Sometimes you're the windshield: sometimes you're the bug."
-Mark Knopfler
"People who drink to drown out the sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim."
-Ann Landers
"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward."
-Vernon Law
"I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'"
-Jay Leno
"Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution."
-Jay Leno
"You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time."
-Abraham Lincoln
"My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure."
-Abraham Lincoln
"A child is a person who is going to carry on what you have started... the fate of humanity is in his hands."
-Abraham Linclon
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."
-Abraham Lincoln
"If there is anything that a man can do well, I say let him do it. Give him a chance."
-Abraham Lincoln
"I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live by the light that I have. I must stand with anybody that stands right, and stand with him while he is right, and part with him when he goes wrong."
-Abraham Lincoln
"With malice toward none, with charity for all."
-Abraham Lincoln
"There's no honorable way to kill, no gentle way to destroy. There is nothing good in war. Except its ending."
-Abraham Lincoln
"Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die."
-Joe Louis
"If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt."
-Dean Martin
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
-Dean Martin
"Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough."
-Groucho Marx
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
-Groucho Marx
"Love is a dirty trick played on us to achieve the continuation of the species."
-William Somerset Maugham
"A lawful kiss is never worth a stolen one."
-Maupassant
"Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes."
-Aaron McGruder
"The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal."
-H. L. Mencken
"Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies."
-Edna St. Vincent Millay
"Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream."
-Malcolm Muggeridge
"Oh my son's my son till he gets him a wife, But my daughter's my daughter's my daughter all her life."
-Dinah Maria Mulock Crakik
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
-Napoleon
"A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of."
-Ogden Nash
"On the mountains of truth you can never climb in vain: either you will reach a point higher up today, or you will be training your powers so that you will be able to climb higher tomorrow."
-Friedrich Nietzsche
"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything."
-Friedrich Nietzsche
"The only abnormality is the incapacity to love."
-Anais Nin
"Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country."
-Anais Nin
"Before you critisize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes."
-Frieda Norris
"Knowledge is not information, it's transformation"
-Osho
"Chance is always powerful. Let your hook be always cast; in the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish."
-Ovid
"Courage is fear holding on a minute longer."
-George S. Patton
"I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it."
-Pablo Picasso
"No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather."
-Michael Pritchard
"I have seen the future and its like the present, only longer."
-Dan Quisenberry
"The government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it."
-Ronald Reagan
"Absence lessens the minor passions and increases the great ones, as the wind douses a candle and kindles a fire."
-Francois, Duc de la Rochefoucauld
"An onion can make people cry, but there has neer been a vegetable invented to make them laugh."
-Will Rogers
"When life hands you a lemon, say,'Oh yeah, I like lemons. What else ya got?'"
-Henry Rollins
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift; that�s why they call it the present."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift; that�s why they call it the present."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
"Confidence... thrives only on honesty, on honor, on the sacredness of obligation, on faithful performance. Without them, it cannot live."
-Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Speak Softly but carry a big stick."
-Theodore Roosevelt
"Get action. Seize the moment. Man was never intended to become an oyster."
-Theodore Roosevelt
"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."
-Theodore Roosevelt
"We call that person who has lost his father, an orphan; and a widower that man who has lost his wife. But that man who has known the immense unhappiness of losing a friend, by what name do we call him? Here every language is silent and holds its peace in impotence."
-Joseph Roux
"A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you."
-Francoise Sagan
"I love Thanksgiving turkey...it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts."
-Arnold Schwarzenegger
"Everything I have ever done in my life has always stayed. I've just added to it...But I will not change. Because when you are successful and you change, you are an idiot."
-Arnold Schwarzenegger
"There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
-Jerry Seinfeld
"sometimes the road less travelled is less travelled for a reason."
-Jerry Seinfeld
"Cowards die many times before their deaths, The valiant never taste of death but once."
-William Shakespeare
"O, it is excellent to have a giant's strength; but it is tyrannous to use it like a giant."
-William Shakespeare
"You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'"
-George Bernard Shaw
"Assassination is the extreme form of censorship."
-George Bernard Shaw
"A ship in harbor is safe -- but that is not what ships are for."
-John A. Shedd
"It is admirable for a man to take his son fishing, but there is a special place in heaven for the father who takes his daughter shopping.
-John Sinor
"A kiss: To a young girl, faith; to a married woman, hope; to an old maid, charity."
-V. P. Skipper
"We have only a little time to please the living, but all eternity to love the dead"
-Sophocles
"A short saying oft contains much wisdom."
-Sophocles
"One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love."
-Sophocles
"To him who is in fear everything rustles."
-Sophocles
"You Think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us."
-Robert Louis Stevenson
"We're actors - we're the opposite of people."
-Tom Stoppard
"Society, my dear, is like salt water, good to swim in but hard to swallow."
-Arthur Stringer
"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."
-Mother Teresa
"The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread."
-Mother Teresa
"[Water is] the only drink for a wise man."
-Henry David Thoreau
"Not All Who Wander are Lost"
-J.R.R. Tolkien
"We must build a new world, a far better world- one in which the eternal dignity of man is respected."
-Harry S. Truman
"The way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
-Mark Twain
"When we remember that we are all mad, the mysteries dissappear and life stands explained."
-Mark Twain
"You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."
-Mark Twain
" Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt."
-Mark Twain
"if you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. this is the principal difference between a dog and a man."
-Mark Twain
"That is the best -- to laugh with someone because you think the same things are funny."
-Gloria Vanderbilt
"In youth time flies upon a silken wing."
-Katherine Augusta Ware
"I always turn to the sports page first. The sports page records people's accomplishments; the front page nothing but man's failures."
-Earl Warren
"Character, not circumstances, makes the man."
-Booker T. Washington
"I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has had to overcome while trying to succeed."
-Booker T. Washington
"You can`t hold a man down without staying down with him."
-Booker T. Washington
"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed."
-Booker T. Washington
"Associate yourself with people of good quality, for it is better to be alone than in bad company."
-Booker T. Washington
"I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him."
-Booker T. Washington
"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these."
-George Washington
"Talk low, talk slow, and don't talk too much."
-John Wayne
"The deepest definition of youth is life as yet untouched by tragedy."
-Alfred North Whitehead
"Every man lies, but give him a mask and he will be sincere."
-Oscar Wilde
"Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much."
-Oscar Wilde
"True friends stab you in the front."
-Oscar Wilde
"To lose one parent...may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness."
-Oscar Wilde
"An acquaintance that begins with a compliment is sure to develop into a real friendship. It starts in the right manner."
-Oscar Wilde
"At twilight, nature is not without loveliness, though perhaps its chief use is to illustrate quotations from the poets."
-Oscar Wilde
"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all."
-Oscar Wilde
"There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
-Steven Wright
"On the other hand, you have different fingers."
-Stephen Wright
"The trouble with weather forecasting is that it's right too often for us to ignore it and wrong too often for us to rely on it."
-Patrrick Young
"Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time."
-Catherine Zandonella
"Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff."
-Frank Zappa
Quotes for the TV show FriendsHarry Potter QuotesArranged in Alphabetical Order By Title "You don't buy black underwear unless you want somebody to see it." "Hemingway was an abusive alcoholic who squandered his life hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers." "Uhh, excuse me, just one question before we start. Should you be drinking alcohol when you don't have a liver?" "It's not everyday you find a girl who'll flash to get you out of detention." "Why is everyone so hot for this girl? Has she got beer-flavored nipples?" "And I'll get to sleep at night. The deep slumber of a father whose daughters aren't out being impregnated." "I'm down, I've got the 411, and you are not going out and getting jiggy with some boy, I don't care how dope his ride is. My mama didn't raise no foo'!" "I feel like I just found out that my favorite love song was written about a sandwich." "Can you please find somebody else to be creepy with?" "Today you're just the bitch who broke my heart and cut up my mother's wedding dress." "What color is that - vomit?" "You'd rather focus on other people's Kodak moments than make one of your own!" "Love is patient, love is kind, love is slowly going out of your mind" "It'th not juithe. It'th a protein thake." "Sharks! They only bite when you touch their private parts!" "If I'm not back in five minutes... just wait longer!" "We're talking paranoid delusional psychosis. I saw the guy's room. Cozy... if you're Hannibal Lecter." "Hey Joe, What do you know?" "My brain is falling out" "My mommy doesn't hate me! Because I'm special! And unique! Because there's never been anyone like me before, ever! Mommy loves Martin because he is real, and when I am real Mommy's going to read to me and tuck me in my bed and sing to me and listen to what I say and she will cuddle with me and tell me every day a hundred times a day that she loves me!" "They made us too smart, too quick, and too many. We are suffering for the mistakes they made because when the end comes, all that will be left... is us" "They ask for me by name. Gigolo Joe, What do you know?" "I want to learn how to blow up shit with my mind." "Listen guys, there are plenty of successful people who didn't go to college. Albert Einstein. You know? Pocahontas never went to college. Corey Feldman and Corey Haim; they had a great run. Both Lewis and Clark. Suzanne Somers. Bono." "Ask me about my wiener!" "Oh great, an abandoned psychiatric hospital! Now I can get Hepatitis!" "Let's start this fake college. Then, we'll go start a meth lab somewhere. It's a gateway crime. That's how these things start." "Rejection. That's what makes a college great. The exclusivity of any university is judged primarily by the amount of students it rejects." "There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?" "Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue." "I am serious and don't call me Shirly." "It's not about what happened in the past, or what you think might happen in the future. It's about the ride, for Christ's sake. There is no point in going through all this crap, if your are not going to enjoy the ride. And you know what... when you least expect something great might come along. Something better then you even planned for." "I know that I have a .013% chance of being hit by a car on my way home. Or a one in 46,000 chance of falling through a subway grate. So I try to manage that risk by avoiding danger and having a plan and knowing what my next move is. And I guess you don't exactly live your life that way. Yeah... which is great, but I'm not gonna ever be a dirty dancer, and I don't eat food with my hands, and I really like you, but I just don't think this is gonna work out." "I just 'sharted.'" "See, ya are what ya are in this world. That's either one of two things: Either you're somebody, or you ain't nobody." "What's with this outfit? You know what it says? You wanna know what it says? Arrest me!" "The loudest man in the room is also the weakest man in the room." "This is my home. This is where my business is, my wife, my mother, my family. This is my country, I ain't goin' nowhere." "It's not in my best interest to say this Frank, but quitting while you're ahead, is not the same as quitting." "The number one fear of people isn't dying, it's public speaking." "Judges, lawyers, cops, politicians. They stop bringing dope into this country, about a hundred thousand people are gonna be out of a job." "Bitch poured beer on my weave!" "No woman of class, especially a supermodel in the making, is going to do something as disgusting as pee on herself at her job. Lisa, she's a sick individual and if she wins this competition I hope she uses that $100,000 and checks herself into a psych ward, ASAP." "I just kept seeing everyone laugh, and I knew they weren't laughing at me, cause whatever I was doing wasn't that funny." " You see the sun rise, you see it set, you see the Eiffel Tower, you see the crows cock...all that going on, and Nnenna's still on the phone." "...I don't like gay people, I don't like Muslims, I don't like abortions, I don't like anything liberal. But other than that, I really like to get along with people!" "This is not America's-Next-Top-Best-Friend." "Posing with an elephant, it's like posing with an ancient dinosaur. And elephants are in the dinosaur family." "He totally pitched a tent while they were in Africa. And not one you camp in." "Nobody else took it there, like nobody was like, 'Yo Jade, you look like an 85 year old woman.'" "I feel like a penis with ears." "Did you pull that stick out of your ass from last panel?" "I don't respect Melrose... if Melrose becomes America's Next Top Model I'm going to puke... all over. I'll just puke." "Mr. Jay didn't look like a matador at all. He looked like.. Mr. Jay in a matador costume." "It's just modeling. We're not curing cancer here." "I love that she has diarrhea of the mouth because we don't have to hear in a photograph." "I like the smiling, why don't you guys have a happy moment? Lesbians aren't serious all the time." "I believe that if the animal's alive you shouldn't kill it to make a coat of anything, but if it's already dead than you can take the skin off and just make a coat...Let's say, 'cuz animals fight each other in the jungle, right, in the woods?" "I think every model wants to date Nigel Barker, 'cuz he's so tall." "My theme today is anti-fur, like I hate fur. Actually, I really do like fur. I mean, it makes you look hot." Last week I was a lesbian, and now I'm a ho. So much fun." "Natasha is the used car salesman of America's Next Top Model." "I'm a paranoid schizophrenic. I'm my own entourage" "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" "Sweet Lincoln's mullet!" " Mr. Burgundy! You have a massive erection!" "Ron, I know it sounds harsh, but God does not want her to live." "People call me the Bry man; I'm the stylish one of the group. I know what you're asking yourself and the answer is yes. I have a nick name for my penis. Its called the Octagon, but I also nick named my testes - my left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right you just might get to meet the whole gang." "You stay classy, San Diego." "I'm Ron Burgundy, go fuck yourself, San Diego." " I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded." "We have a saying in my country - the coyote of the desert likes to eat the heart of the young and the blood drips down to his children for breakfast, lunch and dinner." "Tonight's top story: The sewers run red with Burgundy's blood." "If you mention extortion again, I'll have your legs broken." "Jimi Hendrix deceased, drugs. Janis Joplin deceased, alcohol. Mama Cass deceased, ham sandwich." "As long as people are still having premarital sex with many anonymous partners while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!" "That makes me angry, and when Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset....people DIE!!!" "Throw me a frickin' bone here! I'm the boss! Need the info!" "Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh! Sh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive "sh!" Now, I have a whole bag of "sh!" with your name on it. "I'm sorry I farted into your purse..." "Can I just spray a little pam down there right before the baby comes out?" "Congratulations, Kate. I want to reward you with five minutes of uninterrupted eye contact. "My avitar's dressed like a hooker!" "Why don't you make like a tree... and get outta here.." " I myself am... strange and unusual." "Hey, you stay away from the frozen food section. Your boobs'll harden." "The kid just won't quit peeing and throwing up. He's like a cocker spaniel. "No I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? this girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll." "Shampoo is better. I go on first and clean the hair. Conditioner is better. I leave the hair silky and smooth. Oh, really, fool? Really. Stop looking at me, swan." "Oh Veronica Vaughn! So hot! Want to touch the hiney! Arrroooooooo!" "What is a horse shoe? What does a horse shoe do? Are there any horse socks? Is anybody listening to me?" "Think of it as a boob handshake." "Chaz Michael Michaels is sex on ice!" My victory in Boston was as sweet as the cream pie from the city it's named after. "Sorry I'm late. I was busy having sex...a lot." "No, I think it's the opposite of funny. I think it's... wood." "I, Cory Matthews, am a PO-TAY-TO." "It was raining... you had an umbrella... I grabbed it, stuffed it down your throat, and then I opened it. Shawn, I Mary Poppinsed ya." "That's just what I want - to be Topanga's boyfriend. And then we can name our children Chubaka and Plankton." "Okay, someone explain to me about duckies before I hit him with a spoon." "Okay, Coreena, I don't know how to say this, so I'm going to choose my words very carefully. I think you're a psycho. I want to get as far away from you as I possibly can." "It was one of those nights. You know the kind. Like day, but darker." "Life's tough, get a helmet!" "See, duckies are good, cuz not only do they give you that non-threatening sense of security, but you can feed 'em crackers and you can ride 'em. See, duckies are the horsies of the ocean. No, I mean they are." "So I said to myself, 'Kyle,'..." "Hey, what's up with the Weasel? She's locked herself in the bathroom singing, 'On the first day of Christmas, I murdered Santa Claus.'" "I'm just not the guy for you. You need a guy who's happy and perky all the time. Maybe a guy who's had part of his brain removed and he thinks he's a bunny, and you can go off and be bunnies together." "I'm no rocket scientologist." "Pittsburgh: The Big Apple, City of Angels." "He says one thing, and does another. He's a hypochondriac." "Maybe the ones that can't stand each other waited too long to break up." "I'm a damsel, but not the distressed kind, one who's totally calm and in complete control of her own destiny." " I don't have to runaway and live in the street. I can runaway and I can go to the ocean, I can go to the country, I can go to the mountains. I could go to Israel, Africa, Afghanistan." "Dear Mr. Vernon: We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it is we did wrong, but we think you're crazy for making us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us: in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess, and a criminal. Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The Breakfast Club." "I just wanna know how one becomes a janitor because Andrew here is very interested in pursuing a career in the custodial arts." "Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?" "You're having cheer-sex with him!" "Cheerleaders are dancers who have gone retarded" "That's all right. That's OK. You're gonna pump our gas someday." "Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out. Gentlemen, as of this moment, I am that second mouse." "Sometimes it's easier livin' the lie." "Mr. Conners, this is a preliminary hearing. There is no... defendant. There is no... jury. It's just me. Son... what in the HELL is wrong with you?" "Chewing gum is really gross. Chewing gum I hate the most." "Don't touch that squirrel's nuts." "Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and it is frowned upon in most societies." "You soaked his underwear in meat. That is so wrong. Funny, but wrong." "Get my kids and meet me at my house. Ready? Break." "If you can't say anything nice, say it about Diane." "It's a dog eat dog world and I'm wearing milkbone underwear." "This trial...the whole world...it's all...show business!" "You want some advice, well here's a piece of advice from me to you, lay off the caramels." "And then I started foolin' around...and then I started screwin' around, which is foolin' around without dinner." "She stole my garter!" "In this town, murder's a form of entertainment." "Meat-losse, meat-loaf, double beat-loaf...I HATE meatloaf." "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." "Searching for a boy in high school is like searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie." "Miss Stoeger, I would just like to say that physical education in this school is a disgrace. I mean, standing in line for forty minutes is hardly aerobically effective. I doubt I've worked off the calories in a stick of Carefree gum." "I am your father. I brought you in this world, and I'll take you out." "Did that cannabis charge finally catch up with me?" "Love is not a feeling, Mr. Burns. It's an ability." "Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised." "There's rightness in our wrongness." "It seems all his best lines were yours... this is unbearable." "War is not healthy for children and other living things." "Checkers--shut up. Or I'll feed you to the Chinese." "Every lie is another brick in the pathway to hell." "Girls, the President's dog doesn't 'poop.' He 'does his business.'" "Me? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw, I'm scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you." "I know you. You know you. And I know you know that I know you." "Your "gym" is a skidmark on the underpants of society." "Here at Globo Gym we're better than you, and we know it." "At Globo Gym we understand that "ugliness" and "fatness" are genetic disorders, much like baldness or necrophilia, and it's only your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it." "Kate, it's time for you to put your mouth where our balls are." "Too bad Hallmark doesn't make a 'Sorry your dodgeball coach got killed by two tons of irony' card." " It's time to separate the wheat from the chaff, the men from the boys, the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian." "Let me tell you, a double-fault final-play elimination hasn't occurred since the Helsinki episode of 1919, and I think we all remember how THAT turned out!" "It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob out there." "Always remember the five d's of dodgeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge!" "I love the smell of queef in the morning." "You're about as useful as a poopie-flavored lollipop." "Dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion, and degradation." "Jimmy want a rib! Jimmy want a steak! Jimmy want piece of yo chocolate cake!" "Deena, you know why I chose you to sing lead? Because your voice... has no personality. No depth. Except for what I put in there." "You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle." "Dude, your dog's a stoner!" "Wait a second, let's recap. Last night, we lost my car, we accepted stolen money from a transsexual stripper, and now some space nerds want us to find something we can't pronounce. I hate to say it, Chester, but maybe we need to cut back on the shibbying." "Well, I touched Christy Boner's hoo-hoo, were on the hook for two hundred thousand dollars to a transsexual stripper, and my car's gone. I'd say we were pretty wasted." "Look, dude. It's those two totally gay Nordic dudes at 10 o'clock!" "The Best Way to Spread Christmas Cheer is to sing loud for all to hear!" "He had such a cute walk - one foot in front of the other. And then when he ran it was the same thing only faster." "If these had been pop tarts, we'd both be dead men." "And don't forget to fasten your condoms! ...Seatbelts, I mean seatbelts." "He's sick...My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy that knows this girl who's going with a guy who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious." "If you love me enough to sell your tickets, I love you enough not to let you." "Just a dog? Porthos dreams of being a bear, and you want to shatter those dreams by saying he's just a dog? What a horrible candle-snuffing word. That's like saying, He can't climb that mountain, he's just a man, or That's not a diamond, it's just a rock. Just." "In punishment for lack of an interesting pirate name, Peter shall walk the plank." "Young boys should never be sent to bed... they always wake up a day older." "You find a glimmer of happiness in this world, there's always someone who wants to destroy it." "My name be Nibs the Cut throat, feared by man and greatly desired by the ladies." "When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about. And that was the beginning of fairies." "Bomont, where the hell is Bomont?" "Ariel, your book report was so good, I almost decided to read a book!" "Can I please kick his ass?" "Ariel likes trouble, and everyone in town knows that you're t-r-u-b-l" "Hey mister you just bumped me!" "Around here when you push someone they're gonna push you back, and then you got...two people pushin'" "Don't you be afraid, sweetheart. Death is just a part of life, something we're all destined to do. "Sometimes, there just aren't enough rocks" "Don't stare at me, Eddie. I'm a humane man, but right now I could kick a kitten through an electric fan." "So when's Anne Frank gonna smoke Hitler?" "Man, what am I DOIN' in here, man? This ol' ghetto ass class got people in here lookin' like a bad rerun of cops!" "It's amazing, Molly. The love inside, you take it with you." "I'm gonna make him and offer he can't refuse." "In Sicily, women are more dangerous than shotguns" "Whenever I pass a ice cream parlor or tackle shop I blush" "You can lead a herring to water, but you have to walk really fast or they die." "My mother always used to say: 'The older you get, the better you get, unless you're a banana.'" "What is she going to do with water? Has water ever made you feel better when you were upset? Have you ever heard anyone say, "Thank God, the water's here"? Call me when dinner is ready. "Do you like it when I eat your penguin ass?" "I'm going to fuck you till you die!" "Ladies & gentlemen...dingleberries on parade!" "We have pictures of you so-called mooners. And just because those pictures aren't of your faces, doesn't mean we can't identify you. At this very moment, those pictures are on their way to Washington, where the FBI has experts in this kind of identification. If you turn yourselves in now, you may escape a federal charge." "If you can't be an athlete, be an athletic supporter!" "All right...I'm glad it's a girl. And I hope she'll be a fool -- that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool" "Can�t repeat the past?�Why of course you can!" "Reserving judgements is a matter of infinite hope." "Those Whos are hard to frazzle, Max. But, we did our worst, and that's all that matters." "The nerve of those Whos! Inviting me down there--and on such short notice! Even if I wanted to go my schedule wouldn't allow it. Four o'clock, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one. 5:30, jazzercize. 6:30, dinner with me. I can't cancel that again! 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing; I'm booked! Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9 I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear?" "Blast this Christmas music! It's joyful and triumphant." "Santa, don't forget the Grinch. I know he's mean and hairy and smelly, and his hands are cold and clammy, but I think he's kinda... sweet." "Everybody seems too kerbabbled. Isn't this just a little superfluous?" "That's it! I'm done. I'm going to give up this dating thing, live by myself and learn to whittle and spit." "The last time I saw a doctor, he went poking around like a Turkish drug enforcement officer with an attitude." "If we get any more white people in here, this is gonna be a suburb." "I want that chubby Communist girl off my show!" "Hey, if I saw myself in clothes like those, I'd have to kick my own ass." "During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody." "Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away." "Any guy can sweep any girl off her feet, he just needs the right broom." "One dance, one look, one kiss, that's all we get, Albert. Just... one shot, to make the difference between happily ever after, and oh? he's just some guy I went to some thing with once." "Because that's what people do. They leap, and hope to God they can fly, because otherwise. you just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down, why in the *hell* did I jump? But here I am, Sarah, falling, and the only one that makes me feel like I can fly... is you." "I want to jump in front of every cab I see, because maybe then I'll stop thinking about her." "Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association?" "This house is so full of people it makes me sick. When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone." "There's one thing every little kid knows. Daddies mean fun; mommies mean business." "Sex COULD kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent. It's ugly. And it's messy. And if God hadn't made it UNBELIEVABLY fun, the human race would have died out eons ago." "I thought you were too screwed up to love anyone. I was wrong. You just couldn't love me. It's okay. I'm happy for you." "You want him, you've gotta take him. Jump him." "When I hired you, I knew you were insane. I will continue to try and stop you from doing insane things, but once they're done, trying to convince an insane person not to do insane things is, in itself, insane. So when I hired you, I also set aside fifty thousand a year for legal expenses. So far, you've come in under budget." "It takes two department heads to treat shortness of breath? What, did the complications increase exponentially with cup size?" "The Cripple Boys. We should start a band." "Sorry, I missed that. White count's been down since the Ricky Martin concert. Some cholo kicked me in the head." "You know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a...I can't think of a non-sexual metaphor." "Candy *canes*? Are you mocking me?" "Would the world be a better place if people never felt guilty? Makes sex better. Shoulda seen her in the last months of our relationship. Lot of guilt. *Lot* of screaming." "Perseverance does not equal worthiness. Next time you want to get my attention, wear something fun. Low-riding jeans are hot." "Good lord, are you having a bowel movement or a baby?" "The drugs don't make me high, they make me neutral." "Ah, a rash, call a dermatologist. If it's wet, keep it dry. If it's dry, keep it wet. If it's not supposed to be there, cut it off. I never could remember all that." "Like I always say, there's no "I" in team. There's a "me" though, if you jumble it up." "Fascinating story. Did you think about adapting it to the stage?" "I'm extremely disappointed. I send you out for exciting, new designer drugs, you come back with tomato sauce." "I take risks, sometimes patients die, but not taking risks causes more patients to die - so I guess my biggest problem is I've been cursed with the ability to do the math." "'The body does crazy things.' Well, that explains everything." "How does someone just start drooling? Chase? Were you wearing your short shorts?" "Trying to win Stacy back by killing an animal. Very caveman." "Oh, this is where I give you advice and pretend you are going listen to it, I love this part." "Like, do blondes, like, really have more fun?" "That's what I'm talking about. Where's the sexy, cool, fun, smart, beautiful Andie that I knew? The one that wanted to be a serious journalist? You're up, you're down, you're here, you're there, you're like a fricken' one woman circus." "The only thing I'm doing with my eyes is putting a bag over your head, you toothless moron!" "Let's go junior high on them." "Now place the ring on his hand. A ring is like a circle, it goes on forever. It's not like a triangle, triangle have corners. It's like a circle." "We've got the FBI on us like trailer trash on Velveeta." "Yeah right, and Santa Claus lives with the tooth fairy in Queens." " That can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars over the fence, world series kind of love." "Guys like him like girls with food names like Cookie or Muffin or Candy, not girls like me." "I made my money the old fashion way - pure dumb luck." "Yeah, it's a cure-all. My buddy Jonah broke his elbow one time. He just smoked some weed. It still clicks, but it's cool." "It's doggie style. It's just the style. We don't have to go outside or anything." "Steely Dan can gargle my balls." "Your face looks like Robin Williams' knuckles." "You're going to be embarrassed when you realize I'm Wilmer Valderama." "He spelled "coming" wrong. Oh that's "cu...� Oh that's gross!" "Oops. That's not your vagina. That's your asshole." "Hey, don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out!" "You hear that, Ben? Don't let him near the kid, he wants to rear your child!" "Because your face looks like a vagina." "Oh, no, we're not asking you to lose weight. That would be illegal. We just want you to be healthy, by eating less. So go home, weigh yourself on a scale, write than down. Then subtract 20 from that number. And weigh that. Yeah." "Tell him not to jerk off with a noose around his neck - it's dangerous." "Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever." "I wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles." "You look like Babe Ruth's gay brother... Gabe Ruth." "Do you ever wonder how somebody could even like you? The biggest problem in our marriage is that she wants me around. And I can't even accept that? I don't think I can accept pure love." "(Explaining where she thinks babies come from) Well. I think a stork, he umm, he drops it down and then, and then, a hole goes in your body and there's blood everywhere, coming out of your head and then you push your belly button and then your button falls off and then you hold your butt and you have to dig and you find the little baby." "Can I get a little Bobert chant? (audience chants) OK, forget that name, I'll never get laid with that name. Nobody wants to screw a Bobert." " I have trouble deciding whether someone is a punk-ass bitch or a bitch-ass punk." "He may try to look for something in your brain, but I assure you he won't find anything in mine." "I've got a psychic who claims she can channel Annika for the right price." "Thank you. You've offered a provocative theory. What it lacks in substance, it makes up for in pretty colors." "You don't get to pick the vic." "It's a case of he said, she said, he's dead." "Drugs, I get, but ponies?" "I am really getting sick of these kids, which is probably why I don't have any." "I can go to jail for stealing a toaster, but not for stealing a woman's eggs?" " Now I'm a pain in my own ass." "Follow the shoe again. This case is a shoe fetishist's wet dream." "Garden state" my ass. I guess "chemical capitol of the world" didn't have the same zing." "In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories." "I don't ever want this many lawyers in my chambers again... so next time, leave the Dog and Pony show at home." "All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing." "You have the right to an attorney and if you throw up in my car, I'll kill ya." "Are you suggesting that because the number is so large, your client is entitled to more than what was agreed upon in the pre-nup? Because that was not your position last night, assuming you remember last night's... position." "Forgive me if I get a little emotional, but this is the day every mother dreams of. The day she watches her only daughter put a lock on her bedroom door, to keep her husband out." "Exercise makes endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't kill their husbands. They just don't." "Politicians are a lot like diapers. They should be changed frequently, and for the same reasons." "You want an amendment against same sex marriage! Anyone who's ever been married knows it's always the same sex!" "Just off the top of my head, I was thinking: Bruce Springsteen, Secretary of State." "I did not have sex with that woman. I wanted to..." "Look, Doc, I spent last Tuesday watching fibers on my carpet. And the whole time I was watching my carpet, I was worrying that I, I might vomit. And the whole time, I was thinking, "I'm a grown man. I should know what goes on my head." And the more I thought about it... the more I realized that I should just blow my brains out and end it all. But then I thought, well, if I thought more about blowing my brains out... I start worrying about what that was going to do to my goddamn carpet. Okay, so, ah-he, that was a GOOD day, Doc. And, and I just want you to give me some pills and let me get on with my life." "Uh-oh, here it comes again, the word vomit... no, actual vomit." "Don't have sex! Because you will get pregnant... and DIE!" "I have a nephew named Anferny, and I know how much he hates it when I call him Anthony. Almost as much as I hate the fact that my sister named him Anferny." "One time, Regina George punched me in the face. It was AWESOME." "And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could kill the dinosaurs. And homosexuals." "Well, there is this one thing, it's like I have a fifth sense. It's like I have ESPN or something? My breasts can always tell when it's raining." "Oh, hi. Would you like to buy some drugs?" "Someone wrote in that book that I'm lying about being a virgin because I use super jumbo tampons... but it's not my fault I've got a heavy flow and a wide set vagina!" "Our daddy may have advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage, but he is a very gentle person!" "I will be watching you and if I find that you are trying to corrupt my first born child, I will bring you down, baby. I will bring you down to Chinatown!" "I understand you may have had sexual relations with my daughter before, but under our roof, it's my way or the Long Island Expressway! So just keep your snake in its cage for 72 hours." "His parents gotta be decent people if they named their son Gaylord Focker." "Well, my idea of a perfect date would be April 23rd. Because it's not too warm or too cold, and all you need is a light jacket. [after being asked what is your idea of a perfect date]" "You think I'm gorgeous... You want to kiss me... You want to hug me... You want to love me... You want to smooch me... You want to hug me." "I am in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven't slept all night, I'm starved, AND I'm armed! Don't MESS with me!" "Let me put it this way... when you're twenty, I'll be forty, when you're thirty, I'll be forty, when you're forty, you'll understand why I'm still forty. It's the new math; learn it." "You know, the next time you give your clothes away, why don't you just stay in them?" "In Africa they have the saying, it takes a village to raise a child. But for the tribe of the upper-eastside of Manhattan, it takes just one person. The nanny." "You want to know about the dads? I'll tell you about the dads. They're chubby, bald, steak-eating, cigar-smoking, type-A pigs who get more turned on by the Bloomberg Wire than they do by any hot nannies. Actually, it's all of you in about 5 years. So take it from me, guys: Enjoy tonight, because your future looks pretty fucking bleak." "My desire to be an observer of life was actually keeping me from having one." "There's a common belief among anthropologists that you must immerse yourself in an unfamiliar world in order to truly understand your own." "Nanny, you never mentioned you had a mother!" "Why do you love me? Why do you need me? Always and forever... We met in a chatroom, now our love can fully bloom... Sure the world wide web is great, but you, you make my salvivate... I love technology, but not as much as you, you see... But i STILL love technology... Always and forever. Our love is like a flock of doves, flying up to heaven above... always and forever, always and forever... Why do you need me? Why do you love me? Always and forever..." "I see you're drinking 1% milk. Is that because you think you're fat? Because you're not. You could probably be drinking whole milk." "You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bowstaff." "Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it cause I can't fit my nunchucks in there anymore." "Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills. You know, like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills..." "I'm Rex, founder of the Rex Kwan Do self-defense system! After one week with me in my dojo, you'll be prepared to defend yourself with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man." "Hurry up, Clark! I'm freezing my baguettes off!" "Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?" "If that cat had nine lives it sure used 'em all" "And God said, 'Where the Hell is Tim?' And where the Hell was Tim. And God said, 'Let there be doors that open when they open, and close when they close.'" "Now I know how GOD felt when he created the Earth: very glad he had taken his asprin." "And on we blindly stumble!" "No, I'm not in Spain, I'm in agony that's where I am!" " I've been on a diet everyday since I was nineteen, which basically means I've been hungry for a decade. I've had a series of not so nice boyfriends, one of whom hit me. And every time I get my heartbroken the newspapers splash it about as thought it's entertainment. And it's taken two rather painful operations to get me looking like this. And one day, not long from now, my looks will go. They will discover I can't act, and I will become some sad middle-aged woman who looks a bit like someone who was famous for awhile. "In one week, I can put a bug so far up her ass, she don't know whether to shit or wind her wristwatch" "I am a crazy, rabid squirrel! I want my cookies!" "But I thought I liked the cookie..." "I've had dirt, I don't like dirt, it tastes like dirt!" "Are you going to make me sleep in the tub again?" "I bet you've had a hard time walking into a room full of people on your own, right? Yeah. I know that. I know what it is not to feel like your in the room until he looks at you or touches your hand or even makes a joke at your expense, just to let everyone know... you're with him. You're his." "You gotta be rich to be insane, Hol. Losing your mind is not a luxury for the middle class." "I guess it's hard for people who are so used to things the way they are -- even if they're bad -- to change. 'Cause they kind of give up. And when they do, everybody kind of loses." "Take your stinking hands off me, you damn dirty human!" "My darling girl, when are you going to understand that "normal" is not necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage" "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." "You mean you'll put down your rock, and I'll put down my sword and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?" "Goodbye, trolley people!" "I have never worn pantyhose but it sounds very dangerous" "Is your mom dating an undertaker?" "I don't want to rule my own country, I just want to pass the tenth grade." "Just in case I wasn't enough of a freak already, let's add a tiara!" "Tell me, how does my mother, or any person for that matter, go into a parent/teacher conference and come out with a date?" "Okay, I look like an asparagus." "You know most kids hope for a car for their 16th birthday, not a country!" "I can't be a princess! I'm still waiting for normal body parts to arrive!" "Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all." "I'm not afraid to hurt you. I have diplomatic immunity in 46 countries. Including Puerto Rico! "I would never sass you grandma." "If you so much as blink in her direction again, I can and will bury you so far in the ground the heat from the earth's core will singe and incinerate your sorry ass!" "No one will really be free until nerd persecution ends. "Jocks only think about sports, nerds only think about sex." "Wrong! I'm perfectly sane. Everyone else, however, is insane and trying to steal my magic bag!" "If you don't get rid of Linda, I'm gonna throw her out the winda." "Last Time you washed my car you flooded the inside." "Wow, my first Hollywood party. I wonder if the Simpsons are gonna be there?" "I like school. It's just too bad classes get in the way." "I like school... it's a good way to kill time between weekends." "Your kids have all really touched me, and I'm pretty sure that I've touched them." "I pledge allegiance... to the band... of Mr. Schneebly... and will not fight him... for creative control... and will defer to him on all issues related to the musical direction of the band." "OK, Ms DumBum ain't your teacher today, I am, and I have a headache and the runs. So I say, time for recess!" "God of Rock, thank you for this chance to kick ass. We are your humble servants. Please give us the power to blow people's minds with our high voltage rock. In your name we pray, Amen." "Those that can't do, teach, and those that can't teach... teach gym." "You don't have to worry about me because I'm a hard-ass. And if a kid gets out of line, I got no problem smacking them in the head." "You're fat, and you have body odor!" "Okay, think of what little patience I have as, oh, I don't know, your virginity. You always thought it would be there, until that night Junior Year when you were feeling a little down about yourself and your pal Kevin, who just wanted to be friends, well, he dropped by and he brought a copy of About Last Night and a four-pack of Bartels & James and woo hoo hoo, it was gone forever - just like my patience is now." "And bam! The shine's off the apple. And that's when you find out that that pretty little girl you married isn't a pretty little girl at all. No, she's a man-eater. And I'm not talking about the "whoa-whoa, here she comes" kind of man-eater. I'm talking about the kind that uses your dignity as a dishtowel to wipe up any shreds of manhood that might be stuck inside the sink. Of course, I may have tormented her from time to time; but, honest to God, that's what I thought marriage was all about. So much so that, by the end of that relationship, I honestly don't know who I hated more - her or me? I used to sit around and wonder... why our friends weren't trying to destroy each other, like we were. And here, it turns out, the answer's pretty simple: They weren't unhappy. We were." "You see, surgical and medical interns are kinda like two rival gangs. Not real gangs, more like those cheesy gangs you see in Broadway musicals." "Oh, my God, I just said slave to my black girlfriend!" " Dr. Reid, this is not Bring Your Problems to Work Day. This is just Work Day." "The only difference with black chicks is that if they ask you if they're ass is big you say 'Hell yeah!'" "Who the fuck is Bambi?" "Jackie's teammates doing just an awful job of stabilizing his spine off the court." "It's like the Titanic but with bears!" "If you see an opposum, kill it. It�s not a pet." "No refunds, consider your refund escaping this death trap with your lives!" "In the anals of history people are going to be talking about three things: the discovery of fire, invention of the submarine, and the Flint, Michigan Mega Bowl." "You calling me a jive turkey?" "There wasn't an F name in the Bible, so they named him Frankensense, because he smelled so sweet." "Mr. Tilney! Have a care with my name -- you will wear it out!" "I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted, and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people and I expect the same from them." "I've got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it!" "Eat me!" "That'll do, Donkey. That'll do" "Oh, Shrek. Don't worry. Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you."-Donkey (Shrek 2) "Then this fool went off and had a party, and they all starting trying to pin a tail on me. Then they all got drunk, and started hitting me with sticks, yelling "Pi�ata! Pi�ata!" What the hell is a pi�ata, anyway?" "Oh, don't feel bad, Shrek. Almost everybody who meets you wants to kill you." "I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted! And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried and smothered in chocolate..." "It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick! "Fire up the ovens, Muffin Man! We got a big order to fill." "Hey, boss. Let's shave him." " Let's neuter him right now! Give him the Bob Barker treatment!" "How many cats can wear boots? Honestly?..." "The kingdom of FAR FAR Away, Donkey? That's where we're going! FAR! FAR!... away." "Join the club. We got jackets." "Do you still know the muffin man?" "Help! I'm being kidnapped by a monster who's trying to relate to me!" "Ahem. This is like totally embarrassing, but my friend Tiffany thinkest thou affects her so soothly and she thought perchance thou would want to ask her to the homecoming dance or something." "It's like whatever. She's just totally into college guys and mythical creatures and stuff." "I've been abra-cadabra'd into a Fancy Feasting second-rate sidekick! And you really need some pants!" "Aahh! You know, you really need to get yourself a pair of jammies!" "The only thing you're ever gonna be king of, is king of the stupids!" "I don't know you, but I'd like to." "The cat turned into a little horse that smells like feet. What's to get?" "It's like after a funeral, everybody has sex." "I've flown with you twice and you've crashed half the time." "Destiny is something we've invented because we can't stand the fact that everything that happens is accidental." "There it is. What are you gonna do when you get up there? Spit off the top?" "When the rabbit of chaos is pursued by the ferret of disorder through the fields of anarchy, it is time to hang your pants on the line of darkness. Whether they are clean or not." "This could be a tragic day for the people of New York... it could be the end of Spider-Man..." "A man needs to put his wife before himself. Can you do that, Peter?" "Uncle Ben wouldn't want us living with revenge in our hearts, it's like a poison. It can take us over and turn us into something ugly." "Before you can begin fixing anything, you must first start by doing the hardest thing... forgiving yourself." "Oh, Parker. You are such a boy scout. When are you going to give a guy a break?" "If I may, Sir, I've seen things in this house I've never spoke of... The night your father died, I... I cleaned his wound... the blade that pierced his body came from HIS Glider. I... I know you're trying to defend your fathers' honor, but there is no question that he died by his own hand. I loved your father, as I've loved you, Harry... as your friends love you..." "I'm not a bad person. I've just had bad luck." "It's me, Peter Parker. Your friendly neighborhood - you know. I've come a long way since I was the boy bit by a spider. Back then nothing seemed to go right for me. Now people really like me. The city is safe and sound. Guess I had a little something to do with that. My uncle Ben would be proud. I still go to school. Top of my class. And I'm in love. With the girl of my dreams." "You want forgiveness? Get Religion." "Whatever comes our way, whatever battle we have raging inside us, we always have a choice. My friend Harry taught me that. He chose to be the best of himself. It's the choices that make us who we are, and we can always choose to do what's right." "We've all done terrible things to each other, but we have to forgive each other. Or everything we ever were will mean nothing." "-I smell a smelly smell like the smelly smell of something the smells smelly." "Ooooh, shiiii...take mushrooms!" "Smile, it enhances your face value." "Oh, I feel like Nancy Drew in the mystery of mid-life crisis." "And I'm going to attach a pinecone to my vibrator and have a really Merry Christmas this year." "Did you say you are pregnant or you were pregnant. You had it, threw it out, and now you're gonna go dance all night?" "If you were my son, Mac, I would've smothered you by now." "Damnit Jeff, stop being gay." "You must have eaten, like, a hundred bucks worth of pot, and, like, 30 bucks worth of shrooms man." "Hey, let's pop some Viagras and issue tickets with raging, mega-huge boners." "Do I look like a cat to you boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree? Am I drinking milk from a saucer? DO YOU SEE ME EATING MICE?" "...and that was the second time I got crabs." "No, Farva, you are under arrest for being a complete and total fuckhead." "Bear... bearfucker, do you need assistance?" "Desperation is a stinky cologne." "I am gonna give you the best blow J. With my mouth." "I'd give my middle nut to start dating Becca." "I'm not too worried about it, really. I wouldn't worry about it. Don't worry about it. I'm not worried at all." "Just imagine if girls weren't weirded out by our boners and stuff, and just like wanted to see them. That's the world I one day want to live in." "Calm down, calm down. She likes you. She wants to suck on your penis. That's a good thing. It's the best." "Where did you hide the alcohol Danny Ocean, up your butt?" "Hell yeah we should get some road beers!" "Ah, McLovin, McLovin, McLovin, McLovin." "I'm assuming you all have guns and crack!" "I just wanna go to the rooftops and scream, 'I love my best friend, Evan.'" "I'll be like the Iron Chef of pounding Vag." "Oh Evan, thank you for bringing that lube for my pussy. I never would've been able to handle your four inch dick inside my pussy without that gigantic bottle of lube." "You know when you hear girls say 'Ah man, I was so shit-faced last night, I shouldn't have fucked that guy?' We could be that mistake!" "You know how many foods are shaped like dicks? The best kinds. "Nobody has gotten a B.J. in cargo shorts since 'nam!" "McLovin? Were you violating that young girl? Were you violating her with you penis?" "I'm sorry that I blocked your cock..." "Spread your shit! Get on the ground! Loaded gun! Ready to go! Spread your shit! Pussies on the pavement fellas. Come on! Please don't shoot sir. P-p-p-please dont shoot! just shutup! Spread your shit!" ""Look at you, you have a baby!...In a bar!" "I never fully understood that expression, but no, I am not "SHITTING" you." "Me Tarzan, you Jane" "Just quantum astro-physics. A drunken monkey could do it." "Why do they call it sex ed? No sex, all ed." "Eat your salad before it gets cold." "When I was your age I was fourteen, too." "Simply because we were licked a hundred yars before we started is no reason for us not to try to wind." "The early bird gathers no moss! The rolling stone catches the worm!" "You know Pete, nothing says "I love you" like a pathetic lack of commitment. "Ashley, if you're here... Who's running Hell?" "Think about what I said - and not about how stupid I look in this hat." "I used to be afraid of being alone, then I got married. Now I'll never be alone again..." "Here are some things single women do not want to hear: 1. You know those plans we had tonight? Well I'm blowing you off because I met this guy. "You know how they say we only use 10 percent of our brains? I think we only use 10 percent of our hearts." "Well, the guy wants to run for president, he thinks Moby Dick is a venereal disease." "I got a stage five. Virgin. Clinger." "I felt like Jodie Foster in "The Accused" last night." "She took me below deck for forty-five minutes. I have no bodily fluids left in me." "You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!" "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic and so am I." "There are two types of people in this world: those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't." "Baby step to four o'clock. Baby step to four o'clock." "Had my dream again where I'm making love, and the Olympic judges are watching. I'd nailed the compulsaries, so this is it, the finals. I got a 9.8 from the Canadians, a perfect 10 from the Americans, and my mother, disguised as an East German judge, gave me a 5.6. Must have been the dismount. "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." "You know, I have a theory that hieroglyphics are just an ancient comic strip about a character named Sphinxy." "So, you've just got to dress yourselves with the instruction of the tape, which will be provided by the ever-talented... No, it's Greg Proops." "The improvisation show which does to comedy what Bill Clinton does to every girl he meets apparently." "What bit you, a flying wolverine?" "Hey, don't mess with the Neon Love Chicken." "Pity me, for I�ve eaten my underwear." "He was playing me like he'd play a fish. I can't make it much clearer than that." " He had the kind of face only a mother could love. If that mother was blind in one eye, and had that sort of milky film over the other one." "If you order now, we'll send you free, one of Ryan Stiles' shoes which comfortably seats four." (Hoedown)"I am a game show host, my life's a game, you see " A billion points to everybody. One billion. Feel the heat, Regis. "I'm taking all the points from the last round, I'm gonna forward them to this round, and give them ahead of time to Laura Hall on the piano, give them to Laura Hall. You know why? Because she's our pianist. And I like saying that on ABC, and the censor can't do anything about it. Pianist, pianist, pianist. You've never seen such a beautiful pianist." "The winner gets to do a little something special with me, and the loser has to go back to Canada where he belongs!" "The points here are kind of like Canada. (Colin looks shocked) Colin, I'm kidding around, buddy, I'm just joking around. Colin, it was a joke. I'm very sorry. I love Canada, it's the greatest place in the whole wide world. Uh, if you've never seen the show before, and you'll probably never see it again in Canada, these four talented people, including the one extra-talented one from Canada..." "On other shows they yell "Cut!" at the end of a scene. On Whose Line we say, 'That's enough!'" "I couldn't forget that face, he used to bob for fries." "Have you ever been to Canada? It's like Michigan without the culture!" "Billy's dead and he still has a better chance of getting laid than I do." "You boys better get dressed faster 'cause I been up here alone for almost 30 years now." "Is this Billy's funeral? Is that the corpse of Billy Newwood?" "Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking... don't they?" "Ahhhh! You cursed rat, look what you've done! I'm melting... melting." "I'll get you, my pretty....and your little dog, too!" "If we ignore them, do you think they'll go away" "My God! It tastes like stars!" "Does the term "cruel and unusual punishment" mean anything to you?!" "Well, it's not the men in your life that counts, it's the life in your men." "Just Shoot Me at midnight!" "Better to beg forgiveness than ask permission." "Remember: Always let your conscience be your guide." "Let me get this straight. You know her, and she knows you, but she wants to eat him. And everyone's okay with that? DID I MISS SOMETHING?" "There's a thing, called talent, THEY DON'T HAVE IT!!" "You have forgotten who you are and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself Simba. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the circle of life." "Once upon a time there was a magical place where it never rained, the end." "Man the name is Armpit." "When you put me on the godforsaken spithole of land,
you forgot one thing mate, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!" "What do you want me to do, dress up in drag and do the hula???" "Have you not met Will Turner? He's noble, heroic - terrific soprano. Worth at least four... maybe three and a half. And did I happen to mention... he's in love? With a girl. Due to be married. Betrothed. Dividing him from her and her from him would only be half as cruel as actually allowing them to be joined in holy matrimony, eh?" "No one cares about Hector Zeroni." "I'm not stupid, I know everyone thinks I am, I just don't like answering stupid questions." "Oy! Ten thousand years can give you such a crick in the neck! "Look at this! I'm so ticked off that I'm molting!" "Rule Number Three: I can't bring people back from the dead. It's not a pretty picture, and I don't like doing it! "Bear and Smallish Bear "I have 30,000 kids; all in private school" "We will be perfect in every aspect. You drop a pass, you run a mile. You miss a blocking assignment, you run a mile. You make a fumble, i will take you and break your John Browns and then you will run a mile. Perfection." "Nobody calls Pan a coward and lives, I'll fight you man to man with one hand behind my back" "To swing or not to swing? Swing." "Dog eat dog? Dog eat dog here? George never bringing Shep here! Uh uh! Never!" "So let me get this straight: I turn out to be a loser?!" "I'm pre-El Nino." "Bad guy falls in poop: Classic element of physical comedy. Now comes the part where we throw our heads back and laugh. Ready?" "Guard the boat, mind the tide... don't touch my dirt." "NO! You listen! All my life you've told me that the world is a dark, cruel place, but now I see that the only thing dark and cruel about it are people like you." "Leave 'im lie... unless you're planning to use him to hit somethin' with." "But WHY is the rum gone?" "Oh, I'm like the Cryptkeeper!" "That's what a ship is, you know. It's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails; That's what the ship needs. But what a ship is... what the Black Pearl really is, is freedom." "If you're ever in Miami, look me up. My number's on all the buses." "Hey, Hamm! Look, I'm Picasso!" "Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest... Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid." "We dance, we kiss, we schmooze, we carry on, go home happy, what'd'ya say. Come on." "Curtis, you're 900-years-old, grow up!" "Oh, it's tubular, ya know? Ya leave 'em on a beach to hatch all alone and then one day, koo koo kachoo, they find their way back to ya." "And while we are working, let us probe the mounting evils of cell phones... perhaps the most heinous example of cell phone use is ringing in the theatre. The theatre is a chapel of arts, a precious cornucopia of creative energy." "I trained them all! Odysseus... Perseus... Theseus... a lot of sus-es." "Uh huh.. He used to be a collie before he got ran over." "You know what her father'll say? I'll tell you what her father'll say. He's gonna kill himself a crab, that's what her father'll say." "Oh! What a cute little chair!" "You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?" "You are a sad, twisted little man." "Buzz, I am your father." "In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun and - SNAP - the job's a game!" "This is my family. I found it, all on my own. It's little, and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good." "If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?" "Whoa, Dude, Mr. Turtle is my father. Name's Crush." "The moonlight shows us for what we really are." "Just because I look like a man doesn't mean I have to smell like one" "I've never seen a human this close before. Oh - he's very handsome, isn't he?" (About Max, Eric's Dog) "Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten" "I can't marry Ryan, Eww!" "I'm going to hit you so hard it will make your ancestors dizzy." "The son of my hated rival trapped forever in a river of death? Hmm... is there a catch?" "'P.Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.' I remembered it! I bet I could even remember it again... 'P.Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.' I did it again!" "You can't bounce the bounce if you can't even pronounce the bounce!" "There comes a time in the life of all humans when uh... well as they put it... uh, the birds and the bees? Or well... uh... the stork? You know? Uh, no..." "Hm! Teenagers. They think they know everything. You give them an inch, they swim all over you." "Flounder, don't be such a guppy." "To swing or not to swing? Swing!" "Hey Mr. Grumpy Gills!" "Gents you all remember Captain Jack Sparrow. Kill him." "Dolphins! They think they're so cute! Oh, look at me, I'm a flippy little dolphin, let me flip for you!" "It's not your blood they were after. It was my father's blood. My blood... the blood of a pirate." "Oh, that wasn't the first time I was thrown out of a window and it won't be the last. What can I say? I'm a rebel!" " I was saved! I was saved by a flying wild man in a loincloth!" "Please let it be a Mrs. Potato Head, Mrs. Potato Head, Mrs. Potato Head, Mrs... Hey, I can dream can't I?" "How am I supposed to take you home when I can't make my feet move from this spot. If I could die tomorrow I would, just so I could spend one more night with you." "The word I'm searching for.... I can't say because there's preschool toys present." "He's got more gadgets on him than a swiss army knife!" "Hey, did you lose weight, or a limb?" "Dory. Dory, this is not "whale". You're speaking like "upset stomach". "Wait a minute, I just lit a rocket... rockets explode! AAHH!!" "I'd rather die tomorrow than live a hundred years without knowing you." "Prepare to meet MR. ANGRY EYES!!!" "What we Tucks have you can't call living.... we just are. We're like rocks stuck at the bottom of a stream." "Honey! Ya know they have dead people in the backyard!" "That wasn't flying; that was falling with style!" "Well no wonder you're late...Why, this clock is exactly two days slow! "No. No, you can't. ...STOP! Please don't go away. Please? No one's ever stuck with me for so long before. And if you leave...if you leave... I just, I remember things better with you! I do, look! P. Sherman, forty-two...forty-two... I remember it, I do. It's there, I know it is, because when I look at you, I can feel it. And-and I look at you, and I...and I'm home! Please...I don't want that to go away. I don't want to forget." "Seeing isn't believing. Believing is seeing." "Winnie Foster, I will love you until the day I die!" "Can we take a direct flight back to reality, or do we have to change planes in Denver?" "Immortality isn't everything the preachers rack it up to be." "Well, gee, Hank, you're one big beaver!" "Being Normal is vastly over-rated." "Don't worry, Woody. In just a few hours you'll be sitting around a campfire with Andy making delicious hot Schmoes!" "I can't look! Could somebody please cover my eyes?" "We don't say stupid and we don't say Elves... They're little people." "Do you remember in kindergarten,how you'd meet a kid, and know nothing about them, then 10 seconds later you'd be playing like you were best friends, because you didn't have to be anyone but yourself?" "Just Because you haven't seen it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist." "I love you with every cell, with every atom. I love you on a subatomic level." "Jim Morris, I'm a Texas woman, which means I have no need for a man to keep things running." "Max, look, it's the Leaning Tower of Cheesa!" "Curiosity. You're going to want it. You're going to want to know what it tastes like." "Not too hot. Extra chocolate. Shaken, not stirred." "What's that? Jessie and Prospector are trapped in the old abandoned mine and Prospector just lit a stick of dynamite thinking it was a candle and now they're about to be blown to smithereens!?" "Spend Forever with me, Whinnie?" "It's not normal for a woman to read! Soon she starts getting *ideas*, and *thinking*..." "How do you spell FBI?" "You know, I've always wanted a child. And now I think I'll have one... on toast!" "I've had it with you and your emotional constipation!" "I shall call him Squishy, and he shall be mine, and he shall be my Squishy" "Our Father, who art in Calgary, bobsled be thy name. Thy kingdom come, gold medals won, on Earth as it is in turn seven..." Rutt: I can't believe you totaled a mammoth. "What I am saying to you, is that you are the kind of club-toting, raw-meat-eating, Me-Tarzan-You-Jane-ing big bald bubblehead who can only count to ten if he's barefoot or wearing sandals." "To Al's Toy Barn.... and beyond!" "Everone is connected by 3 people. Like someone who knows someone, who knows someone, who knows Bad Pitt." "You never forget kids like Emily or Andy, but they forget you." "Oh yeah, it's all fun and games until someone looses an eye!" "See you bassoon." "Turns out not even Jack Sparrow can best the devil."
"I'm just sayin' if dogs do experience jet lag, then, because of the whole um, seven dog years to one human year thing, then, when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles, he doesn't just lose three hours, he loses like a week and a half." "Do you know what 'crapweasel' means?" "Ok, you have to stop the Q-tip when there's resistance!" "NO, you didn't Get me! It's an electric drill! You Get me, you Kill me!" "Hey, just so you know: it's *not* that common, it *doesn't* "happen to every guy," and it *is* a big deal." "Phoebe just threw a Jack away because he didn't look happy." "I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name." "I want girls on bread!" "Oooh guys look, Ugly Naked Guy has gravity boots..." "Marcel, did you poo in the shoe?" "You know what blows my mind? Women can see breasts anytime they want. You just look down and there they are. How you get any work done is beyond me." "Ehhh... I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face." "Yes, and I get my ya-ya's from IKEA. You have to put 'em together yourself, but they cost a little less." "Look at me, I'm Chandler, could I BE wearing any more clothes?" "Okay, now remember, something this big and long is gonna be very difficult to maneuver. Fortunately, I have a lot of experience in that area." "Like 'em, like 'em , or want to get store credit for that amount like 'em?" "How do you not fall down more?" "Hey, just so you know: it's not that common, it doesn't happen to every guy, and it is a big deal!" "Well, if you can't talk dirty to me, how are you going to talk dirty to her? Now tell me you want to caress my butt." "Oh, God. I'm sorry. It's just that when you moved your hand down to my butt, it was like, whoa, Ross's hand is on my butt." "I AM NOT PAYING FOR SOME CRACKPOT OLD FOOL TO TEACH HIM MAGIC TRICKS!" "As much money and life as you could want! The two things most human beings would choose above all - the trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them." "I think Mum's got a second cousin who's an accountant, but we never talk about him." "You haven't got a letter on yours, I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid - we know we're called Gred and Forge." "Scars can come in useful. I have one myself above my left knee which is a perfect map of the London Underground." "After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure." "There is no good and evil, there is only power, and those too weak to seek it "The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution "Harry was just thinking that all he needed was for Dumbledore's pet bird to die while he was alone in the office with it, when the bird burst into flames." -Chamber of Secrets
"It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." "Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps it's brains" ""I WARNED YOU. I WILL NOT TOLERATE MENTION OF YOUR ABNORMALITY UNDER THIS ROOF." "My dear Professor, I've never seen a cat sit so stiffly." "Oh, Potter, you rotter, oh, what have you done, You're killing off students, you think it's good fun" "Oh, well ... I'd just been thinking ... if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet "Proud? Are you crazy? All those times I could've died, and I didn't manage it? They'll be furious" "Of all the trees we could've hit, we had to get one that hits back" "Harry Potter set Dobby Free! Dobby Free! Dobby Free!" "Why spiders? Why couldn't we follow the butterflies?" "Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself." "It is not our abilities that tell us what we truly are ... it is our choices." "You'll pay for that, Malfoy! Eat slugs!" "I'll be in my room, making no noise and pretending I don't exist" "Harry you must know all about muggles, tell me, what exactly is the function of a rubber duck?" "Famous Harry Potter...Can't even go into a book shop without making the front page." "Dobby is used to death threats, he gets them five times a day at home." "The consequences of our actions are always so complicated, so diverse, that predicting the future is a very difficult business indeed." "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." "Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business." "You can exist without your soul, you know, as long as your brain and heart are still working. But you'll have no sense of self anymore, no memory, no ... anything. There's no chance at all of recovery. You'll just � exist. As an empty shell. And your soul is gone forever ... lost." "If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." "If you made a better rat than a human, that's not much to boast about." "You think the dead we loved ever truly leave us? You think that we don't recall them more clearly than ever in times of great trouble? Your father is alive in you, Harry, and shows himself most plainly when you have need of him. How else could you produce that particular Patronus? Prongs rode again last night." "We don't send people to Azkaban just for blowing up their aunts." "I'd have to see what the Ministry'd do to me if I blew up an aunt. Mind you, they'd have to dig me up first, because mum would've killed me." "HARRY, THIS IS NO TIME TO BE A GENTLEMAN. KNOCK HER OFF HER BROOM IF YOU HAVE TO." "You should have died! Died rather than betray your friends, as we would have done for you!" "Duddley was still clutching his bottom as though afraid it might fall off." "It's a strange thing, but when you are dreading something, and would give anything to slow down time, it has a disobliging habit of speeding up." "Frank stopped trying to clear his ear out. He had distinctly heard the words 'Ministry of Magic,' 'Wizards,' and 'Muggles.' Plainly, each one of these expressions meant something secret, and Frank could think of only two sorts of people who would speak in code - spies and criminals." "Dudley's diet isn't going too well. My aunt found him smuggling doughnuts into his room yesterday. They told him they'd have to cut his pocket money if he keeps doing it, so he got really angry and chucked his Playstation out of the window." "Just because it's taken you three years to notice, Ron, doesn't mean no one else has spotted I'm a girl!" "My own brother, Aberforth, was prosecuted for practicing inappropriate charms on a goat." "Dobby knows, sir! Harry Potter has to go into the lake and find his Wheezy." "You place too much importance, and you always have done, on the so-called purity of blood! You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!" "Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open." "Course Dumbledore trusts you. He's a trusting man, isn't he? Believes in second chances. But me -- I say there are spots that don't come off, Snape. Spots that never come off, know what I mean?" "He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though...keep up with news...check if I'm happy..." "Curiosity is not a sin.... But we should exercise caution with our curiosity... yes, indeed." "If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." "Remember Cedric. Remember, if the time should come when you have to make a choice between what is right and what is easy, remember what happened to a boy who was good, and kind, and brave, because he strayed across the path of Lord Voldemort. Remember Cedric Diggory." "But not even the users of the Snackboxes could compete with the master of chaos, Peeves, who seemed to have taken Fred's parting words deeply to the heart. Cackling madly, he soared through the school, upending tables, bursting out of blackboards, toppling statues and vases; twice he shut Mrs Norris inside a suit of armour, from which she was rescued, yowling loudly, by the furious caretaker. Peeves smashed lanterns and snuffed out candles, juggled burning torches over the heads of screaming students, caused neatly stacked piles of parchment to topple into fires or out of windows; flooded the second floor when he pulled off all the taps in the bathrooms, dropped a bag of tarantulas in the middle of the Great Hall during breakfast and, whenever he fancied a break, spent hours at a time floating along after Umbridge and blowing loud raspberries every time she spoke." "Professor Umbridge left Hogwarts the day before the end of term. It seemed she had crept out of the hospital wing during dinnertime, evidently hoping to depart undetected, but unfortuantly for her, she met Peeves on the way, who seized his last chance to do as Fred had instructed, and chased her gleefully from the premises whacking her alternately with a walking stick and a sock full of chalk. Many students ran out into the Entrance Hall to watch her running away down the path and the Heads of Houses tried only half-heartedly to restrain them. Professor McGonagall sank back into her chair at the staff table after a few feeble remonstrances and was clearly heard to express a regret that she could not run cheering after Umbridge herself, because Peeves had borrowed her walking stick." "You're dead, Potter." "And from now on, I don't care if my tea-leaves spell die, Ron, die - I'm just chucking them in the bin where they belong." "And Crabbe loosen your hold a little. if Longbottom suffocates it will mean a lot of tedious paperwork and I am afraid I shall have to mention it on your reference if ever you apply for a job." "Kreacher wasn't quite as devoted to him as mother, but I still caught him snogging a pair of my father's old trousers last week." "That was about the dullest speech I've ever heard and I grew up with Percy." "I'll look for him later, I expect I'll find him upstairs crying his eyes out over my mother's old bloomers or something. Of course, he might have crawled into the airing cupboard and died ... but I musn't get my hopes up." "Did you like question ten, Moony?" asked Sirius as they emerged into the Entrance Hall. "...is a man alive if he can't be killed?" "Don't count your owls before they are delivered..." "Let us not deprive Molly any longer of the chance to deplore how thin you are." "[My dearest ambition is] to find out how aeroplanes stay up." "Does anyone really know what You-Know-Who would or wouldn't do?" Quotes From Great Songs! "Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don't know? Somehow I can not hide who I am though I've tried. When will my reflection show who I am inside?" "If hearts were unbreakable, Then I can just tell you where I stand, I would be the smartest man, If I was invisible. (Wait..I already am) "'Cuz every kiss is a kiss you can never get back." "And the Southern girls with the way they talk They knock me out when I'm down there." "When I was younger, so much younger than today, I never needed anybody's help in any way. But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured..." "When I find myself in times of trouble Mother Mary comes to me Speaking words of wisdom, let it be." "It's the dirty story of a dirty man and his clinging wife doesn't understand. His son is working for the Daily Mail, It's a steady job but he wants to be a paperback writer." "You're the light in my deepest darkest hour, You're my saviour when I fall, And you may not think I care for you, When you know down inside, That I really do" "Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man: no time to talk." "Overseas ya we tryin to stop terrorism, but we still got terrorists here livin in the U.S.A, the big C.I.A the bloods & the crips, and the KKK." "Gina works the diner all day, Working for her man, she brings home her pay, For love - for love. She says we've got to hold on to what we've got 'cause it doesn't make a difference If we make it or not. We've got each other and that's a lot, For love - we'll give it a shot "Darkness lies outside me, here, And a bit inside as well..." "If you were in my eyes for one day, You could see the full beauty of the joy I find in your eyes, And it isn�t magic or loyalty" "Like the strangers that you've met, The ragged men in ragged clothes, The silver thorn of bloody rose, Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow" "Oh yeah say life goes on Long after the thrill of livin is gone, they walk on" "So I lay my head back down And I lift my hands And pray to be only yours I pray to be only yours I know now you're my only hope" "On the road again, Going places that I've never been. Seeing things I may never see again. I just can't wait to get on the road again." "Through it all, when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out." "Is it east versus west, or man against man" "You're just too good to be true, Can't take my eyes off of you You'd be live heaven to touch I wanna hold you so much" FROM MUSICALS/SOUNDTRACKS "Try the grey stuff, it's delicious, Don't believe me? Ask the dishes. They can sing, They can dance, After all, Miss, this is France. "A dream is a wish your heart makes, When you're fast asleep. In dreams you lose your heartaches. Whatever you wish for, you keep" "If she stumbles on your holy path do you have to repremand? Or are there ways to make her understand, with out using the back of your hand?" "It�s gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet" "This boy comes to me,this fatherless child, I scoff at his pain and I send him away." Maybe he's no romeo, but he's my loving one man show, Let's hear it for the boy! "Never dress risque, There'll be hell to pay. If you've ever had anything to hide, Think twice before you step outside. "Think a naughty thought, And if you get caught, Well, then boy, you've bought a lot of trouble" "You're not even aware, you're such a funny pair You're the best of friends" "I've reached the top and had to stop And that's what botherin' me" "Don't be scared You got the mood prepared, Go on and kiss the girl" "Betcha on land, They understand, Bet they don't reprimand their daughters. "The seaweed is always greener In somebody else's lake" I had strings, But now I'm free, There are no strings on me. If your heart is in your dream, No request is too extreme, When you wish upon a star As dreamers do "Whenever I see someone Less fortunate than I (And let's face it - who isn't Less fortunate than I?)" "I feel charming, Oh, so charming It's alarming how charming I feel! And so pretty
That I hardly can believe I'm real." "There's a time for us, Some day a time for us, Time together with time spare, Time to learn, time to care, Some day!" QUOTES OF PEOPLE I KNOW "I didn't change, I just have different friends and act differently. "You know what I dreamed about last night? Tigers. Why would I dream about tigers?" (To my dog named Maggy)"Lets play Maggie and the furotious beast. You be Maggie, Ill be the furotious beast." (to the tune of Enrique Igleasious, Hero)"You can be, Dan Tretheway" "Why care what other people think? Because the only people that care, are the ones that you dont care care." "Why does everyone's butt keep hitting my hand?" "A man is a king a king is a ruler, a ruler is 12 inches long...Still think you're a man??" "I'm a pervy Sarah fancier" "Well, Reindeer can fly!" "Dead People have feelings too!" "I didn't get lip implants!" "The teacher leaves the room and you're all having sex changes." "That's where he molests animals." "My favorite class moment was when Mr. Yocum put a barometer around him neck and said 'When I grow up, I wanna be a Gangsta.'" "They go together like Peanut butter and cheese." "I saw a bus peel out, a bus... PEEL out!" "I don't speak Mexican." "Don't forget your underwear!" "Hopefully everyone has gas tomorrow!" "They say luv is all you need, but is a brain so hard to ask for?" "Yahoo for Love!" If love is so wonderful why does it hurt so much?" "Tie my ponies!" "Friends help you move. Good friends help you move bodies." "Cows have armpits? What do chickens have? Chicken Pits??" "You know what else keeps you warm? SSssssss... sweaters. "We protect!" "It's all fun and games until Jenny gets a detention." "April Showers bring May Mosiquitos." "What Sound do Giraffes Make? GIRAFFE? Wanna pick up some Garth Brooks wannabees?" "Love me, don't hate me." "You are your own Grandma." "If it weren't for boys, I wouldn't be in school." "Just because I flirt doesn't mean I'm interested." "Sex can wait, Masterbate." "My name is Monica! I don't celebrate Hanaka (sp?)! I play my harmonica, and I sing my sonica! I don't wear a Yamaca, 'cause I told you, I don't celebrate Chanika (sp?)." "I'm gonna go touch the arsemanarcale!" "Don't talk to yourself, Don't run into walls, Don't Piss me off!" "Melts in your mouth, not in your ovaries." "Mommy... whats 69?" "Be careful, or you could choke on toast." "Have fun with life, always be happy!" "Don't be such a gurl, live life to the fullest." "What's with the gay men?" "The worst thing I said was crotch!" "Look at life in different perspectives." "Love people, don't hate them." "I don't want no gravy!" "Don't go 1 day with any regrets." "I'll fall off if you do it! I'll fall off if you don't. Come on... It'll be funny!" "It is the biggest Dam project ever." "We picked a BAD day to go to Reed city!" "Do you think anyone will get that I was looking for her sheep?" "You Almost Got Raped for Free!" "You do not want to be at peace with me!" "You do not want to be a piece of meat! "YOU PEED ON MY NOODLE!!" "My name is Mattie and I fell asleep on the toilet!" "It bit me on the butt" "Nothing says you're not from around here like dropping a map." "Wait...you have a Futon?" "I hope I don't sneeze and die!" "Jen has a lot of men in her pants!" "I drive a Saturn and my Uncle's Uranus!" "My hair feels all relaxed and un-meatus-a-fied." "This game needs a 'run fast' button." "Hot Chocolate is best off the back of a Christian woman." "...And if one of the caged humans became president, I'd definately get a good job!" "...that way I can take off my pants and stick it in you." "He has a girlfriend? Does she have a penis?"
<BLUE LAKE QUOTES! "AAAAHHHH!! YOU'RE NOT KATY!!" Session II 2004 "Did you want me to take them off and bang them?" "I'm wet and I'm coming." "I'll smile back, but I won't let you eat me!" "I need to shave my pits" "Call me Tinkle!" "If I write a book on my life story, I'll call it 'Tinkle and the Rainbow Umbrella'" "I didn't know you could use conditioner in That Way! "I live in a Dumpster!" "Breathe in breathe out another wasted breath" "Bag of Air, in my hair." If you can't breathe, open the bag and take a big breath." "There's no bugs or any candy, but this bag, is so dandy!" "Holy Fwicken Cwap Man!" "I'm a pirate... AAARRRGGGHH!!!"
WARNING: Some Quotes Contain Graphic Language
-Bianca (10 Things I Hate About You)
-Kat (10 Things I Hate About You)
-Michael (10 Things I Hate About You)
-Patrick (10 Things I Hate About You)
-Patrick (10 Things I Hate About You)
-Walter Stratford (10 Things I Hate About You)
-Walter (2001: A Space Odyssey)
-Jane (27 Dresses)
-Jane (27 Dresses)
-Jane (27 Dresses)
-Kevin (27 Dresses)
-Kevin (27 Dresses)
-Kevin (27 Dresses)
-Doug (50 First Dates)
-Ula (50 First Dates)
-Ace Ventura (Ace Ventura: Pet Detective)
-Ace (Ace Ventura: Pet Detective)
-David (A.I. Artificial Intelligence)
-David (A.I. Artificial Intelligence)
-David (A.I. Artificial Intelligence)
-Gigolo Joe (A.I. Artificial Intelligence)
-Gigolo Joe (A.I.)
-Crazy Student (Accepted)
-Bartleby Gaines (Accepted)
-Sherman Schrader (Accepted)
-Sherman Schrader (Accepted)
-Sherman Schrader (Accepted)
-Dean Van Horne (Accepted)
-Elaine (Airplane)
-McCroskey (Airplane)
-Dr. Rumack (Airplane)
-Irving Feffer (Along Came Polly)
-Reuben Feffer (Along Came Polly)
-Sandy (Along Came Polly)
-Frank Lucas (American Gangster)
-Frank Lucas (American Gangster)
-Frank Lucas (American Gangster)
-Frank Lucas (American Gangster)
-General (American Gangster)
-Det. Richie Roberts (American Gangster)
-Det. Richie Roberts (American Gangster)
-Tiffany (America's Next Top Model Cycle 4)
-Bre (America's Next Top Model Cycle 5)
-Nik (America's Next Top Model Cycle 5)
-Dani (America's Next Top Model Cycle 6)
-Dani (America's Next Top Model Cycle 6)
-Jade (America's Next Top Model Cycle 6)
-Jade (America's Next Top Model Cycle 6)
-Joanie (America's Next Top Model Cycle 6)
-Joanie (America's Next Top Model Cycle 6)
-Kathy (America's Next Top Model Cycle 6)
-CariDee (America's Next Top Model Cycle 7)
-CariDee (America's Next Top Model Cycle 7)
-Eugena (America's Next Top Model Cycle 7)
-Jael (America's Next Top Model Cycle 8)
-Jay (America's Next Top Model Cycle 8)
-Jay (America's Next Top Model Cycle 8)
-Kathleen (America's Next Top Model Cycle 8)
-Kathleen (America's Next Top Model Cycle 8)
-Kathleen (America's Next Top Model Cycle 8)
-Samantha (America's Next Top Model Cycle 8)
-Sarah (America's Next Top Model Cycle 8)
-Eddie (America's Sweethearts)
-Gwen (America's Sweethearts)
-Ron Burgundy (Anchorman)
-Veronica Corningstone (Anchorman)
-Brian Fantana (Anchorman)
-Brian Fantana (Anchorman)
-Ron Burgundy (Anchorman)
-Ron Burgundy (Anchorman)
-Brick Tamland (Anchorman)
-Tino (Anchorman)
-Spanish Anchor (Anchorman)
-Mayor (Animal House)
-Austin Powers (Austin Powers: International Man Of Mystery)
-Austin (Austin Powers International Man of Mystery)
"My mother was a 15 year old french prositute named Chloe with Webbed feet"
-Dr. Evil (Austin Powers)
-Dr. Evil (Austin Powers)
-Dr. Evil (Austin Powers)
-Dr. Evil (Austin Powers: International Man Of Mystery)
-Angie (Baby Mama)
-Angie (Baby Mama)
-Barry (Baby Mama)
-Kate (Baby Mama)
-Biff (Back to the Future)
-Lydia (Beetlejuice)
-Sonny Koufax (Big Daddy)
-Sonny (Big Daddy)
-Billy Madison (Billy Madison)
-Billy (Billy Madison)
-Billy (Billy Madison
-Old Lady (Billy Madison)
-Chaz Michael Michaels (Blades of Glory)
-Chaz Michael Michaels (Blades of Glory)
-Chaz Michael Michaels (Blades of Glory)
-Chaz Michael Michaels (Blades of Glory)
-Katie Van Waldenberg (Blades of Glory)
-Cory Matthews (Boy Meets World)
-Cory (Boy Meets World)
-Cory (Boy Meets World)
-Cory (Boy Meets World)
-Cory (Boy Meets World)
-Eric (Boy Meets World)
-Eric (Boy Meets World)
-Eric Matthews (Boy Meets World)
-Eric (Boy Meets World)
-Eric (Boy Meets World)
-Eric (Boy Meets World)
-Eric (Boy Meets World)
-Shawn Hunter (Boy Meets World)
-Shawn (Boy Meets World)
-Shawn (Boy Meets World)
-Topanga Lawerence(Boy Meets World)
-Topanga (Boy Meets World)
-Allison Renyolds (The Breakfast Club)
-Brian Johnson (The Breakfast Club)
-John Bender (The Breakfast Club)
-John Bender (The Breakfast Club)
-Courtney (Bring it On)
-Sparky (Bring it On)
-Toro's Squad (Bring it On)
-Frank Abagnale Sr. (Catch Me if you Can)
-Carl Hanratty (Catch Me if You Can)
-Judge (Catch Me If You Can)
-Willy Wonka (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)
-Willy Wonka (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)
-Willy Wonka (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)
-Tom (Cheaper by the Dozen)
-Tom (Cheaper By The Dozen)
-Carla (Cheers)
-Norm (Cheers)
-Billy Flinn (Chicago)
-Roxie Hart (Chicago)
-Roxie Hart (Chicago)
-Velma Kelly (Chicago)
-Mama (Chicago)
-Randy (A Christmas Story)
-Santa Claus (A Christmas Story)
-Cher (Clueless)
-Cher (Clueless)
-Cliff (The Cosby Show)
-Sir Leigh Teabing (The Da Vinci Code)
-Marty Barasco (Dan in Real Life)
-Dan Burns (Dan in Real Life)
-Dan Burns (Dan in Real Life)
-Marie (Dan in Real Life)
-Arlene (DICK)
-Dick (DICK)
-Mrs. Spinnler (DICK)
-Rose Mary Woods (DICK)
-Baby (Dirty Dancing)
-White Goodman (Dodgeball)
-White Goodman (Dodgeball)
-White Goodman (Dodgeball)
-White Goodman (Dodgeball)
-Peter La Fleur (Dodgeball)
-Peter La Fleur (Dodgeball)
-Cotton McNight (Dodgeball)
-Cotton McNight (Dodgeball)
-Patches O'Houlihan
-Patches O'Houlihan (Dodgeball)
-Patches O'Houlihan
-Patches O'Houlihan (Dodgeball)
-Young Patches O'Houlihan (Dodgeball)
-James "Thunder" Early (Dreamgirls)
-Curtis Taylor Jr. (Dreamgirls)
-Groucho (Duck Soup)
-Chester (Dude Where's My Car?)
-Jesse (Dude Where's My Car?)
-Jesse (Dude Where's My Car?)
-Jesse (Dude Where's My Car?)
-Buddy (Elf)
-Alex (Family Ties)
-Steven (Family Ties)
-George Banks (Father of The Bride)
-Female Student (Ferris Bueller's Day Off)
-Lindsey (Fever Pitch)
-J.M. Barrie (Finding Neverland)
-J.M. Barrie (Finding Neverland)
-J.M. Barrie (Finding Neverland)
-J.M. Barrie (Finding Neverland)
-Jack Davies (Finding Neverland)
-Peter Pan (Finding Neverland)
-Cast (Footloose)
-Rusty (Footloose)
-Willard (Footloose)
-Willard
-Willard (Footloose)
-Willard (Footloose)
-Mrs. Gump (Forrest Gump)
-Forrest Gump
-Frasier Crane (Frasier)
-Eva (Freedom Writers)
-Jamal (Freedom Writers)
"Never Give Up! Never Surrender!"
-Cmdr. Peter Quincy Taggart (Galaxy Quest)
-Sam Wheat (Ghost)
-The Godfather
-Fabrizio (The Godfather)
-Rose (Golden Girls)
-Rose (Golden Girls)
-Rose (The Golden Girls)
-Sophia (Golden Girls)
"Frankly my dear Scarlett, I dont give a damn!"
-Ashley (Gone With the Wind)
-Charlie (Good Luck Chuck)
-Elanor Skepple (Good Luck Chuck)
"Men are rats. Listen to me, they're fleas on rats. Worse than that, they're amoebas on fleas on rats."
-Frenchie (Grease)
-Kenickie (Grease)
-Principal (Grease)
-Principal (Grease)
-Daisy (The Great Gatsby)
-Gatsby (The Great Gatsby)
-Nick (The Great Gatsby)
-The Grinch (The Grinch)
-The Grinch (The Grinch)
-The Grinch (The Grinch)
-Cindy Lou Who (The Grinch)
-Cindy Lou Who (The Grinch)
-Luke Brower (Growing Pains)
-Luke (Growing Pains)
-Motormouth Maybell (Hairspray)
-Mr. Spitzer (Hairspray)
-Happy (Happy Gilmore)
-Happy (Happy Gilmore)
-Alex "Hitch" Hitchens (Hitch)
-Hitch (Hitch)
-Hitch (Hitch)
-Hitch (Hitch)
-Hitch (Hitch)
-Kevin (Home Alone)
-Kevin (Home Alone)
-Diane (Honey I Blew Up The Kid)
-Dr. Cameron (House MD)
-Dr. Cameron (House MD)
-Dr. Chase (House MD)
-Dr. Cuddy (House MD)
-Dr. Cuddy (House MD)
-Dr. House (House MD)
-Dr. House (House MD)
-Dr. House (House MD)
-Dr. House (House MD)
-Dr. House (House MD)
-Dr. House (House MD)
-Dr. House (House MD)
-Dr. House (House MD)
-Dr. House (House MD)
-Dr. House (House MD)
-Dr. House (House MD)
-Dr. House (House MD)
-Dr. House (House MD)
-Dr. Foreman (House MD)
-Dr. House (House MD)
-Dr. Wilson (House MD)
-Dr. Wilson (House MD)
-Andie (How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days)
-Ben (How to Lose a Guy in 10 days)
-Chuck Levine (I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry)
-Chuck Levine (I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry)
-Minister (I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry)
-Angela Harris (The In-Laws)
-Amanda (It Takes Two)
-Diane (It Takes Two)
-Diane Barrows (It Takes Two)
-Roger Calloway (It Takes Two)
"In the jungle you must wait, until the dice read 5 or 8."
-Jumanji
-Ben (Knocked Up)
-Ben (Knocked Up)
-Ben (Knocked Up)
-Ben (Knocked Up)
-Ben (Knocked Up)
-Debbie (Knocked Up)
-Doctor (Knocked Up)
-Fantasy Ball Guy (Knocked Up)
-Jason (Knocked Up)
-Jay (Knocked Up)
-Jill (Knocked Up)
-Jonah (Knocked Up)
-Pete (Knocked Up)
-Pete (Knocked Up)
-Pete (Knocked Up)
-Pete (Knocked Up)
-Sadie (Knocked Up)
-Rob Cantrell (Last Comic Standing)
-Ralphie May (Last Comic Standing
-Lenny (Laverne and Shirly)
-Det. Benson (Law & Order SVU)
-Alexandria Cabot (Law & Order SVU)
-Captain Cragen (Law & Order SVU)
-Captain Cragen (Law & Order SVU)
-Captain Cragen (Law & Order SVU)
-Captain Cragen (Law & Order SVU)
-Dr. Huang (Law & Order SVU)
-Det. Munch (Law & Order SVU)
-Det. Munch (Law & Order SVU)
-Det. Munch (Law & Order SVU)
-Narrator (Law & Order SVU)
-Judge Petrovsky (Law & Order SVU)
-Det. Stabler (Law & Order SVU)
-Det. Tutuola (Law & Order SVU)
-Daniel (Laws of Attraction)
-Sara (Laws of Attraction)
-Elle Woods (Legally Blonde)
-Tom Dobbs (Man of the Year)
-Tom Dobbs (Man of the Year)
-Tom Dobbs (Man of the Year)
-Tom Dobbs (Man of the Year)
-Roy (Matchstick Men)
-Cady (Mean Girls)
-Coach Carr
-Mrs. Duvall (Mean Girls)
-Girl (Mean Girls)
Homeschooled Boy (Mean Girls)
-Karen (Mean Girls)
-Mrs. Norbury
-Student (Mean Girls)
-Jamaal (Me Myself and Irene)
"Congratualions, 'Reg, its a... squid."
-Kay (Men In Black)
-Jack (Meet the Parents)
-Jack (Meet the Parents)
-Jack (Meet the Parents)
-Cheryl (Miss Congeniality)
-Gracie Hart (Miss Congeniality)
-Gracie (Miss Congeniality)
-Fran (The Nanny)
-Niles (The Nanny)
-Annie Braddock (The Nanny Diaries)
-Annie Braddock (The Nanny Diaries)
-Annie Braddoc (The Nanny Diaries)
-Annie Braddock (The Nanny Diaries)
-Mrs. X (The Nanny Diaries)
-Kip (Napoleon Dynamite)
-Napoleon Dynamite (Napoleon Dynamite)
-Napoleon (Napoleon Dynamite)
-Napoleon (Napoleon Dynamite)
-Napoleon (Napoleon Dynamite)
-Rex (Napoleon Dynamite)
-Art (National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation)
-Clark W. Griswold (National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation)
-Cousin Eddie (National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation)
-Lloyd Fellowes (Noises Off)
-Lloyd Fellowes (Noises Off)
-Lloyd Fellowes (Noises Off)
-Dotty Otley (Noises off)
-Ana Scott (Notting Hill)
-McMurphy (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest)
-Hammy (Over the Hedge)
-Hammy (Over the Hedge)
-Hammy (Over the Hedge)
-Gerry Kennedy (P.S. I Love You)
-Patrica (P.S. I Love You)
-Sharon McCarthy (P.S. I Love You)
-Trevor McKinney (Pay It Forward)
-Attar (Planet of The Apes)
-Aunt Frances (Practical Magic)
-Inigo Montoya (The Princess Bride)
-Westley (The Princess Bride)
-Queen Clarisse (The Princess Diaries)
-Joe (The Princess Diaries)
-Lilly (The Princess Diaries)
-Mia (The Princess Diaries)
-Mia (Princess Diaries)
-Mia (The Princess Diaries)
-Mia (the princess diaries)
-Mia Thermopolis (The Princess Diaries)
-Mia (The Princess Diaries)
-Mia's Father (The Princess Diaries)
-Joe (The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement)
-Mia (Princess Diaries 2)
-Jenny Portman (Raising Helen)
-Gilbert (Revenge of the Nerds)
-Lewis (Revenge of the Nerds)
-JOHN MCLAUGHLIN (Saturday Night Live)
-Lisa (Saved By The Bell)
-Principal Belding (Saved by the Bell)
-Screech (Saved By The Bell)
-Zack (Saved By the Bell)
-Zack (Saved By the Bell)
-Dewey Finn (School of Rock)
-Dewey Finn (School of Rock)
-Dewey Finn (School of Rock)
-Dewey Finn (School of Rock)
-Dewey Finn (School of Rock)
-Dewey Finn (School of Rock)
-Lawrence (School of Rock)
-Dr. Cox (Srubs)
-Dr. Cox (Scrubs)
-J.D. (Scrubs)
-J.D. (Scrubs)
-Dr. Kelso (Scrubs)
-Turk (Scrubs)
-Clarence "Coffee" Black (Semi-Pro)
-Dick Pepperfield (Semi-Pro)
-Jackie Moon (Semi-Pro)
-Jackie Moon (Semi-Pro)
-Jackie Moon (Semi-Pro)
-Jackie Moon (Semi-Pro)
-Lou Redwood (Semi-Pro)
-Caleb (Seven Brides for Seven Brothers)
-Queen Elizabeth (Shakespeare in Love)
-John Bernard Books (The Shootist)
-Donkey (Shrek)
-Gingerbread Man (Shrek)
-Shrek (Shrek)
-Donkey (Shrek 2)
-Donkey (Shrek 2)
-Fairy Godmother (Shrek 2)
-Gingerbread Man (Shrek 2)
-Gingerbread Man (Shrek 2)
-Puss-in-Boots (Shrek 2)
-Shrek (Shrek 2)
-Shrek (Shrek 2)
-Shrek (Shrek 2)
-Shrek (Shrek 2)
Shrek (Shrek 2)
-Artie (Shrek 3)
-Cheerleader (Shrek 3)
-Cheerleader (Shrek 3)
-Donkey (Shrek 3)
-Donkey (Shrek 3)
-Gingy (Shrek 3)
-Puss in Boots (Shrek 3)
-Snow White (Shrek 3)
-Angelica (Six days Seven nights)
-Robin Monroe (Six days Seven nights)
-Annie Reed (Sleepless in Seattle)
-Taxi Driver (Sleepless in Seattle)
"When I am sitting here with you, I don't even think about the slime people."
-Hero (The Slime People)
-Spice World (I dont remember who)
-Anchorman (Spiderman 3)
-Aunt May (Spiderman 3)
-Aunt May (Spiderman 3)
-Aunt May (Spiderman 3)
-Eddie Brock (Spiderman 3)
-Houseman (Spiderman 3)
-Flint Marko (Spiderman 3)
-Peter Parker (Spiderman 3)
-Peter Parker (Spiderman 3)
-Peter Parker (Spiderman 3)
-Mary Jane Watson (Spiderman 3)
-Sponge Bob Square Pants
-Carmen Cortez (Spy Kids)
-Truvy (Steel Magnolias)
-Roger Bannister (The Stepford Wives)
-Bobbi Markowitz (The Stepford Wives)
-Cleo Miller (Sugar and Spice)
-Captian O'Hagen (Super Troopers)
-Captain O'Hagen (Super Troopers)
-College Boy (Super Troopers)
-Farva (Super Troopers)
-Foster (Super Troopers)
-Mac (Super Troopers)
-Mac (Super Troopers)
-Officer Smy (Super Troopers)
-Police Chief Grady (Super Troopers)
-Becca (Superbad)
-Evan (Superbad)
-Evan (Superbad)
-Evan (Superbad)
-Evan (Superbad)
-Fogell (Superbad)
-Fogell (Superbad)
-Officer Michaels (Superbad)
-Officer Michaels
-Seth (Superbad)
-Seth (Superbad)
-Seth (Superbad)
-Seth (Superbad)
-Seth (Superbad)
-Seth (Superbad)
-Officer Slater (Superbad)
-Officer Slater (Superbad)
-Officer Slater (Superbad)
-Melanie Carmichael (Sweet Home Alabama)
-Melanie Carmichael (Sweet Home Alabama)
-Tarzan (Tarzan, the Ape Man)
-Dick (Third rock From the Sun)
-Tommy (Third rock from the Sun)
-Chrissy (Three's Company)
-Chrissy (Three's Company)
-Atticus Finch (To Kill A Mockingbird)
-Truman (The Truman Show)
-Berg (Two guys and a girl)
-Pete (Two Guys and a Girl)
-Pete (Two Guys and a Girl)
-Meryl Brooks (Two Weeks Notice)
2. I met this guy, so I won't be hanging out with you tonight.
3. There's this really cute guy and so I don't think...
-Olive (Veronica's Closet)
-John Beckwith (Wedding Crashers)
-Secretary Cleary (Wedding Crashers)
-Jeremy Grey (Wedding Crashers)
-Jeremy Grey (Wedding Crashers)
-Jeremy Grey (Wedding Crashers)
-Mrs. Kroeger (Wedding Crashers)
-Bob Wiley (What about Bob)
-Bob Wiley (What About Bob)
-Bob Wiley (What About Bob)
-Harry (When Harry Met Sally)
-Harry (When Harry Met Sally)
-Harry Burns (When Harry Met Sally)
-Clive (Who's Line U.K.)
-Clive (Who's Line Is It Anyway? U.K. Version)
-Greg (Who's Line U.K)
-Mike (Who's line is it anyway? U.K.)
-Pete (Who's line is it anyway. U.K.)
-Colin (Whose Line is it anyway? U.S. Version)
-Coln (Who's Line is it Anyway U.S. Version)
-Colin (Whose Line is it Anyway? U.S. Version)
I fill it all with danger, I'm...in Jeopardy!
It really is quite wonderful, I do it with all my might
I hang out with prostitutes because the Price is Right
-Colin (Who's Line Is It Anyway? U.S. Version)
-Drew (Who's Line Is It Anyway? U.S.)
-Drew (Whose Line Is It Anyway? U.S.)
-Drew (Who's Line is it anyway? U.S. Version)
-Drew (Whose line is it Anyway? US VERSION)
-Drew (Who's Line is it Anyway? U.S. Version)
-Ryan Stiles (Who's Line is it Anyway? U.S. Version)
-James (Will & Grace)
"We have so much time, so little to do. Strike that, reverse it."
-Willy Wonka (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory)
-Dan (Without a Paddle)
-Del (Without a Paddle)
-Tom (Without a Paddle)
-Scarecrow (Wizard of Oz)
-Wicked Witch (Wizard Of Oz)
-Wicked Witch (Wizard of Oz)
-Mulder (X-Files)
-Some guy from a Europe Movie
"My Name is Bond, James Bond."
-Dr. No (I don't Know)
-Blue Stanton?
-I'm no angel?
-A commercial on UPN 50
-Victor (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)
-The Blue Farie (Pinocchio)
-Timon (Lion King)
-George Knox (Angels in the Outfield)
-Mufasa's Ghost (The Lion King)
-Mr. Sir (Holes-Movie Version)
-Armpit (Holes- Movie Version)
-Captain Jack Sparrow(Pirates of the Caribbean)
-Timon(The Lion King)
-Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean-Dead Man's Chest)
-Mr. Pendanski (Holes- Movie Version)
-Hector Zeroni A.K.A. Zero (Holes-Movie Version)
-Genie (Aladdin)
-Iago (Aladdin)
-Genie (Aladdin)
-Rutt or Tuke (Brother Bear)
-The Easter Bunny (The Santa Clause 2)
-Coach Boone (Remember the Titans)
-Peter Pan (Peter Pan)
-George (George of the Jungle)
-George (George of The Jungle)
-Rusty Duritz (The Kid)
-Mother Nature (The Santa Clause 2)
-Swahili Guide (George of the Jungle)
-Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean-Dead Man's Chest)
-Quasimodo (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)
-Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean-Dead Man's Chest)
-Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean)
-Annabell as Tess (Freaky Friday)
-Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean)
-Ted (Snow Dogs)
-Mr. Potato Head (Toy Story)
-Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean)
-Hades (Hercules)
-Bernard (The Santa Clause 2)
-Crush (Finding Nemo)
-Ms. Darbus (High School Musical)
-Phil (Hercules)
-Lilo (Lilo and Stitch)
-Sebastian (The Little Mermaid)
-Snow White (Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs)
-Captain Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean)
- Buzz Lightyear (Toy Sory)
-Zurg (Toy Story 2)
-Mary Poppins (Mary Poppins)
-Stitch (Lilo and Stitch)
-Alice (Alice in Wonderland)
-Crush (Finding Nemo)
-Barbossa (Pirates of the Caribbean)
-Mulan (Mulan)
-Ariel (The Little Mermaid)
-Lilo (Lilo and Stitch)
-Tess as Annabell (Freaky Friday)
-Yao (Mulan)
-Hades (Hercules)
-Dory (Finding Nemo)
-Tigger (The Tigger Movie)
-Trusty (Lady and the Tramp)
-Sebastian (The Little Mermaid)
-Ariel (The Little Mermaid)
-George (George of The Jungle)
-Dory (Finding Nemo)
-Barbossa (Pirates of the Caribbean)
-Chum (Finding Nemo)
-Will Turner (Pirates of the Caribbean)
-Old Man (Emporer's New Groove)
-Jane Porter (Tarzan)
-Mr. Potato Head (Toy Story)
-Jesse Tuck (Tuck Everlasting)
-Woody (Toy Story)
-Bo Peep (Toy Story)
-Sulley (Monsters Inc.)
-Marlin (Finding Nemo)
-Woody (Toy Story)
-John Smith (Pocahontas)
-Mr. Potato Head
-Angus Tuck (Tuck Everlasting)
-Jim (Haunted Mansion)
-Woody (Toy Story)
-Mad Hatter (Alice in Wonderland)
-Dory (Finding Nemo)
-Judy (The Santa Clause)
-Jesse Tuck (Tuck Everlasting)
-Scott Calvin (The Santa Clause)
-Miles Tuck (Tuck Everlasting)
-Rutt (Brother Bear)
-Agitha (Halloweentown)
-Buzz Lightyear (Toy Story 2)
-Rex (Toy Story 2)
-The Teacher (The Santa Clause)
-Gabrielle Montez (High School Musical)
-Charlie (The Santa Clause)
"Don't be afraid of death, be afraid of the unlived life."
-Tuck (Tuck Everlasting)
-Phillip Brainard (Flubber)
-Lorri (The Rookie)
-Bobby (The Goofy Movie)
-Elizabeth Swan (Pirates of the Caribbean-Dead Man's Chest)
-Judy (The Santa Clause)
-Woody (Toy Story 2)
-Jesse Tuck (Tuck Everlasting)
-Gaston (Beauty and the Beast)
-Rex (Toy Story 2)
-Winnie (Hocus Pocus)
-Tantor (Tarzan)
-Dory (Finding Nemo)
-Irv (Cool Runnings)
Tuke: Hey, that mountain came out of nowhere!
-Rutt & Tuke (Brother Bear)
-Sanka Coffie (Cool Runnings)
-Buzz Lightyear (Toy Story 2)
-Lizzie McGuire (Lizzie McGuire)
-Jessie (Toy Story 2)
-
-Tantor (Tarzan)
-Max Keeble (Max Keeble's Big Move)
-Maccus (POTC DMC)
-Ross
-Ross
-Chandler
-Chandler
-Rachel
-Ross
-Chandler
-Joey
-Pheboe
-Rachel
-Joey
-Joey
-Chandler
-Joey
-Joey
-Ross
-Chandler
-Rachel
-Joey
-Rachel
-Uncle Vernon (Sorcerer's Stone)
-Dumbledore (Sorcerer's Stone)
-Ron (Sorcerer's Stone)
-George Weasley (Sorcerer's Stone)
-Dumbledore (Sorcerer's Stone)
-Dumbledore ( The Sorcerer's Stone)
-Prof. Quirrell (The Sorcerer's Stone)
-Dumbledore (The Sorcerer's Stone)
-Albus Dumbledore (Chamber of Secrets)
-Arthur Weasley (Chamber of Secrets)
-Uncle Vernon (Chamber of Secrets)
-Professor Dumbledore (The Sorcerer's Stone)
-Peeves (Chamber of Secrets)
-Moaning Myrtle (Chamber of Secrets)
-Harry Potter (Chamber of Secrets)
-Ron Weasley (Chamber of Secrets)
-Dobby (Chamber of Secrets)
-Ron Weasley (Chamber of Secrets)
-Hermione Granger (Chamber of Secrets)
-Professor Albus Dumbledore (Chamber of Secrets)
-Ron Weasley (Chamber of Secrets)
-Harry Potter (Chamber of Secrets)
-Arthur Weasley (Chamber of Secrets)
-Draco Malfoy (Chamber of Secrets)
-Dobby The House Elf (Chamber of Secrets)
-Dumbledore (Prisoner of Azkaban)
-George Weasley (Prisoner of Azkaban)
"Mr. Prongs agress with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git."
"Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a Professor."
"Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slime ball."
-Professor Lupin, James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew (Prisoner of Azkaban)
-Professor Lupin (Prisoner of Azkaban)
-Sirius Black (Prisoner of Azkaban)
-Sirius Black (Prisoner of Azkaban)
-Dumbledore (Prisoner of Azkaban)
-Cornelius Fudge (Prisoner of Azkaban)
-Ron (Prisoner of Azkaban)
-Oliver Wood (Prisoner of Azkaban)
-Sirius Black (Prisoner of Azkaban)
- Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
-Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
-Goblet of Fire
-Harry (Goblet of Fire)
-Hermione Granger (Goblet of Fire)
-Dobby (Goblet of Fire)
-Dumbledore (Goblet of Fire)
-Albus Dumbledore (Goblet of fire)
-Moody (Goblet of Fire)
-Harry (goblet of fire)
-Dumbledore (Goblet of Fire)
-Sirius Black (Goblet of Fire)
-Dumbledore (Goblet of Fire)
-Order of the Phoenix
-Order of the Phoenix
Harry raised his eyebrows.
"Funny," he said, "you'd think I'd have stopped walking around ..."
-Ron (Order of the Phoenix)
-Snape (Order of the Phoenix)
-Sirius (Order of the Phoenix)
-Ron (Order of the Phoenix)
-Sirius (Order of the Phoenix)
"Loved it," said Lupin briskly. "Give five signs that identify the werewolf. Excellent question."
"D'you think you managed to get all the signs?" said James in tones of mock concern.
"Think I did," said Lupin seriously, as they joined the crowd thronging around the front doors eager to get out into the sunlit grounds. "One: he's sitting on my chair. Two: he's wearing my clothes. Three: his name is Remus Lupin."
-Cornelius Fudge (Half-Blood Prince)
-Dumbledore (Half-Blood Prince)
-Dumbledore (Half-Blood Prince)
-Arthur Weasley (Half-Blood Prince)
-Harry Potter (Half-Blood Prince)
Songs From Musicals & Soundtracks
Quotes Arranged in Alphabetical Order By Artist's Last Name.
-Reflection, From Disney's Mulan (Christina Aguilera)
-Invisible (Clay Aiken)
-This is the Night (Clay Aiken)
-California girls (Beach Boys)
-Help (The Beatles)
-Let It Be (The Beatles)
-Paperback Writer (The Beatles)
-How Deep Is Your Love (The Bee Gees)
-Stayin' Alive (The Bee Gees)
-Where is the Love? (The Black Eyed Peas)
-Livin' On A Prayer (Bon Jovi)
-Alla Luce Del Sole *english translation* (Josh Groban)
-Cinema Paradiso (se) *English Tanslation* (Josh Groban)
-Vincent: Starry Starry Night (Josh Groban)
-Jack & Diane (John Mellencamp)
-Only Hope, from a Walk to Remember (Mandy Moore)
-On the Road Again (Willie Nelson)
-My Way (Frank Sinatra)
-Burning Heart (Survivor)
-Can't Take My Eyes off you (Frankie Valli)
In Alphabetical Order By Movie/Show
-Be our guest, From Disney's Beauty and the Beast
-A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes, From Disney's Cinderella
-Can You Find it in your Heart, from Footloose
-Holding Out For A Hero, from Footloose
-I confess, From Footloose
-Let's Hear It For The Boy, from Footloose
-Somebody's Eyes, From Footloose
-Somebody's Eyes, From Footloose
-Best of Friends, From Disney's The Fox and the Hound
-I Wanna Be Like You, From Disney's The Jungle Book
-Kiss the Girl, From Disney's The Little Mermaid
-Part of Your World, From Disney's The Little Mermaid
-Under the Sea, From Disney's The Little Mermaid
-I've got No Strings, From Disney's Pinnochio
-When You Wish Apon a Star, From Disney's Pinnochio
-Popular, From Wicked
-I feel Pretty, from West Side Story
-Somewhere, From West Side Story
(Mostly friends and family)
From Least to Most Recent
-I cant say
-Monica Limbacher
-Monica Limbacher
-Me
-Me
-Me (dont ask)
-Monica
-Mattie
-Megan C.
-Megan V.
-Monica
-Ms. Gass
-Me
-Chris
-Josh Feeback
-Dan the Freshman tenor Sax kid
-I'm not gonna say
-Me
-Martha (Gas=Gasoline)
-Angela
-Jenny
-Emily
-Monica
-Emily
-Cassie
-David
-Me and Lindsey
-Sarah
-Emily
-Me & Kelly
-Kelly
-Tiffany
-Liz
-Emily
-Tiffany
-Jordan
-Monica (if you couldn't guess)
-Chris
-Emily
-Monica
-Nikki
-David (A.k.a. Toast... Inside Joke)
-Emily
-Tiffany
-Liz
-Mattie
-Emily
-Tiffany
-My Grandpa
-Emily
-Monica
-Mr. Kroll
-Me
-Kelly
-Liz
-Me
-Monica
-Me
-Me
-Monica
-Kendra
-Jen
-Jen
-Hannah (meaning dollars)
-Lisa
-Liz
-Me
-Me
-Nikki
-Nikki (giving commentary for Titanic)
-Suzy (haha...she's implying he's gay...)
Session II 2003
-Me
-Allegra
-Some Person I don't know
-Lisa
-Kristina
-Allegra
-Me
-Lisa
-Kristina
-Allegra
-Joann
-Joann
-Joann
-Kristina
-Girls of Sibelius Session II