Q: What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?
A: Their middle name.
Q:What is the last thing a redneck says before he dies.
A:"Hey y'all watch this!"
Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer
Q: Why do only 30% of men get into Heaven?
A: If it were more, it would be Hell.
Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."
Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton. George Washington says, "I will make someone happy!" and throws a dollar bill off the plane.
Then Abraham Lincoln says, "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then Thomas Jefferson says, "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then George W. Bush says, "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws Bill Clinton off the plane.
Knock, knock
Who�s there?
A talking pig.
Pigs can�t talk.
Neither can penguins, but I can�t shut him up! Wait till you get a load of the dancing candelabra�
Three couples went to a resturant. The women wanted to compliment the men with something that was on the table. "Could you pass me the sugar, sugar?" said the first gal. "Could you pass me the honey, honey?" said the second. "Could you pass me the bacon, pig?" said the third.
Q: What goes in hard and pink, but comes out soft and mushy?
A: Bubblegum (what were you thinking?)
Q: Why don't witches wear panties?
A: Better grip on the broom.
Guy: My Girlfriend called me a pedophile. I told her that's a pretty big word for a six year old!
Q: What kind of person steals soap?
A: A dirty crook
Bill and Hillary Clinton went out to dinner and when the waiter came to take their order, he asked Hillary how she wanted her steak, she replied, "medium." Then the waiter said, "how about your vegetable?" Hillary replied, "Oh, he can order for himself."
Q: How do you know when you are half way through a date with a pilot?
A: Because he says: "Thats enough about flying, let's talk about me"!
Q: What do you get when you cross a highway with a bicycle?
A: Run over!
Q: Why was the little boy staring so hard at the orange juice carton?
A: Because it said "concentrate"!
Q: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled "coping with darkness"
Q: How many circus performers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the bulb and the other to shout, 'Ta-daaaa!'
Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes at least three light bulbs.
Q: What do you call a bunch of white guys in a circle?
A: A Dope Ring!
Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
A: Snowballs.
Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news. Which do you want first? Patient: Give me the bad news first. Doctor: Well, we accidentally amputated the wrong leg. Patient: What's the good news? Doctor: It turns out that your other leg didn't need to be amputated at all.
After examining his patient, he informed Mr. Jones, "I'm afraid you only have two months left to live. Do you have any requests?" "Yes, I'd like a second opinion." "Fine. I also think you're ugly as sin."
Q: Why do men name their penis?
A: They like to be on a first name basis with the one making most of their decisions.
Q. How do you play Iraqi bingo?
A. B-52...F-16...B-2.
Q: How do you stop a Polish army on horseback?
A: Turn off the carousel.
Q: What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall?
A: DAM
Q: What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A: A Northern fairytale begins, "Once upon a time..." A Southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh*t..."
Q: Why do drivers' education classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A: Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually aroused?
A: He's breathing
Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.
Q: How can you tell if a man is happy?
A: Who cares?
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to change the bulb and five to write the environmental impact statement.
There was an American man that had an meeting in France. He met a woman and that night they had their own meeting. While they were where having sex, she was yelling, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX." He did not know what that meant, but assumed it to be some sort of praise. The next day, he went to play golf with the men he had the meeting with. One of them made a hole in one. He yelled, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX !" They looked at him and said, "what do you mean wrong hole?"
One day when the teacher walked into the classroom, she noticed that someone had written the word 'PENIS' (in tiny letters) on the blackboard. She scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she rubbed the word off and began class. The next day, the word 'PENIS' was written on the board again; this time it was written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson. Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's being larger than the previous one, and each being rubbed off vigorously. At the end of the second week, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets."
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. Men will screw anything.
Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don't work.
Q: How are men and parking spots alike?
A: The good ones are always taken and the only ones left are handicapped.
Two tourists were driving through Louisiana.
As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are...very slowly?"
The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing.
Q: What has four legs and an arm?
A: A happy Pit Bull
Q: Which Search Engine does Arnold Schwarzenegger use?
A: Alta Vista baby.
Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl.
Q: How can you tell when Barbie has her period?
A: Your tic tacs are missing.
Q: Why do men become smarter during sex?
A: Because they are plugged into a genius.
Q: What happened when Batman and Robin got run over by a steam roller?
A: They became Flatman and Ribbon.
A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?" "Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose." "Wow, what does it look like after sex?" "Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"
Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off of you when you die.
Q: How did the hilbilly find his daughter in the woods?
A: Pretty Good!
Q:What's white and fourteen inches long?
A: Absolutely nothing!
Q:What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane?
A: Snow.
Morris asks his son, now aged 10, if he knows about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into
tears. Confused, the father asked his son what was wrong.
"Oh dad," he sobbed, "at age six I got the 'there's no Santa'
speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech.
Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy'
speech!?"
"If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really have
sex, I've got nothing left to live for!"
Q. Do you know what 6.9 is?
A. A good thing screwed up by a period.
Q: Why do men masturbate?
A: It's sex with someone they love.
Q: Whats another name for a push-up bra?
A: False advertisement.
Q: How many Mafia hitmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in, one to watch, and one to shoot the witness.
Q: What does Hannibal Lecter call Britney Spears?
A: Dinner at Hooters
Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.
Q: How do you save a man from drowning?
A: Take your foot off of his head.
Q: Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
A: They named him Sum Ting Wong.
Q: Whats long and hard and Is full of seamen?
A: A submarine (that 1s better if said)!
There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea. When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on. "What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host. "A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in my pants!"
Q: What's the difference between men and beer?
A: When you're done with the beer it's still worth 5 cents.
Jason walks into a restroom in an airport and goes up to a urinal. A man with no arms comes up to him and says "Hey, can you give me a hand?". Though he feels uncomfortable, he agrees to help. He unzips the man's pants, takes a deep breath, and reaches in and takes out his penis, which he is horrified to discover is all green and moldy. Imagining the bonus he will get come judgment day, he continues to hold the man's moldy unit as he urinates, gives it a shake, and zips it back up in his pants.
"Hey, thanks a lot man." The man says
"No problem. But there is one thing I have to know, what is wrong with your Johnson?"
Then the man pulls his arms out into his sleeves and says "I don't know, but I'm sure as hell ain't gonna touch it!"
Q: Why did God put men on earth?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
Q: How does a man take a bubble bath?
A: He eats beans for dinner.
Q: What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A: A half hour of begging.
Q: What do a bungee jump and a Hooker have in common?
A: They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead.
Q: What do Brittany Spears and PEPSI have in common?
A: They both have plastic juggs.
One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, "Honey, can I have a quickie?" The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women's rights and storms away. Cheney then says to Bush, "George, its pronounced 'quiche'."
"You remind me of a famous movie star."
"Really? Which one?"
"Lassie."
A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examing his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating." The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?" The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."
P>Well, one night a boy and his girlfriend are out on a date and as the boy pull in his girlfriends drive-way to let her out she tells him to come over the next night for dinner and meet her parents. The boy agrees and the girl says to him that after dinner they will make love. Well the boy agrees and as he is on his way home, he thinks to himself ,"This will be my first time sleeping with someone, so before I go over to her house ill stop by the pharmacy and buy some condoms". Well that day went by and they young boy was on his way to the pharmacy , and as he purchased the condoms the pharmacist gives him a mean look, the boy thinks nothing of it and goes on. Well, when the boy is at his girlfriends house, her mother asks him to say the blessing before dinner, well the boy is going on and on about stuff during the prayer and his girlfriend leans to him and says " I didn't know you were such a religious person" and the boy says back " I didn't know your dad is a pharmacist".
Q: What's the position to make ugly babies?
A: Ask your parents.
Q: What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A: A pimp.
Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend's frigid?
A. When you open her legs the lights go on.
Q: How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
A: Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.
Last time I saw a face like yours I fed it a banana.
Q: How do you know that the toothbrush was invented by a redneck?
A: If it was invented by anyone else they would have called it a "teethbrush".
Q: What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
A: Chelsea Clinton.
Q: What do you call an honest lawyer?
A: An oxymoron.
Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?
A: Senator.
Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: Why are lawyers buried 10 feet underground?
A: Because deep down, they're really not that bad!
Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a pig?
A: Nothing. There are some things even a pig won't do!
Q: What has 132 legs and 8 teeth?
A: The front row of a Garth Brooks concert.
Q: What do you call 32 Rednecks in one room?
A: A full set of teeth.
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonalds on Friday night in Iowa?
A: Prom.
Q: What's the purpose of an airplane propeller?
A: To keep the pilot cool. If you don't think so, just stop it and watch him sweat!
A pompous self made grocer named Bates gets his son into an expensive private school. On day One the whole family is there to see the little blighter begin his first day at school. The grocer, his family in tow, saunters into the principal's office and introduces himself thus: "I am Sir Shortweight Bates. This is my wife, Lady Bates, my daughter Miss Bates and my son Master Bates." "Oh does he?" asks the bemused principal, "we will soon get him out of that terrible habit."
Q: There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!" Herman says, "I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!"
Q: What do you call the moisture between two people having sex in Alabama?
A: Relative humidity
A man and his daughter were standing in the garden one day when the little girl spots two spiders mating.
Mary: Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?
Dad: They're mating, honey.
Mary: What's the one on top called?
Dad: It's a daddy-longlegs.
Mary: So the one on bottom is a mommy-longlegs?
Dad: No, it's a daddy-longlegs, too.
Mary: (thinks for a minute, then stomps on both spiders) Well, we're not having any of that crap in OUR garden!
You might be a redneck if you give Santa three pickled eggs and a cold one instead of cookies and milk.
You know you're a redneck when the biggest city you've been to is Wal-Mart.
Q. When does a cub become a boy scout?
A. When he eats his first Brownie.
You might be a redneck if you mow your grass and find three cars.
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."
The bartender says, "What do you have?"
The guy says, "75 cents."
Q: How many Psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one. But the bulb has to really WANT to change.
A Man walked into a bar and said ouch.
A cop pulls Jenna Bush over for speeding and he notices her eyes are red. He says, "Gee, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?" Jenna replies, "No officer, but gee, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?
A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and asks, ''Is this some kind of joke?''
Q: If a man and a woman get married in Texas and move to Washington are they still brother and sister?
Q: What do you call a blond with a Chainsaw?
A: Dead.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who got a pair of waterskis?
A: She's still looking for a lake with a slope.
Q: Why can't you tell blondes knock-knock jokes?
A: Because they go answer the door.
Did you hear about the blonde that threw away her weight loss video because she noticed that the people on the video were not losing weight either?
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone's been in a 747!
Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven.
One day, a blonde was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help. ''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' She cried. ''Honey," he said, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''
Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left," So they went home.
Q: Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?
A: She heard the drinks were on the house.
Q: What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair brown?
A:Artificial intelligence.
A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she's seen any cops. "Yes," says the blonde. "Are their lights on?" asked the brunette. The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."
Q: How can you tell when a blonde has been baking chocolate chip cookies?
A: There's M&M shells all over the floor.
Q: Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it?
A: A blonde tried to shoot herself!
Q: What do Barbie and Britney Spears have in common?
A: Both are blonde, brainless and made out of plastic.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe!
Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben was only a clock.
Q: What do a blonde and a turtle have in common?
A: They're both screwed on their back.
Q: What's a Blonde's mating call?
A: "NEXT"
Q: What is every blonde's ambition?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet
Q: What do blondes and cow patties have in common?
A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
Q: What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
A: Oh look, Daddy...Doughnut seeds.
Q: Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.
A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks, ''Where did you get that?'' The pig says, ''I won her in a raffle!"
Q: How does a blonde get hurt raking leaves?
A: She falls out of the tree!
Q: Why did the blonde have square boobs?
A: She forgot to take the tissue out of the box.
Q: What does a blonde say after two more years of college?
A: Would you like fries with that?
Q: What happened to the Blonde Tap Dancer?
A: She fell in the sink.
Q: What goes stop, go, stop, go, stop, go?
A: A blonde at a flashing red light.
Q: What did they call the blonde that was found dead in the closet?
A: The 1994 Hide and Go Seek Champion.
Q: Why do blondes leave empty milk cartons in the fridge?
A: In case someone wants black coffee.
Q: Whats an intelligent blonde?
A: A Golden Retreiver.
Once, a blonde decided to ride a horse. She was riding quite pleasantly on a trail in a field until the horse speeded up. He was going faster and faster, and soon she felt herself slipping. Her head was just about to hit the ground... Then the Wal Mart manager ran to turn off the horsey ride.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who died drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Q: What do you call a Blonde with 2 braincells?
A: Pregnant!
Q: Why does a blonde keep a wire coat hanger in the back seat of her car?
A: In case she locks her keys in.
Q. Whats the difference between an intelligent Blonde and a UFO?
A. Dunno - never seen either!
Q. How do you make a Blonde laugh on Friday?
A. Tell her a joke on Tuesday!
Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: The instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds".
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade
Q: What are the six worst years in a blonde's life.
A: Third grade.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run! She's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q: Why can't the blonde make ice cubes?
A: She lost the recipe.
Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
A: The noise gave her a headache.
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "don't walk".
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q:What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An Air Bag
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds. When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping."
Q: What is dumber than two brunettes that tried to build a house at the bottom of the ocean?
A: Two blondes that tried to burn it down!
Q: What do you call blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes!
Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
A: You knock on the door.
Q: There were three third graders walking down the street a redhead, brunnette, and a blonde. Which one had the best figure?
A: The Blonde, she was 18.
Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was going to have a baby?
A: I hope it's mine.
BAND JOKES A Band Story...
In the beginning, there were only brass instruments in the band. Then they noticed that some people were too stupid to play brass instruments, so they gave them little tubes and told them to blow on them. These people were known as woodwinds. Then they noticed some people were too dumb to play woodwinds, so they were given two sticks and were told to hit whatever they wanted. These people were known as "percussionists." Finally, they noticed that one percussionist was soo dumb he couldn't even do that, so they took away one of his sticks and told him to go stand in front of everybody. And that was the birth of the first conductor. Q: How do you fix a broken tuba? Q: What's the difference between a bass trombone and a chain saw? Q: What's the difference between a Trumpet player and the rear end of a horse? Q: What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra? Q: How do you know when there's a trombonist at your door? Small wonder we have so much trouble with air pollution in the world when so much of it has passed through saxophones. Q: How do you know when a trumpet player is at your door? Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? Q:Why are conductor's hearts so coveted for transplants? Q: What's the difference between a pig and a symphony orchestra conductor? Q: What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Q: How do you know if there is a drummer at your door? Q: How do you get your viola section to sound like the horn section? Q: How do you tune two piccolos? Q: What do you get when you cross a French Horn player and a goalpost? Q: You have a gun and two bullets. There is a band director and a trombone player waiting to be shot. Which one do you shoot first? Q: How can you tell which kid on a playground is the child of a trombonist? Q: Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?" The other replies, "That was no piccolo, that was my fife." Q: What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base? Q: How can you make a French horn sound like a trombone? A musician calls the symphony office to talk to the conductor. "I'm sorry,he's dead," comes the reply. The musician calls back 25 times, always getting the same reply from the receptionist. At last she asks him why he keeps calling. "I just like to hear you say it." Q: How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb? Q: What's the definition of "nerd?" Q: How do you get two piccolos to play in unison? Q: Why is a bassoon better than an oboe? Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? Q: What's the range of a tuba? Q: Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes? Q: What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion? Q: Why is it good that drummers have a half-ounce more brains than horses? Q: How many alto sax players does it take to change a lightbulb? Q: How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb? Q: Why do drummers always have trouble entering a room ? Q: What do you call a trombonist with a beeper and a cellular telephone? Q: What's the difference between a saxophone and a lawn mower? Q: How do you confuse a drummer? Q: What do you call someone who hangs around a bunch of musicians? Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control? A new conductor was at his first rehearsal. It was not going well. He was wary of the musicians as they were of him. As he left the rehearsal room, the timpanist sounded a rude little "bong." The angry conductor turned and said, "All right! Who did that?" Q: How do you know when a trombone player is at your door? Q: What's the difference between a viola and a violin? Q: What is the difference between a trombone and a trumpet? Q: What is a gentleman? You might notice that there are very few jokes about the clarinet. This is out of sympathy. The clarinet has already been the butt of so many jokes - the saxophone, for instance.
You Gotta See This!
More Coming Soon!
A: With a tuba glue.
A: 1. Vibrato, though you can minimize this difference by holding the chain saw very still.
2. It's easier to improvise on a chainsaw.
A: I don't know either.
A: The bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back.
A: His hat says "Domino's Pizza"
A: The doorbell shrieks!
A: A flat minor.
A: They've had so little use.
A: There are some things a pig just isn't willing to do.
A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
A: The knocking always speeds up.
A: Have them miss every other note.
A: Shoot both of them.
A: A goalpost that can't march.
A: The band director. Business before pleasure.
A: He doesn't know how to use the slide, and he can't swing.
A: A flat major.
A: 1. Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste.
2. Take your hand out of the bell and miss all of the notes!
A: Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.
A: Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.
A: Shoot one.
A: The bassoon burns longer.
A: To get away from the bassoon recital
A: Twenty yards if you've got a good arm!
A: So you don't have to retrain the drummers.
A: Nobody cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces.
A: So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.
A: Five. One to change the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would have done it.
A: Five. One to handle the bulb and four to tell him how much better they could have done it.
A: They never know when to come in.
A: An optimist.
A: 1. Lawn mowers sound better in small ensembles.
2. The neighbors are upset if you borrow a lawnmower and don't return it.
3. The grip.
A: Put music in front of them.
A: A drummer
A: Their personality.
A:The doorbell drags.
A: A violin burns faster.
A: A trombone will bend before it breaks
A: Somebody who knows how to play the trombone, but doesn't.
Funny Answers to "Why did the chicken cross the road?"!