August 19th, 2003 - 11:17AM

      Well, looks my life is going down the shitter. Once again. Why does this kind of stuff always happen to me? Have I angered someone up there? Let me clue you all in.

      I've been living with Jonny this whole summer. Somehow I knew our relationship would get shitty if I did, but he was being the biggest baby about it. I guess he thought being an asshole to me would make me wanna live with him, and guess what, it worked. So we've been going through a bumpy summer, and we were gonna break up on Saturday the 23rd cuz it's our two year anniversary. But we were going to remain friends and all.

      Today, I was moving all my stuff out, and being the nosey person I am, I went through his cell phone when I found he had left it at home. So rewind to a flashback to last Thursday, the 14th... I came home from work at like 6 and he said that he had to leave at 8PM for some training for his job in the morning in Norfolk, VA. And I, being the dumbass that I am, didn't even give it a second thought. Lo and behold, I find his phone, and go through his text messages... and ta daaaaa... there's a text message he sent out to someone that said "I told Meyli 8PM, how about 8:30" on... duh duh duh.. Thursday night at 7:30. So then I called the number, and got the voicemail to a girl named Kieu Nguyen.. who is one of the models that I shot with for a calendar shoot in July. WHAT THE FUCK. At first I wanted to stab myself in the head with a fork. But I just sat there, with my face buried in my hands, crying like there was no tomorrow.

      The previous two times that Jonny.. I can't say cheated because the first time, we were "on a break" and the second time, I "gave him permission". But the first two times, he was honest with me at least. It doesn't make it any better, but at least he had enough integrity to come to me and tell me straight to my face. He had always prided himself on being honest (at least, right). And at the beginning of this year, he said there would be no one else this year, and we would just focus on each other. Couldn't he have waited another week until we had officially broken up? I wanted us to end on a good note, but I guess that's out of the question. I still can't believe he just straight up made some bullshit up and just left to spend the night with her. That's fucked up.

      So then when I tried to confront him, I IM'ed him on MSN messenger cuz he wasn't on AIM. And he said he had no idea what I was talking about, then "signed off". But then he signed on AIM on this sn he thinks I don't know about "NiceGuyinVASexi" (pretty fruity, huh) so he could probably talk to her. So I IMed him like "why are you trying to avoid me? I just want an explanation". I don't think that's too much to ask. I'm not even mad that he cheated on me. I'm mad that he lied to me in such a conniving way. I've done so much for this guy. Gone out of my way to make him happy, and this is the thanks I get. THANKS A LOT, JONNY!

      What do I want? I want for just one last night with him, for him to treat me like I really am someone special to him. I want for him to wrap his arms around me really tight, and kiss me on the cheek, and explain to me why he does the things he does, and why he treats me like this. I want to see those bright blue eyes one last time, welling with tears because he'll miss me so much. I want to be able to promise each other that we'll still be friends. I want him to apologize for taking advantage of me... using the fact that I'm a good and gracious person, to take care of his every need, yet he looked elsewhere for the thing that I need most. His love. And most of all, I want him to apologize for slicing my heart into a million pieces; all of which will never be put back together by anyone for a long long time.

      I really do feel like I wanna die right about now. But I'm going to be strong. And I'm going to try to fight this fight alone, because he hasn't been walking with me on the battlefield for a really long time. And everytime that it crossed my mind that something was up, I ignored it, living in my little facade of a perfect little relationship with the perfect (ha) guy. People have been telling me so many times, over and over and over again, that I could do so much better, and that I should never let anyone treat me like that. But I didn't want to hear it. I knew that Jonny was a good person, and that I loved him with all my heart. But they were just screaming to me, warning me, that I'd get hurt. And I should have listened, but it's too late now.

August 19th, 2003 - 12:12PM

      Well I just talked to Jonny on MSN messenger. He flat out denied the whole thing and said he didn't know what I was talking about. He said the text message was just that he was gonna CALL her at 8:30. But he still went to the job training thing. Am I being paranoid?! Could I be mistaken? It just seems like everything is all coming at once and I can't think or react quick enough. Give me your opinions, please. (Cute301Girl on AIM, haha, I'm such a loser). Anyway, he wants me to go by CVS and pick up his prescription today. Should I? Why should I do something nice for the scumbucket, right? *SiGh* I dunno whether I am overreacting or if he is just playing me for a fool again. AHHHHHHHHHH. I'm going to like have my head explode. Or pee.

      He invited me over for dinner, says he's gonna cook tonight. Should I listen to him fill my head with more lies? I don't want him to tell me what I want to hear. I want the truth, and now it seems like I'll never get to the bottom of this.

August 19th, 2003 - 2:06PM

      Big Update! Kieu wrote me back. Wanna see what she said?

E-mail #1:
Hi Meyli,

I'm sorry to hear about that. I don't know exactly what Jonny has told you or what's going on between you guys. He told me on Thursday that you guy broke up. Anyways, he asked to go with me to Richmond as I was doing a shoot on Friday morning, that's all. Nothing happened. I agreed for him to go because I was a little bit afraid of going alone since it was my first time working with this photographer and didn't know what to expect and .

For what it's worth, I'm not interested in Jonny.

E-mail #2:
No, we drove to Richmond Thursday night and spent the night in the hotel because I wanted to look fresh...not tired for the shoot. I had originally planned to go alone, thus I only booked 1 hotel room. May be he was concerned that you would get jealous or something, like I said, I don't really know. And I don't know why he lied either. But I did make it pretty clear that I wasn't interested in more than friendship.

Hope everything is ok with you.

      So... looks like he didn't cheat on me (did he sleep in her bed?), but he still lied to me. And why did he tell her that we had broken up? That hasn't even happened yet. Like we may be in the PROCESS of breaking up, but we haven't "Broken Up" yet. Maybe I'm weird like that. It also pisses me off that he kept insisting to go to the shoot with her, when he doesn't even make the slightest effort to accompany me to my shoots. Fucker. *SiGh* My heart still hurts, but my eyes have dried. Anyone live near me that wants to teach me stick today? That would cheer me up a lot, so I can remember how to drive stick when I get my sexy Rexxy that I will NEVER let him drive. Hrmph. I'll write again when more drama happens (as will likely occur).

August 20th, 2003 - 1:05PM

      Lalalalalala, things are okay now. I think. Yesterday I went by Jonny's house at around 4:30 and we yelled at each other and fought for about two hours until we both kinda just looked at each other and stopped. He said some fucked up things though. Like first he denied the whole thing. Then after about an hour of shouting, he said "It's none of your business anyway". What the fuck. And then after about another hour, he said "Thanks for ruining it for me with her." HA! What the fuck?! *SiGh* So I mean, you know what? Yeah, we're breaking up (I think we've already done it), but let's be civil about it. And civil, we were. It was just like old times when we would just sit and watch TV and eat brownies. *SiGh* I'm gonna miss him when I go to college.

      On a brighter note, today I might go visit Tofu again. He's been really sweet to me through this whole ordeal, and really supportive. Like when we were both sitting behind his computer and I was kinda bummed out about finding everything out, he just gave me a big hug and he was like "it's okay, Melly, I love you." He's sooooooooooo sweet. I just wanna give him a big big hug right now. Or stab a fork through his head cuz he made me think I was gonna get a present today. Fucker. j/k.

      Today Jasper (my buddy from Import Xpression) is going to teach me how to drive stick in his friend's car. I'm pretty psyched. I've been waiting for ERIC FELIX (if you are out there) to call me back cuz I wanna relearn in his Celica. ERIC FELIX. Haha, okay enough. But I'm really psyched, I can't wait until I learn. Still have to tell my mom about this Rx7 though, I hope she says it's okay for me to get it. *yay* I'll post pictures of it later on my page. It's orgasmic. Thank you KAY!

August 21st, 2003 - 12:36PM

      Wow, I'm having a good day! Well, not good. But not shitty either. (for a change). Let me fill you in on what happened yesterday....

      Jasper found a friend who was willing to let me learn stick in his older generation Rx7 and I did pretty good! I didn't stall once! I was so proud of myself. Today Adam (my buddy from work) is gonna teach me in his Solara. He's so sweet, I wish I could have gone to Myrtle Beach with him and mah boyzzzzzzzzzzzz. Haha, j/k. HI MIKE LU! AND DAVE, YOU IMPORT WHORE! Anyway, after his friend Josh left cuz he had to go back down to Virginia Beach, I drove him around in Spanky and then we went to Lake Braddock high school to shoot pictures of me on top of Spanky. And RIGHT when we finished, this guy pulls up, and I was like "hey, why don't we get that guy to take a picture of us" so Jasper says "sure", and of ALL the shirts that the guy could have been wearing, he was wearing.. get this.. A MERCEDES BENZ SHIRT! Isn't that weird? Okay, I think you had to be there.

      After that I went to chill with Tofu. It was pretty obvious that he was horny, and it's not that I'm not attracted to him (he's got some fuckin' huge ass muscles now! DAYUUUUUUUUM), but I don't want to ruin what we have. He's like such a good friend, and I can talk to him about anything. I liked watching South Park with him, haha, I laughed my ass off. We also watched Paradise Hotel and got pizza and talked a lot about Jonny and everything that's been goin' on. He really is such a great friend. *hugZ*

      So what's the deal with Jonny, you ask? I miss him like hell! And I wish I didn't!!!!! AHHHHHHHH! *stabs a fork through her own head* I wrote him an e-mail last night after I got home, but he didn't write back. I didn't expect him to, anyway. Status: Neutral.

      If I don't get this Rx7, I am going to be fuckin' pissed off. I'm already so attached to it! I can't let go! Don't worry, I'll be sure to make the page for it soon when I have some time. Right now my main priority is to learn how to drive stick. So help me out, you bastards.

      As for a place to live? I've been contacting all these people. There's this one guy named Dan. The master bedroom, he's renting it out for 600$ a month. It has a walk in closet, sunken bath and shower, HOT TUB ON A DECK, and most of all cable internet connection. Haha, I'm such a dork. Yeah, so I wanna live there. If any of you know Dan, tell him to give me a call. lol. *SiGh* I'm gonna go grab something to eat and write again when there's a change.

August 22nd, 2003 - 2:51PM

      So yesterday after I wrote, I drove up to Adam's. Looked like the whole gang was there. Adam, Bret, Leigh, Mike, Brad, and me. The same gang who went to Burger King after his party 2 weeks ago. Except for Brad. I think. Haha, so we all sat around talking for a while, then went up to this parking lot to teach me stick. I'm getting better, and it was a lot easier when Leigh taught me. She's a good teacher. I don't think she likes me.

      I had to leave early because Mina was threatening to not be my friend anymore if I didn't go to Dream with her tonight. So I sped off trying to make it down to Fairfax by 8. We got ready together, and talked about Jonny and she made me feel a lot better. She's a good friend. =)

      At the club, we got in for free and we didn't have to wait in line, and we just walked around the club. Her friends got there, I met Dan, Anne, Ned, and Marcus, really cool people. The guys were all pretty cute *wink* haha, and I danced with them all night. We went up to third floor after we waited for an hour on the first floor for no one. And I chilled at the bar and tried to get guys to buy me drinks, but no one would approach me cuz I had a guy on each side of me, lol. Damn it. It was a lot of fun. Then this fat chunky Spanish girl with a mustache went up to Dan and started hitting on him. And earlier we had been talking like if ugly people hit on me, Dan's gonna be my boyfriend, and I said I had his back too, but I thought he wanted to hook up with her (I must be a total airhead.. yeah. I am.), so I just left, haha, and then he ended up making out with her *even though he thought she was ugly, he was like it's the only way I can get rid of her... bullshit* and Anne (she's Dan's ex of 2 years) ran off crying. =( And he was mean and yelled at her. They were wrong on both sides, but it just made me rethink a lot of things about relationships and people, and I don't think I ever want to be in a relationship again. What is it about relationships that make people hate each other? I'd rather be everyone's friend for life, not someone's girlfriend for a week and then hate each other. Relationships are so stupid.

      How are things with Jonny? *SiGh* He's not replying to my e-mails or returning my calls. I don't want to, but I miss him so much. YARRRRRRRRRGH.

      Tonight, I'll be chillin' with Mina again. We're going to go visit Joe and Donny and all them peoples. I've hung with them before, they're really nice. =) I'm looking forward to that. Right now I have to take a shower for an hour because I feel so gross from the club. I'll write again in time. =)

August 23rd, 2003 - 5:01PM

      Well today is August 23rd. I just woke up an hour ago. I feel like shit. And today would have been my 2 year anniversary with Jonny. I'm coping rather well, in my opinion. Sure, I think about him a shitload. But I'm not sitting at home just dwelling on it. well, now I am, but I'll be going out later and forgetting about him once again. I don't think this method is a good defense mechanism. I want to confront him and have closure and then not have to think about him again until the next time I see him. Do I think we'll get back together one day? I don't think so, but I hope so.

      Last night I went out to chill with Mina again. We never did make it to a party, but we went to a Burger King (ha, I know) to look at cars and watch people race. We met some cool people there. Her friend Jonathan offered to give me a ride home cuz I was sleepy. He's really sweet. And has a phat R6. We went like 100 on the way home and it was scary, yet gave me a rush. Gotta do it again sometime. I also got to meet his doggies; he has two pitbulls. I hope he'll bring them over to play with Robby sometime. Robby is very lonely. Jonathan drove me home and he helped me jump over the gate and kept Robby distracted so that Robby wouldn't murder me. He's a really sweet guy. =)

      I'm gonna call up Mike Lu later and see what he's doing. I have such a monster headache, and I feel nauseous. I don't know why. Maybe I've just been putting too much stress on myself. Still lookin' for the car, still lookin' for a place to live. A lot of people have told me not to get a '93 Rx7 because in the '94s, they worked all the problems out of them. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I'm so in love with Rex. I can't not have him anymore. I don't know what to do. But I'll figure it out later.

August 24th, 2003 - 2:27AM

Ummmmm... why is he calling and IMing Mina when he won't even return my phone calls or my e-mails and block me on AIM? What the fuck?

BaByLiCiOuS 69: tell your fuckin ex boyfriend to leave me the fuck alone and stop calling and IMing me, how the fuck did he get my number anyway

I don't think he got that I was kidding when I said I was a lesbian now... hehe...

shab00tyTM: its a regular day in a regular routine till i hear this tragic news from about three fiends, yo gurl melly, just went over to the dyke side, and i heard through the grape vine its all cause her ex- , in front of her car standin on the lawn wearin nothin but tampons, i wonder if she gone to the other side, i know in my heart i wanna cry, havin thoughts in my mind is my woman gone awry, as i franticly run towards melly spot, i paniclly peep like fifty dykes, it was pink and whites rainbows on everyside, with fruity outfits on all sides, yo im stressd out smokin boggie after boggie, at the time i started to think back on some shit, how we used to slang dick and stack them chips, and my girl melly used to smack a bitch, now she lick a bitch!

Awwwwwwwwwwwww!

shab00tyTM: its hard to look good standing next to melly right

      Anyway, today I was gonna go chill with my ex Dan in Frederick by 75-80 and watch him race on his bike. But then I didn't wanna drive that far, so my other buddy Jeff called me up asking if I wanted to chill with him and that he'd pick me up in his buddy's Escalade with spinners. Initially, I didn't wanna see him at all cuz he's a bit shady (no offense), but who could pass up a chance to pimp out in an Escalade. WITH SPINNERS! SWEEEEEEET! I invited Mina along and asked her to bring my clothes that she borrowed and she flipped out. I didn't think I had done anything wrong, you know? They're my clothes in the first place! Jeeeeez. Ah well. I was chatting with Jonathan at the same time, and he was just like "don't involve me in any of this drama".. I think they got in a fight too cuz he didn't go pick her up to ride. Since she was being like that to me, I got kinda mad and decided "you know what? I'm sick of waiting.. I'm going to pick up my clothes" and invited my buddy Mike *you know Mike.. Mike Lu!!!!, haha* to come with me.

      We drove down to VA and I called her up and she didn't pick up. I felt bad for wasting his time cuz she lives a LONG way down. In addition to that, on the way up, they closed 95 before the Tyson's Corner 495 exit, so we had to drive all the way down and follow all these idiots on the detour and wasted another 20 minutes. I felt so inadequate without my makeup. BLAH! We decided to go see that new movie Marci X which was a big mistake because it was the stupidest thing ever, and there were like 2 other people in the movie theater. I don't know why Regal was so dead, it's a Saturday night but there were practically no people there. Afterwards he drove me home and I apologized for wasting his time. I'm glad we chilled though; he's a really cool guy and I'm so glad we had a chance to chill and talk about sorts of things. We're so much alike!!!!!!!!! It's freaky. Haha.

      So then when I got home, I talked to Mina. I think she calmed down a bit. Jonathan might go and pick up some of my stuff for me tomorrow while she's working cuz I also conveniently left my makeup case in her car too. Blah! What am I gonna do today? Go to sleep at around 5 cuz I'm a chatterbox. Wake up at 6PM again. I lead a productive life.

August 24th, 2003 - 1:16M

      Well, that's it... My day has been made. I met this DJ at Import Xpression in Allentown, PA and he was such a sweetie. He held onto my RPM DVD for me so I wouldn't lose it, and when I left without taking it, he said he'd hold onto it some more and now he's mailing it to me. It's not even the DVD that makes it sweet, but that people will still go out of their way for you just to make you happy. *beams* I told him that it was really important to me cuz it's the only souvenir I had from the show. =)

      And then as if that weren't enough... I got onto his Xanga page he linked me. [Side note: What is this Xanga site? Is it an Asian site? Haha, lately so many people have been asking me what my AA name is. And I'll look up blankly and be like "What?!" and they're like "Uh, you're Asian and you're not on Asian Avenue?" like I'm some sort of retarded four year old with no arms. And then yesterday Mike Lu was like baffled cuz I had never drank Bubble Tea. Or Bobo Tea. I forget what it was called. Haha] .. So anyways, go here and you'll see why Charlie is like my favorite person. Charlie's Xanga Page Actually, on that page he says my name "Meyli" means beautiful in Chinese and I never even thought about that. Cuz "may" means pretty. I didn't even think about that when I made up that name. Weird.... Charlie's ignoring me now. Haha. *shakes her little fist* He's pretty cute for an Asian guy! Damn! Doesn't he look good in that pic where I'm taking his number? Haha. Moving right along...

veloceracer: I'd rather ride in meyli than the viper :-D

      Yeah, so now I'm looking at this yellow M roadster. It's a 1999 that's going for UNDER 20K. How fucking tight is that! I might go with Adam to test it. =) Okay, I just asked him and he says he doesn't know how to drive stick well. So I need someone to teach me TODAY so I can go test drive it myself. AIGHT, HOMIES? I've also been looking at some fuckin' tight ass GSX's and GST's. Like oh my god, they used to be show cars, and they're selling for under 15K which fuckin' rocks. WHY DO I CUSS SO MUCH NOW! Grrrr.

August 24th, 2003 - 8:05PM

      So Jonathan brought his two pitbulls to come play with Robby, but Jonny came by like 10 minutes before Jonathan got here. It was good to see him again, but I was crying again by the time he left cuz I missed him so much and he didn't want to hang out with me. He called me later at 2:46PM and left this message on my phone: *yeah, I had to listen to it about 10 times to be able to reiterate it back to you all*

Hey... just remember what we talked about. If you finish this semester with at least a B average, then we can get back together, okay? So finish this semester up and do your best job, and we'll hang out sometime ... soon, just not right now. So ...I hope you do well in college, okay? Bye.

      I'm not quite sure what to think of that. Because if I really did get a B average or above, I probably would not want to be with Jonny anymore. I do want to be with him now, I'm just saying that subjectively, if I were smarter, I'd probably realize that I'm better off without him. *SiGh*

      So then Jonathan came over and brought his two pitbulls and they were nice to Robby at first. But then they got in a big fight and I got hurt and so did Jonathan. Then he left. That female doggy was sooooooooooo cute. I wanted to steal her. Jonathan said he had never seen her so happy when she was running around the pool. Hehe!

      I got some of my stuff back from Mina. Most importantly, my makeup! *hugz her makeup bag* Mina made me promise not to hang out with Jonathan cuz she doesn't trust him. I don't want to lose her as a friend, so I promised. *SiGh* I'll write more later.

August 25th, 2003 - 9:16AM

      Why do I wake up so early? Even this is beyond me. I'm so fatigued right now, yet I wake up at 9 to go online? This is beyond addiction! lol...

      First day of the week. I hope everything works out for me this week. I've got this virus on my computer which makes it a lot slower than it already is.. if that's even possible. And then something keeps filling my emailbox with junk mail (with viruses) and then other people can't send me e-mails and I REALLY need to accept an e-mail from the parking services at UMBC or I won't be able to park on the first day of school. It's frustrating because I have to keep emptying my mailbox every thirty minutes. Uggggh. And everytime I send or accept an IM on AOL, it makes this annoying "dook* sound. It's driving me insane. I finally took out my contacts too (after like what, 3 months) and my eyes really hurt and I'm wearing my broken glasses (someone sat on them) and they're giving me a headache.

      Look what I found.   I guess I never really started I think I had started that sometime last year and never got to finish it before Jonny and I were finished.

      I've just noticed recently that I'm only eating one meal a day. No wonder I feel so shitty. Uggggggh. I bet I'm losing weight too. I miss when I lived with Jonny and ate three meals a day. And felt healthy. I miss a lot of things, but I missing them is all I can do because I can't have them back.

August 26th, 2003 - 12:23PM

      So anyway, I had a lot to write about yesterday but I can't think of any of it today.

      Well, my day has just been made again. I went to Taco Bell and bought 3 MexiMelts and 2 Soft Taco Supremes, and at the window, the guy accidentally almost gave me the car behind's me big drink. And I was like "I didn't order one, but you can give me one if you'd like!" and he handed me a small cup of coke and was like "here, ya go, free drink for a beautiful lady" and I was like "awwwwwwww!". Free COKE! *score* I wasn't even wearing makeup (yet) today! Isn't that weird? I'm gonna go get ready to go look at places with my mom. I'll talk to you all when I get back!

August 26th, 2003 - 10:34PM

      And yet again, things have managed to turn themselves around. I GOT A PLACE! It's so gorgeous. Makes me wanna pee. Roommates are really nice, cat is fat, I love the place. And the long ride in the car, I got to talk with my mom about Jonny, school, my future car, lots of things. I think the time apart from home has really improved our relationship. So now all I need is the blue M3, and I'll be satiated (for a week, at least)!!!! I'm kind of nervous about my first day of school tomorrow. Eeeeeek. Maybe this year won't end on such a bad note. I think that even if I get into a dorm next month, I wanna stay in this place. It's amazing.

      I just got back from the 7-11 to buy a soda (10 miles to get a soda), and on the way home, I was scanning through radio stations, and that song "I Will Be Right Here Waiting For You" came on, and I was holding back tears. Everytime I hear that song, it strikes a nerve and makes me miss my daddy, because he used to sing it to me. And I think about him and wish he were still here. Life strikes bad luck in many sick sick ways, but I always like to think that maybe once in a while, there are some moments where you just feel so gosh darn lucky. Those moments are slowly forming, each in its own, and hearing that song saddened me, yet, it was also a reassurance that everything.. would eventually be okay.

August 27th, 2003 - 10:38PM

      For my first class, I entered through the wrong side of the building. Had to walk all the way around the building and down the stairs, and by then the class was already full. I ended up sitting up at the front next to the teacher and I had to face the rest of the class, not the blackboard, which was a tad awkward because all the guys were lookin' at me. I felt a little sad that no one talked to me, and I didn't make any friends. But oh well. Good things come to those who wait.

      Second class, late again, entered through the wrong side of the building, ran a wild goose chase around the building. I am NEVER wearing those shoes to school again. By the time I got to my class at 10, I was in the nick of time but there were no seats left. The professor never showed up so everyone just left.

      I then went to the bookstore to buy my books and I felt so ugly. I'm weird. I bought the books, walked to my car, and drove to my new place. Dan was home, I said hi. The housekeepers were cleaning the kitchen. They had already cleaned my room. It was still so amazingly beautiful.

      Then I got home at around 1. Slept until 5. And spent the rest of the day eating and chatting online. What a jolly productive day. Tomorrow I hope I make some friends. I'm feeling so lonely lately. WAAAAAAAAAAH! I met the sweetest guy named Brett online off of FaceTheJury. He's only 18 which is weird cuz I normally don't get along with anyone who isn't at least 2 years older than me. But we get along perfectly. We have so much in common. We don't like white cars, we're spoiled, we're allergic to smoke, and don't apply to jobs because we know we probably won't get it. I still have yet to find something wrong with him, but he really is so sweet. Last night he woke up at like 3AM and wrote me an e-mail telling me not to worry about my first day of school because everyone would love me and I would do great. It's the little things he does that remind me about how long it's been since anybody has done stuff like that for me. I don't expect my boyfriends to buy me a Benz or a Bummer. But it's the little things that mean the most. =)

      I've got to go to bed so I can wake up early tomorrow and try not to get caught in traffic. Conditions with my mom are continuing to improve. Tomorrow we are going to look at Jeff's M3. I think life is getting better. =)

September 1st, 2003 - 10:58PM

      Oh my god, what a hectic last couple of days. TALK ABOUT STRESS. I don't know what it is. Mina's birthday is coming up and I really want to be there for her, but everyday, I'm trying not to break down. I can't even go out without almost bursting into tears. I'm trying to forget everything I've ever thought about and try to empty my head of this stress. I want to be there for her on her birthday and I love her to death, but I'm going through such a hard time right now. I've gotten her a birthday present which I'll most likely give to her on HIN but I'm making no promises to attend her birthday BBQ because who knows, I might really just blow up the day before. She means so much to me as a friend, but sometimes, it's so hard trying to please her and make her happy. I know that she'll be disappointed in me, but I'm just *SiGH* really going crazy.

      School is starting again tomorrow. I've only had 3 days so far and I already feel like my whole world is unraveling itself inside my head. I--

September 29th, 2003 - 4:21PM

      Wow, what a strange and eventful month...

      My fan club has almost 900 people already. I have to start printing out those pics to mail out to all the winners. I've just been procrastinating with EVERYTHING lately. *SIGh*

      September 2nd, 2003 - Introducing REX - My Beautiful 2001 E46 M3. I love him more than I've loved anything in the world (excluding Sparky, Spanky, and Robby, but in time Rex shall probably top out the list).

      Remember Mina's friend Brian? Well, I finally got to chill with him at her birthday party (September 5th). Found out he's a really chill guy. At the time I could totally see myself being really good friends, and maybe even more with him. He's a genuinely good person, and I know if I'm ever sad, that he'll be there for me.

      September 6th - Hot Import Nights - I wished Brett could have come, but he was sick. Wished that he felt better. I got Brian into the show for free, Mina was chillin' with a clan of VA peepz (Nick included, but you get introduced to him later). I think out of all the VA peepz, Brian was the only one who didn't ignore me. Anyway, there was a ton of drama at the show between Mina and Anny. I don't like drama. *SiGh*

      The Next Week - Started talking to Nick. He actually turned out to be the guy on the bike the time I hung out with Mina at "Burger King" (the hot spot in VA, HAHHAHAHAHA). He IM'ed me because he wanted me to try to hook him up with Mina, which appalled me, but I asked her about him anyway. Her response? "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW". She even wanted to stop talking to him because it would be awkward. So I got back to him and simply stated that she just wanted to be friends. And then in the following week, Nick and I started talking a lot more, but so did Brian and I. Nick actually turned out to be really cool and funny online. It baffled me how he had completely ignored me all the other times he had been in the same room with me. Nick and I started to become pretty good friends; talking well into the night. He even put me as his buddy icon and would always tell me how pretty I am.

      September 19th - I attend my first EastCoastBMW.com meet at Tyson's corner. Andrew basically had to drag me out cuz I didn't wanna chill with a bunch of stuck up brats with Bummers. Turned out I was wrong. EVERYONE is super cool. Andrew's feelings for me have been growing as well, much to my dismay, I'm trying to remain friends with everybody. I call up Nick and Brian and they come out to the meet in Nick's 5.30. Nick is SUCH a jerk to me and makes me feel sad. After the meet, Andrew goes to chill with Roggy and drink with his buds. Nick, Brian, and I go to get a bite to eat. Nick's attitude improves. They drive me back to Rex and we part our separate ways.

      September 20th - I go out to Starbucks with Peter to pass out flyers for the streetlethal show.

I gotta go, there's drama. I'll continue this later. =(