Miami: What ya mean they wouldn't appear in my promo? You're my goddamn frickin' agent! I've known you since I started collecting money in a piggy bong! How can you even start to tell me that you can't get them!2XWF:ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES MY ASS! What the hell am I going to do now you conniving b-stard!?!

I.S.Krewem: We hired you three English actors an American and one Italian !

Miami: O.K. , will I have heard of them?

I.S.Krewem: First off we have Chris Cairns played by a current member of the Eastenders cast...

Miami: Martin Kemp! That Spandau Ballet , Kray ruining tw-t?

I.S.Krewem: No , he's a young veteran....

Miami: You got me Martin bl--dy Fowler! What the f----

I.S.Krewem:Actually we got you Dean Gaffney...

Miami: Who?

I.S.Krewem: Robbie ...

Miami: So we have Chris Cairns being played by an acne-faced annoying prat...ok, dare I ask who else we have ...

I.S.Krewem: We have a well-known Italian actor, has been across US television before...

Miami: Nicolas Cage is an American!

I.S.Krewem: Actually we got the stiff who played Paolo in 'Friends'!

Miami: Why again am I still your client?

I.S.Krewem: Maybe because of the certain misdeeds that you have done over the years that I kept out the public eye...

Miami: Oh yea, which American we got?

I.S.Krewem: Pauly Shore!

Miami: Have you seen the video for 'Break Stuff' the guy is whacked!

I.S Krewem: Then to play Rachel Cain we have Patsy Palmer, you know Bianca !

Miami: Oh sh-t! Yinno this is a really bad promo!

I.S Krewem: Finally a former member of Emmerdale.....

Miami: So we are really scraping the barrel here...who?

I.S Krewem: Ross Kemp!

Miami: Playing who?

I.S Krewem: Dragon...

Miami: Dragon has f-cking hair! Anyway I have to shoot this abortion of a promo now....

font color="white">((Miami steps out the car as Justin and Mikey start to order the chauffeur around. A man runs up to Miami flashing a newspaper in his face.))

((Man: We have Ed Wood directing your promo for you!!!

Miami: Why don't they just shoot me!

Man: Cos David Spade owns the rights to the show?

Miami: Shut up with you and your midget fantasies!

(( Miami walks into the studio to be greeted by Ed Wood))

Wood: Miami, great to see you! We have got Mr. Kemp outta wardrobe, I have only been back alive for a morning and already I have got a great cast!

((Ross emerges from behind a curtain to show he is wearing a mop that has been bleached blonde. We then cut back to Miami and Wood))

Wood: The wonders of modern technology , he already looks the part!

Miami: No he doesn't , and why are you wearing high heels and an angora sweater?!?

((Ed Wood really is wearing all this stuff))

Wood: I work better this way...

Miami: Whatever!

Wood: ACTION PEOPLE!

((We cut to a set which looks like a gumshoe detective set-up, the setting is dark and we see 'Chris Cairns' holding his head in both hands, Dan 'The Man' is pacing round.))

Cairns: What are we going to do about Dragon?

Dan:((Southern Drawl)) I am the Main and I Cain!

Cairns: Why do you have that pathetic accent on , you're from Manchester?

Dan: Rachel likes it and says it gives me an ounce of charisma!

(('Rachel' bursts in.))

RachelDANNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!

((Dan start to crawl on all fours!))

Rachel: Get up off your feet ! My mother gave you those slacks! Give me a hug!

(( Dan starts to drag his far foot on the floor like a hunchback.))

Dan: Yes dear! Whatever you say!

Cairns: What will we do with Dragon!

Rachel: I don't know but why don't you pop a few spots!

Cairns: Spike has been breaking curfew and he has been a naughty boy and he's just jealous cause he thinks girls are icky! He thinks they have cooties!

Cain: Well , Ah say that you take that thar varmit and kick his sorry ass so y'all know what to do!

(Chris: You've been a bad boy!

Dragon:((To Nina)) Yes I have , Nina says she likes the taste of my love gravy!

Nina: ((reluctantly))Yes I do

((She ruffles his (quite literal) mop head and knocks it off.))

Cain: Me an' Rachel think ...

(( Rachel elbows him in the ribs, Dan goes down like a sack of sh-t!))

Rachel: I think that Diamond X is a bad influence on you and you may start garden hopping and eventually descend into a life of loose women and loose change!

Miami: (O.S) I CAN'T TAKE THIS ! THIS SUX!

((We hear a large chunk of paper, presumably the script, hitting the floor.))

Dragon: I am the best damn champion ever and I can attack women better than my teacher Miami cos they want me to stick my Cumberland sausage in their Yorkshire pudding and not taste his thug life Miami rays of sunshine!

Cairns: No-one cares if you ((Chokes))can make whoopee!

Dragon: Ah do! Yorkshire born! Yorkshire bred! Strong in arms good in...

((Becci snaps in her role as Nina and smashes Dragon's head into Cairnsy's table!))

Dragon: Ooh 'eck!

Cairns: You must be punished so that my neo-nazi Aryan race can take place and no-one dares argue with me , Herr Cairns , SIG HEIL!

(( Cairns then does a Hitler salute and sits straight down.))

Dan: What tha hell do ya think ya on abaht!

Rachel: DANNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Tommy: Ah come-a, To save-a the day-a! I-a will destroy the root of all evila!

ALL(Except Tommy): MICROSOFT?

Tommy: No you bein' sillya now!

Dragon: ((getting back up)) Sicily! No! What you all want is a trip to tetley for some bitta!

Tommy: I mean Miami Missile, the heinous b-st-rd-o who shot me in the heart-a!

(( Miami runs back onstage and lands a forearm straight into the Italian's nose flooring him!))

Miami: I hate you! I hate this f'n promo and I hate your accent! I got stranded without a ticket in Italy with a moped and the only Italian I used or learnt was more-to gasolino f-cking pronto!! Let's go to Plan B!

(( Miami beckons the cameraman to follow him ..))

Miami: Nootch...now follow me so I can show Calitre what I mean, now Calitre what I just bore to the world was on a par with war , AIDS and of course Reality TV shows...but that is the sort of thing I do for comic relief although it was funny seeing you go down faster than a ten dollar crack whore when I shot you...I had no motive however now I have a sub-conscious reason to want to hurt you.

((We see a tank with a shark in it, on the back is a remora.))

Miami: You see this shark , it has a remora on its back. Now the shark is the most feared creature in the sea, even man fears it and that was and is like me. That Remora on its back suckered( quite apt really isn't it Tommy) to it is a thing that cleans the shark in return for a free ride and some scraps of food. Now Tommy you say you were with me to help clean everything up and get tarred with the same brush as me. Well that shot was to tell you, I want my own canvas ..I already have been raped of everything I claimed as mine Dragon even some of my promo content! I however saw more of you in me then I did in Dragon, I expected you to incarnate your own personality and life but you never did, you'd follow the leader like I was David Koresh and be my whipping boy, I couldn't move for all the crap round my feet spouted by you.

Seeing you doubled up in pain was almost orgasmic, remember , I'm an apathetic psychopath, I'd kill you if I cared. Of course maybe it never was attempted murder and I never meant to try and kill you. You could die happy in the knowledge you died whilst being my ally yet to hurt you whilst I called you my own worst enemy would hurt you more than anything even death! I will se you at Blitz.

((The camera fades out , we then get a black and white security shot from the door of a house. Two police men knock on the door, we hear the door open.))

Cop: Hello, is Mr Missile there?

Miami: (O.S) Yes he is! This is me!

Cop: We're here to charge you with attempted murder...

Miami: (O.S) Listen, you're talking to an unregistered voter, I'm a renegade and we don't talk to Cops!

((We hear the door being shut!))

Cop: Wanna grab a donut?

((The two Cops walk off as we go to a commercial for 2XWF Blitz))