Chapter 2

 

“Sir, why are Love Potions illegal?” she asked quite suddenly, as she looked up at him from the latest one she was brewing.

 

“Anything having to do with the tampering of one’s soul is considered illegal, Miss Granger,.” he answered as he madeput the final additions toon his own love potion, before letting it simmer.

 

“Then when should I expect the Aurors to come and take me to Azkaban?” she asked lightly.

 

He looked up at the smirking witch with a roll of his eyes. There was a spark of humor in her merry brown ones (to avoid saying “eyes” twice so quickly)eyes.

 

“Not anytime soon, unless Arthur thinks I’m using them for self- gain. I believe we’re pretty safe, as he is the one who that had approved the research in the first place,.” Severus answered coolly.

(watch out for your use of punctuation around dialogue)

“He knows?” she asked in a fearful whisper.

 

 He looked up at the young witch. The look of stark fear in her eyes causeding him to wince at his stupidity. (tenses in a sentence should by and large be kept very consistent)

 

“No specific names,” he said as he looked at her. His black eyes were calm yet stern. She gave a shaky nodded before allowing herself to fall back into her usual dark thoughts.

 

In the past month since starting her apprenticeship, the relationship had grown quite significantly for both parties. The fearful looks were still there at times, but less frequent as they both became familiar with one another. To say she was skittish was an understatement, but their growing mutual respect for one another had helped. It sometimes amazed him how ones opinion of another could change without even realizing. He had always thought of her as an insolent chit, an obnoxious know-it-all, and a bossy little Gryffindor, to boot. Now he realized that picture was incomplete. He liked to tell himself it didn’t have to do with what had happened to her, but knew that was a lie.  , hHad her capture not taken place,; he would never have discovered these other faucets (facets – faucets are taps)of this young woman he had grown to respect. It wasn’t insolence that made her ask so many questions, but curiosity. And to what he took as bossiness, was actually just an unwavering sense of kinship to anyone and everyone around her. It was protectiveness in its most simplest of form. Her opinions were that of a mind of great compassion and sympathy. However, as he told Albus a month ago, she truly was her own worst critic. Even in her own misery and depression, she still took time to care for others. He could not help but admire her. for she was truly was just amazing. But as she was his student, he kept rigid control so as not to let her see these things.

 

“We’re you planning on staying at school over the holidays or returning home?” he asked in way of distracting the her (that’s quite enough of the young witch stuff.  Once or twice  - any more and it gets wearing.  Try using pronouns, that’s why they exist, or better still “Hermione” which is her name)young witch. She looked up with a blush, staining her pale cheeks pink. He rolled his eyes again.

 

“Actually I hadn’t even thought about it,” she said with a shrug, her eyes still glassy.

 

“I have to leave for a couple of days, but I’ll leave the passwords so you can complete the experiments we’ve been working on, independently,” Severus said nonchalantly, this was his way of being considerate.

 

“Really, thank you,” she said, smiling happily, as she looked at him, unable to hide the surprise in her voice.

 

“You’re welcome,” he said briskly, before ignoring her as usual.

 

They had formed an unusual partnership in the past month one that could in no waynot exactly  call companionship. She had learned several things about the man, who both incited admiration and revulsion in her, in equal parts. He was the most unscrupulous man she had ever met.. The fact that he even bothered to help her, at all, was downright shocking to say the least. Two weeks earlier, she had found him in a similar condition as she had the night she rescued him.

 

*********

 

“Have you finished with the Cconfounding Ppotion yet?” he asked shortly, as he looked up from the Hufflepuff 3^rd  third year papers that were causing a severe migraine as he marked them, when he felt the mark burn. He winched slightly, but it was too late, she saw the expression.

 

“Yes, I was just finishing up, are you all right?” she asked, noting how he was unconsciously rubbing his left arm.

 

“Fine, cClean up, and when I return I expect you to be gone.” hHe replied briskly, standing up and going to the door behind the worktable. She gathered up the supplies and put them back on the shelves, being careful to give them the right space and correct order so as not to displease him. By the time she was bottling up the experimental Confounding/love potion, he came, in dressed in his Death Eater robes, minus the white mask. He neither acknowledged nor, disputed her presence. However, the look that passed between them was one she was not likely soon to forget… In the briefest of moments just as he made to shut the door, the guard held in check disappeared, and a look of pity appeared, b. Before he turned his head and headed out the door. She didn’t know how long she stood there, before her brain re-engaged and her plan for leaving evaporated. She put the bottled experiment away, cleaned up everything else, went to the book shelf and grabbed the book on the Cruciatus Curse she had perused the other night. The she took a seat in the sitting room, before the fire and waited for his return. 

 

*************

 

An hour later, she left quietly, bidding him goodnight before going to her chambers. Before she was halfway there, she realized she hadn’t seen her friends for a while and decided to visit them instead. She moved noiselessly down the halls. Even though it was well, past curfew she knew Ron or Harry, if not both, would be awake. She finally reached the portrait of the Fat Lady giving her the password before going into the Ccommons Rroom. She walked quietly into the room. There was only one boy there and he had messy black hair, and almond shaped green eyes. Harry Potter sat at his usual table in the Common Room, reading  a book, whilst occasionally pausing to write on a long sheet of parchment. He heard the door creak open and looked up with a smile.

 

“Hullo, Hermione,” Harry said as he watched his best friend walk into the room.

 

“Hello, Harry,” she said quietly as she took a seat across from him and looked at the paper he was working on. He chuckled at his friend;, even after his getting 9 O.W.L.’s she still felt the need to check his work.

 

“Snape finally decided to release you from the dungeon?” he asked lightly, as he pushed the paper over towards his best friendher (you’ve already said she is his best friend, to say it twice is repetitive).

 

“It’s Professor Snape, Harry, and I know you two have your differences, but you should show the man some respect,” she said quietly, as she pushed the paper away, before bowing her head.

 

“I’m sorry; you know I’m just joking, right,.” hHe said quickly;, he reached forward and lifted her chin, but she flinched at the touch. The look of stark terror and haunting fear, in her eyes hurt him, as if it were burning a hole straight though his heart. He mentally cursed himself, but then his eyes widened in surprise, as she closed her eyes before leaning into his hand. They stayed like this for several moments before; he felt the tears falling from her eyes, without removing his hand he stood up and came around to sit beside her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, and pulling her head down to his. Had his heart not already been in pieces, it would have shattered all over again.

 

Last year had been exhausting year for the threesome. Ron declaring his unbridled love for Luna had been one thing neither had expected, but it came as a relief to both. Then the attacks began- seemingly random- but all the Order realized they were not. Minister Fudge and his family were attacked. Amelia Bones took over as Minister, with Arthur Weasley as her second in charge. Then there was Sirius’ death and subsequent exoneration from all previous charges, against him. The reading of Sirius’ will leftave Harry wealthy beyond his dreams. Then there was Occulmency and Defence Against the Dark Arts training, as well as him and Hermione getting together. Then there was Ginny’s possession which had happened again and the attack in Hogsmeade. Finally ending in the summer, with Hermione’s being taken hostage.

 

That was the part he had hated the most of all, the one thing that had  made everything else pale in comparison, the one thing that had and would forever haunt him, for the rest of his life.

 

**************

 

“Boy, get down here…” Vernon bellowed, in a menacing way.

 

He blinked for several minutes clearing the thoughts from his head. The dream had been so vivid and surreal.

 

 

In his dream the room had been dark and there had been a slight breeze fluttering the curtains. The woman on the bed was sleeping peacefully, with one arm flung above her head. The other are lay across her flat stomach. She had a slightly tan face, and her lips were parted. She was dressed in a thin, pink tank top and pants, Hermione  moaned before turning to lie on her side, her brown hair spread across the lavender pillow. The sheet covered her to her hips. He could see why the boy loved her. She was a beautiful girl. This is why he wanted her, what could hurt the boy more then having her innocence claimed by the man he hated, to succumb to his desire, seduced by the dark? He smiled, his full lips curving in a wicked smirk. Thankful for the Age-Regenerating potion Severus had made for him, adding the Vveela blood, making himself, the Dark Lord, irresistible to her.

 

He reached into his pocket pulled out a long thin Yew wand and with a flick of his wrist, whispered…

 

“Petrificus Totalus”

 

Now, as he sat up and dressed quickly, he felt the need to find Hermione. His heart was pounding by the time he came downstairs, into the kitchen, and his hands were clammy. He ran almost headlong into the Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, and Kingsley Shacklebolt and Arthur Weasley were standing by the counter. Dudley and Vernon were sitting at the table, Petunia by the stove. Vernon wore his usual look of disdain, Dudley looked scared, Petunia’s face quiteiet expressionless. The three wizards in the room all looked grim. Harry took a quick breath before asking in shaky voice. “So what are you doing to get her out and how in Merlin’s name did he get past the wards, Aurors and Order member’s guarding her?” Harry asked in a terse voice, which was coated with ice.

 

“Through a carefully planned and executed diversion, done with precision and extreme accuracy, her parents are dead. But we’re not sure if that was his doing or not. He took advantage of Ginevrrva Weasley’s mind and used it to his advantage. Professor Snape and Draco Malfoy know where he’s keeping her; we’re waiting for more detailed information. Best pack your trunk now,.” Albus said solemnly, his blue eyes were grave, and his lined face showed the deepest sympathy.

 

“How soon, will you have word?” Harry asked, his green eyes filled with tears, and his straight white teeth, were biting into his lower lip.

 

“Right now, if you’re up for it,” Draco said casually, as he and Professor Snape sauntered into the room, lips set in his classic sneer, gray eyes hard, dressed  in head to toe black. The two men looked like nothing less then the devils, Vernon bristled at their entrance. Dudley paled even more, and looked ready to be sick.

 

 It was Petunia that advanced on her husband and stated quickly,. “Vernon you’ll do well to stay quiet as these men are quite vicious, and would have no qualms about hurting you in the most brutal fashion. Is she to suffer the same fate as Lily?” She asked quietly, pale eyes closed as tears slipped down her cheeks, thin pink lips trembling.

 

“Yes, but without the pain, and her memories most likely will remain intact,.” Severus said sarcastically, smirking maliciously as the fearful Petunia looked positively ready to faint, and burst with anger at once.  Whatever fear Dudley and Vernon might have had towards the Deatheaters, and Order members vanished as they both lunged towards Snape. However, the breaking of all the windows in the room stopped whatever might have been about to happen. Harry, whom was still surprised by his Aunt Petunia’s unseen alliance with him, knew this was not his doing.

 

“STOP,” she screamed as she stepped in front of the formidable Potions master and his assistante. Holding her hands out to prevent Dudley and Vernon from slamming both men to the ground and beating them to a bloody pulp. Four wands whipped out, but not a spell was cast as everyone in the room seemed to freeze mid-movement, all except Petunia whose face flashed a myriad of emotion, from fear to shock, to anger, then finally, stunned amazement.

 

“Oh, Merlin!, Finite Incantatem!,” she whispered as she waved her hand, and everyone seemed to regain life.

 

“You’re a witch?” Harry said, in amazement as he looked at his aunt.

 

“Not exactly…” Sshe said briskly as she looked to Albus.  

 

“You’ve broken the charm, my dear, nothing to fear,.” Albus said calmly, w. With a smile.

 

She nodded mutely as she took a seat, and sighed. “So what do we do now?” she asked in a ragged voice, as she looked at the older wizard, and pointedly ignored the others in the room.

 

“Petunia?” Vernon asked in a quiet voice as he came to kneel beside his wife, wrapping his arm around her waist, his usually cruel face, flushed white with dread. She stiffened at his touch before turning to look at him.

 

 Harry felt cold fear pass through him.

 

“I love you…You’ll be safe at Marge’s, Albus will keep you safe,.” sShe said quietly, touching the side of his face, her hand trembled, and tears glistened in her eyes as she leaned down and kissed him softly. Harry felt like an intruder, but all the same amazed by the two people whom made his life hell for the better part of sixteen 16 years.

 

“Goodbye, my love, I’ll see you soon,.” Vernon said as she touched her cheek, and looked at everyone in the room as if daring them to say otherwise. He stood up and walked over to the Headmaster, and with a curt nod, looked at his wife and son.

 

Albus picked up a dish fork, waved his wand saying “Portus!” Eeveryone watched as it lighted blue, before turning back to its original silver color. Albus held the fork out to Vernon, whom with one last look at the people in the room, gavecast a thin smile, before grabbing hold and being whisked away.  

 

**********

 

Even now five months after the event, his blood still ran cold. She was only gone two days, but what exactly happened was still unknown. The only person whothat knew what happened while Voldemort held her captive were her and the Potions mMaster. She and HarryThey broke up soon after that, and Harry, who was still in love with her, had a heart shattered at the changes in his best friend and true love. She had unconsciously put a barrier between them. Whether or not she knew this was unknown. But as he held onto her, he realized it was time to get her to talk;, he hated himself for what he was about to do, but he had to know. If they had another chance, or if what he thought she felt was right.

 

“Hermione I hate asking this, but I need to know, was there ever a time you fancied yourself in love with me?” he asked quietly, as he stroked her hair and face wiping away the tears, and handing her a handkerchief. She looked at him, her brown eyes filled with regret, and he knew even before she said a word what she had felt.

 

“I don’t know, I never um…uh…” she stopped as she looked down. His arm slid from her shoulder as he too bowed his head.

 

“I realized during first year, that I loved you, that I would always be there for you, that I would do anything for you, I think of being in love as a more an idea of what two people could be together, rather than what they are separately. So I know I’m in love with you, and  that without you, my life is pale in comparison, but only as much as I think it is, as much as I let it be.” she said eloquently, her voice soft, soothing, her lips in an enchanting smile.

 

He looked up and smiled in return.

 

“That’s why being bound to Voldemort, through a love potion, makes not being with you all the worse. Which is why, I can never be with you again and for that I am sorry. I hope someday you can forgive me…” she whispered as she kissed him softly before getting up and running away, leaving him in stunned silence.

 

 

Right, this is much better – you’ve written a simpler narrative which is much stronger.  I can see what you were trying to say, and it is much clearer what is going on.

 

I’m really only bothered about one thing, and that is your use of speech punctuation, and that’s a thing that boggles everyone at first. 

 

Practice makes perfect.

 

Look at these sentences:

 

“Where have you been?” he asked.

 

The speech “tag” – that’s the “he asked” bit is lower case, and outside of the sentence.  This sentence ends with a question mark.  Speech in the speechmarks ends with either a comma, a question mark, an exclamation mark, or ellipsis if the speech trails off.  Broken off speech ends with a double dash: --

 

“I missed you so much,” she said. 

 

Note even though it is a complete sentence the speech ends with a comma.

 

“That’s enough.  You will be silent, or else.” He turned on his heel and left the room without another word. 

 

Here the sentence in the speech marks ends with a full stop because it is followed by an action and not attribution. 

 

Split dialogue:

 

“Do you mean to tell me,” he said angrily, “that you have been lying to me?”

 

Here the sentence is not finished in the first dialogue.  The attribution ends in a comma to attach it to the second dialogue fragment which begins in lower case.

 

“What!” he exclaimed angrily.  “You lied to me?” 

 

This is two separate sentences and is done as above.

 

Another example of this:

 

“Hermione,” he cried.  “I did not expect to see you!”

 

Have a look in published fiction and see how these examples are used and practice will improve your use of dialogue.