Chapter 2

 

“Sir why are Love Potions illegal?” sShe asked quite suddenly,; as she looked up at him from the latest one, she was brewing.

 

“Anything having to do with the tampering of one’s soul is considered illegal, Miss Granger,.” hHe answered as he put the final additions on his own love potion, before letting it simmer.

 

“Then when should I expect the Auror’s to come and take me to Azkaban?” she asked lightly.

(new para when the point of view changes)

He looked up at the smirking witch with a roll of his eyes. AThere was spark of humor in her merry brown eyess.

 

“Not anytime soon, unless Arthur thinks I’m using them for self gain. I believe were pretty safe, as he is the one whothat had approved the research in the first place,.” Severus answered coolly.

 

“He knows?(it’s a question mark if she asked),” she asked in a fearful whisper.

 

He looked up at the young witch. The look of stark fear in her honeyed brownseyes causing him to wince at his stupidity.

(avoid all this “honeyed brown stuff” it’s very clichéd Harlequin romance)

“No specific names,” hHe said as he looked at her. His black eyes were (this needs a verb or it is a fragment and you should avoid fragments when possible)calm yet stern. She gave a shaky nodded before allowing (him or herself)er to fall back into his or her usual dark thoughts.

 

In the past month since starting her apprenticeship, the relationship had grown quiteiet significantly for both parties. The fearful looks were still there at times, but less frequent as they both became familiar with one another. To say she was skittish was an understatement, but mutual respect for one another had helped. It sometimes amazed him how ones opinion of another couldan change without even realizing. He had always thought of her as an insolent chit, obnoxious know-it-all, and a bossy little Gryffindor, to boot. Now he realized that picture was incomplete. He liked to tell himself it didn’t have to do with what had happened to her, but knew that was a lie;, had her capture not taken place, he would never have discovered these other faucets of this young witch (say young woman it reads better – continually calling them witch and wizard is more bad clichéd writing) hich he had grown to respect. It wasn’t insolence that made her ask so many questions, but curiosity. Ands to what he took, as bossiness, was actually just an unwavering sense of kinship to anyone and everyone around her. It was protectiveness in its most simplest of form. Her opinions were that of a mind of great compassion and sympathy. However, as he told Albus a month ago, she truly was her own worst critic. Even in all her all own misery and depression, she still took time to care for others. He could not help but admire the her,young witch for she truly was just (try not to use so many qualifiers, it dilutes what you are saying) amazing. But as she was his student, he keptep rigid control so as not to let her see these things.

 

“We’re you planning on staying at school over the holidaysover break, or returning home?” He asked in way of distracting the her(!)young witch. She looked up, a blushing, staining her pale cheeks pink. He rolled his eyes again.

 

“Actually I hadn’t even thought about it,” she said with a shrug, her eyes still glassy.

 

“I have to leave for a couple of days, but I’ll leave the passwords so you can complete the experiments we’ve been working on, independently,y.” Severus said nonchalantly, this was his way of being considerate.

 

“Really, thank you,” sShe said smiling happily, as she looked at him, unable to hide the surprise in her voice.

 

“You’re welcome,” hHe said briskly, before ignoring her as usual.

 

They had formed an unusual partnership in the past month; one that in no definite termscould in no way be she called companionship. She had learned several things about the man that she had grown to both admire and revolt herwho both incited admiration and revulsion in her, in equal parts. The title of overgrown bat, cunning Slytherin Bastard, and sneaky, conniving git, were all-true take all those out – he’s not called any of those things in canon, only in bad fanfic!. He was the most unscrupulous man she had ever had the encounter to meetmet. The fact that he even bothered to help her, at all, was down right shocking to say the least. Two weeks earlier, she had found him in a similar condition as she had the night she rescued him.

 

~*~*~*~Flashback~*~*~*~*

Never ever head a flashback. There’s no need.  By the time I’ve finished you will never need a heading.

 

Now, insert a little row of asterisks to inform your reader that you are doing a seque into another scene.*****

“Have you finished with the Cconfounding potion yet?” hHe asked shortlyscantily as he looked up from the Hufflepuff 3^rd year papers that were causing a severe migraine as he marked them to boot, when he felt the mark burn. He winched slightly, but it was too late, she saw the expression.

 

“Yes, I was just finishing up, are you all right alright?” she asked, noting how he was unconsciously rubbing his left arm.

 

“Fine., Clean up, and when I return I expect you to be gone,.” hHe replied briskly, standing up and going to the door behind the worktable. She gathered up the supplies and put them back on the shelves, being  careful to give them the right space and correct order so as not too displease him. By the time she was bottling up the experimental Cconfounding/love potion he came, in dressed in his Death Eater robes, minus the white mask. He neither acknowledged nor, disputed her presence. However, the looked that passed between them was one she was not likely soon to forget… In the briefest of moments just as he made to shut the door, the guard held in check disappeared, anda look of pity appeared, b. Before he turned his head and headed out the door. She didn’t know how long she stood there, before her brain reengaged and her plan for leaving evaporated. She put the bottled experiment away,; cleaned up the everything else, went to the book shelf and grabbed the bookone on the Cruciatus Ccurse she had perused pursued the other night.  Then she, took a seat in the sitting room, before the fire and waited for his return. 

 

~*~*~*~*~End Flashback~*~*~*~*~*~*~Just the asterisks. 

 

An hour later, she left quietly, bidding him goodnight before going to her chambers. Before she decided was halfway there, she realized that she hadn’t seen her friends for a while, and decided to visit them instead. She moved noiselessly down the halls. Even though it was well, past curfew she knew Ron or Harry, if not both, would be awake. She finally reached the portrait of the Fat Lady giving her the password before going into the Ccommons Rroom. She walked quietly into the room. There was only one boy in there, and he had with messy black hair, and almond shaped green eyes.  (the way you had it was as if there should be other boys in there with messy black hair, etc) Harry Potter sat at his usual table in the cCommon Rroom, readingpouring over a book (it would be poring over something in a book), whilste occasionally pausing to write on a long sheet of parchment. He head the door creak open, and looked up with a smile.

 

“Hulloey ‘Mione,” Harry said as he watched his best friend walk into the room. (I think ‘Mione is never used by Harry in canon, or by anyone, you should avoid it, really.  Her name is Her-mione)

 

“HelloHey Harry,” sShe said quietly, as she took a seat across from him, and looked at the paper he was working on. He chuckled at his friend, even after getting  9/11 (how many OWLS?  9 or 11? Make it clear)O.W.L.’s ’s, she still felt the need to check his work.

 

“Snape finally decided to release you from the dungeon?” he asked lightly, as he pushed the paper over towards his best friend.

 

“It’s Professor Snape, Harry, and I know you two have your differences, but you should show the man some respect,” she said quietly, as she pushed the paper away, before bowing her head.

 

“I’m sorry; you know I’m just joking, right,.” hHe said quickly;, he reached forward and lifted her chin, but she flinched at the touch. The look of stark terror and haunting fear, in her eyes hurt him as if it were burning a hole straight though his heart. Heis mentally cursed himself, but then his eyes widened in surprise, as she closed her eyes before leaning into his hand. They stayed like this for several moments before; he felt the tears falling from her eyes, with out removing his hand, he stood up and came around to sit beside her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, and pulling her head down to his. Had his heart not hadn’t already been in pieces, it would have shattered all over again.

 

Last year had been exhausting year for the threesome. Ron declaring his unbridled love for Luna had been one thing neither had expected, but to it came as a  relief to both both a relief. Then the attacks began - seemingly random - but all the Order realized they were noting different,.   Minister Fudge and his family were being attacked, Amelia Bones takingtook  over as Minister, withthen Arthur Weasley as her second in charge. Then there was Sirius’ death and subsequent exoneration from all the previous charges against him, the reading of his the will had leftleaving Harry wealthy beyond his dreams.  There was , Occulmency and , DA training, as well as him and Hermione getting together., Then after that there had been the events of Ginny’s possession, which had happened again (right there’s too long a list of things you are not writing about here) again and, the attack in Hogsmeade., Finally ending in the summer, with Hermione’s being taken hostage.

 

That was the part he had hated the most of all, the one thing that had made everything else pale in comparison, the one thing that had and would forever haunt him, for the rest of his life,their lives,

 

~*~*~*~*~ FlashbackNo!~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

“Boy, get down here…” Vernon bellowed, in a menacing way.

 

He blinked for several minutes clearing the thoughts from his head. The dream had been so vivid and surreal.

 

~%~%~%~%Dream~%~%~%~%~%~

 

In his dream theThe  room had beenwas dark, and there had been a slight breeze fluttering the curtains. The woman on the bed was sleeping peacefully, with one arm flung above her head. The other arm lay across her flat stomach.  She had a, slightly tan face, and her lips were parted.  She was, dressed in a thin, pink tank top and pants, and she moaned before turning to her side to lie with , her brown lockshair  spread across the lavender pillow.  , tThe sheet covereding her to her hips. He could see why the boy loved her. She was a beautiful girl (no one really uses that word, except very bad fanfic writers!)chit. This is why he wanted her, what could hurt the boy more then having her innocence claimed by the man he hated, to succumb to his desire, seduced by the dark?. He smiled, his full lips curving in a wicked smirk, Thankful for the Age-Regenerating potion Severus had made for him, adding the veela blood, to make her irresistible to her.

 

He reached into his pocket pulled out a long thin wand and with a flick of his wrist, whispered…

 

“Petrificus Totalus”

 

~%~%~%~%~%~%~%~

 

Now as he sat up and dressed quickly he felt the need to find MHermione. His heart was pounding by the time he came downstairs, into the kitchen, and his hands were clammy. He ran Running almost headlong into the Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, and Kingsley Shacklebolt and Arthur Weasley were standing by the counter. Dudley and Vernon were sitting at the table, Petunia by the stove. Vernon worewith his usual look of disdain, Dudley lookeding scared, Petunia’s face was quitequiet expressionless.  , But Tthe three wizards in the room all looked grim. Harry He took a quick breath before asking in shaky  voice.

 

This should run on from the last paragraph, it’s not a new paragraph. “So what are you doing to get her out and how in Merlin’s name did he get past the wards, Auror’s and Order member’s guarding her?” Harry asked in a terse voice, which was coated with ice.

 

“Through a carefully planned and executed diversion, done with precision and extreme accuracy,.   hHer parents are dead. He took advantage of Ginevranerva Weasley’s mind, used it to his advantage. Professor Snape and Draco Malfoy know where he’s keeping her;  we’re waiting for more detailed information. Best pack your trunk now,.” Albus said solemnly, his blue eyes were grave, and his  lined face showeding the deepest of sympathy.

 

“How soon, will you have word?” Harry  He asked, his green eyes filled with tears, and his straight white teethh, biting into his lower lip.

 

“Right now if you’re up for it,” Draco said casually, as he and Snape sauntered into the room,  with lips set in his classic sneer, gray eyes hard, dressed in head to toe black. The two men looked like nothing less then the devilil themselves. Vernon bristled at their entrance, Dudley paled even more, and looked ready to be sick. 

 

k, But It was Petunia that advanced on her husband and stated quickly.  (run this on with Petunia’s dialogue)

 

“Vernon you’ll do well to stay quiet as these men are quiteuiet vicious, and would have no qualms about to hurting you in the most brutale fashion. Is she to suffer the same fate as Lily?” She asked quietly, pale eyes closed as tears slipped down her cheeks, thin pink lips trembling.

 

“Yes, but without the pain, and her memories most likely will remain intact,t…” Severus said sarcastically, smirking maliciously as the fearful blond (if this refers to Petunia, it is blonde, if any male, it is blonde.  It is better writing to avoid such appellation.  Use the name of the character) looked positively ready to faint, and burst with anger at once.  Whatever fear Dudley and Vernon might have had towards the Deatheaters, and Order members vanished as they both lunged towards Snape. However, the breaking busting of all the windows in the room stopped whatever might have been about to happen. Harry, whom was still surprised by his Aunt Petunia’s  unseen alliance with him, knew this was not his doing.

 

“STOP,” sShe screamed as she stepped in front of the formidable Potions mMaster and his assistancte. Holding her hands out to prevent Dudley and Vernon from slamming both men to the ground and beating them to a bloody pulpflesh. Four wands whipped out, but not a spell was cast as everyone in the room seemed to freeze mid-movement, all except Petunia who’se face flashed a myriadmired of emotion, from fear to shock, to anger, then finally, stunned amazement.

 

“Oh, Merlin, Finite Incantatem,” she whispered as she waved her hand, and everyone seemed to regain life.

 

“You’re a witch?” Harry said, in amazement as he looked at his aunt.

 

“Not exactly…” Sshe said briskly, as she looked to Albus.  

 

“You’ve broken the charm, my dear, nothing to fear,.” Albus said calmly. with a smile.

 

She nodded mutely as she took a seat, and sighed. (run this on with the next bit)

 

“So what do we do now?” she asked in a ragged voice, as she looked at the older wizard, and  obviouslypointedly  ignoreding the others in the room.

 

“Petunia?” Vernon asked in a quiet voice as he came to kneel beside his wife, wrapping his arm around her waist, his usually cruel face, flushed white with dread. She stiffened at his touch before turning to look at him.,

 

Harry felt cold fear pass through him. (when the point of view changes, so does the para.  You cannot make both Petunia and Harry the subjects of the sentence at the same time like that)

 

“I love you…You’ll be safe at Marge’s, Albus will keep you safe,.” sShe said quietly, touching the side of his face,; her hand trembled, and tears glistened in her eyes as she leaned down and kissed him softly. Harry felt like an intruder, but all the same amazed by the two people whom made his life hell for the better part of sixteen 16 years.

 

“Goodbye, my love, I’ll see you soon,.” Vernon said as she touched his her cheek, and then looked at everyone in the room as if daring them to arguesay otherwise. He stood up and walked over to the Headmaster, and with a curt nod, looked at his wife and son, before Albus placed a hand on his shoulder and both men Ddissappapaerated with a soft crack.

 

(Vernon could not disapparate – it’s canonically impossible.  You should have Albus use a Portkey, perhaps)

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~ End Flashback~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Even now, five months after the event, his blood still ran cold. She was only gone two days, but what exactly happened was still unknown. The only person that knew what happened while Voldemort held her captive were her and the Potions mMaster. They broke up soon after that, and Harry, whom was still in love with her, had a heart shattered at the changes infrom his best friend/ and true love. She had unconsciously put a barrier between them. Whether or not she knew this was unknown. But as he held onto her, he realized it was time to get her to talk, he hated himself for what he was about to do, but he had to know. If they had another chance, or if what he thought she felt was right.

 

“Hermione I hate asking this, but I need to know, was there ever a time you, fancied yourself in love with me?” he asked quietly, as he stroked her hair and face,. wWiping away the tears, and handing her a handkerchief. She looked at him, her brown eyes filled with regret, and he knew even before she said a word what she had felt.

 

“I don’t know, I never um…uh…” she stopped as she looked down. His arm slid from her shoulder, as he too bowed his head.

 

“I never told you this, because I never gave it much thought, but my mum was married before, she met my dad. His name was Kevin and from what I remember, which was when I was about six6 years old, was he was without a doubt the most vicious person I had ever had the misfortune of meeting. He came off very smart and well educated, but his eyes showed otherwise. I could just feel how cold and cruel he was. And I always wondered why my mum would ever want to be with him. I asked her once and she told me that one of the worst things a women could do was fall into lust (I doubt a mother would talk to her teenage daughter in that way). She always told me to follow my instincts, and your heart will never feel the shame of failure. She was blinded by his looks, and intelligence, but if the other qualities just didn’t fit that obviously it was not meant to be. I realized during first year, that I loved you, and that I would always be there for you;, that I would do anything for you.  , I think of being in love as a more an idea of what two people could be together, rather than what they are, separate. So I know I’m in love with you, and that without you, my life is pale in comparison, but only as much as I think it is, as much as I let it be,.” sShe said eloquently, her voice soft, soothing, her lips in an enchanting smile.

 

He looked up and smiled in return.

That doesn’t quite make sense.  Is this Kevin her dad or stepdad, is Mr Granger her dad? It’s hugely confusing.

“That’s why being bound to him, through love, makes not being with you all the worse. Which is why, I can never be with you again;, for that I am sorry, and I hope someday you can forgive me…” she whispered as she kissed him softly before getting up and running away, leaving him in stunned silence.