I have to let go of painful past experiences to rekindle a friendship that still, as we speak, hangs on by a thin, thin thread. Her intentions are always angelic but somehow take a spontaneous 180 degree back flip, surprising those around her not by her actual turn, but by their decisions to once again listen to her affirmations on responsibility. I am, by no means, a better human being than her. I am, by no means, the most picturesque person and I, like her, make unending mistakes and miss steps placed in front of me. But it is so so so so so so so so difficult for me to let go of each of her mistakes. Forgive me for this next preposterous analogy but just to make things easier for a better understading - it's necessary for friends to forget about each other's mistakes, that way, when another mistake/accident sort of pops out from thin air (excuse me for the cliche), it automatically takes the place of the previous mistake that was deleted out of the mind. This actually saves emotional space and stops anger and disaapointment from building-up.
It could be because I'm the little person, suffering from selfish anxiety attacks and it could also be because I'm not use to the 'let bygones be bygones' theory. We have more diffences than similarities. There were times when I ran to her for emotional support during painful experiences and she, because she is a sweet person by nature, waits to give me her comfort, with open arms, God bless her soul. Yet, I don't remember leaving, to face the situation again, feeling healthier or somewhat rested because when we both talk to soothe each other, we talk about things that the other does not fully understand or even wish to hear about (ended the sentence with a preposition... shit... anyhow...). I don't get along with her circle of friends and my circle of her friends do not understand her relaxed, more Western than Eastern philosophies on the way to live life.
I don't know what happened. I don't know why, after two years, we started noticing that our differences could place such an impact on our friendship and I don't understand why we don't really do anything to change the situation.
We had lunch today. We talked about what had been going on since we last met. She talked about her boyfriend, their little disagreements, she talked about this one asia-phile who won't let go of his loyal Asian girlfriend, her cousin's upcoming wedding (which made me smile), her not agreeing with her previously set major for school, the death of journalist, Pearl and how his tragic death scares her boyfriend because she wants to become a journalist and how she got sick from food poisoning; she doesn't really agree with seafood. I talked about my family, how I had to clean-up yesterday night because our cleaining lady does everything but actually clean, about school and my fear for the upcoming semester's rigid courses, and how Julie and I saw Lee Jeong Jae in person and how the camera doesn't do justice to his looks (it's true). Well, those were the carboyhydrates and proteins of our conversation during today's lunch. Of course, we also talked about little things like her current addiction to Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and my current reading selection, Moby Dick. We are two very different people...
March 4, 2002
First day of yet another first semester after a long, cold but somewhat rested winter break. Quite amazing, the look of excitement on the faces of young and eager freshmen... poor souls... Anyway, before ending today's entry on a more bitter and depressing note, I saw Joanne today; yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! The last time we had seen each other was approximately four months ago, before her trip back to North Carolina with her fiance, Eugene. It's very comforting to know that the respect I have for her reflects the way she treats me not only as (like) a close friend, but like a directly related younger sister as well. I know, major grammatical errors in today's entry but I really couldn't care less. Anyhow, now that I've finished with the positive side of today's yee-has, allow me to continue with the more morbid section - isn't it almost sickening how some people (ahem) come up to you on the first day of school, slobbering you all over with their, "I've missed you soooooooooo much over the winter; I called, why didn't you pikc up?" lines? Well, I didn't 'pick up' because 'you' never exactly called, ahem. At least, I was able to share five cups of coffee with Julie and Angie in the afternoon, although we didn't really get anything concrete done, despite our many attempts.
On another note, this is for JIYE:
About a month ago, I stopped by COEX after Julie's non-stop whining (it was really cute) for me to come visit her at work. So we met and had really cheap beer and talked about the ooh's and aahh's about life. To our pleasant surprise, on that exact day, Lee Jeong Jae was scheduled to sign autographs at four p.m. infront of UNOS. So, we went and peered through the group of scantily cladded Korean women, fighting their way to catch a glimpse of his really really good looking face. Jiye, you know what was completely unexpected though? Standing next to Lee Jeong Jae was the PD oppa. We accidentally bumped into each other , which was almost nice since we hadn't seen each other for more than five months. He mentioned dinner, but I, being 'chicken shit,' (that's how Soo and Julie describe my reaction) ran away and cried wee wee all the way home...
Miss you! I couldn't stop laughing after reading about the pranks those guys pulled on you girls... but I nearly passed out from laughter after reading about what you girls did to get back at those guys! Power to you WOG (Is that how you say it?)
March 5, 2002
I walk around the streets of this city dressed in dark denim and tennis shoes and realize that it takes only ten minutes to walk from my apartment to the news stand. I make a quick stop for machiatto and tiramisu and go to work. I have in one hand, a binder full of National Geographic clippings and in the other, my empty coffee cup made out of some sort of pollutant. My bag keeps sliding off my shoulder and I straighten up every second so it will stay in place. I keep on walking like this, huddled up, busy, and finally, as I reach the first step to the entrance of the office building, I admit to myself that I have yet another exhausting year ahead of me.
... ... ... ... ... ... -.- ... ... ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... ... ... I just talked to ellen who is now living in Malaga, Spain. From the looks of things, I can tell she's no longer single; I guess she's getting her groove on and mackin on all them Spanish guys. I miss you. ellen!
March 30, 2002
What a crazy month - I'm using the adjective, 'crazy,' in the negative sense. I spend my time highlighting sections of my text book, I spend my time filling my binder up with notes, and I find myself buying more than a handful of books for extra reading, yet I feel as though I'm still having trouble with stepping out of the whole three months of Winter Break time frame, either that or I'm just having trouble with handling my schedule... maybe I'm just plain stupid.
I'm at a PC-Bang right now, trying to work on some translation pieces for work but there's only so much you can get done on Saturday afternoon. And because it's Saturday and because I need to find healthy ways to de-stress, I'm saving tonight for unending hours of dancing.
May 17, 2002
I know, I know... what's the point of hogging up so much cyber space when there have been no updates and your homepage is being neglected... Well, good news, good news (drum roll, please) - I've finally developed some pictures so the question that must be asked now is, "will I ever scan 'em?"
On another note, here are some literary works that can keep anyone busy for the time being. Ritzer's McDonaldization of Society; I've read this book a couple of years ago without really delving deep into the chaptes. Well, I just finished reading it again, this time, a little more thoroughly and I thought it was amazing how Ritzer's work correlates so much with Huxley's Brave New World. Right, Michelle, sitting right next to me is giving me the 'stop showing off' look so I'll end this month's journal entry right... HERE.
July 18, 2002
Holy crap - I'm actually taking the time to post yet another idiotic entry. And since my last entry, my English has been deteriorating at a rapid scale so bare with me; and to prove this, I'm going to start off with a cliche - So much has happened. Actually, not much has happened in actual number but these few 'events' were quite meaningful and absolutely incredible but I'm not going to delve deep.
I've started teaching again,but instead of thie normal and put-to-sleep grammar/listening parts of the English language, I've jumped into the whole debate planet, driving my students crazy by answering all their statements with a big fat "WHY?" If I'm not having fun, it's only because I'm tired and lacking sleep or vitamin C.
Oh, and major epiphany for myself - I'm still single but not as content as I made myself believe for the past few months. So I guess it's time for me to "go out and get some"(Thanks for the quote, Julie).
Hyun-joo! I am unbelievably happy (right, this is the best adjective I can find right now) to hear from you again! I've missed you so much all these years and I am so thankful that our paths have crossed once again...
I remember elementary school and middle school - we were so carefree back then, so innocent and so naive. And that's what I've missed so much these past few years...You were and are still such an important part of my life. Just wait til Sunday... we'll catch up on all those years =)
August 8, 2002
Someone will literally have to drag me out of this country...
We went boat riding on the river across the Shangrila Hotel a couple of days ago with the sun blazing on our backs; I now have a white zig-zag burnt on my back which is making every passer-by point his finger towards (okay, okay 'point his finger at') me. After the serene water tour, Hazel and I got massages at the Oriental, where I got comments regarding my back "Ai-ya, what's this?" I bought a boxful of knick knacks for my friends back 'home' and I must end my entry for today shortly since the tattooed man sitting behind me looks extremely irritated... I'm scared... =(
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