I really don't remember what I did today... I am unbelievably drowsy due to all the medication for this horrid flu. Despite the coughing, the sneezing, (basically all the goodies that come with a cold) I'm still moving on like the energizer bunny... I really need to cut back on smoking if I want to get better but one of my greatest weaknesses are a fresh pack of Dunhills. =)
November 15, 2000
We had a group presentation today for our North-South Relations class. It was so nerve-racking to stand up in the front, with so many people's gazes fixed on to me. I wished that the floor I was standing on would just swallow me and get me out of my misery...
November 16, 2000
I have a friend whom I care for deeply. As I type this right now, this friend of mine is downing unending shots of soju and cans of beer because this friend is trying very hard to forget about somebody. Hang in there...
November 17, 2000
I had one class today, "Information Technology,' and today, the lecture was based on IT and how it affects women. So the professor asks for our opinions regarding the mistreatment of women in Korean society... and this one guy answers (actually more like spits out), "Tell them to go to the army first." ... I'm not a feminist and my morales and ethics are not based on the Feminine Mystique, but I do believe in equality and I do know for a fact that equality doesn't mean everybody is given the same, exact situation. Take for instance a marathon. A handicapped man and a physically able man both decide to run, they both stand before the same starting line. That is not equality. So... when a guy says that equality can be reached by forcing women to go to the army, I'm just going to say (and make it clear) that their little demands are not based on equality but based on pathetic whining that little children give when they see a lollipop that they can't have... "If Susie can eat a lollipop, so can I !"
November 18, 2000
I've been sick with the flu for the past few days. It's absolutely agonizing when I cough, when I sneeze and when I try to swallow... but because I am the most 'stubborn person on the face of this earth,' I continue to carry out my daily routine starting from going to school and coming home after three hours of work. But today's Saturday and it's almost nine in the evening right now... I spent the whole day at home laying in bed, listening to mellow music and watching out my little window... My nose is still stuffed and my head hurts but staying cooped in my room isn't making me feel better.
November 19, 2000
So I'm still really sick... my flu, my little cold has turned into some kind of disastrous disease. But today was actually a wonderful day because I received my darling JC's gift via snail mail; a green VMI shirt with matching shorts... I really mean it when I say "I love you, JC."... Your love is what literally keeps me sane... because of you, I've learned to rejoice even in the most painful moments...
On another note, despite my high fever and never ending sneeze attacks, I went to church this morning because we had some musical celebration. I couldn't help but be awed by the members who took part in the music ceremony. Each one of them has an amazing gift, something that sets them apart from the norm... I coudln't help but wonder why I have nothing that celebrates my very existance...what am I good for, what special gifts do I have, what sets me apart from the norm?
I'm a student, I work and I'm quite satisfied with my job and occupational standing, I have a wonderful family even if, from time to time, I forget their importance in my life, I have amazing friends... but where do I stand and where am I headed? What good am I for? I just want to know because these little pieces of knowledge will make me feel a little better... I'm not implying that I am completely devoid of all hopes and dreams because "I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acultely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing."
I just realized today that the year 2000 is almost coming to an end... Shit... I haven't achieved anything this past year... nothing concrete anyway...How utterly depressing... And I have the hiccups now which is a little annoying but funny at the same time...
Today was just one of those pass-you-by days. I went over to Angeline's apt. to take care of Paco (six month old Chihuahua) and JOanne who unfortunately caught the cold during the weekend. We just sat around and talked about everything and nothing and watched Paco sleep and cuddle on Soo's ugly hippo pillow (it's so ugly that it's cute; does that make any sense?) Angeline cooked some weird dish today; she likes to add slices of cheddar cheese into her instant noodles... let's just say I skipped lunch and silently watched Joanne and Angliene scarf down their interesting fusion cooking. After that, we sat around some more, looked out the window and made fun of some of the stragers passing by (we're really nice people, really...), and went out to get some coffee at Cozy infront of Kang Nam Station. We also walked around and went jewelry shopping and I ended up buying these huge silver hoops which I'm positive I'll never get to wear since I prefer wearing little studs rather than dangly earrings.
I'm at work now, on my twenty-minute break which consists of checking my email and sending texts to random people (I'm kidding). I just received a text from Julie; apparently it might snow tonight so 'we have to be on the lookout.' How wonderful; I really love snow...
On another note, one of our conversations today was based on the complicated nature of relationships/love. My philosophy? Love itself is truly simple since love is true and what's simple is true. We just choose to make it confusing and complicated by refusing to compromise and refusing to give up a part of our lives for love. And if this is the case, we're not expexperiencing true love because true love is completely simple, wholeheartedly simple.
November 21, 2000
I skipped one of my classes today: East Asian Ideology... ugh... it's an itneresting class and the professor has a lot on his mind except he just doesn't know how to carry out his lectures. That doesn't necessarily justify my action (heehee) but it certainly is a damn good reason for skipping... hahahahaha... One of my friends mentioned today that my journal entries makes me sound very 'ditzy and pessimistic.' I want to make it clear that I'm not a pessimistic or sarcastic person by heart... I'm really not I don't think =(. Hahahaha... I don't think I'm successfully convincing anybody out there. Anyhow, after school we went to De-hak-ro for coffee at Fusion and they were playing Meet Joe Black in the lounge. It's a good movie and most of the scenes are acted out perfectly by the main characters (i.e. Anthony Hopkins), but in my opinion, the story line itself is too intense; by the time I fiinished watching, I felt completely drained and exhausted. One of my favourite scenes is the scene where Anthony Hopkins explains to Brad Pitt about how much he missed his wife and couldn't stop thinking about her.
On another note, I want to say "Hi!" to my good friend, Chris, in Berekely. And I also want to say good night to Joanne who I just said goodbye to; she came out all the way to see me despite her flu, which I think I gave her...
November 22, 000
I am a horrid person =(. Here's the story; A presentation was given in our North-South Korean Relations class by three fellow classmates. The presentation itself was interesting so I payed close attention to the whole lecture (pat myself on the back)... after the presentation, Professor Ahn decides to give us a ten minute discussion/question period which was basically suppose to be the most fun part of the class... except, she decides to dictate over the debate session and expresses her opinions for teh next twenty-thirty-fourty (I really don't remember) minutes IN MONOTONE. We get a five minute break after that so I literally drag myself out of the conference room for a cigarette break with Angeline and Kento... and I mumble out loud, "That was the longest hour of my whole life!" only to find out that the three members who presented were standing right behind me... I felt so embarassed and at guilt. I am a horrid, horrid person. I should have apologized and explained to them that my mean and rude comment was directed towards Professor Ahn's very boring speech and that she was responsible for my state of boredom but that would have sounded so cheesy and would have also embarassed them.... Man... The sad part is I usually never say things like that and after saying it without thinking, I was caught red handed...