Etiquette is the ceremonial code of polite life, more voluminous and minute in each portion of society according to its rank.
- John Ramsay McCulloch
In a world where manners, traditions, and values are deminishing, we are a people with bitter tongues and rudeness. We no longer have the graces that are ancestors once had. Merriam-Websters Dicionary defines etiquette as "the conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life."
Gleamed from the Emily Post Institute, for more see the website.
Social
Proper Addresses:
Addressing a Woman
Maiden name Ms. Jane Johnson
Miss Jane Johnson*
*usually 'Miss' is for girls under 18
Married, keeping maiden name Ms. Jane Johnson
Married, uses husband's name socially Mrs. John Kelly
Mrs. Jane Kelly*
*Nowadays this is acceptable
Ms. Jane Kelly
Separated, not divorced Mrs. John Kelly
Mrs. Jane Kelly
Ms. Jane Kelly
Divorced Mrs. Jane Kelly
Ms. Jane Kelly
Ms. Jane Johnson (maiden name)
Widowed Mrs. John Kelly*
*If you don't know the widow's preference, this is the traditional and preferred form
Mrs. Jane Kelly
Ms. Jane Kelly
Addressing a Couple
Married, she uses her husband's name socially Mr. and Mrs. John Kelly
NOTE: Traditionally, a man's name preceded a woman's on an envelope adddress, and his first and surname were not separated (Jane and John Kelly). Nowadays, the order of the names�whether his name or hers comes first�does not matter and either way is acceptable. The exception is when one member of the couple 'outranks' the other�the one with the higher rank is always listed first.
Married, she prefers Ms.
Mr. John Kelly and Ms. Jane Kelly
Ms. Jane Kelly and Mr. John Kelly
*Do not link Ms. to the husband's name:
Mr. and Ms.John Kelly is incorrect
Married, informal address Jane and John Kelly
John and Jane Kelly
Married, she uses maiden name Mr. John Kelly and Ms. Jane Johnson
Ms. Jane Johnson and Mr. John Kelly
If you can't fit the names on one line:
Mr. John Kelly
and Ms. Jane Johnson
*Note the indent, either name may be used first
Unmarried, living together Mr. John Kelly
Ms. Jane Johnson
Note: Use two lines, do not indent and do not link the names with 'and'.
Either name may be used first.
A woman who outranks her husband:
elected office, military rank The Honorable Jane Kelly and Mr. John Kelly
If you can't fit both names on one line (note indent):
The Honorable Jane Kelly
and Mr. John Kelly
A woman who outranks her husband:
professional or educational degree Dr. Jane Kelly and Mr. John Kelly
Both are doctors (PhD or medical) and use the same last name The Doctors Kelly (omit first names)
Drs. Jane and John Kelly / Drs. John and Jane Kelly
Dr. John Kelly and Dr. Jane Kelly / Dr. Jane Kelly and Dr. John Kelly
Both are doctors (PhD or medical), she uses her maiden name Dr. Jane Johnson and Dr. John Kelly
Dr. John Kelly and Dr. Jane Johnson
Business
Woman Ms. is the default form of address, unless you know positively that a woman wishes to be addressed as Mrs.
Professional designations�use only for business Jane Kelly, CPA
Note: Do not use Ms. or Mr. if using a professional designation.
Socially, drop the professional designation and use Mr., Ms., or Mrs.: Ms. Jane Kelly
Esquire:
Attorneys and some court officials Jane Kelly, Esquire
Note: If using Esquire, do not use Ms. or Mr.
In conversation or socially, 'Esquire' is not used; use Mr. or Ms.: Ms. Jane Kelly
Attorney at Law Ms. Jane Kelly
Attorney at Law
This is an alternative to 'Esquire' for attorneys. Use Mr. or Ms. and use two lines with no indent
Business
Job Interviews:
Your resume is perfectly printed on high quality paper and you've practiced answering every offbeat interview question your roommate can pitch at you. Here are a few more tips to prepare you for the big event.
Scout it out
There are several reasons to pay a visit to a company before you have your interview.
You will know how to get there and how long it takes.
You will see how people in the office dress.
You will meet the receptionist and learn his name. This is also a good person to ask about the company in general.
You can pick up any literature on the company that may be provided in the reception area: annual report, sales brochures, newsletter.
You can find out the name of the person who will interview you, if you haven't been told already.
Be on time
There are no exceptions to this rule. If necessary, perform a trial run to see how long it takes to get to your destination. If an unforeseen emergency arises (the subway breaks down between stations), call as soon as possible: apologize, explain and offer to reschedule. Even that may not save the situation.
Dress appropriately
In the old days, a coat and tie or suit would usually do the trick. Now, offices run the gamut from shorts and sandals to "office casual" to traditional suits. Do your homework. Either call or visit to find out what the office dress code is. A visit will let you see what your future colleagues wear to work. A good bet is to dress slightly more formally than the average. In other words, if most people wear slacks and a sport shirt, wear slacks with a coat and tie. Everyone in coat and tie? Wear a suit. Everyone in a suit? Wear your Best Suit.
PIERCINGS AND NEON HAIR.
Yes, they're all the rage and you love your lip ring and purple streaks. And, yes, you have a perfect right to be who you are. Just remember, corporate America is not into fashion trends. They have just as much right to say that lip rings are not the image they are trying to project at XYZ Widgets. You will have to decide if your personal statement is worth more than the job. Of course, there are plenty of industries�fashion and music to name two�where no one would blink at piercings or creative hair.
Grooming
Neatness is as important as wearing appropriate attire. Your shoes should be shined and your clothes should be pressed and spotless. No hanging threads, tears or missing buttons. Hair should be freshly combed and nails clean and trimmed. Women should keep make-up simple and hairstyle tidy. Use an extra swipe of antiperspirant, but lay off the cologne.
The Name Game
Nothing is more awkward than having people ask who you are! Introduce yourself to the receptionist and give your name! �Hi, my name is Mary Smith. I have a 10 o'clock interview with Jane Doe.� Make a note of the receptionist's name. Be sure to know the name of the person interviewing you. �How do you do, Ms. Doe, I am Mary Smith. Thank you for seeing me today.�
Handshakes
"Stand up straight, look 'em in the eye, say their name and give 'em a firm handshake,� was my Dad's recipe for making a good impression. If you are in doubt about this principle, practice with a friend. Have your friend look off in the distance and offer you a limp hand. Have your friend look at your feet and mumble something. Have your friend squeeze your hand and pump your arm enthusiastically. Now have your friend look you in the eye and give you a firm handshake. What do you think? Now, buy your friend a cup of coffee.
Say thanks
At the end of the interview, stand, thank the interviewer for her time, look her in the eye and shake her hand. A short note of thanks�nothing fawning�is also appropriate.
Technology
Netiquette
Here are some tips to keep in mind when minding your online manners:
1. Always Respond
Junk mail and forwards are one thing, but you should always respond to a real message, whether it's to invite you to a meeting or a hello from an old friend.
2. What's the Story?
Don't keep your readers in suspense, use the Subject line to alert the receiver to the subject matter of your message. You're likely to get a faster response.
3. Addresses Ad-nauseum
When sending out an e-mail to a long list of recipients, consider using an address book function that doesn't list all recipients in the "to" header. Having to scroll past a long list of addresses to get to the message itself is annoying to many. Plus, many people may not like having their e-mail address displayed to others.
4. Rapid Fire Responses
If you only check your e-mail once a week, let people know. Otherwise, they may take offense at not receiving a timely (which when it comes to e-mail can mean immediate) response from you.
5. Watch Your Language
While our e-mail culture is full of its own shorthand, it's best to always reread your messages before sending to make sure there are no grammatical or spelling errors in your message.
6. Know Your Role
If you're sending out e-mail that is religious, political or pornographic, be sure to know that your intended recipient wants to receive it. In many business settings, transferring pornographic materials via e-mail is grounds for dismissal.
7. Avoid Spam
When you surf or shop retail sites on the Internet, watch out for the "free newsletter" and "customer update" e-mail check boxes. If you sign up, you will be receiving regular e-mail that may not interest you.
8. Keep it Professional
At work, keep all personal information out of e-mail. This isn't the venue for dissing coworkers or spilling the beans about your weekend adventures with the copier man.
9. Selectively Select
"Send to All." Only the most relevant work-related messages should be sent to "all" recipients. Private messages, or messages that only apply to a few recipients should never be sent this way.
10. Address Updates
If you are leaving your job, be sure that your e-mail account is closed and that incoming messages get forwarded to the appropriate person. Also, be sure to let everyone know your new e-mail address.
Holidays
Giving and Receiving
There are plenty of opportunities to give during the holidays. Some situations pose more questions than others. Here are some of the inquiries we answer time and time again�about family, friends, and all those cards:
Is it necessary to write thank-you notes to family members?
If you�ve thanked someone in person for a gift, a thank-you note isn�t obligatory. But, it�s never wrong to write a thank-you note. If you receive gifts from family members that you won�t see to thank in person, write them a thank-you note�both to let them know their gift arrived and that you liked it. Remember that relatives from �the old school� may still expect a written note even if thanks were given in person.
If you've only been dating someone a short while, how do you decide how generous to be with your holiday gift?
The amount you spend on the gift should be a balance of your affection for the person and your budget. Anything too expensive or extravagant may send a message about the seriousness of the relationship�which could in turn cause confusion. Don�t let something like holiday gift conundrums complicate a budding relationship: there�s no downside to keeping things simple.
I have a lot of non-Christian friends, is it rude to send them cards, even if they are nondenominational?
No, as long as you chose the right kind of card. Cards that offer the message �Seasons Greetings��with no religious figures, messages or symbols on it�are appropriate for a wide range of friends and acquaintances, regardless of their religious preference.
Is it OK to e-mail my holiday greetings instead of mailing cards?
Yes�if your intended recipients are frequently online and you're fairly certain that they would welcome this type of greeting. Your great aunt Sara, who cherishes your handwritten notes, may still prefer a traditional card. Others, too, might rather have a traditional paper greeting. (Maybe you'll want to ask a few of your friends about their preferences). There's nothing "wrong" about e-greetings, though. And the benefits? You can wait until the last minute and you can even attach pictures. Just be careful about sending personal e-mails to people's work addresses. Many companies have policies against receiving and sending personal e-mail at work.
Wedding
Invited to a wedding?
Tips on being the perfect guest
RSVP. Immediately.
RSVP is French for �please respond� (r�pondez s�il vous pla�t). Your most important obligation as a guest is to respond to the invitation immediately, especially if you are unable to attend. At the very least, it allows your host and hostess enough time to give an accurate count to the caterer. There is usually a card to return with your reply. If not, you may write a formal reply or a note indicating your intention.
Respect your invitation.
Do not ask your host or hostess if you can bring a date or your children. The invitation will be addressed to the people invited. If you may bring a guest, your invitation will read �Mr. John Phelps and guest.� If your children are invited, they will either receive their own personal invitations or their names will be listed under yours on the envelope. This is not the time to question your host�s decision, to argue or to beg for an exception. And, please, do not add their names to a reply card or show up with them anyway!
Send a gift.
If you are invited to the ceremony and/or reception, you should send a gift, whether you are attending or not. Generally, gifts are sent to the bride in advance of the wedding. In some localities, gifts are brought to the reception and placed on a special table. If you hear from family that the couple would prefer a charitable donation�as in the case of an older couple or an encore wedding �please respect their wishes. If you receive an announcement after the wedding has taken place, you may send a gift if you wish, but you have no obligation to do so. It is nice to acknowledge the announcement with a card or a note expressing your best wishes.
Be on your BEST behavior.
Be on time, wear appropriate clothing and be respectful during the marriage ceremony. Pay your respects to the hosts, the wedding party and other guests at the reception. And remember.
�The good guest is almost invisible, enjoying him- or herself, communing with fellow guests, and, most of all, enjoying the generous hospitality of the hosts.� - E. Post
