Disclaimer: If I owned Inuyasha, Kikyou would have stayed dead and Shippu would have a raging fun club.

 

My Human Is Better!

 

 Sesshomaru growled. Inuyasha did the same. The two brothers started circling and the atmosphere was getting tenser with every minute. Suddenly they crouched, preparing to leap at each other and fight.

 “Stop!” Kaogome’s voice rung sharply and the two brothers lost their balance and fell on their faces.

 “Kagome stay out of this!” Inuyasha jumped up and glared at the girl. “This is between me and Sesshomaru!”

 “Well, you can sort it out like civilized and mature peo… demons!” the girl shot back.

 “Mature demons sort things out by fighting,” snorted Seshomaru. “Not to mention that’s a half-demon,” he waved his hand in Inu-yasha’s direction.

 “You’re wrong. Almost every demon is immature,” Kagome stated. “Don’t you want to be the first mature ones?”

 The half-demon and the demon exchanged looks.

 “No,” they said in unison.

 “That’s bad, because no matter what you want, you won’t fight.”

 “And how will you do it human?” Sesshomaru asked with disdain. A second later Inuyasha was laying nose-in-soil, while Sesshomaru was squeaking and holding his crotch.

 “Are you sure she’s not some demon?” he managed to whisper.

 “No.” Inuyasha answered. “She’s just a witch.”

 Before Kaogome could react, Sesshomaru’s eyes grew wide and he paled.

 “A… a witch?” he whispered with horror. “I’ll do everything you want!” he shrieked and continued to stare at Kagome as if she turned into some monster.

 You see, dear readers, the dog demon had been always afraid of witches. When he was very small one of those evil women stole his candy. And then another one left him tied up naked on a tree. And then his father told him one of them brought him a baby brother. Yes, witches truly petrified Sesshomaru.

 “Good. You and Inuyasha should sort out this once and for all. Without violence,” the girl stated and tapped her foot impatiently. It seemed that the brothers had no choice. So they thought. And thought. And then they thought a bit more. Finally Sesshomaru had a brain-wave. He grabbed Rin and picked her up.

 “My human is cuter!” he announced.

 “Well, Kagome has a better body!”

 “Pervert!” the girl slapped Inuyasha and huffed. Sesshomaru grinned.

 “My human doesn’t talk back.”

 “You can have a… nice conversation with Kagome.”

 “Well, my human knows how to behave.”

 “Kagome can think for herself!”

 “Rin has very pretty dark hair!”

 “Every human here has black hair here!”

 “How can she have better hair than me?” mumbled Kagome. “They don’t have shampoo or conditioner!”

 “Well, um…” Sesshomaru paused to think. “Rin has better clothes!”

 “…” Inuyasha gave his brother a look full of pity. “You’re kidding, right?”

 “No, I’m not!” roared the older demon. Kagome sighed. Those two were acting like little children. She rubbed her forehead with annoyance.

 “Just start fighting already… I start to believe demons never get mature.”