Disclaimer: I don’t own Yu-Gi-Oh! If I did, I’d be a Japanese guy.

Warnings: This story is under no circumstances serious. If you came here looking for a deep profound plot, please turn around. It also contains various strange ideas of the authoress and her brother and them poking fun of things they find silly in Yu-Gi-Oh series and fanfiction. Anyway the current pairings are: Mai/Jounouchi (Joey) and Honda (Tristan)/Shizuka (Serenity)/Otogi (Duke Devlin). There is going to be some Seto/Isis and Yami/Yugi/Anzu(Téa) later. Oh, and I’ll be using the Japanese names. This is a parody – it might be insulting sometimes and perverted, so please don’t take it seriously! Thank you.

 Feel warned.

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Yu-Gi-Oh Gone Loony

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The very important and meaningful starting quote:

“Well, I jammed the whatsit into the whackdoodle, but I think I broke the thingamajigger”

(Magic the Gathering flavour text, Krark-Clan Engineers)

 

Chapter Seven: The Horror! Mai Has Been Kidnapped and Nobody Knows!

 

 Yami met Kajika Ryouta and started a duel with him. It was one of the rare friendly duels where none of the insults were for real and afterwards both players shook their hands before heading in different directions.

 Anzu and Yugi stood at the side and cheered the ancient Pharaoh. The girl was doing much better, since she had more experience, but the boy nearly won by knock-out when he changed his clothes for a leather mini-skirt and a black vinyl top. Of course, he also made Kajika choke and Yami gape.

“Aibou… You weren’t supposed to make this public!” the Millennium Spirit chided the boy, when he got his voice back.

“But Anzu said I looked cute!” whined the boy. The sea duellist continued to stare mutely.

“Well, yeah…” Yami agreed.

“And it took as so much time to buy an outfit which would fit both Yugi’s personality and style!” added Anzu.

Kajika nearly started choking on air again – those clothes couldn’t possibly match Yugi’s personality as far as he knew. His poor mind started producing images of Anzu, Yami and Yugi in one bed… Images which could be easily described as “something for a bondage lover”.

The spirit of the Millennium Puzzle grinned evilly – in his thoughts of course. This was perfect – he could show that there was still something dark left in him – without finding some evil-doer and challenging him to a Game of Darkness.

“Actually,” he purred. “you look too good not to show yourself like that in the public…”

“Aww… Yami…” cooed both Yugi and Anzu. Kajika swallowed nervously.

“Umm… Er…” he tried to say something, but he couldn’t even form one coherent sentence. Never in his life had he felt so nervous and ashamed.

 

Mai’s left eye was twitching nervously. She lost. She lost to a scatterbrained, seemingly idiotic girl – far worse looking than Mai – and that in a completely moronic game. The game required luck. The idiot girl Parsley obviously had more.

Right now the blond woman was tied up – quite amateurishly and sat in a van next to an old woman. The old woman had a black leather trench coat on – exactly like Parsley’s and Tomato’s and similar heavy boots. The rest of her clothes were black as well – a long plain skirt with a frilly shirt and black stocking. Her fluffy premed hair was partially hidden under a black beret on which a pair of sun glasses rested – once which Neo from Matrix would have liked to have. Her eyes were faded blue in colour and had a kindly expression of a grandmother who is ready to hear all your problems and give you some cookies to make you feel better. She was knitting peacefully. She confused the hell out of Mai.

The purple-eyed duellist was trying to figure out more about this mysterious group. What was their purpose? Why would they kidnap a beautiful, talented and innocent woman like her? They did not intend on using her DNA and created some atrocious monster, did they? Or maybe they wanted to kidnap Jonouchi and use him for some awful experiments?

Mai was starting to feel more and more afraid. Her eyes grew wide, her skin paled, her breathing got ragged and sweat started trickling down her forehead.

The old lady looked up from her knitting and smiled reassuringly at Mai. That was far too much for the poor young woman – she fainted.

 

 The next person to meet up with the black-clad duo was Seto Kaiba. Of course it also meant that Isis and Mokuba met them as well, since they both decided to accompany the CEO throughout the whole tournament. Actually their target was Mokuba, but since the boy wouldn’t leave his brother’s side and none of them wanted to kidnap him from the toilet, they decided to change their plans and kidnap the whole – newly formed – trio.

Now, before Parsley and Tomato arrived the two Japanese and the Egyptian were starting to look more and more like a little family. Mokuba was literally hanging on Isis and Seto and created a sort of a bridge between them. The two looked rather tortured, but Mokuba was only an innocent child, wasn’t he? Of course you dear readers know better, but he did his best to hide his mischievousness, so neither Seto nor Isis knew.

Alas they did not manage to find the new meaning of life, since Tomato and Parsley appeared out of the blue in their way. Well, maybe not out of the blue – they jumped of a tree, so green would be more appropriate.

“Seto Kaiba!” the youth yelled pointing rudely at the CEO. “I challenge you! Beat me in Magic the Gathering!”

“Why not Duel Monsters?” the brown-haired Japanese asked.

“Because Magic the Gathering is the mother of all CCGs!”

“Hmm… You have a point…” Kaiba nodded. “But it’s a Duel Monsters tournament…”

“Ha! You can’t play Magic the Gathering!”

“I’m not falling on that old ruse.”

“Because you don’t even have a Magic deck!”

“As a matter of fact I do. Just not with me.”

“Uh… huh. See any flying cows?”

“Put them into a plane and they will!” chimed up Mokuba. “And the same goes for pigs!”

“Umm… Anyway… You are a chicken!” Potato tried to coax the CEO into playing.

 

Jounouchi was searching for another challenge. Unfortunately, it wasn’t going well. Most duellists seemed to have evaporated. However, he was not alone. Behind him Honda and Otogi fought for Shizuka’s love as valiantly as ever. It might have had no effect on the girl, who seemed to be slightly tired from the noise, but the youths continued quarrelling.

The blonde growled under his breath. Honda was his friend and it wasn’t as if they were doing anything to his sister yet…

“Shizuka-chan! You can’t possibly like somebody with such a bad hairdo!” Otogi cried. “Such an angel like you must have a much better taste then that.”

“I have a bad hairdo?” Jounouchi’s brown-haired friend sounded offended. “I have a bad hairdo?! Shizuka you can’t like somebody who says such cruel and untrue things!”

“You’re the one who’s lying!”

“Prove it pretty-boy!”

“Honda-kun, Otogi-kun… Please…” the girl really did sound tired – and rather bored too.

“But Shizuka-chaaan!”

“Leave my sis alone!” Jounouchi could not stand that any longer. They should better stop harassing his little sister or they would pay.

“Er… Jounouchi?”

“Hey, don’t get so worked up doggy-boy.”

“How did you just call me?” the blonde hissed threateningly.

“Umm… I didn’t call you anything!” gulped Otogi. It might have come to more drastic scenes, if Shizuka hadn’t chosen this precise moment to sigh dreamily.

“Anzu-senpai…” she whispered. The three males turned to look at her with expressions similar to those of fish thrown out of water. Jounouchi nearly fainted. He trusted Anzu! And now he found out she must have been doing something with his baby sis behind his back. Oh the horror!

Honda and Otogi found themselves in a similar state… well, if you’d change the “baby sis” into “their guiding star” or some other “pure angel”. The authoress found it quite inappropriate, since those frazes were as cliché as all episodes of Star Trek, but unfortunately the two teens didn’t want to think differently.

“You’re joking right?” the three males cried in unision. Shizuka looked at them with confusion.

“Huh?”

 

 “Dinosaur” Ryuzuki’s escape did not last long. Actually, it were only a few steps and than a old lady caught him.

“You’re going to leave the poor girl?” she screeched.

“That’s an alien!”

“Now, now…” the elderly woman chided. “You shouldn’t be so mean, even if it’s your first date and it didn’t go well.”

“But… but…”

“You should have told her you’re allergic to ice.”

Ryuzuki felt like banging his head against the wall – he was not allergic and that was an alien – he was sure of it.

“But!..”

“Now be a gentleman and give her another chance.”

Ryuzaki never looked more desperate in his life.

 “But ma’am!..”

“And remember to pay for the ice-cream and cleaning her clothes.”

 

“Bobby” had hit Nanashi numerous times, before “she” found out that there was something called female solidarity. First an old lady came to “her” aid and  started pounding him with her bag. Then some younger female forced Malik to help the poor old lady and the “poor helpless” girl. Too sum up it was extremely embarrassing for the whole four.

“I can’t believe that…” repeated “Bobby” God knows which time, while cradling a beetroot red Ryou to “her” bosom.

“That’s the word “pervert”,” stated Malik as if he understood everything perfectly. “It makes them aggressive.”

“They’re all going to die!” yelled Nanashi, while cradling his blow-up doll. He was getting a lot odd stares.

“Yeah, yeah… Just don’t get your clothes dirty,” the youngest Ishtar said, sounding rather bored. After all his evil half had the tendency to issue death-threats every half an hour.

“I never get my clothes dirty!”

“Yeah, yeah… Bobby? You really sure you want to get back to normal?”

“Well, of course!.. Why are you asking?”

“…Oh no reason…” Malik answered glancing quickly at the Tomb Robberess’ breasts.

Ryou seemed to feel uncomfortable. Well, it wasn’t that strange considering to whose chest he was being squeezed. “Bobby” obviously didn’t notice that – or maybe she did but wanted to be mean to “her” “hikari”. After all, “she” was evil – very, very evil. Not as evil as Nanashi, but close to it. “She” was sure she’d make Emperor Palpatine ashamed.

 

Seto Kaiba’s brilliant words for today:

Even if you love Duel Monsters it’s good to have a Magic the Gathering deck somewhere. Just to show off.