Disclaimer: I don’t own Yu-Gi-Oh! If I did, I’d be a
Japanese guy.
Warnings: This story is under no
circumstances serious. If you came here looking for a deep profound plot,
please turn around. It also contains various strange ideas of the authoress and
her brother and them poking fun of things they find silly in Yu-Gi-Oh series
and fanfiction. Anyway the current pairings are: Mai/Jounouchi (Joey) and Honda
(Tristan)/Shizuka (Serenity)/Otogi (Duke Devlin). There is going to be some
Seto/Isis and Yami/Yugi/Anzu(Téa) later. Oh, and I’ll be using the Japanese
names. This is a parody – it might be
insulting sometimes and perverted, so please don’t take it seriously! Thank
you.
Feel warned.
***
Yu-Gi-Oh Gone Loony
***
The very
important and meaningful starting quote:
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur.
(Whatever you say in
Chapter
Five: The tournament goes on.
***
Mai was cheerfully walking away, as a crushed
“Dinosaur” Ryuzuki cursed at himself for loosing against that woman again. How
could he? Was he really so… so inept?! He looked at his deck again… Maybe he
really was? He was out off the tournament after all…
And then to his horror something heavy landed
on his back.
“Pony!” somebody squealed and smacked his
butt. The duellist opened his eyes widely and wondered if the world finally
stopped being normal.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” he
snapped.
“I’m making you my pony,” answered the person,
as her face appeared in front of Ryuzuki’s nose. It was girl with vivid violet
hair and three green ponytails.
“Eeep! UFO! Aliens want to abduct me!”
screeched the dinosaur-lover.
“Aliens? Where? Where?” the girl – who was
Honda’s disaster of a cousin, by the way – sat up immediately and looking
around. The movement was too much for the duellist who wasn’t very tall, after
all and Ryuzuki fell down on his nose. “Aww… Pony is hurt?” she cooed. “I’ll
buy you ice-cream – it’s magical!” with that she grabbed Ryuzuki’s hand and
started dragging him somewhere.
***
Meanwhile Seto Kaiba was in the middle of his
duel with “Insector” Haga. The small duellist proved to be a hard (if by hard
you mean slightly demanding) opponent, but Seto would not lose. Besides, he
still had his precious White Dragons. He smirked, drawing another card, when…
“Oniisama!” first he heard Mokuba’s voice and
then…
“Good morning, Seto,” …
Before the CEO could even start grunting back,
Haga fell on his knees, while pulling at his hair. The tall youth quirked one
eyebrow with faint amusement and surprise.
“Why don’t I have any bust chics to cheer on
me!” the green-haired boy wailed.
Seto and
Isis exchanged rather baffled glances.
“I never thought I could be described as a…
chic,” commented the Egyptian.
“Primitive as it was, he probably wanted to
compliment you,” Kaiba answered.
“I shall destroy you!” growled Haga.
“Go Oniisama!” cheered immediately Mokuba. It
seemed that the boy had developed a reflex during all those duels his brother
had and whenever the CEO would start one, he just had to cheer on him.
Seto smirked and finally drew his card. He
glanced at it and smirked – just two more turns and Haga would be no more.
***
Jounouchi
was winning – and winning easily. His opponent had reasonably good cards, but
little experience and even less brains. Her cat sat still next to her owner’s
legs for most of the duel, but right now it stood up and meowed loudly.
“Wait a moment Aya!” the girl whispered,
flustered. Jounouchi blinked. “I’ll feed you in a moment.”
The blonde sniggered under his breath. Now he
couldn’t let the poor kitty starve, could he? He wasn’t that cruel. Of course
we all know he’s a real softy, but we don’t want to spoil his image, do we?
There.
He closed his eyes and drew, then looked at
his cards. They were perfect! Now he would surely win. He just needed to play
his cards and he had no chances of loosing.
“I play two cards face down!” he cried
triumphantly and waited. Izumi frowned and looked at her cards.
“I play a card face down in defence mode,” she
replied as she placed a card on her Duel Disk. The brown-eyed teen wasn’t too
happy about that move – he wanted her to attack him… Was she only acting that
stupid? No… That was impossible – you couldn’t act that silly and not be
stupid.
So he had to win. He wouldn’t have survived,
if Seto Kaiba learned that he lost to somebody like that… without breaking a
few of the CEO’s bones.
***
Malik had had an idea how to stop his evil
half from wracking more chaos – he’d buy him a blow-up doll! That should keep
the bugger busy, so he wouldn’t destroy everything which moves in ten kilometre
radius.
He marched cheerfully to the nearest sex-shop,
but as he was about to enter, he realized what he was exactly going to do.
“No! Now everybody will think I’m a pervert!”
he yelled distressed. “I can’t do it! I can’t!” he stood at the entrance of the
sex-shop and continued yelling. People cast strange glances at him, but he
didn’t notice. Too busy was he with making more and more noise that he didn’t
notice Nanashi appear.
“What’s going on, you pest?” he growled.
“I can’t go in there and buy you a blow-up
doll!” yelled the young Ishtar and only after that did he realize what he just
did. But to his surprise his oh-so-evil half didn’t start laughing like a
maniac, but flung himself on the blond Egyptian and started sobbing.
“Thank you! Thank you so much! You care!”
Malik rolled his eyes and looked at the
heavens begging for his saviour to appear. Then he noticed the strange gazes
people where throwing at them. He smiled nervously and scratched the back of
his head.
Suddenly, he spotted a familiar striped tee
combined with an equally familiar blue-shirt and white mane of hair. However,
the person had breasts – very nicely shaped and quite big ones.
“B-bob?” stuttered the ex-Pharaoh wannabe.
“It’s Bobby now,” sighed the individual, who
was holding a little boys hand, who looked remarkably like Ryou.
“What happened?”
“Dunno – one moment I was a guy and the next I
was chic,” he looked at his “hikari”, who was sucking his thumb. “The same
happened to ‘im, though.”
“That’s Ryou?” asked Malik.
“Yeah,” the Tomb Robber nodded curtly. “We
decided to play mother and son for now.”
“You what?..”
“You say a big sister would be better?” the
thief asked and looked at Nanashi. “What’s with him?”
“Malik cares about me!” the evil half
answered. “He wanted to buy me a blow-up doll!”
“O~kay…” Bob – pardon me! – Bobby answered
sounding slightly nervous. “That’s… nice.”
“Mommy? I’m scared,” sniffled Ryou.
“Don’t listen to him,” growled the thief.
“So… Can I be your boyfriend?” Malik said the
first thing which came to his mind without really thinking it over. He was far
too busy with admiring Bobby’s chest.
“Are you joking?!” the Tomb Robber roared.
“I’m a guy! And you’re a guy!”
“You look like a woman now…” answered Malik.
“Well, I still think like a guy.”
“Oh… yeah…”
“Can I go and buy this blow-up doll?” asked
Nanashi suddenly. “Can I?” he sounded very much like an excited child.
“Yes, of course,” answered a relieved Malik.
“Here’s the money and don’t blow up anything!”
The blond Egyptian turned to the thief, when
he realized how he sounded.
“Arrgh! I’m growing old!” he yelled and
started pulling his own hair.
***
Mary-Sue Ankoudaishogun gracefully drew a
card. She grinned, her eyes sparkling, her teeth sparkling like pearls, her
white skin gleaming in the sun – you get the picture I hope? Meanwhile Musashi
opened a small locket and sighed dreamily.
“That’s my boyfriend,” he in informed the
girl, showing her a picture of freckled messy-haired boy with an up-turned
nose.
“You are!..” Mary-Sue cried in disbelief. But
since she was the image of perfection, she gracefully accepted this and smiled
gently – which didn’t faze her opponent.
“It’s still your turn,” he said pointedly. He
expected her to act like everybody else when they saw to picture of his “love”
and freak out.
“Yes, of course…” nodded Mary-Sue. She
concentrated on choosing her cards. “I play Happy Little Fairy in attack mode.”
Musashi sighed, quite sure that the girl would
not play any real card. It seemed that every card in her deck had a pretty
picture of a female and was extremely powerful. However, most of them seemed to
be monster cards and that meant that Mary-Sue didn’t have much magical or trap
ones – which made Musashi one very happy fellow.
***
Bright light reflected in the crimson depths
of Yamis eyes, making the yellow strands in his hair more golden and
crown-like, while the said spirit was glaring furiously at his current opponent
– his ice-cream. Somehow the creamy substance ended on the tip of his nose and
caused Yugi and Anzu to laugh almost for five minutes non-stop and then break
into fits of giggles every time they glanced either on the ancient spirit or at
each other.
The Pharaoh felt deeply offended – he hadn’t
been thought how to eat something like that! And it wasn’t as easy as they
thought.
“Oh… /giggle/ Yami you /giggle/ look so
/giggle/ cute!” Anzu gushed. However the Spirit of the Millennium Puzzle felt
even more offended – he was not
cute! He was manly and mysterious – Yugi was the one, who could be described as
cute!
And then something happened – the teens felt
something curse through them – a strange, yet powerful current, which made them
feel cheerful and giddy. (Pardon for a moment – the authoress says she’s not
going to write something as sappy for much longer. Let her take few deep
breaths… There!) Anzu gazed into Yami’s eyes – and then into Yugi’s.
“I love you!” she cried and hugged the two
shorter boys.
***
Seto
Kaiba’s brilliant words for today:
Remember –
***