| Released January 2002 You and I by Missbevcrusher Standard disclaimer: Paramount owns the whole thing bla bla bla, but since they won�t make BonCers happy, I thought I�d try. Please don�t sue me, I�m really really broke. Note from the author: This story took a lot longer to write than I had initially thought. The story I had in my head a year ago was more eloborate than the one you are about to read. I got in a bit over my head with it and had to simplify it big time! I'd like to thank all the people who gave me advice on how I should procede with the story. I really appreciated all your help. Unfortunately in the end, my patience just ran out and I decided it was high time I moved on to other P/C projects. Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy "You and I" and I promise the next one won't be so long in coming. When looking up at the night sky, one cannot imagine it to be anything but a cold, quiet, empty space. Something so beautiful and mysterious, it fuels the imagination of all who take the time to gaze up at it. It's hard to imagine it being anything else, but the harsh reality is that in all it's awe, it's still full of danger. "Direct hit to the starboard nacelle sir!" The ship shook as phaser fire pounded its hull. "Evasive maneuvers ensign!" captain Picard steadied himself on the back of his chair as the Enterprise-E shook again. "Picard to engineering, report!" Without pause, the voice of the ship's chief engineer, Geordie Laforge, came through on the intercom, "Engines are still holding up, but I don't know for how long sir." "Mr. Data, hail the ship again." captain Picard hated confrontations. As the ship was yet again hit by a series of photon torpedos, he cursed under his breath, �Merde.� "The ship is still not responding sir." answered the android at the opps station. "I've had enough of this." Picard straightened and demonstrated his customary air of authority. He tucked at the base of his tunic and addressed the enemy ship, " Alien vessel. I am captain Jean-Luc Picard of the federation starship Enterprise. Please state the reason for this attack." Again, the ship did not answer. Picard continued, "If you do not stop this assault, we will be forced to open fire." A few seconds passed and then the ship fired another series of shots at the Enterprise. "I guess we have no choice." captain Picard turned to the tactical officer, "Fire phasers Lieutenant." "Aye sir." As shots were fired from their mighty ship, the crew of the Enterprise were once again rattled by the constant pounding they were receiving. Computer consoles blew up in a heap of flames and smoke. Most crew members had been thrown to the ground by the violent rocking of the ship. The tactical officer however had managed to remain on his feet and had kept firing. Then as suddenly as it had begun, the firing ended as the smaller enemy ship exploded in all its glory. Sickbay was flooded with incoming casualties. The battle, though short, had caused a substantial amount of damage. The sound of the wounded, the frantic activity of the medical staff and the continuing reports of injuries throughout the ship made it look like a war zone. Doctor Beverly Crusher, the ship's chief medical officer, was trying to take control of the chaos. She was a very capable doctor and commander. She was efficiently organizing her sickbay, as well as treating several patients. Many admired her way of making the worst of mayhem into a manageable situation. "Alyssa, you're in charge of triage." Beverly Crusher quickly brushed her long strawberry blond hair out of her face and rushed over to see more patients, "We need more hypos over here!" Suddenly, the intercom sounded, "Data to Dr. Crusher" "Crusher here." Beverly said as she read the readouts of her tricorder. "The captain has been injured, he needs immediate medical attention." She froze in horror. Oh my god! In a heartbeat, she shifted back into professional mode and answered, "Beam him directly to sickbay!" The staff quickly responded to the snapping orders of their boss. Everybody that had ever set foot onboard the Enterprise knew that the relationship between the captain and this very devoted doctor had always been very special. It had often been speculated among the crew that they were much closer than they let on. As the blue shimmer of the transporter beam appeared, the lifeless body of Jean-Luc Picard materialized. His face was a greyish color and his hands and chest appeared to have been burned. "What happened to him?" Beverly frantically checked for vital signs, there were none. "A computer console blew up while he was near it." said the lieutenant that had beamed over with the captain. Beverly Crusher started emergency procedures to get his life signs going again. She barked out orders and placed cortical stimulators on his forehead. �Don't you die on me Jean-Luc!� She continued her attempts to revive him, but there was still no response. "Come on Jean-Luc! Ten CCs cordrazine!" as she injected him with the hypo, she silently prayed. It wasn't the first time that she was treating someone she knew. However, most of the others weren't as close to her as this man was. As much as she wanted to demonstrate professionalism, it was hard for her to detach herself from the task at hand. She and the captain shared a very special bond, one which could not be broken. For the thirty something years they had known each other, their relationship had been one that had survived the cruellest of fates. The shared tragedies, sorrows and joys made them ever more closer. To others, it seemed that their friendship made them whole. Without ever admitting it, they needed each other to be happy. Despite all the efforts of the medical staff, he still wasn�t responding. The trauma was just too severe. �Come on Jean-Luc, fight!� Beverly had held her professionalism up until that moment, but now it was falling, �Just hold on...dear god please� her hands were now shaking as she administered the contents of her hypospray. They had been trying to revive him for a long while now and it was painfully obvious to anyone in the room that the captain wasn�t coming back. Beverly however, was still refusing to give up. �Please Jean-Luc, don�t leave me�� she said as tears filled her blue eyes, �Come on damn it!� The scene in sickbay was absolutely heartbreaking. As Beverly futily continued resuscitation procedures, Alyssa approached the table and put her hand on her shoulder. �Doctor�� upon seeing the despair in the other woman�s eyes, Alyssa couldn�t help the lump she felt in her throat, � He�s gone�� �Oh my god�� Beverly�s voice was barely above a whisper. She closed her eyes and sobbed quietly. She took Jean-Luc�s hand and brought it up to her chest, �No� please�� As realization dawned on her, the crumbling wall of control fell and she collapsed in sorrow. She bent over him and gently lay her head on his chest, �You can�t be gone�� The news had spread like a wild fire among the ship and also the entire federation. Most people faced with the dreadful news had responded in disbelief. Captain Jean-Luc Picard was dead? The brave captain who had survived through the worst of situations was truly gone? He never even had the chance to look into the eyes of his killers. A phantom ship which had come out of nowhere and had gone just as quickly. Beverly didn�t fall asleep that night. She just sat in her darkened quarters motionless and unbelieving the events that had taken place mere hours before. A part of her had died along with her best friend that afternoon. She was now truly alone� Her life had been up to that moment filled with loss. First, she lost her parents during the disaster on Arveda III while she was only a little girl. She was then raised on Caldos by her now deceased grandmother. Upon graduating from high school, Beverly had decided to attend medical school. It was at that point in her life that she met and fell in love with Jack Crusher. They soon married and had a baby boy named Wesley. Jack who was in Starfleet, served as first officer on the Stargazer. His captain and best friend had been no other than the renowned Jean-Luc Picard. Beverly and Jack had spent a lot of time with him during those years and they all became very close. Her times of happiness were however cut short when Jack died while on an away team mission. Jean-Luc had brought his body back to Earth for burial. It was a very painful time for him also. He had blamed himself, perhaps until this day, for the death of his best friend. He and Beverly had seldom seen each other for a long time afterward. When Picard was offered the command of the Enterprise-D, he had found that a certain Beverly Crusher was to be his chief medical officer. He had initially tried to block her assignment for fear of his reaction toward her after all those years. They had of course managed to get passed all that and had grown ever closer through their years of serving together. Best friends didn�t really describe the nature of their relationship. It was somehow beyond that stage. He had even become a father figure and mentor to her son. When Wesley left to go explore the galaxy with an alien traveller, Jean-Luc had been there for her. He was all she had left. After all, he too had lost the people he loved. The deaths of his brother and nephew, his last living relatives, had really hit him hard. Loss wasn�t new to Jean-Luc and Beverly. In fact, to them it had become a daily reality. As the seconds turned to minutes and the minutes turned to hours, Beverly still sat there. The dull pain in her heart was overwhelming and her breaths were shallow. She wasn�t thinking anymore, she was just feeling. As she got up from the sofa, she wasn�t sure why or where she was going. Her mind was in shambles and all she could do was run away. She hardly noticed the concerned crew members she passed in the hallway, nor did she notice that she was still wearing her blood splattered uniform. She ran through the corridors as fast as her feet could carry her. She could only hear the sound of her heart pounding in her chest and her frantic gasps for air. As she neared the door, she slowed her pace and finally stopped. As she stared at the panel beside it, she started shaking. She then reached for it and tapped her medical override to gain access to the room beyond. As it hissed open, she couldn�t help but close her eyes. She inhaled deeply to make the dizziness she was feeling go away and took a few tentative steps into the darkened room. His scent hung in the air and she half expected to see him sitting at his desk reading Shakespeare. He was of course not. All that was there to greet her was silence and emptiness. As the doors closed behind her, she fell to her knees, �Jean-Luc�Oh my god! Why?� she brought her hands to her face and cried all she could. She didn�t want to be alive at that moment. All she wanted to do was fade away so that the pain would stop. The next day was especially hard for the officers on the Enterprise. The bridge felt somewhat empty despite the crew on duty. Anyone could notice the air of mourning from the somber faces all around. A legend was dead, an era was gone� At 1200 hours, the senior staff gathered in front of holodeck 1 for the farewell message of their captain. It was obvious no one had been able to sleep the previous night. Their faces were pale and their eyes were darkened. William Riker, the ship�s first officer, tapped the computer console and gestured to the others that it was time. As each entered the holodeck, he stayed behind with Beverly, �Come here�� As he gathered her into his arms, he could feel how tense and exhausted she was, �I can�t even begin to imagine the pain you must be going through�I�m really sorry Bev�� �I�m so glad to have someone like you in my life Will. You have always been like a brother to me�� she gave him a sad smile, �I�ll be alright�come on, they�re waiting for us.� Once the program was activated, it was hard to imagine that Picard was truly gone. There he was, looking as much like the figure of authority he had always been. His words were just what one would expect too. Well thought out and eloquent. The pride he held in this crew was evident. The way he addressed each of them was truly touching. He expressed how proud and confident he was of his first officer and all his senior staff. He addressed them one by one, thanking them for all they had done for him. His message to Beverly Crusher, however was saved for last. When he first addressed her, his demeanor suddenly changed from that of a strong captain to that of a sensitive man. �Beverly�I don�t know where to begin. It seems that I have so much to say to you.� He gave her one of his rare smiles. The one she loved so, �You can�t begin to imagine what you have done for me. I can�t remember what it was like not having you in my life. From the first time I laid eyes on you, I could tell that you were a very remarkable woman. One who would always put the needs of others in front of her own. This crew has benefited so much from having you on board.� As Beverly listened to the words of her best friend, she couldn�t help but smile through her tears. He had always had a way of making her feel better. �I don�t know what I would have done without you through the years. You have always been there during hard times� I have always thought of you and Wesley as family. You both have brought laughter and happiness to my life. I am truly grateful for that�� for a moment, his voice faltered and he got a strange look in his eyes. He took a deep breath and regained his composure, �My years on the Enterprise have been filled with adventure and I hold fond memories of my time here. I truly believe I have the finest crew in the fleet. I'm sure you will do fine wherever life takes you." the captain then took a deep breath and nodded, "Computer... end recording." �No, wait�� as his image faded out of existence, Beverly couldn�t help but reach forward in the hopes that he would not vanish. Deanna Troi, ship�s counselor, came over to where the doctor stood and took her hand in hers. No one spoke after that� It was decided that captain Picard was to be buried in France, his place of birth. Starfleet was going to honor one of its most legendary captain. The Enterprise arrived in orbit two days after Picard�s death. The preparations were almost concluded and the service was to be held that afternoon. Beverly Crusher had just put on her dress uniform when the door chimed, �Come in.� The doors parted to reveal Deanna Troi, �I came to see if you needed help with anything.� She walked in and let the doors hiss shut behind her. �No, I think I have everything under control.� She finished putting her commander�s pips on her white uniform and turned to look at her friend. A look of frustration was clearly visible in her blue eyes, �I still can't believe this is all happening� I couldn't save him? What kind of a doctor am I?� Deanna closed the gap between them and took Beverly's hand in hers. She looked directly in her eyes and firmly stated, "You are a fine doctor Beverly. The captain just couldn't be saved. There was nothing anyone could have done... Going around blaming yourself won't change anything." Beverly pulled back from her friend and went to the viewport, "I realize that Deanna... it's just... I can't accept what has happened. I just keep thinking I'll open my eyes and it would have all been a nightmare somehow." She closed her eyes and slowly shook her head, "I miss him so much Deanna..." Deanna lowered her gaze, �I know sweety�we all do.� she then went by the other woman's side and just stood there staring out at the dark sky. �I feel the same way I felt the day Jack died� This is so hard.� �Do you feel up to reading the eulogy?� Deanna said as she put her hand on the other woman�s shoulder. �Yes�I want to do it. It�s� important to me�� The sky over LaBarre was as blue as Beverly had ever seen. It reminded her very much of the day Jack was buried. The ceremony wouldn�t start for a few hours still so she decided to take a walk through the streets of the charming village Jean-Luc grew up in. As she made her way to his childhood home, she could almost see him as a child running and playing. The scent of grapes hung in the air and the wind was warm. What a beautiful place this was. She had been there once before, when she and Jean-Luc had visited the home a few weeks after Robert and Rene's deaths. It was a very difficult period in his life and she had stood by him the whole time. As she neared the beautiful Picard family home, she slowed her pace. The place had a sad feel to it. The house, which was once filled with a loving family, was now empty. Only ghosts of passed times remained. Friends of the Picards took care of the grounds and of the house so they had remained well kept. Beverly was grateful for that. She knew how much this home meant to Jean-Luc. As the wind stirred the leaves on the many trees nearby, she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. �Mom?� Beverly turned around startled. She stood there speechless as she saw her son, Wesley, walk up the pathway to the house. She blinked in disbelief, �Oh my god, Wesley!� she ran up to him and took him into her arms. �I came as soon as I heard� he looked into her eyes pleading, �How are you mom?� �I�m better now that you�re here.� She hugged him tightly once more, �I tried to reach you, but I couldn�t. How did you find out?� He pulled back a bit so he could look at her, �I had a vision of him� dying and somehow, I knew that it was real�� his voice caught in his throat and he looked away, �I can�t believe he�s gone.� �Me neither baby�� tears filled her eyes once more and she turned to look at the home before them. �I just wish I could have seen him again�I should have come back sooner�� �Wes, look at me.� She touched his cheek, �He was so proud of you� You were like a son to him and he loved you very much. He was happy that you had the chance to do what none of us could ever dream of doing.� She took her son�s hand in hers and looked down. Wesley studied his mother for a few moments. The strength and will he had always seen in her weren�t there anymore. She looked the same way she did when he had lost his father so long ago. �You loved him, didn�t you mom?� Beverly nodded slowly and looked up at the blue sky above, �Yes, I did� and still do�very much. I just wish� I could have had the courage to tell him�� Wesley looked up at the sky also, �Somehow� I have the feeling he knew�" As tears fell from her cheeks, Beverly silently prayed, I hope you�re right Wes� �We better get going mom� Wesley put his hand on her shoulder. Beverly turned to look at the house one last time and finally walked away. |
| Dr. Crusher and her son walked along the cobblestone streets of LaBarre for a long while. Together, they reminiscent the good times they had with captain Picard. He had been a major part of both their lives. Beverly was very grateful for the arrival of her son. She really needed support at the moment. When finally the time for the ceremony came, Beverly and Wesley made their way to the garden in which it was to be held. People from all over the federation were there to say their goodbyes. It was truly an amazing site to see how many people�s lives captain Picard had touched. They made their way to the front row to join the other senior officers and sat down. In front of them lay the captain�s coffin. The federation�s blue flag was neatly covering it. Beautiful flower arrangements were standing on one side and the podium where Beverly was to deliver the eulogy was on the other. As everyone finally took their seats, silence fell and the officer�s band started playing. The song tore at Beverly�s heart. It was typical of what a fallen hero�s song would be. She just stared at the coffin, hoping that this was all a dream. Hoping that the love of her life wasn�t lying in that dark coffin. She would have given everything for it to be the case. The ceremony seemed like an eternity to Beverly. Hearing admirals and fellow comrades talk about how much they admired Jean-Luc Picard and how much he was going to be missed made her want to just fade away. She knew she had to get herself together for it was time to address the crowd. As she got up from her chair, she felt week at the knees and wanted to pass out. You can do this Beverly. She took a deep breath and walked up to the podium. The crowed in front of her overwhelmed her. She lowered her gaze and started. �Jean-Luc Picard�to all of us, he was known as a model officer and a brave captain�� she lifted her eyes to meet those of her fellow senior officers, �He was a good man. Always willing to follow his heart and conscience� He was always there for us and us for him. I have never known a crew to admire and trust a commanding officer so implicitly� He had a way of making us feel like we could accomplish anything�even when the odds weren�t in our favor.� She felt so strange talking about him in the past tense. The more she did, the more it made it all sink in somewhat, �To many of us however, he was a dear friend. A sensitive man who would give anything for the happiness of others�I knew that man�and cared deeply for him. In fact, he was the one person I could call my best friend� We shared a lot of good times together along with bad ones...� As tears filled her eyes, she continued, �He was always there for me whenever I needed him�His emotional support throughout the many bumps in the road proved to be the most precious gift he could have given me�For that, I am truly grateful�� She looked up at the sky, searching to feel him, to feel his presence, �You have forever changed our lives Jean-Luc and we will never forget you. I�for one never will�Goodbye my dear friend�may you rest in peace�� In the skies above the crowd, brave pilots were flying in a missing man formation. A tribute to a brave officer� The sun was setting and the wind was blowing softly, making the leaves on the nearby trees soothe however would stop and listen to them. To Beverly, it was the kind of evening that made her want to come home so often. What she would have given to get to share it with a certain someone� �We�ll be leaving soon� the ship has been repaired and we�ve received our new orders.� Beverly looked down at the silent stone in the graveyard, �You don�t have to worry though, the ship is in good hands� Will is officially going to take command.� She smiled sadly, �All he ever wanted to do was make you proud� and somehow� I know you are�� As the wind blew stronger, she tightened her gray coat around her waist and crossed her arms on her chest, �How I wish we didn�t have to leave without you�Things will never be the same again�� She knelt down beside the stone and gently touched the engraved letters, �I�m so sorry Jean-Luc� I wish things hadn�t turned out this way between us� I wish� I could have been more to you�� She set down the white flower she had brought with her on the ground before the stone and turned away. As she slowly started walking, she had the distinct feeling that she was being watched. When she looked around however, all she could see was the empty graveyard. Shaking her head, she thought, You�re exhausted Beverly, you�re imagining things. She resumed her stroll, promising herself that she was going to try to sleep later on. She couldn�t go on with her duties like this. �Did I detect a hint of regret in that tearful goodbye of yours?� Beverly froze right then and there. Of all the times and places for him to come taunt her, this was absolutely the lowest! She turned around in anger to face the direction the familiar voice had come from, �Leave me alone Q! You�re the last thing I need right now!� �On the contrary Red. I think that you have never needed me more than you do right at this moment.� He was leaning on a nearby tree with his customary arrogant demeanor. Fuming, she turned around and stalked off. Damn him! �You think you can avoid me so easily?� Q suddenly appeared in front of her. Beverly stopped and sighed. Behind tears, she answered, �What do you want Q?� Q slowly started walking toward her, �Simple. I want to help you.� She laughed sarcastically, �Oh really? You want to help me? Well that�s a first.� Q clutched at his chest with an exaggerated look of innocence, �Red, why do you wound me so?� �Because I know you Q. You�re always up to something for your own personal amusement. Furthermore, your dislike for me has never been a secret.� Q raised his eyebrows, �Perhaps, but don�t flatter yourself too much. I�m not really doing this for you.� Beverly shook her head in total confusion, �I don�t get it Q, and frankly I don�t care. Now if you�ll excuse me, I have to get back to the Enterprise.� As she went to tap her communicator, it disappeared, �Give it back Q!� �Patience Red, patience.� Q smiled wickedly and then vanished. Beverly looked around but could not see him. What the hell? Before she knew it however, the graveyard was gone. Where was she? In front of them was a perfectly set up dinner table for two. The candles that adorned the table were halfway burnt and a wine bottle from the Picard vineyard sat empty. On either side of the table, the two friends sat talking and laughing as soft jazz music filled the air. Their dinner date had been perfect that night. "So you mean to tell me you waited outside her appartment for two days straight just to get her to go out on a date with you?" Beverly was laughing hysterically. Perhaps the wine had something to do with it, but mostly it was because Jean-Luc had surprised the heck out of her with that last academy tale, "I can't imagine the ever so serious Jean-Luc Picard being such a ladie's man." "There are many things which may surprise you about me Beverly." he answered, laughing also. It was nice seeing him like this for it was a rare occasion to see the man behind the captain. Beverly felt very lucky and special in a way because those rare displays were often reserved for her. She leaned back in her chair and took another sip of wine, "I would have loved to meet that young, arrogant cadet who wouldn't take no for an answer." she shook her head in disbelief. "What about you?" Jean-Luc was eyeing her curiously, "Any stories I haven't heard about?" She looked up, recalling one of her many outrageous moments, "Too many I'm afraid." she smiled back at him and got up to bring the empty plates to the dispenser. As she did so, Jean-Luc took in the sight of her. She looked amazing in her simple knee-length black dress. How he wished he could see her like this more often. While walking back to the dinner table, she stopped mid-stride and got a playful look on her face. "What?" Picard knew she was up to something. She went to Jean-Luc's liquor cabinet and took out another bottle of wine. As she returned to the table, she gave him the most dazzling smile he had ever seen and grabbed their two empty glasses, "Feel like going out?" Jean-Luc smiled back at her, amused, "Go out? At this time of night?" Beverly took him by the hand and pulled him toward the door, "It'll be fun, I promise." The captain couldn't believe what she was making him do. Usually, he preferred staying in the privacy of his quarters for their so called dates, but tonight he felt like going along with her idea, "So, where are you taking me?" "You'll see when we get there." Beverly took his arm as he offered it. The corridors were dimly lit during the night. Blue deck lights trailed their feet as they strolled slowly together. They sometimes cast glances at each other. It felt nice to be out and about this way. They never usually paraded arm in arm through the ship, but tonight something was different. Of course, both would blame it on the wine, but in reality they were just acting on what they really felt. After a few minutes, they got to where she had intended for them to go. As the large doors parted for them, they strode in. The arboritum was empty that night. It was also very different than the one on the Enterprise-D . Huge viewports adorned the ceiling and a small waterfountain was at the center of the ovalshaped room. Flowers from all over were collected here. It was as serene as it could be. Many came here after a hard days work to just sit and admire. It was therapeutic to come here for it was as close to being home as it was possible aboard a starship. Beverly let go of her companion's arm and removed her high-heeled sandals. She went on ahead and sat down in the grass, "Are you joining me or what?" Jean-Luc smiled and went over to her. As he sat down also, she poured him a glass of wine. He took it and added, "I hope you realize that you'll have some headache with that tomorrow morning." She laughed and nodded, "Don't you worry about me Jean-Luc. I'm the doctor remember?" They sat there for a little while without saying anything. The stars above looked somewhat different when one was in here. It was not as much like being on a starship as it was like being on Earth looking up at the night sky. Jean-Luc eyed her for a bit. She seemed as relaxed as ever, "Do you come here often?" She turned to him and smiled, "Sometimes... It reminds me of home. Just the thought of being surrounded with a living garden is enough to reconnect me to what I've left behind." "Do you often get homesick?" "I do, but..." her voice trailed off and she got that faraway look she sometimes had. Jean-Luc knew what she was about to say. He wasn't sure why, but he just knew, "When you go home, you still feel homesick because there is nobody there to greet you at the door." his voice was barely above a whisper when he said it. She turned to look at him, her eyes bright, "It's the same for you too isn't it?" He nodded, "When I was a child, I never would have imagined that my home would become so empty one day... It's easy to take all that you have for granted and someday wake up to find that there is nothing left." As they sat there, staring intently at one another, something deep within them stirred. Suddenly, without thinking, each leaned forward. As their lips met, conscious thought melted away and all that mattered at the moment were the two of them. Two lost souls finally finding their way to one another. This was so unexpected for both of them. Never would they have imagined that their evening would turn out this way. Beverly's heart was beating a mile a second. She wasn't sure what was happening or how she exactly felt about it. Was she ready for this? Then, in a mere second, her life flashed before her eyes. The loss of her parents on Arveda III, Jack's death, Nana's funeral, even Wesley's departure with the Traveller. Almost everyone she had ever loved had left her in some way. Abruptly, Beverly pulled back. Tears threatening to fall from her cheeks, "I'm sorry Jean-Luc. I can't go through with this." she got up and walked to the fountain. Jean-Luc just sat there, shocked, confused. What? As he got up and walked up behind her, he heard her sob ever so softly, "Beverly? What's wrong?" She barely heard him for his voice was almost below a whisper. Jean-Luc's hand came up from behind her and brushed her hair from her shoulder, "Talk to me Beverly." she heard him say tenderly. She shook her head, "Look... I don't know Jean-Luc. I just don't want to hurt you." Jean-Luc just stared at her for a few seconds and added, "You're still afraid of us aren't you Beverly?" it really wasn't a question because he knew very well that she was, "Why?" Beverly still had her back to him. She buried her face in her hands and started shaking ever so slightly. Why was she letting him see her cry? Never, would she have ever let herself do that before. Jean-Luc couldn't bear to see her like this. It broke his heart to think that she had such pain in her. He gently turned her so that she could face him, "Please, Beverly..." "I don't know why Jean-Luc..." she brought her hand to his cheek, "Please, just try to understand that I can't do this. I never meant to bring things this far tonight." Picard just stood there, hurt beyond imaginings. This was like Kespryt all over again. He had been deeply hurt that night and had vowed to let her go forever. Things hadn't turned out the way he had planned however. Beverly Howard Crusher was not a woman that could be forgotten so easily. To him, she would always be his soulmate. He had been in love with her for over thirty years and would probably be until his last breath, "Can you honestly tell me that you want to live like this forever? Never allowing yourself to get closer to anyone who dares love you?" Beverly was panicking. How could she explain to him what she had never been able to explain for herself? "Beverly, I need an answer." Jean-Luc's tone was harder than it had been previously. "Jean-Luc...you and I...we're just not meant to be." The captain's heart sank as he heard her say those words. The finality they brought hit him directly in the face, "There's one thing I need to know Beverly..." He tried to swallow the lump he now felt in his throat, "Would you be afraid to lose me as you did Jack?" Beverly was completely taken aback by his question. Never before had he ever inquired about something as deep as this. It was the kind of topic he usually avoided with her. "Well?" he just stood there, waiting. "Jean-Luc, I...maybe...I'm not sure..." she absent-mindedly rubbed the back of her hand on her cheek, seeming lost in the deepest of thoughts. The captain lowered his gaze, "I see..." he promised himself then and there that this would really be the last time he would go through this with her, "I think it would be best if umm... we didn't get together like this anymore." Beverly couldn't answer to that. I mean, what was there to say? They just stood there, staring at the other, both well aware that their friendship had forever changed in the mere seconds that had just passed. "Well... I should get going." Jean-Luc just turned and walked away. As Beverly watched him go, she couldn't help but feel the urge to want to call out to him. Just to tell him that she didn't want to be alone anymore. Her fright however kept her quiet and she let the one constant in her life walk out. In the corner of the room, two beings had watched the events unravel before them. Q had been as impassive as ever, while Beverly Crusher had felt the emotions of that night all over again. "So, tell me. When did this happen?" Q asked her, fully knowing the answer. Beverly lowered her gaze in resignation, "That was the night before he died. It was the last time we spoke." tears fell freely from her cheeks. "So tell me Red, would his death have hurt you more if you hadn't backed away that night?" The doctor shook her head, "I can't imagine it hurting more than it already does." "So leaving didn't make any difference. You denied yourself a bit of happiness in your puny existence and it was all for nothing." Beverly shook her head, "Look Q, my decisions don't concern you and you don't need to understand them." "Would you still feel the same way if I told you things didn't have to be like this?" Beverly remained silent and eyed him suspiciously. Q turned away from her and started , "Oh let's say hypothetically, that a certain someone was watching that night and decided to step in and stop this nonsense.", Q turned to look over his shoulder and saw the furious expression on the doctor's face. "Would you mind explaining that in more detail?" "The continuum, for some unknown reason, thought that I had a dept to repay for all the times I supposedly tormented the human race or more specifically, this crew." Q looked up with clear disgust on his features. "Oh I can't imagine why they would ever think that." Beverly stated sarcastically. Q ignored that statement and continued, "Anyway, as soon as I arrived I stumbled on the two of you and the game began." Beverly was filled with rage. She took a deep breath and asked, "What game would that be Q?" Q smiled impishly, "The game of what if." Beverly shook her head in disbelief, "What did you do Q?" "Not much... I just changed events so that you would come to your senses." Beverly remained silent, her fists closed so tightly her knuckles turned white. It was so typical of him to barge in their lives and do whatever he pleased. "Oh come now Red, can't you guess what it is by now?", Q laughed wickedly, "For a reason I still cannot comprehend, the man was crazy about you. However, thanks to your irrational fears, he was alone and miserable. You had everything you ever wanted right under your nose, but you just refused to see it. I just thought it was high time you opened your eyes." This can't be real... Beverly was absolutely speechless. Her mind was reeling and her pulse was going a mile a minute, "So his death... all of it was fabricated?" "I see you get the point. Well, my job here is done.", Q looked up and sarcastically added, "I hope it's enough." "Q wait!", Beverly wanted answers. Even though the loss and sorrow she felt started to melt away, the anger she felt toward Q for once again barging into her life was very much alive. Though she would never admit it, with the anger came a feeling of gratitude. After all, if she wasn't dreaming, Jean-Luc was still alive. That was all that mattered to her. "I opened a door for you Red, now I sincerely hope you walk through it.", Q snapped his fingers and disappeared. What the... as Beverly looked down, she saw she was no longer wearing her grey coat but the black dress she had been wearing that faithful night. She heard footsteps and turned just in time to see Jean-Luc as he was about to walk out. She blinked twice to make sure she wasn't imagining things. Oh my god... This was it, this was her second chance, "Jean-Luc, wait!" He stopped and turned to face her once again. The hurt she saw in his eyes was overwhelming. What have I done? The emotions she was feeling at that moment couldn't be described. He was there, he was alive! She started walking slowly toward him, her legs shaking. God, don't let this be a dream... Each step she took felt like an eternity to her. Once she finally got up to him, she brought her hand up and lightly touched his cheek. He was real... Seeing him like this was strange. It was as if she hadn't seen him in ages. Jean-Luc was puzzled by the air of disbelief she carried, "Beverly, are you alright?" As a tear fell from her eye, she said, "I was so wrong Jean-Luc. Please forgive me." Unsure of what to say, he just waited for her to continue. "I was so blinded by fear that I never realized how irrationnal it was. Why should I be afraid of this, of us? Jean-Luc, you and I... are meant to be. I now truly believe that..." As he listened to her every word, the hope that had faded away returned and his heart filled with warmth and the most wonderful feelings of happiness. He took her hand in his and pulled her to him. They then held each other tightly, neither wanting to ever let go. He vowed then and there to never forget that moment. Her warmth, the scent of her perfume and the feel of her breathing. Everything felt so right. "I love you Jean-Luc." Those words, he had longed to hear them for as long as he could remember. Now that she had finally said them, it seemed unreal. He closed his eyes and sighed as he gently stroked her hair. This was true happiness, "I love you too Beverly..." As he pulled back a bit, he gazed longingly into her deep blue eyes. The love he saw in them served only to reinforce what she had just said. Tentatively, he then leaned forward and kissed her gently, yet fully. A strong sense of relief washed over them both, as they could now look forward to their lives together. No doubts, no fears, just love. Invisible in the backround, Q sat watching. She finally did it. Satisfied all was well, he decided to leave. After all, there was nothing of interest for him to see here any longer. Fin I love feedback. LIBRARY Fi |