| Released July 28th, 2008 Abyss of Oblivion by Missbevcrusher Chapter 4 Captain�s Log, Stardate 51146.4 The Enterprise is now in pursuit of the Borg vessel. All attempts at communication have gone unanswered. Their heading is going to take them further into the heart of Federation space. I�ve notified Starfleet Command and they have assured me that further reinforcements are on their way. As for the fate� of my chief medical officer, I refuse to give up the fight to get her back. We will face many obstacles, I�m sure, but failure is not an option I�m willing to concede. * * * * The chime sounded for the third time. He didn�t want to answer, but at the same time, knew that he would have to. �Come.� Deanna Troi stepped through the doors of the captain�s ready-room. Picard was standing at his viewport. Although he looked like he was in full command of his emotions, Deanna knew that Beverly�s assimilation had been nothing short of a devastating stab to the captain�s heart. After a few seconds, he spoke, �I appreciate what you�re trying to do, Counselor. But please understand that I cannot talk about it at this time�� �I know.� Deanna took a few steps forward. �Just remember that I�ll always be here if you change your mind.� �Thank you.� After slight hesitation, Picard finally turned to look at her. As she realized he wasn�t going to easily open up about how he felt, Deanna thought of another way of broaching the subject. �Everyone is quite shaken� It�s going to take some time to come to terms with�� �Come to terms?� Jean-Luc broke in. �Nobody�s going to need to come to terms with anything because we will get her back.� �Perhaps� but the fact of the matter is� the Beverly we knew doesn�t exist anymore.� Troi hated having to remind him of this fact, but the sense of denial she felt from him required her to do so. �She�s a Borg now, Captain.� �Don�t you think I know that?� His voice betrayed his despair. �I was there. I saw it with my own eyes.� He frowned and looked squarely at Deanna. �When I was one of them, you didn�t give up on me and it�s because of that determination that I�m standing here today�� He paused. �The same will happen with Beverly. I�m going to see to it.� Troi nodded but said nothing. * * * * Everything was eerily quiet on the Borg vessel. After all, the Borg had no need for verbal communication. In the Queen�s chamber, the newest member of the collective was in the midst of testing out her newest additions. Thanks to the cybernetic glove that covered her delicate hand, her strength had been enhanced close to that of five men. Each time she wiggled her fingers, the movement was accompanied by the cold sound of technology. Her right arm sported the usual Borg hardware: a saw, a few computer interface connectors, and her regeneration node. The usual black exoskeleton attire of the Borg covered her body. But instead of the bulky suits most wore, this one was more fitted for the female form. Undoubtedly the Queen�s way of making sure the captain fully recognized the being once known as Beverly Crusher under the artificial veneer. The black head-covering she wore was wired in circuits and tubing. An ocular implant covered her left eye. Although the rest of her visible facial features still retained their beauty, the colorless aspect of them gave her a deathly appearance. Voices, thousands of them, spoke all at once in her mind. If she had been but a mere human, the melee of information would have been too much to comprehend all at once. But she was Borg. �We are Borg�� There was no sense of individuality. Instead there were directives, all meant for one purpose� assimilating everything in the hive�s reach. Beverly Crusher was no more� Or was she? In the deepest reaches of her mind, lost in the abyss of oblivion that was assimilation, was a voice so small it couldn�t be heard. But it was there nonetheless. Dear god� no� * * * * �At our present heading, the taskforce�s ETA is nine hours.� Riker sat beside the captain in the observation lounge. LaForge, who had been silent up to that point, spoke up, �The defense division has been modifying the weapon that failed against the Borg six years ago and they claim to have enhanced it to the point that it should theoretically work this time around. The specs have been uploaded to our computer and we should be ready to start assembling the components within the hour or so.� Picard nodded. �That�s fine for destroying the cube, but what about Beverly? We can�t leave her there.� Data took his cue. �I am in the process of analyzing the energy field surrounding the Borg ship. If I can correctly identify all of the modulations, we should theoretically be able to transport through it.� The captain pondered the scenario for a moment. �Keep working on it, Mister Data. If we can somehow solve that problem, we could make another attempt at using the nano-technology against the Queen. If she�s destroyed, all the Borg aboard the vessel should, in essence, become dormant. And if that can�t be done, then we�ll just have to find a way to bring the doctor home nonetheless.� He paused, studying his officers. �The task at hand is daunting. But we will work tirelessly until the situation is resolved, one way or another. Dismissed.� * * * * In one of the work stations in engineering, Data kept working on finding a way through the Borg�s defenses, while not too far away, LaForge�s team was busy assembling the new energy dispersal weapon later to be attached to the sensor array. �So how are things going on this end?� asked a tired looking chief engineer as he plopped down on an empty chair beside the android. �I have isolated several different modulations. However, it will take some time to correctly identify all the other variants.� �How much time, Data?� �Approximately six hours, fifteen minutes.� Let�s just hope that will give us enough time� �Geordi?� �What is it Data?� �Although I have been sporting my emotion chip for well over a year now� I still cannot truly define what it is that I am feeling� The loss of Dr. Crusher� Is it possible to mourn someone even though that person is still technically alive?� Geordi took an uneasy breath. �Sure. I feel the same way, to tell you the truth. What happened to her� it�s very difficult to accept. The person she was� our friend� she�s gone. So yeah, it�s possible.� * * * * �Absolutely not.� Admiral Worthington shook his head on the small viewscreen. �It�s too risky. I�m sorry, but your suggested plan on retrieving Dr. Crusher has been denied by the counsel. And you have to realize that the decision was unanimous.� �So we�re to just give up on any hope of getting her back?� �Since your crew is now fully aware of our new defensive plans, sending anyone over there could prove disastrous. I don�t mean to be insensitive here, but if only one member of the away team was to be assimilated� We could have another Wolf 359 on our hands.� The Admiral looked apologetic but firm in his decision. �We cannot afford that risk. The Federation is under enough stress as it is.� Picard couldn�t believe what he was hearing. �Dr. Crusher is to be considered lost in the line of duty� I know that you two have served together for a number of years, but this is for the greater good of the Federation� I�m sorry, Captain.� The rest of what the Admiral said became a blur, only his professional captain�s training registering the words. �Your orders are to complete the weapon�s assembly and to engage the Borg ship as soon as possible. From what I can tell, the task force should arrive at about that same time. Good luck, Captain. The fate of Starfleet may very well depend on the outcome of this mission. Worthington out.� Jean-Luc sat there for several minutes after the Admiral had signed off. This last bit of news had tipped the scales, for it was one of the worst possible of outcomes. An outcome he wasn�t nearly ready to accept. Finally, he got up and left his ready-room. As he made his way toward the turbolift, Picard said, �You have the bridge, Number One.� The way he�d spoken� even through the tight controls he held on his emotions, it was clear something significant had happened. When he walked into his quarters, Jean-Luc took a few steps, and then stopped once the doors had closed behind him. With closed fists, he let his tears fall freely for the first time. The grief and rage that befell him were beyond anything he�d ever experienced before. Beverly wouldn�t be coming back. And it was his fault. She had suffered the worst fate possible. And it was all because he loved her. It was still hard to believe how she�d chosen to spend her last moments trying to appease him, to lessen his burden. That, by itself, was proof of just what type of person Beverly was� or rather, had been. Instead of giving in to the fear, she had wanted to reassure him of the fact that she loved him and that she didn�t hold anything against him. She forgave what he couldn�t. �It�s alright� I love you, Jean-Luc�� Those words� he couldn�t decide whether they made things better or worse. On one side, they were the atonement he needed, while on the other, they served to remind him of what he�d lost�a love only fully expressed when the end had come. But then again, he hadn�t told her he loved her. He�d been too paralyzed by his own emotions. So not only had his emotions caused her loss in the first place, but they�d also gotten in the way of telling her what she wanted to hear. Overwhelmed, the captain lunged forward and upended the small tray that held the teapot and cups on his coffee table. The delicate china shattered as it hit the edge of the table. Then slowly, Jean-Luc knelt down and picked up a broken piece. They�d spent so many hours over tea together. As he looked at the shattered remains of his serving set, he couldn�t help but think about how everything that had been good in his life was now destroyed. �Beverly�� * * * * It had been a deathly long day. Riker had finally conceded to being relieved for a few hours of much needed sleep. As he walked toward his quarters, he heard Deanna call his name. He turned and waited for her to reach him. Then side-by-side, the two continued on toward their respective quarters. �How are you holding up?� asked Deanna. �As well as can be expected. I still can�t believe what happened today. A part of me is half expecting this to be a nasty nightmare.� �I�m really worried about the captain. His emotional state is very fragile at the moment.� �I can�t say I blame him. If it were you who were�� He tried to shake off that train of thought. �Anyway� after the orders we just received, I can�t imagine what he�s going through.� �What orders?� Deanna had been busy with counseling sessions all evening, so she hadn�t been brought up to speed yet. �I just found out a short while ago. Starfleet has denied our plans to try and retrieve Beverly.� �What?� �Seems they�re afraid of a repeat of what happened six years ago.� Deanna stopped in her tracks as the news hit her like the jolt from a disrupter would. �It�s difficult news to take, I know.� Will�s voice was choked. Troi couldn�t look at him. Instead she stood there, shock written all over her Betazoid features. �Beverly�� Will reached forward and took her hand in his. Then slowly, he pulled the counselor closer and held her as she came to terms with the fact that Beverly would not be coming back after all. * * * * Jean-Luc had lain in his bed awake for what seemed like an eternity. His previous loss of control had given way to a numbness he didn�t think was possible. When his eyelids finally succumbed to cover his blank stare, his mind began to drift. � Beverly giggled and whispered, �Come here.� She lifted her index finger and beckoned him to follow. Through the distorted and fragmented haze of his dreams, he could see her running through what looked like a forest. With the filtered rays of the sun shining down on her, she would sometimes look over her shoulder at him. That laugh� it had always brought him such joy. He couldn�t see her anymore but he could hear her laughter. �Beverly?� Then from out of the corner of his eye, he saw movement. She emerged from behind a tree, her hands clasped behind her back. Slowly, Beverly made her way toward him. �I don�t understand�� he said. �Shhhh�� the doctor brought her finger up to his lips. �It�s alright� I�m here.� Her sapphire eyes looked at him lovingly as she leaned forward. The kiss� it felt so real. �Am I dreaming?� he finally asked. �I�m here� and I love you.� Her perfume, oh how he could so easily lose himself in it. All he could now see was her smile� the one he loved so. A slight breeze started to flutter her hair, and then it was stronger. Beverly looked up at the rustling leaves. So did he. Clouds were fast gathering above. �Perhaps we should get inside before it starts to rain.� He looked back toward her. Empty eyes set in a deathly gray stared back at him. �Resistance is futile.� Gone was the beautiful sight he�d just witnessed. Instead there stood the Borg version of his beloved. � Picard flung his covers aside as he sat up in his bed. His breathing was rapid, his heart almost erupting from his chest. He covered his head in his hands and cried. It was as if he�d witnessed Beverly�s assimilation all over again. * * * * After having awoken from his nightmare, Picard had not been able to sleep again. This had been the second of what would surely be a future of countless recurring dreams of Beverly�s assimilation. It was barely 0430 when he finally had enough. The lighting in the corridors was still subdued at such an early hour. Solemnly, the captain made his way over to the place that had beckoned him all night. He used his override to gain access to the dark and silent quarters beyond. The soft scent of her perfume still hung in the air. �Computer, increase lighting to ten percent.� All around him were reminders of who Beverly had been. There was her small collection of romance novels, various mementoes from some of her plays, the picture frame he�d given her as a gift that now held a photo of Wesley as a young child� More than anything, he wanted to remember the woman and mother he knew behind the doctor� The wonderful person she was� not the Borg shell that she was now. Slowly, he made his way toward the door that led to her bedroom. Never would he have invaded her private sanctuary like this had she been alive. But he had to let her go. As much as he wanted to say, �To hell with our orders,� Picard knew that they had no choice. Wolf 359� all those ships destroyed along with the noble crews they carried. It can never happen again� So unless the Borg succeeded in their missions, Jean-Luc knew that he would have to kill Beverly� No, not Beverly, but rather the Borg she�d become, He had to keep reminding himself that although they shared a body, Beverly and her Borg counterpart were not the same. And once again, the voices emerged in his mind. His pain seemed to sink him even deeper as he listened to them. To him they were but mere whispers, but to Beverly�no, the Borg Beverly had become�they would be a chorus so loud that nothing else could get through. Her bedroom was serene. Delicate flowers adorned the top of her dresser. He remembered how she loved to tend to them. His gaze moved about until it landed on the nightstand next to her neatly made bed. On it sat a flat hardcover book. Directly next to it was an old fashioned pen. At first, Jean-Luc hesitated, for he didn�t feel entirely comfortable being there. But in the end, his need to cling on to who she was prompted him to pick up what he now knew was a journal. As he opened it, Picard sat on the edge of her bed. Slowly, he flipped through the pages that were filled with her delicate handwriting. For some reason, his gaze finally settled on one of the last entries she�d made. � Jean-Luc and I had another one of our talks earlier tonight. I�d gone to see him like I so often do. He seemed troubled. But that�s pretty common nowadays. This god forsaken war is taking its toll on everyone. Everyday, I wake up hoping it�s going to end. But it never does. I wonder if things will ever be the same again. I wonder if someday� Perhaps once all of this is behind us, we can just be Jean-Luc and Beverly. Not the captain and his chief medical officer. God, when I look at him� sometimes I have to remind myself to breathe. How can I love a man so much and not be with him? I have my irrational mind to thank for that one. If only I could just listen to my heart once and for all. Because it�s screaming at me that he�s the one. Okay, I guess this is enough rambling for one night. Another long day is coming up tomorrow. � Jean-Luc fought the lump he now felt in his throat and turned the page. � I hate this, I hate this� They�re back. Those damned Borg are once again trying to destroy us and everything we stand for. And Jean-Luc� my heart breaks into a thousand pieces every time I look at him. Tonight, as we sat talking, he heard them again. God, when I realized how they were pulling him down still, I wanted nothing more that to take him away from all of this. I spoke to him, the whole way through it. He fought so hard. The despair he felt was almost tangible for it was so strong. It�s obvious, he feels powerless still. Oh, how I wish he could see what I see� The strong, brave man who has a heart that�s as pure as anything I�ve ever seen. I should really tell him that one of these days. * * * * Deanna exited her quarters. Since it was only 0630, she still had a half hour to go before the beginning of her scheduled shift. She�d had a difficult time sleeping and it was not only her own emotions that had kept her awake. The source of the overwhelming pain wasn�t a mystery. The captain and Beverly had always shared a special bond. And to now have that bond be broken by the thing Picard hated most� she was amazed he could still function. Despite the blow, Picard had an amazing resilience about him. But he was still crumbling� that much was obvious. As she passed by his quarters, she could feel his presence beyond. Tentatively, the Betazoid reached forward and pressed the chime. When Deanna was summoned inside, she found him at his desk, a holo-movie playing before him. The scene brought a sad smile to the counselor�s lips. It had been taken at Beverly�s birthday party a few years back. �So there�s the Birthday Girl,� came Will Riker�s voice from beyond the view of the camera. Beverly rolled her eyes and waved him off. �You�re just trying to remind me of the fact that I�m getting old, aren�t you?� She laughed. �Hey, I�m just returning the favor. Remember the party you threw for me last year? Besides, you�re not old.� �I�m not?� �No, because if you were, that would mean that I�d be getting old too and that�s never going to happen.� Will chuckled. Beverly raised her eyebrows. �Right.� �Anyone want some cake?� As Deanna heard that voice, she couldn�t help but laugh softly for she recognized herself. Troi stepped into view of the holo-recorder with two small plates of chocolate cake. She handed one to Beverly and then started toward Riker. �Here you go, Will.� The image seemed to shake a bit as the first officer grabbed his plate. �Captain,� Deanna looked sideways and smiled. In the background, Beverly�s expression warmed even more. As Riker turned the recorder, the image shifted to that of Picard�s. The look in his eyes was a reminder of the fact that those were much less tumultuous times. �Happy Birthday, Beverly,� �I�m so glad you could make it.� The doctor�s voice was heard slightly before she came back into view. Not being one to shy away from friendly hugs on such occasions, Crusher did just that and added a swift kiss on his cheek before stepping back. �I wouldn�t have missed this for the world.� The captain extended a box he held in his hand. �Here, this is for you.� �Oh, you didn�t have to do that.� �I know.� Beverly smiled as she opened her present. Then her expression softened as she saw what was inside. �It�s� beautiful.� Slowly, she brought out the small object. It was a little statue. Carved in the smoothest black stone, it was reminiscent of the onyx carvings of Earth�s Mexico. �Just a little something I acquired during my last archeology conference.� �I love it� thank you.� The recorder zoomed in on Beverly as she contemplated the small statue in her hand. When her warm smile returned, the image was paused, leaving her happy expression frozen in time. After a few moments of silent contemplation, Picard looked up at the counselor and smiled sadly. �I just wanted to remember her as she used to be.� �Those are precious memories. And they�re the ones we�ll need to hold on to.� He glanced back at the still hologram. �How will I ever get the strength to go through with it?� Deanna crossed the room and sat in a chair facing the desk. �I remember a certain first officer who felt pretty much the same way six years ago� It won�t be easy. But when the moment comes, we have to remember that it�s not our Beverly on that ship.� �If I hadn�t been assimilated myself at one point, it might be easier for me to think of it that way. But I know that underneath the Borg exterior, Beverly still exists in the faintest possible ways� I know that she�s terrified and that she feels helpless.� Another realization befell him. �All the more reason why we have to go through with this mission.� �That�s right� Because Beverly wouldn�t want to keep living this way�� And their eyes returned to the hologram that floated above the desk. continue to chapter 5 Library |