| Released August 6th, 2008 Abyss of Oblivion by Missbevcrusher Rated [R] Standard Disclaimer: They're not mine, never have been. This is just harmless fanfic. Chapter 11 Picard had his eyes closed as he relived those devastating moments spent in his ready-room with his likely former best friend. Although the water was pouring down his body, the captain felt as though he was going to drown. Slowly, he opened his eyes and straightened as best he could. That�s when it happened. He felt a gaze on him and he turned around as quickly as he could. Jean-Luc was too stunned to say anything, to do anything, for mere inches from him stood the love of his life, clad in only the barest of clothing. Beverly�s expression was filled with a hope laced with hurt. It was a complex combination that was inspiring yet gut-wrenching at the same time. �Before you say anything, I�m fully aware that this is insane, but it�s not nearly as crazy as what we�ve been doing all these years.� He started to say her name but she cut him off. �No, let me finish. Your reasoning is not only flawed in my opinion, but it doesn�t stand up by itself.� She lifted her chin slightly. �And to be blunt, you�re screwing up a perfectly good thing. And for what?� Picard blinked a few times as the water continued to drip down the side of his face and fell from his chin to his chest. �Do you really want to spend your days alone when you�ve got it all at your fingertips? You need me, Jean-Luc Picard, and we both know it. Furthermore, I need you, too.� The firm delivery of her sentences intensified as raw emotions started to dominate. �We�ve been through some tough times, you and I. In fact, we�ve had more than our fair share of heartaches during the course of our lives. But should we just keep punishing ourselves for things which are beyond our control? You don�t have to be alone in this. We can be there for one another. We can heal together.� Beverly closed the distance ever so slightly, all the while keeping eye contact with him. �If you don�t want to be with me because it�s not what you really want then fine. But for god�s sake, don�t hold back because of guilt over the Borg Queen�s revenge. If you do that, it�s no better than surrendering to the enemy. Don�t let them win. You�re stronger than that and I don�t want to hear that bullshit about how you can�t help it either.� With forceful determination, the doctor gestured back and forth between them. �What we have, the love that exists between us� it�s a rare gift, one that few people get to experience in their lifetime. I, for one, am not willing to just throw it away so easily. Now if you are, then know that this is your last chance. I will no longer bare my soul in such a terrifying way ever again if you push me away this time around. This is it. This is the finish line and all you have to do is decide whether you want to cross it or not. Now what will it be?� After having spilled all she could, Beverly stood there, not quite believing she�d actually gone through with it. Tears fell and mixed with the hot water pouring down the side of Jean-Luc�s face. Jean-Luc was not only taken aback by Beverly�s sudden dose of reality, but he was also profoundly moved by it. His Beverly was a fighter to the end and he had to admire her for that. Not only admire, but he had to love her even more for it. By her intense gaze and her strong words, she had reached beyond the guilt and slowly hammered away at it. No, he was not going to screw things up this time around. This was his one shot at making things right. How could one be so fortunate? He knew that the answer to that question waited in the fierce determination of the fiery woman who now stood before him. With newly discovered warmth in his heart, Picard pulled her to him and leaned his forehead against hers. He smiled amid tears and asked, �Are you done?� Beverly gave a small nervous laugh as she realized she�d finally pierced through the stone wall he�d built around his heart. The relief she felt was immense for she couldn�t imagine what she would have done if he�d turned her down once more. �Yes, I�m done.� �God, how I love you�� Their conversation came to an abrupt halt as Jean-Luc pressed his lips against hers firmly. Her response was immediate and intense as she kissed him back fervently. As she wrapped her arms around his neck, he pulled her even closer, resulting in her being doused by the soothing warm water as well. Picard gently brushed her now soaked strawberry blond hair back and continued to kiss her with all the passion he could put forth. Their bodies pressed together as tightly as two matching puzzle pieces. Against her lips, Jean-Luc asked, �Forgiven?� �Yes, just don�t push me away like that ever again.� �I won�t. I promise.� And he conquered her mouth once more. Tenderly, but firmly, Jean-Luc�s hands glided down Beverly�s drenched and clinging t-shirt until they reached her hips. Then not too forcefully, he guided her against the side of the stall where he continued to express to her all that he�d previously fought to keep hidden. Beverly tilted her head slowly from one side to the other as Jean-Luc brushed his lips against the side of her neck, her throat, and finally her opposing shoulder. Her fingers pressed firmly on his back in a desperate attempt at keeping him close. The passion between them ignited even more as their breathing intensified. Then the doctor turned the tables on the captain by gently pushing him back toward the glass wall behind him. Once he�d surrendered completely over to her, she started to trail her kisses from his mouth, to his jaw, and then his neck. Abruptly, Beverly pulled back but kept her desire-filled gaze on his. With his head leaning back on the glass, Jean-Luc swallowed with difficulty and watched her through wanting eyes. She reached down toward the hem of her t-shirt and pulled it up over her head, revealing the pale blue bra and panties she wore beneath. Quickly, the shirt was tossed to the floor and promptly forgotten as their kisses resumed in all their intensity. A sensual caress sent shivers of unleashed desire through them both as Jean-Luc brushed the side of her thigh until his hand arrived close to the side of her knee. He then reached for the back of her relaxed leg and brought it up to waist level. When her slender leg settled at the desired height, Beverly pulled him to her even more. Amid the torrential downpour of emotion, there was a surprisingly gentle quality to the primal way they explored each other. After several moments of dizzying desire, the two stumbled toward the middle of the stall where the water fell most strongly. The captain lifted her up slightly without relenting in his tender onslaught of passionate kisses. Their lips moved in perfectly timed responses to one another. It felt like the most natural thing in the world, as if they�d shared such passion a thousand times before. It was another subtle confirmation of the correctness of the path they had chosen. The doctor held on to him as her fingers gently danced on the nape of his neck. As the hot water dripped down her jaw-line, she murmured the most heartfelt of sentiments. The muted sweet-nothings that fluttered into his ears made Jean-Luc realize how lucky he was. It made him see all the more how deep her love for him ran. It not only moved him, but touched him in deeply emotional ways he�d not thought possible. Gradually, Picard eased her down. When her toes finally touched the rippling and splashing water on the floor, the doctor couldn�t help the clich�d action of lifting one elegant pointed foot behind her. For an instant, Jean-Luc pulled his mouth from hers and rubbed his thumb against her perfect lower lip. His eyes bore into hers as though he was searching for every last buried secret hidden within them. He�d never seen her looking so beautiful in his entire life. There was no rank between them, no inhibition, for they were revealing all in every possible way. Beverly Crusher, without the layers of her profession, without the day to day distractions and without the mask of trivial details such as make-up and clothes was the most beautiful sight he�d ever set eyes on. In turn, Jean-Luc Picard minus the veneer of duty and decorum was in all his simplicity the picture of everything the doctor had ever longed for. Nose to nose, the two closed their eyes as they just took in the feel of their close proximity. Jean-Luc wanted to feel the softness of her features brushing ever so slightly against his. So in a slow deliberate motion, he nuzzled her and breathed out her name. The doctor then felt his hands as he sought the delicate clasp of her bra on her back. In his nervousness, the usually calm captain struggled with what was nothing but a simple rounded hook. With closed eyes, Beverly smiled. �Here, let me help you.� Her hands met his trembling ones and she effortlessly undid the clasp that fastened the delicate embroidered undergarment. More than a little grateful for her assistance, Picard laughed softly against her cheek. Now that the confining bra was undone, he sought to feel the bare skin of her back. Crusher sighed and bit her lower lip as she shivered amidst the soft flutter of his fingers against the usually ticklish spot. His hands glided back toward her shoulders where he lifted the delicate straps with his fingers. When he started to pull them down her arms, the captain took a slight step back and looked at her. Although they�d shed most their shyness some time before, Beverly was nervous nonetheless. It wasn�t that she worried about his reaction toward her, but this was a daunting step, for it was the first time he�d ever see her in such a revealing way. Picard quickly realized her trepidation and sought to ease it. �Nervous?� �A little bit,� she admitted. �I�m nervous too� We don�t have to do this now. There�s no rush.� �It�s okay� I want to.� The doctor�s features became more self-assured as she slid the bra down the rest of the way. Picard took a steadying breath as he fought to remind himself that he was not dreaming. He brought his eyes back up to hers and smiled. Then he lifted Beverly�s chin up so she would gaze at him once more. In this one look he tried to convey as much love as he could. Then he slowly leaned in to kiss her all over again. Beverly closed the gap between them and put her hands on his strong chest. She then felt his arms wrap around her securely as he kissed her hair. �I love you.� Time had no meaning anymore and neither was sure how long they stayed in that simple, tender embrace. The anticipation and eagerness of what was to come soon started to wear thin with them both. �I want to be with you,.� Beverly said without opening her eyes as her soon to be lover pulled down her only remaining garment. When Picard straightened, Crusher took both of his hands in hers and laced her fingers with his. She slowly backed away until her back met the side wall, the need in her eyes fully evident. Since this unexpected interlude had begun, the captain had fought to hold back. He�d wanted so desperately for this to be about her. After all, she was the one who had put everything on the line for them. And so with quite a bit of effort, he�d tried to keep his pace matched to hers. But with that last statement, which was a borderline plea for him to take her, the last of his resolve crumbled. He wasn�t going to make her wait any longer than necessary, which was a relief to him as well. He kissed her softly, and then lifted her hands loosely up over her shoulders against the water-speckled wall. When Jean-Luc shifted his body slightly against hers, he breathed out slowly and closed his eyes. �No, look at me.� Her voice was hushed despite the urgency. He did as she asked and gazed at her in a way he�d never allowed himself to previously. It was a gaze filled with just as much need as hers displayed. They�d never wanted anyone as much as they longed for the other at that moment�maddening and life changing both together. The adventure they were now embarking on was one they could only have fantasized about before. But it was real, it was here, and they would both try to sear it to memory. Beverly kept eye contact with him for as long as she could, but when she finally felt him, her eyelids closed heavily as she breathed out his name. The sensations he felt from being with her sent his mind and his heart reeling. He, too, closed his eyes as he finally made love to his best friend� to the woman he loved more than life itself. A series of sighs and gasps accompanied the sound of the rushing water. Their joining held no awkwardness, no doubts. Even so soon, there was a surprising familiarity to their intimacy. That was due in no small part to the fact that they�d been the closest of friends on the verge of becoming so much more for many, many years. It felt right, it felt easy. It felt like it should for any two people who shared a love so deep, so profound, that it survived not only the test of time, but the test of adversity as well. Jean-Luc had always felt that Beverly was his ��me soeur�. Put into English, it meant that she was his soul mate. She always had been, even during those first few years when she was not his to love. �Je t�aime tellement.� Seldom did he revert to his native tongue. At that moment Beverly realized that she now had the totality of his heart. Breathlessly, she responded in kind, �Je t�aime.� Jean-Luc was moved by how she�d matched his sentiment as though she too held his childhood language in her heart. Those words had sounded even more beautiful than they were when he heard them spoken in her familiar and loving voice. The intensity of their love making ebbed and flowed as would a rising and falling tide. When it could go no higher, the rush subsided and left them both in an almost delirious point of exhaustion. Beverly clung to him so tightly that Jean-Luc could feel her rapid heartbeat against his chest. With her face buried in the crook of his neck, the doctor tried to bring her breathing under control. This had been such an overwhelming experience following the most difficult of ordeals that at that moment, the sensitive woman hidden beneath the strong commander lost control. Jean-Luc held her as he kissed her hair. Gradually, he felt her breathing shift from that of passion-induced exhaustion to a more rapid succession of muffled cries. �Beverly?� At first she did not answer, instead she kept clinging to him. �Are you alright?� This time, barely audible words emerged. �Just hold me� and don�t let go�� He understood fully what she meant. �I won�t� ever. And that�s a promise.� With gentle strokes, he smoothed out her soaked hair as all the emotions of the past few weeks culminated in this one instant. Eventually, she regained some of the control she�d lost and started to relax against him. When he pulled back to look at her, Jean-Luc lifted her chin ever so slightly. �I love you.� Beverly wiped her cheeks with her palm and laughed in embarrassment. �I�m sorry. I didn�t mean to break down like this.� �Don�t be sorry. Never be sorry for feeling the way you do. I understand.� �You do, don�t you?� She touched his cheek. �You�re a wonderful man, Jean-Luc Picard.� The captain kissed her hand and said softly, �Don�t move.� With a hint of puzzlement in her eyes, Beverly watched as Jean-Luc pulled away and turned off the water. He then retrieved a large towel from the towel bar and brought it over. Gently, he patted the sides of her face, and then pulled her closer. Once she stood close to him, Picard draped the white terry cloth around her shoulder and rubbed her forearms and shoulders dry. The whole time he did that, she showed a small smile. It amazed her just how attentive he could be. Each thought, how did I get so lucky? All Jean-Luc wanted to do at that moment was to hold her. She�d given enough, risked enough. He wanted for her to be able to finally relax and know just how loved she was. In one swift movement, the captain scooped her up in his arms and started toward his bedroom. As droplets of water fell from her hair, Beverly leaned her forehead against his cheek. She�d never felt so nurtured, so secure before. When he set her down gently on his bed, his hazel eyes bore into hers with such promise that she could practically envision what their shared future would be like. They were home� Nestled as close as she could be in his arms, the doctor closed her eyes and let every muscle in her body relax. Jean-Luc lazily traced his fingertips all along her arm. The moment lingered. Neither slept, instead they thought back to what they�d just shared and thanked whatever deities they could think of. Finally, it was just Jean-Luc and Beverly� man and woman who loved each other like they hadn�t thought possible. After several more minutes of private thought, a small smile appeared on Beverly�s face. Jean-Luc smiled, too. �What?� She looked sideways at him and answered in the only way she could think of. �Wow.� �That�s one of many words to describe it.� �I always knew this would be amazing, I just never realized how much.� �I feel the same. Tell me, have you often thought about doing this?� �Too many times to count. You?� �The same.� �You weren�t disappointed by the real thing, were you?� �Never. Making love to you was even more outrageously wonderful than I ever thought it would be. I�ve never felt this way toward anyone before, nor have I ever felt this content. Thank you.� �There�s no need to thank me.� �Oh, but there is. If it hadn�t been for you, I�d be miserable right now. Tell me�� as she moved over slightly, he propped himself up on his elbow and looked at her. �What possessed you to come over here and jump in the shower with me?� �Desperate times call for desperate measures. Besides, I couldn�t let you make that gigantic mistake with a clear conscience.� �You certainly knocked some sense into me�in a pleasantly shocking, way mind you�but it worked just the same.� �I could have waited until you were done and chosen to hit you over the head to make you think clearly, but somehow seeing the look on your face as you saw me standing there in my undies seemed more fun.� �Leave it to my chief medical officer to startle her captain while he�s showering. You know, I can�t wait to see how you�re going to top that, one of these days.� �You sound sure that I have more tricks up my sleeve.� �Well, do you?� �Don�t be silly. Of course I do.� They shared a laugh before the mood once again turned serious. Jean-Luc touched the side of her face. �No, but really� you saved me tonight. If it weren�t for your determination�� �Hush.� Beverly silenced him with a touch of her finger to his lips. �There�s no need to think about what�s been avoided. We have a future together now and that�s all that matters. We can move forward side by side and we can face whatever�s thrown our way by joining our strengths. This was the right move for us and we�re going to make it. Of that I�m absolutely certain.� �You�re the strongest woman I know and being with you� it�s a privilege I�ll always cherish.� �I think I�m the one who�s privileged.� �Alright then, let�s just say we both got the good end of the bargain.� �That we sure did.� �So.� Jean-Luc took a cleansing breath. �To many more nights ahead?� Beverly blinked back tears. �To many more, and that until the very end.� The two of them soon found themselves in another passionate embrace. The healing process was well under way and the balance of a hopeful future fell distinctly to their advantage. They�d gone through a lot, endured a lot. But ultimately, they had found their way to one another and would from now on fight every step of the way to make sure that their love would always prevail. Always. The End library |