Lessons to live by
You can not make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
No matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
It takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
You shouldn't compare yourself to others, they are more f***ed up than you think.
You can keep puking long after you think you've finished.
We are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
Regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be alot of money to take it's place.
Sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you are down will be the ones that do.
We don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.
No matter how hard you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.
The people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and the less important ones just NEVER go away.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone.
It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows alot.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Always remember you are unique, just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of water with both feet.
It's far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
If you think nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a few car payments.
When you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
Who gossips TO you will gossip ABOUT you.
Scientists say 1 out of every 4 people are crazy. Check your friends...if they are ok, you're it.
Pain and suffering is inevitable, but misery is optional.
Sometimes not getting what you want is a stroke of luck.
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
The best relationship is one where your love for eachother is greater than your need for eachother.
Never laugh at anyone else's dreams, people who don't have dreams don't have much.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute...if he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
Love deeply and passionately. You may get hurt, but it is the only way to live life completely.
Silence is sometimes the best answer.
Don't judge people by their relatives.
When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
There are two types of people in this world. Those who are good with words and those who are...umm...thingy.
Life is what happens while you are making other plans.
Learn to say "I'm sorry! You must think I care!" in several languages.
Remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
The 50-50-90 rule. Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
Laughing stock = cattle with a sense of humour.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
The things that come to those that wait were probably things left by those that got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
Torch : A case for holding dead batteries.
Shin : A device for finding furniture in the dark.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter as nobody listens.
You start out with nothing, and end up with most of it.
When you go into court you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 prople that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
