 Feeling: I'm sleepy. More worn out.
Listening To: John Mayer, Quiet
Reading: n/a
Eating: Reese's Pieces & Vanilla Coke Randumb Excess: It's amazing to me how some people can be as frigid as an ice cube; tasteless and diluting. Convo of the Day:
Me: if I saw John Mayer as an unfamous person sitting down eating a burger - would I look ? Would I notice? And as I sipped my soda and stared at the empty chair that he would be sitting in, I decided, hell yes I would. |
April 7, 2k3...
Sometimes I pick the cucumber out of my California Rolls. Sometimes I leave just a little bit. And then sometimes I don�t leave any at all. No reason, it�s based on whatever seems to please me in the moment. It may be a time I FEEL like cucumber, or it may be a time I feel like tasting the crab and the avocado mesh together in that lovely palette pleasing combination that made California Rolls famous. Does this make me a fickle person? Is it possible that if I apply this antidote to my everyday life that I just may find the root of the problem when it comes to me having a horrible trouble dating?
The abundance is there. There are plenty of fish in the sea for me � I am aware of it. I didn�t say I wasn�t totally surprised � but I�m aware of it nonetheless. But when a guy is interested and makes it apparent and I don�t especially know him yet or have a crush or... or ANYTHING... I just want to run for the hills and hide in a nice cool confining space under a rock. Sometimes I feel like I�m cheating (for the simple reason that I am a retard), sometimes I feel thoroughly suffocated because I am supposed to call a male at a certain time and often I feel more intimidated than I do motivated. It seems to be tried and true now; I am terrified of dating and every day I become more and more of a feminist � this is not terrifying, it�s HORRIFYING.
Now, it�s true that every woman on the planet is a feminist to some degree. A great co-worker and friend, Julie, taught me this. And it was actually the first time I realized what feminism was. I�ve embraced this ever since. And ok, I have plenty in my court � men have caused me more trouble than I have deserved. More headaches than I�ve needed, more heartache than I imagined. I don't want to be a man hater, and I don't think women are the superior sex because they bare children and have a higher pain tolerence. I'm an equal opportunity cat. But turning to music once again, Bono was right � I can�t live with or without them. I knew there was a reason I listened to that song a thousand times the summer of 5th grade. It was to learn an early lesson.
Still, with this trouble I have over �dating� (besides the bare facts that it�s hell and my overall demise for that whole getting-to-know-you-because-I-have-to-pretend-I-care thing. i.e: �What kind of music do you like?� �House. You?�) what else is left out there for a girl like me? I know I have yet to seek but just for the record...
If you should meet any men (and I mean MEN not boys) who are looking for a girl who loves her cat and throws in that they prefer brunettes who are fickle feminists � give them my email address. It's for a good cause. Oh, and it'd be cool if he loved sushi, too.