But here's where this all comes into play. I didn't go searching for a new shirt to wear, I didn't go fussing in the mirror (I'm not that vanity, I fuss until I'm not TOTALLY dissatisfied) and I actually didn't really mind wearing that shirt - I felt confident in it. I felt ATTRACTIVE in it, which says a whole lot to me. You see, Small Town Ginger has been undergoing some reconstruction recently and for some reason it is actually making me feel good about myself. No matter what I'm wearing, no matter how I'm standing, no matter how many double chins are showing. I admit that it's very sad for someone to barely realize this about themselves and I do have self esteem, I have just felt for a long time that there are 'pretty girls' and then there was me. It was something I had come to terms with and left it at that. But nowadays more often than none I am beginning to wonder WHY there is a line between 'pretty girls' and 'Ginger'. I'm not any different than they are, I'm probably a lot nicer than a lot of them are (they hide behind their makeup and perfume, I swear it) and that's ANOTHER strain of confidence that I've grown. I actually feel above them because I know that I am much more real than they can even imagine, that I have bigger boobs than they do 95% of the time (my one and only saving grace) and to be honest, I do not want the attention that they starve. I got plenty at home while growing up through my healthy childhood. Perhaps I've been paid a visit by The Self Esteem Train.

The fine line that I have drawn between me and other pretty women is slowly being erased. Not that I think I am this beautiful creature that God sent to Earth to shame all women for trying to be female (or ever will), and in fact on many days I feel that most women are that to ME, but this is such amazing progress and I really wonder where it came from. Let me stress:

... but between you and me, I really really really hope that it stays. It just - feels so good to finally love me.