| A Few Good Emails |
 |
| Generally speaking, if it says Fw: in the subject line of any email in my inbox, I kinda feel like this guy. But every now and then, a few pearls come my way. So, I thought I'd post them here for everyone to enjoy so you can continue to delete your forwarded messages without reading them. |
| Subject: FW: Fwd: Puns for Intellectuals Two vultures boarded a plane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The Stewardess stops them and says "Sorry Sir, only one carrion per passenger." NASA recently sent a number of Holsteins into orbit for experimental purposes. They called it the herd shot round the world. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One took off to Hollywood and became a rich star. The other stayed in Carolina and never amounted to much...and naturally became known as the lesser of two weevils. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and met in the lobby, where they were discussing their recent victories in chess tournaments. The hotel manager came out of the office after an hour and asked them to dispurse. He couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer. A group of friars opened up a florists shop to help with their belfry payments. Everyone liked to buy flowers from the Men of God, so their business flourished. A rival florist became upset that his business was suffering because people felt compelled to buy from the friars, so he asked the friars to cut back their hours or close down. The friars refused. The florist begged them to shut down. Again they refused. So the florist hired Hugh McTaggert, the biggest meanest thug in town. He went to the friars' shop, beat them up, destroyed their flowers, and trashed their shop. He said that if they didn't close he'd be back. Totally terrified, the friars closed up shop and hid in their rooms. This proved that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him frail, and with his odd diet he also suffered from very bad breath. This made him what? A super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. |
| Subject: Fwd: Cunning Scam Dear all, I hate hoax warnings, but this one is important. Please send this to everyone on your email list. If a man comes to your front door and says he is conducting a survey and asks you to show him your arse, do not show him your arse. This is a scam. He only wants to see your arse. I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid and cheap. |
| Subject: Some things to ponder Ever wonder about those people who spend $3 a peice on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a pool? If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it? There are 3 religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Mesiah 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Why is it a person who plays a piano is called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist? Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one? If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen are defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed? What hair colour do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? |
| < Back |