ADHD

Polluted Stream of Consiousness:
My page of ADHD thoughts
these are the kinds of things that occur to you at all the wrong moments, like during sex or when somebody asks you a really thought-provoking question.

Where did my spinal fluid go when I crushed my vertebrae?

When was the last time somebody called you silly? (Other than a 3 year old or homosexual male). Also the word "crumbum" should come back into use.

How exactly do you spell superkalifragilisticexpealedoshus?

If a guy could go down on himself, he'd spit right?

Roundworms look like angel hair pasta.

The latin name for a pink and grey prehensile tailed salamander is bolitaglossa subpalmata.

Don't I have to go to the DMV tomorrow?

I wonder if they'll fuck with me when I'm dead. Geez I hope not. I better get cremated.

Why the hell does Strudel (Ferret #2) eat and shit in the same place?

What is this lump?

Why is this ear floppy and this one's normal?

Do most people think I'm annoying?

Do some cows really have five teats like in that picture on the cover of that Aerosmith album?

I wonder if I could get my teeth like, bonded together so I'd never have to floss. Why don't they just grow in all together? It seems like they'd fall out less.

Why do people think circumsizion is a good idea? Where did it start? Who was the first guy who said, "Why don't we cut some skin off my penis"?

How do you spell circumsizion?

Why are there more people who can speak English in China than the United States? Why do people come to this country and not learn English?

Why mullets?

Do I have to get more lame as I grow older? I'm already pretty damn lame.

Does the fact that my pets are assholes mean I'm going to have asshole children?

When I sat on that minifridge door when I was seven and it broke off and I put it back on, did they ever know it was me who broke it?

I wonder what ever happened to that kid I ran over.

And who dropped that couch on the freeway?

How much can my roommates hear from their room directly above mine?

Wouldn't it be neat if I didn't mind throwing up and I could be bulemic, just for a little while?

Will Ben ever NOT be a heartless asshole?

Why do my ears hurt when I smoke cigarettes?

That time I rolled my own fingers up in the car window. Yeah. That was funny.

How old do I look?

I wonder if they'll clone that Tasmanian Wolf in the pickle jar.

Am I going to die old and alone with lots of cats?

I'm kinda hungry.

Cats throw up a lot.

If kidneys grow back, then why can't you just take the part of the cell that commands the cells around it to grow and put it in the stub of an amputee and make them grow back their whatever.

I need to get ahold of that dude who sells candy around where I used to work and get some of that "Prairie Fire" stuff. That shit was good.

I wonder if Flea mailed my pants yet.

Whatever happened to my spiked belt?

That guy Susumu Tachi who came up with "retroreflexive" fabric needs to make me an invisibility cloak so I can be like Harry Potter.

When was the last time I called somebody "Silly"? Silly is a fantastic word. It's so simple and yet so condescending and insulting.

I wonder how much the total amount of undigested food in my body right now weighs.

I'm such a slob. I wish I could train my ferrets to clean my room while I'm at work all day. Minerva might do it. Strudel would eat my socks.

I wonder if I have any parasites? How would I know? Nobody ever tests you for parasites do they?

Why the hell aren't banks open during hours when people can actually go to them?

What exactly did the doctor learn from sticking his finger up my butt that time?

Why does my sternum hurt?

It'd be cool to get struck by lightning just once, as long as I survive and don't like lose my hair or anything.

I wonder how old a baby has to be before you can start shaking it?

I should be jogging right now instead of updating my website.

I wonder how much a diamond this big would cost?

I wonder if my roommates can hear me belting out Patsy Cline in the shower?

Yam is a funny word. Yam. Yam. Yam.

Do people with bug eyes see more?

I wonder how much liposuction for just my arms is going to cost? I can handle having a big butt but I feel I got ripped off in the arm department. No matter how thin I ever get, I always seem to have the arms of a 350 pound, 60 year old woman

I also wonder how much the brazilian wax I have scheduled for Friday is going to hurt. I know it'll hurt, but just how much? More than getting your nipples pierced?

Margaret Cho sure refers to 12 step programs a lot in her stand-up. I think she's in one.

It's funny how no matter how much pain you've experienced, you're always afraid of more.

I'm not gay, but I think I would be for Angelina Jolie.

I wonder if most people's feet get all tinglely when they get afraid they're going to fall. Or if it's just me.

I wonder if most people have their browsers set up to view this page correctly without scrolling left to right.

I wonder why the fabric around the legholes on my boycut underwear stays whatever colour it was when I bought them, but the fabric around the waist turns purple.

Why does my knee keep coming out of its socket?

Those york peppermint pattie cookies? Yes those are like, seriously good.

My apartment smells like hardboiled eggs and I keep thinking somebody farted. Then I remember I'm the only one home right now.

If Ian and I have kids and we name one Killian, I wonder how many people would make the connection that the words Kill and Ian are in that name. Would that be like, an instantaneous response? Cause I really just like that name.

Yam is still one of the funniest words I know of. Say it out loud a few times. It gets funnier. I should get another pet and name it Yammy. But that's too damn many pets.

I could afford a grandfather clock or a used car with all the money I've spent on Strudel's vet bill.

I really dig when you open a big tub of butter and there's that perfect swirl in it.

Some days I want to name my kids Killian for another reason.

The fatter I get the less I can eat. Isn't that weird? I used to be able to eat a whole pizza or a whole watermelon and weighed 120 pounds. I won't tell you how much I weigh now but I can only eat one or two slices of pizza.