| Being Were and Aware: Balance Being were is not about letting the Wolf be your killing machine. Once the Wolf and you are separate, you are no longer in control of the wild and often difficult to master passions within you, and they may not always act in your best interests. Sure, it feels good to tear into a bully the way I did that day in junior high school, but it was a stupid way to handle things. The Wolf may not instinctively know reason or measure, if you haven't taught it to him or her -- would you want someone without a sense of reason controlling your body? You may wonder why I've separated the Wolf into 'him or her,' instead of 'you.' The fact remains, until you get a strong handle on who you are (as one, not as Wolf and human), the animal in you may indeed have its own interests and priorities, and its reawakening may cause the-part-of-you-that-is-Wolf to act on those priorities. Eat. Sleep. Mate. Defend. All of these on a most primal and uncivilized level. It can be overwhelming to be suddenly saddled with these drives! (Ask me, I know. I spent a few months sleeping under my bed, because it felt more like a den...) Until you approach the part of you that is Wolf, and welcome it into your being, and find a good, solid way to reconcile your wishes as Wolf and as human, you are potentially a danger to yourself and others. The conflicting drives and desires are very difficult to resolve, and the human mind likes to compartmentalize these differences to simplify them -- "That's the Wolf, I'm the person, they're different and that's that." Therein lies the road to psychosis. Multiple Personality Disorder stems from these sorts of problems, among other things. (Again, ask me, I know -- I had a personality schism (not quite proper MPD) throughout most of my teenage years, and finally reunited myself again a few years ago.) It's difficult to know when it's right to let the Wolf make decisions, and when it's right for you to make the decisions -- but if you're even asking that question, you're not ready. When there is one voice in your head, one person that you are, one life force composed of everything that you are, then you are safe to believe that you are in balance of your conflicting natures. Personally, I resolve it this way: I am a myriad of things. I am Justin the friend, capable of strength and support of those I care about even when I'm convinced there's nothing left in my heart or head. I'm Justin the technical expert, quite versed in TCP/IP networking, all sorts of hardware and software, et cetera. I'm Justin the political player, capable of handling the stupid and petty arguments of corporate life while keeping my integrity and priorities intact. I'm Justin the Wolf, capable of drawing upon a deep, primal tie to my animal nature, and recovering a little of the animal lost through evolution. I'm a million others things as well, of course, but for sake of example, let's say I had the task of setting up a complex TCP/IP network, all phases. Justin the friend says "Hey, these people are counting on me -- I have to do this, but how?" Justin the TCP/IP expert says, "Oh, that's simple -- here, plug the cables in this way, install OS, set up network info...no problem!" Justin the political player says, "Okay, what's at stake here? Is this my job? If not, I better make it clear, to prevent further abuses, and if so, I need to start paperwork on the parts I need..." Justin the Wolf says, "I don't care about these boxes and wires." I listen to every voice, and decide logically what's best. This doesn't take long at all -- we're talking about a split-second decision; it's not hard to take. Because I'm a friend, I feel the need to do it (answering the question raised by my political side), and because I'm a TCP/IP expert, I have the knowledge to do it. The Wolf doesn't enter into the decision, as it's not necessary for me to draw on my wolven nature to solve the problem. Because I'm one person with many abilities and talents and not MPD, there's no sense of argument; the 'aspects' of me aren't separate, but rather talents and abilities I can call upon. (You don't feel the need to ask yourself permission to use your eyes to read this, do you? I rest my case.) |