MISERABLE LIES - Episode One - A smile for me --------------------------------------------------------------------- Title: A smile for me Original Author: Benda Fic Source: fanfiction.net Disclaimer: The original story does not belong to me. For I did not write it. The characters used belong to Koyasu Takehito and everyone else actually involved in their creation. The whole idea of MSTing comes from Mystery Science Theatre 3000, the greatest TV show ever with the exception of like, Ren and Stimpy. --------------------------------------------------------------------- [A shadow flits along a darkened corridor, completely silent except for the rustling of fabric. Only one more doorway until the one he wanted... and there it was. He ducks into the room, only to find himself in complete blackness. He hears the door shut behind him and whirls towards the noise, but it's too late.] KEN: Bombay, I'm trapped. I need an alternate route out of the target room. [The headset is quiet.] Bombay, do you read? [Suddenly there is the rapid hissing of air and a sickeningly sweet scent fills the room. Before KEN can even figure out what's going on, he blacks out. He comes to on a cot in a spacious white room. The first things he notices is that his bugnuks are gone. The second thing he notices is that his clothes are gone as well. He is now wearing light green, baggy pajamas with a cute, stylized turtle on the front of the shirt.] KEN: What the hell?! OMI: Ken-kun! You're awake! YOUJI: Way to state the obvious, Omi. [OMI and YOUJI are both sitting on cots that are identical to KEN's. YOUJI's pajamas are yellow with a duck on the front, while OMI's are blue with a fish.] KEN: What the fuck is going on?! [He tries to stand up but is too dizzy to get very far.] OMI: We were knocked unconscious with sleeping gas. You'll be dizzy for a little while as it wears off, so don't try anything. KEN: Sleeping gas?! Damn. [At this moment AYA enters the room from the only door, wearing orange panda pajamas.] AYA: There's a hallway. On one end there's a kitchen, and there's a bathroom across the hall from here. On the other end there's a locked door marked with an 'A.' That's it. OMI: No way out? YOUJI: Of course not, we're prisoners. KEN: Prisoners of who, though? [At that moment, through previously unnoticed speakers placed throughout the room and hallway, a female voice speaks.] VOICE: Weiss, please make your way to room A. Weiss, please make your way to room A. OMI: It sounds computerized... [The voice repeats again and the boys look at each other.] OMI: We'll do as it asks. If it was going to kill us, it would have done it already. YOUJI: Don't count on that... [The boys make their way down the hallway to the room marked 'A,' OMI in the lead with KEN, still dizzy from the drugs, leaning on YOUJI for support. AYA makes up the rear. They reach the door and OMI reaches for the handle.] OMI: Well, it's not locked now... --------------------------------------------------------------------- [Door 5 - An elaborate stained glass window. It shatters and you leap out it.] [Door 4 - A door marked 'Staf Only,' with a security keypad on one side. You quickly deactivate the keypad and unlock the door.] [Door 3 - Elevator doors, splattered with blood. On second thought, you take the stairs.] [Door 2 - A back-alley building entrance. You quickly dispatch the burly guard and hurry through.] [Door 1 - The metal grate in front of the Koneko. It slides up into the ceiling.] [Dog Bone.] [The boys are now seated upon metal folding chairs- AYA on the far left, KEN next to him, then OMI, with YOUJI on the far right- in a small, white room that smells rather of disinfectant. A modern projection system is suspended from the cieling, and a darkened window on one wall leads to an empty observation room.] OMI: Well this is quite... homey. SCHULDIG: I did all the decorating myself! Do you like the pajamas I picked out for you as well? AYA: Schwarz! [Suddenly the light comes on in the obervation room and the grinning figure of SCHULDIG is visible through the glass. AYA makes a lunge for the glass and OMI reaches instinctively for a hidden dart that isn't there] SCHULDIG: I wouldn't try that, kittens. This glass is Weiss-proof. And even if it wasn't, you think the four of you can take me on unarmed? AYA: Bastard. OMI: What do you want? SCHULDIG [tapping a finger against his cheek in a most pensive way]: Lots of things... but currently we're working on the end of the universe as we know it. KEN: What do your fucked up plans have to do with us? SCHULDIG: That's simple. By bringing you in contact with Weiss Kreuz fanfiction, we hope to bring down the Fourth Wall, thereby causing the universe to implode. It's the latest plan from the genius scientists in the Essett Research Department. KEN: Fanfiction? OMI: The Fourth Wall? SCHULDIG: We're also doing this because it's fun. YOUJI: You do realize that, according to cosmological science, that's impossible, right? SCHULDIG: We're still working out some kinks. [OMI sighs and KEN looks slightly lost. AYA keeps glaring at SCHULDIG.] YOUJI: I could use a smoke. SCHULDIG: Well kittens, have a fantastic time. I'll be back when it's over. [The light in the observation room dims out and SCHULDIG is gone.] KEN: Fanfiction? OMI: Yes, Ken-kun, fanfiction. KEN: Huh? OMI: Stories written about us by our fans, usually posted on the internet. YOUJI: I told you he wasn't doing *work* on the computer. OMI: I've never *read* any, Youji-kun! I just know it exists! KEN: We have fans? >>Rahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! KEN [covering his ears]: Christ! What was that? OMI [wincing]: One of the fans, it would seem. >>here goes another fanfic... sigh well I finally got myself to sit >>down and write one. >>Warnings: Shonen-ai.... no lemons here... well maybe, but only >>if I post this on another site >>Hey how bout' you review? YOUJI: How about not? >>... cause If I don't get reviews then why should I continue? YOUJI: My point exactly. >>...Okay I'll continue whether I get them or not lol >>Pairings: Yoji X Omi, Aya X Ken KEN: I've been mentioned! What does that mean? What's going on? OMI: Well, Ken-kun... it means... YOUJI: Nah, just let him figure it out on his own. KEN: Figure what out?! >>Authors note: This is going to be a two part story... it'll all be >>posted here... the first part will probably be 3 maybe >>4 chapters and then second will probably be the same. OMI: Does this mean there's a lot of it? >>Also I pretty much am going to promise to get a new >>chapter up every week... cause I hate it when I read a fic and its >>never finished... usually my fics aren't finished but uhh... I'm >>getting better. I've pretty much decided to write this entire fic >>before posting it that way I can keep my promise! YOUJI: We won't mind at all if you break it. In fact, I'd say we'd be happy. >>lets see... is there anything else I should say... this is a happy fic. >>I love angsty fics but sometimes I just need to read a happy fic >>and its so hard to find them sooooo.. here's one..... now mind >>you It'll be angsty here and there.... but not angsty enough to >>make you jump out a window or anything.. OMI: If only there was a window to jump out of. >>if it is then uhhhh its not my fault... the devil made me do it! >>A Smile for me >>CHP 1 Just to be Near him >>He moans softly and rolls over. He knew he should get up, but it >>just seemed so hard this morning. OMI: It must be Youji. He never wakes up when he's supposed to. AYA: Tense change. KEN: Please don't start with the grammatical errors… >>The warmth was just to much to give up so he snuggled deeper >>into it. YOUJI: I remember the good old days when kids were taught the difference between ‘to, too, and two.' KEN: I don't think I can handle the grammatical errors… >>He smiled to himself as the warmth wraps itself around him. In >>his drowsiness he can tell something's not right...something was >>out of place. AYA: four tense changes. YOUJI: You're counting? OMI: That's brave. KEN: Insane, actually. >>He slowly opens his eye, KEN: Wow! I didn't know you only had one eye! YOUJI: Well, I try to hide it. A little makeup works wonders. OMI: Hey, that's not what I sound like! AYA: five… >>focusing in on the light soft skin surrounding him....skin?! His >>eyes open wide and he looks up, to see none other than the >>resident Playboy dozing away contentedly. YOUJI: Just because I appreciate women doesn't mean I'm a playboy. Why does everyone make me out to be some slut? KEN: Ummmm… OMI: At least you've got nice skin. I've only got one eye. >>He pales, turning white, he jerks back, and losing his balance. YOUJI: he falls into a large pit of hyenas and gets eaten. He doesn't taste very good, though. OMI: Hey! KEN: Actually, that's the end of the sentence. Fragment. Whatever. >>"EHH?!" Before he can understand what's going on, he lands on >>the floor with a loud THUD. YOUJI: Thanks for the capital letters. >>Such a loud thud was enough to disturb the slumbering playboy >>from his sleep. He opens his eyes groggily and peers over the >>side of the bed. A smirk plays KEN: Plays what? Soccer? Von Williams? >>at his lips as he stares down at a rather disturbed looking Omi >>sprawled out on the floor tangled in blankets. AYA: Six prepositional phrases and not a single comma. >>"If you wanted to sleep with me so badly, all you had to do was >>ask." KEN: Can I sleep with you? YOUJI: Only on weekends and not for free. KEN: Damnit. >>Omi just blinks and stares up at the playboy. YOUJI: I do have a name, you know. KEN: How about Hustler? Maxim? Penthouse? OMI: How do you know all those? KEN: Don't ask. >>Finally regaining his senses, he sits up and glares at the older >>blonde. YOUJI: Actually, I'm a brunette. OMI: Liar. YOUJI: Look at the manga. Brunette. OMI: Blonde in the anime. YOUJI: Manga. OMI: Anime. AYA: Shut up. Now. >>"Yoji-kun! This is MY room! And that's MY bed!" He gives >>the playboy KEN: Cosmo? OMI: Huh? >>a glare, which comes out looking more like a pout, but what can >>ya do? OMI: Hey! I can glare just fine! Since when do I pout? YOUJI: That looks like a pout to me. KEN: Seconded. OMI: Aya, help me. AYA: …eight… >>Yoji looks at him for a second then looks around the room. >>"Ahh, so it is. It seems that I'm the one who wanted to sleep >>with you." OMI: I'm glad we got that sorted out. KEN: Why are they sleeping in the same bed? Why do we care? Oh wait... don't tell me. This isn't one of *those* stories written by one of *those* fangirls, is it? OMI: I'm afraid so, Ken-kun. KEN: Crap. >>He laughs and gets out of the bed. "Well I never leave my >>bedmates without a proper farewell..." YOUJI: Actually- AYA: Nobody cares. YOUJI: Fine. >>He leans down and kisses Omi on the cheek OMI: I'd punch you. YOHJI: You'd like it. >>before getting up and making his way to the door. "....see ya >>later Kiddo." With that he leaves the room. >>Omi just sits in the middle of the floor tangled in blankets >>looking confused and flustered, he face glowing a light red. KEN: He Face! Like He Man, but cooler. OMI: I'm not even going to comment on the lack of commas in that sentence. >>He stares at the door, wondering if he was just dreaming or if >>what just happened was real. He brings his hand to his cheek >>and blushes slightly for a moment. He shakes his head, shaking >>away any unwanted thoughts, YOUJI: Apparently you shake a lot. Are you a dog? OMI: I hate you. KEN: Awwww, he's pouting. >>he lowers his stare to the carpeted floor, not that the floor was >>interesting in anyway what-so-ever. KEN: I'm lost. Where am I? YOUJI: Somewhere between reality and the non-interesting floor, I think. KEN: Oh. Okay. >>Suddenly he slams his fist down onto the floor hard. A tear >>lands on his hand followed by another and another, gasping >>sobs shakes his body. "...Baka..." YOUJI: For those in the audience who don't speak Japanese- fangirl, that means ‘stupid.' OMI: I'm not talking to you. >>Yoji makes his way down the hall, and pushes the door to his >>room open and slides in. He leans against the door, and with a >>heavy sigh he brings a shaking hand to his forehead. >>"What...what am I doing?" KEN: Not only do you stutter, but you shake and have Alzheimer's too. You're getting old, man. YOUJI: I can still kick your ass, punk. KEN: All right, let's go. OMI: Children! KEN: I thought you weren't talking to us? AYA: All of you. Shut. Up. >>After a moment, he pulls out a cigarette and lights it, making his >>way over to his bed. He sits, pulling the lighted stick KEN: A stick? Why did you light a stick on fire? YOUJI: I think she's referring to my cigarette. KEN: Oh. AYA: Idiot. KEN: Hey! >>from his mouth and breathing out a cloud of smoke. >>/Smooth Kudou.... just smooth. YOUJI: Smooth Kudou sounds like the name of a drink. >>Maybe going out and drinking wasn't my greatest idea... but for >>the record I didn't go out drinking intending to end up in bed >>with the Chibi. OMI: If you ever call me that, I'll do something horridly vicious. YOUJI: I'll keep that in mind. OMI: Good. YOHJI: Chibi. >>Also its not like I slept with him or anything... I just mistook his >>room for mine that's all...yeah.. that's it./ KEN: Welcome to the state of denial, please enjoy your stay. AYA: You're not funny. >>He takes another puff from his cigarette. /Though I do admit >>waking up in the Chibi's bed was quite the surprise.../ OMI: I've got a name. YOUJI: Join the club. >>He laughs softly to himself, remembering the events that >>occurred not ten minutes ago. /He looked simply adorable >>sprawled out on the floor tangled in blankets and looking >>flustered... OMI: I'm noticing that the word 'flustered' is being used frequently. Why? >>I think it was worth it just to see that./ He sighs slightly and >>leans back against his bed. /...I admit that I do wish I had woken >>up in his bed under...other circumstances... OMI: Other circumstances? Like what? YOUJI: Rampant, wild sex? OMI: Youji-kun! YOUJI: You asked. >>How long has it been?... three months?...yeah. YOUJI: Three months without sex with Omi? How could I possibly go that long without some jumping Omi? OMI: I'm going to stick a dart in your neck. >>Its been three months since I've started noticing the chibi in a >>new light... YOUJI: You're looking awfully fine tonight, Omi. Must be the lighting. OMI: Hey Ken-kun, let's switch seats. KEN: What? Why? OMI: Move. [KEN and OMI switch seats] >>its ridiculous really... the great Yoji Kudou getting all flustered >>and worked up over a kid.... he's not a kid...which is what makes >>it harder. I keep telling myself that he is so I don't try anything... OMI: Is anyone other than me *completely* lost? KEN: You're trying too hard. Don't think about it. >>but I know that its not true. You can't be a kid and have killed >>that many people... innocence lost... such a waste... YOUJI: of time… KEN: I'm drowning…in ellipses…someone…save me… YOUJI: Oh god…no…someone…save Ken… >>though I wouldn't have it any other way./ OMI: That's kind of harsh. So you like me being dark and jaded? You like that fact that I'm a murderer? If I had a choice for a normal life you wouldn't want me to take it? YOUJI: Please don't associate me with Playboy. >>He puts out his cigarette, and laughs to himself. /I don't think he >>knows how much he drives me crazy... that boy... what will I do >>with him... well... I can think of a few things... but none of >>which are wholesome./ YOUJI: Nor are they nutritious. KEN: Want to share some of those thoughts? AYA: No, he doesn't. KEN: I was asking- AYA: No. >>He shuts his eyes and exhales a deep breath loudly. /Its been so >>long since someone has gotten to me like he >>has... I... I just want to gather him up in my arms and protect >>him from everything that has ever hurt him... OMI: Aw, how sweet. KEN: Gag. >>I want to wake up next to him... I want him to be mine... I want >>every precious smile he makes to be a smile just for me... but >>then again that's nothing unexpected from me... I've always >>been kind of greedy. YOUJI: I'm not greedy. Give me the popcorn. KEN: We don't have any popcorn. YOUJI: I was being sarcastic. You know, humor? AYA: Sarcasm is only humorous if the target has the capability to understand it. KEN: Quit picking on me! OMI: At least you're not being shacked up with Yohji. YOUJI: It's a bad thing? >>I don't want to share him... but I suppose its hard to be >>possessive over something that isn't yours. Normally I would >>just use the old Kudou charms to get into his pants... but that's >>not what I want. Now don't get me wrong I want to get into his >>pants but that's not all. KEN: Actually, Omi doesn't usually wear pants. He wears shorts. OMI: Don't say it like that, it sounds so wrong. >>I'm not sure exactly what I want... I suppose I want a >>relationship... a real one... one that I haven't had in years... heh >>but like that would ever happen... why would the chibi ever go >>for someone like me? Even if he liked me I'm sure that he >>would be too terrified that I would use him and then >>leave... I would never do that to him./ OMI: Damn straight. If you sleep with me, you're sticking around for a while. KEN: Omi! AYA: What would he use you for? The sex surely can't be that good. KEN: Aya! YOUJI: I think I'd need a test drive. KEN: Jesus! YOUJI: He's not listening. >>Omi sits back against his bed, pulling his pillow into him, >>breathing deeply. /...It smells like him... What's going on? I >>know what's going on... OMI: Then why are you asking? Am I really that clueless? KEN: Uhhhh… >>he probably got so drunk that he mistook my room for his... >>yeah I'm sure that's it... he smelt slightly of alcohol so it would >>be a reasonable guess... That jerk... he's not a jerk...well usually. AYA: I recommend counseling. YOUJI: You're one to talk. >>He doesn't know how much that hurt me... too wake up to >>something I've dreamed for so long... to have it only be a >>drunken mistake. It could be worse I suppose... KEN: Indeed. You could wake up pregnant with Youji's child. Now that would *really* be a drunken mistake. OMI: Please, please don't give them any ideas. I really don't want to have to sit through one of *those* fics. >>but still. I've dreamt of the day that I would wake up next to >>him, I would lie in his arms until he wakes up and then I would >>smile at him, YOUJI: That's a pretty pathetic ambition to have. OMI: I know, but I don't have the skills for anything other than house-wifery, so it's important I find a man to settle down with. YOUJI: Lucky me. >>cause I would know that I'm his and only his... >>Its silly... I know that can never happen. Its not that he doesn't >>do guys... cause I know he does... KEN: Have you been stalking me again? YOUJI: I can't help it! You're so gorgeous! >>its just.. I'm the "chibi" and that's all I'll ever be to him. I'll only >>be the chibi to him cause that's how he treats me and always >>will... I think that's the most painful thing... caring but knowing >>that nothing will ever come out of these feelings I have... KEN: (singing) Feeeeeelings, woah woah feeeeeelings! YOUJI: Quiet. >>you would think I would give up and move on... but I won't... >>cause... cause AYA: ‘cause' is not a word. OMI: But, like, I talk like that, like, all the time, cause it's so, like, cool. >>its enough for me just to be near him./ >>Another mission, another day. Research, hacking, the usual. OMI: Sudden time and place leap! KEN: Who am I? Where am I? >>Omi sighs and leans back in his chair, seated in front of a >>glowing computer screen. OMI: As opposed to a blank, dark computer screen, which is what I usually sit in front of. >>/Its not like I mind... cause I know that if any of the other guys >>where in charge AYA: Firstly, the word is 'because.' Secondly, it's 'were,' not 'where.' >>of research it would take twice as long to finish a mission. But... >>I hate it when they leave me here with him..../ OMI: Actually, I'm pretty sure you leave me with no one. I always do research by myself. KEN: No comment. >>"Omi what would happen if I pressed this button? How much >>longer is this going to take chibi? You would think with your >>smarts you would've been done long ago. Hey why don't you >>push that button? Can I push it? What would happen?" YOUJI: I really don't think I'm that annoying. OMI: Oh, but you are. >>"YOJI-KUN!" Yoji stops his questions and stares at the boy >>who is glaring at him. YOUJI: I thought you couldn't glare. KEN: He's been taking lessons from Aya. >>"Nothing will get done if you're standing there behind me >>getting in the way!" He huffs and looks away from the blonde >>playboy, KEN: Seventeen? AYA: The magazine references need to stop. >>"Why don't you find something constructive to do?!" Yoji puts a >>hand over his heart and sniffs as if wounded, then he turns and >>leaves the room. OMI: You're such a drama queen. YOUJI: Yeah, I know. >>/I didn't mean to be so hard on him... I'm just really frustrated, I >>can't get this damn password. I swear these company's AYA: companies. KEN: I can't believe you're even trying. >>are employing hackers to set up these systems. Thank god at >>least this time I can take out there AYA: their. KEN: Now you're just being annoying. >>system from home... makes it easier on me./ >>Omi turns his head slightly to see the blond stalk back into the >>room. "Yoji-kun I thought I told you to-" He stops as a cup is >>set down next to him. YOUJI: Take that. You act like a little bitch, and I bring you a snack. You don't deserve me. OMI: I don't even want you. >>"Hot Cocoa, to much work and no play makes Omi a dull boy." KEN: Did anyone else find that extremely disturbing? OMI: Yeah. YOUJI: I guess that makes Aya super-dull. AYA: What makes you think I don't play? KEN: I think we've lost Aya. OMI: