Title: Eternal Damnation
Author: Saklani
Codes: multiple
Series: TNG, DS9, VOY
Rating: PG-13
Feedback: HELL YEAH! to [email protected]
Posting- Sure! Go ahead, just let me know where ya put it!Summary: A damned soul begins eternal penance.
Disclaimer: PARABORG owns all. I make no money, I swear!!
Author's Notes: I don�t think I could truly explain this one. I sat down and wrote it this night. I guess my Muse really wanted to do it. I hope you see something in it.
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Eternal Damnation
�It is required of every man that the spirit within him should walk abroad amongst his fellow men, and travel far and wide; and if that spirit goes forth not in life, it is condemned to do so after death...�
�Damnation,� I hear voices whisper. �Damnation.�
I thought I knew something about torture, about torment, but there is no agony like the agony of a soul forever lost.
Oh mock me if you will. I know your soul... I should, I was just like you. Heartless, caring only for promotion, for power, as if they had any meaning.
�Damnation,� they say again, and I want to scream. I am screaming, but there is nobody to hear me. Nobody to care...
How fitting, that I who caused hundreds, perhaps thousands, of people to scream in pain will now spend eternity doing the same. The irony would kill me, if I was not already dead.
I never believed in immortality, in life after death, but I believe now. Too late... too late...
And this universe, this place I used to call my home, can a place this cold really be considered a home? All the things I thought merely a routine part of life- the slavery, the torture, the perversions, the death- when did they suddenly seem so wrong?
Oh Gods, make this pain stop! I cannot bear this, but I am powerless. Everywhere I go, I see misery. I want to stop it... I must.
I cannot.
They are taking Nick away now. My death has made him ownerless, but I am sure that will not last long. No, with his beauty, he will be sold for a good price. I am sure my brother will find ample ways to spend the money, too. Perhaps he can buy himself a promotion or another slave girl.
He is so beautiful, my Nick. Except he wasn�t really mine, was he? He should have belonged to nobody but himself.
I pray he goes to a kind master. I can hope for no more. I can do nothing.
And Vash, my beloved body servant. Beloved, as if I ever felt love.
I do now...
What will become of her, since my cruelty has marred her features forever? The mines? The processing plants? Death would be a better fate, for perhaps those that condemned me will give her peace.
�Damnation,� rings in my ears again. Will they never stop saying it?!! Will I never be free?!!
But I brought it all on myself, did I not? I never once saw!
I can see now, but I can do nothing... nothing.
�It is doomed to wander through the (universe)... and witness what it cannot share, but might have shared... and turned to happiness...�
What place is this? Where have my incessant travels taken me?
Can this place be real, for it is like none I have ever seen. Terrans are not slaves, but powerful creatures. And such lives they lead, such happiness!
That woman over there with the beautiful red hair, I know her! She belongs to Garak. And yet, here she is, dressed in a stunning gown, dancing with a handsome older Terran. How perfect they look... Is this what Terrans would be like without the Alliance?
Oh, I want to join them! I want to ask them about this place. I wish...
Look at that! Can a Klingon truly be intermingling with Terrans? Regent Worf, no less!
At least, he was Regent when I died.
When was that? I don�t know... time lost all meaning for me.
Only pain now...
�No rest, no peace. Incessant torture of remorse.�
Could this have been me? Could I have known the joys I see around me?
I see Garak, intertwined with a Terran. I even know him, Captain Julian Bashir.
But they are not acting as master and slave. No, I feel love here, real and powerful. It burns so brightly.
I want some!
I see a Changeling and a Bajoran.
A Prophet and a freighter pilot.
A Klingon and a Trill.
A Vulcan and a human.
A Borg and a... hologram?
A hologram has found love, but I was incapable of it? A terrible, destructive, part human machine knows love, but I never once felt it?
Unfair! I should have known! I should have seen.
But I blinded myself...
�Damnation.�
�Go away!� I screech. �Leave me alone! Is it not bad enough that I can see what might have been mine without ever possessing it?! Must you mock me as well?!�
�Damnation...�
�Not to know that no space of regret can make amends for ones life�s opportunities misused! Yet, such was I! Oh, such was I!�
Oh yes, I see you, brother, and I think you sometimes see me. Or perhaps just feel my presence. I am often around you now.
You waste your life, brother, as I wasted mine. There is nothing to be gained in the pursuit of power. Death cares not for your place in life.
And the games you play with your slaves... I wish I could tell you how sick they make me. Yet, they are the same games I once played.
I want to shake you, make you see how wrong this life is. I want to change places with you and give kindness to all those you abuse. I want to make amends.
Just once, let me make amends!! Just once!
�Damnation...�
I understand now. I understand...
�Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence were all my business...�
But I turned my back and looked for power. And now...
Now, I travel all the time and watch things I can no longer experience. I do not know which is worse, seeing horrors that I cannot stop or witnessing joy I cannot share.
Makes no difference, for I am doomed anyway. I and many others who went through life as I did, without feeling. Oh yes, many of my fellow wanderers are familiar to me. Pa�Dar, Garak, my brother.... more appear all the time. And they wander as I do, through the vastness of eternity.
We never speak... we cannot, but we trade looks of horror and sorrow. That�s more communication than we ever shared in life. And we all deserve this fate.
I know that I deserve this.
And if anyone ever asks you what became of Seska, arrogant daughter of a twisted Cardassian family, the answer is easy...
�Damnation...�
THE END
Happy Halloween, everybody.
I hope you recognize the quotes as being from Charles Dickens� �A Christmas Carol.�
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